"There's a drive in a lost soul—in one that is searching for acceptance, companionship, belonging, whatever you want to call it. The slightest coincidence ignites a spark that one hopes will lead to something meaningful."

― Doug Cooper, Outside In

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If Kim had his way, Korn Theerapanyakun's funeral would be a quiet affair of digging a grave, shoving him inside to bury him under tons of mud and possibly the heaviest rock to eliminate the possibility of him ever crawling out of it, that's it. After that, he would have called it a day. Fortunately for his father, he had two other sons, which was why his death was such a big event. Tankhun of course, had taken the opportunity to widen his ability to arrange an event and make it about himself. Kinn had to use the event to show his power play and control over Theerapanyakun's business as the official leader. Like the considerate brother that he would never be credited for, Kim agreed with his brothers' plans with a shrug.

On the day of the funeral, the sun was low in the sky, casting a warm glow over the somber scene. Despite their father not being a sincere devotee, Tankhun decided that Korn should get a traditional Buddhist funeral. So, on the peaceful grounds of the temple where Kim had once come to investigate his father's crime, he stood beside his brothers as the funeral procession wound its way into the temple courtyard. The delicate scent of incense filled the air and the soothing murmur of prayers could be heard. Monks clothed in saffron robes led the procession, chanting sacred verses to honor the deceased soul. With their heads down and hearts sorrowful, the mourners - or the supposed mourners because who in their right mind would mourn Korn Theerapanyakun - followed the monks with solemn reverence.

Kim had hardly finished scoffing when a hand came to push his head down to match the others. With a growl, he whirled around to find Porsche glaring back at him. 'What was his deal?' Kim couldn't help but wonder. Since they left Korn's office, his brother's lover has felt compelled to chastise him for not being a nice little brother to Kinn and Tankhun. He had been lecturing him and Macau for not calling their elder brothers Hia or P' and ranting about their lack of respect for them. Porsche frequently touted Porchay as the ideal role model for them to follow, even though the younger boy was becoming exceedingly uncomfortable in the spotlight.

"Pay attention," Porsche chided him with a whisper, forcing Kim to remind himself that if he killed the man, Kinn and Porchay would be very upset.

"Hia," Porchay hissed at his brother, noticing Kim's frown. "P'Kim doesn't like to be touched."

"How and why do you know this? And you better remember this particular preference of his. Don't go anywhere this brute," Porsche told his brother, only to shut up when a monk sitting near them gave them a side look before raising his voice as he chanted prayers.

As the funeral reached its climax, the body was placed on a pyre, and they watched as flames enveloped it, releasing the spirit to its next destination. 'Hopefully, hell,' Kim thought as the fire crackled. As he saw everything turning into ash, he admitted to himself that cremation wasn't a bad idea after all. Now even a zombie apocalypse invoked by the White Walkers wouldn't be able to summon Korn. He was gone, officially, forever.

After the funeral rites were concluded, the gathering moved to a serene garden where many outsiders gathered to observe the power play within the Theerapanyakuns, impatient to know the changes and the possible outcomes of the power shift.

"Was Vegas scheming another coupe?" No, he was too busy recovering to deal with the mafia business. The man needed rest, healing, a therapist, and a daily dose of Saint Pete to do very unsaintly things to him.

"Did the notorious Tankhun plan to take his birthright?" No, Tankhun only planned the afterparty with his brothers, cousins, friends, and devotees. Oh, and his world tour with Arm and Pol while convincing Pete to abandon Vegas and run away with them.

"Was the mysterious sociopath younger brother finally interested in coming forward to take over the Theerapanyakun empire?" No, Kim remained invisible, hovering around like a shadow, alarmed and observing everyone to know who could be a threat to the people he wanted to protect.

Each of them knew that with Korn gone, a power struggle from within could ensue, starting with whispers of betrayal and shifting allegiances. Therefore, they had to use the funeral to show their unity; Kinn's official transition to full leadership had to be smooth, without any objections from outside and within the Theerapanyakun empire.

After the mourners had departed and everyone returned to the compound, Tankhun ordered everyone that they had to eat dinner together and then party with him. Kim, who had been forced to stay within his brothers' sight ever since he came back after his disappearance, had thought he would be finally free after the funeral dinner which in reality was a celebration party. His brothers, however, were not letting him go easily; they ambushed him as he was about to leave, dragging him into Kinn's office.

"We must talk about what happened," Kinn said as he pushed Kim into the chair.

"About what?" Kim asked with a bored sigh.

"About everything!" Tankhun replied, pulling out the latter and the USB from the black furry coat he was adorned in.

Remembering what he had written in the latter, Kim felt a rush of shame, regret, and embarrassment wash over him. He had actually thought he wouldn't have to face the consequences of writing those emotional words. That's how he had been certain of his death. And then there was the matter of the contents in the USB; now Kinn knew not only how much Kim had been involved in their father's ambitions for the Theerapanyakun empire, but he also knew Kim was keeping track of everything and meddling in Kinn's affairs, overlooking his authority.

"If it's still not clear, let me tell you once again, I have no interest in overtaking you as the head of the Theerapanyakun empire," Kim said.

"I understood that when you killed our father because he was forcing you to become the head," Kinn muttered in impatience.

"You make it sound like that was the only reason," Kim said with a glare.

"Kids, behave!" Tankhun interrupted the unnecessary fight that was about to break between his brothers. "Your communication system sucks! You both gotta solve this tension so you don't cause more harm over the already accumulated hurt caused by the misunderstandings our father created between you two."

Scolded by their elder brother, they both fell silent. Kinn moved to drop in the chair near Tankhun with a dramatic sigh, seemingly more troubled. Seeing the unibrow frown on his brother's forehead, Kim sighed and rolled his eyes before raising his hand to signal them to ask away the questions his brothers seemed eager to ask him.

"Me first!" Tankhun sang before leaning towards the table between them. "That zipped file in the USB, is it about what I think it is about?"

When Kim nodded in response, Kinn almost whined in injustice. "This is unfair. You both always leave me out of everything."

"Don't be dramatic," Tankhun muttered, rolling his eyes. "I don't know much about what's inside either."

"You knew what the password of that file was," Kinn accused.

"Yes, I had an idea and that's because Kim attends the movie nights I plan with him, unlike you!" Tankhun said with a mix of side-eye and glare.

"I missed it only a few times and apologized every time," Kinn protested. "Anyway, let's not get sidetracked. What is in the file?"

When Kim struggled to explain, unable to find a point to start the conversation, Tankhun took over the job of explaining the context.

"There was this movie that we watched, one of those you refused to watch with me," Tankhun said with a side glare. "It was about a girl who was married into a Mafia family, and that started our conversation on Mâe and how she was married to Paa so her family could secure a link to the Mafia and how Paa married her for legitimacy in the legal business world."

"What about it?" Kinn asked with a frown.

"Have you ever been curious about that side of our family?" Kim asked.

"Paa said they were dead," Kinn replied with a shrug.

"And you believed everything he said without thinking about how and why?" Kim asked.

"Not everyone is nosy and inherently paranoid like you, Kimmy," Tankhun reminded, defending their brother, whose reaction to Kim's words was like a child who had just learned the truth about Santa Claus.

"Of course," Kim muttered, rolling his eyes.

"What else did he lie about? What happened?" Kinn asked, closing his tired eyes with a sigh.

"The usual; Paa got greedy and wanted to get rid of everything in his way," Kim shrugged as if it were a universal truth. "He started to get more and more in control over their common assets and replaced their shareholders with the ones who were loyal to him only. Mâe's relatives were killed or jailed for corruption. That was one of the reasons why our parents used to fight other than about how to raise us. When Mâe died, when Korn killed her, her brother fled, knowing he would be the next. He lives in the USA now."

"And how do you know about this?" Kinn asked, narrowing his eyes.

"Because I connected him," Kim replied with a shrug.

"You did what?" Tankhun and Kinn both yelled.

"The zip file contains his address, ensuring that Khun would have a safe place to go in case of an emergency. And there's also some dirt on him," Kim said nonchalantly, "just in case Khun needed to pressure him into cooperating with him."

"That's so sweet, Kimmy," Tankhun cooed, moved by the thoughtful gesture.

"What about me? You left an escape plan for him; what about me?" Kinn asked with an almost pout.

"I warned you," Kim reminded him of their last conversation before going on the mission he thought he would die on.

"How was I supposed to get what you meant? You just went on and on about chess games and strategic moves and how I should kill you when the time came. You made it seem like you are sure that I am some kind of power-hungry monster who would kill his baby brother," Kinn scoffed with a frown.

"That's not what I meant," Kim grumbled. "I do not think that of you. I could not tell you what was going to happen because Paa would have known."

"What happened, happened already. Now let's have a serious conversation about how we move from here on," Tankhun said after a long pause. "We have only each other, and despite all the misunderstanding and distance, it's us who have each other's back and with Paa gone, we can truly decide what we want."

"For all his flaws and misdoings, he was right about me not being able to handle the business," Kinn confessed in a tired voice.

"That's not your fault, Kinn," Tankhun said, patting Kinn's head as if he was a child. "Times have changed, the underworld can't thrive and expand as it did back then. It's the 20th century, everything is monitored and information is fast and there is so much you can do."

"You can tell what needs to be done and I will do it," Kim said awkwardly, unable to meet his brother's eyes.

"I can't ask that of you. You don't want to be part of this world and I can't drag you in it. That's not gonna happen," Kinn said firmly.

"I am not saying I would be fully committed and available. I am saying I can help you with whatever you want, whenever you need," Kim muttered. "I was meant to be your right hand anyway."

"Well, you didn't want to be my right hand, so..." Kinn said, sounding hurt.

"It's not that I didn't want to. I feared Paa would try to replace you; till he had options, he would have kept replacing his heirs and therefore I needed to be gone," Kim explained.

"Was I the only one who hadn't figured out anything about him?" Kinn asked with a sigh.

"Don't blame yourself for having good expectations from your parent. It was him who was in the wrong," Tankhun said as he warped an arm around his brother's shoulder.

"Anyway, what about Wik?" Kinn asked.

"What about it?" Kim demanded, a bit defensively.

"Now that you don't have anyone holding you back, what are your plans with your career?" Kinn asked.

"I still have to look into the situation and only then I can decide," Kim responded, awkwardly, not used to sharing anything.

"And what about little Chay?" Tankhun asked, twisting his eyebrows in a teasing manner.

"Okay, this conversation ends here," Kim muttered before standing up.

"Come on, why can't you talk to your brothers? We are on your side and would give the best advice," Tankhun muttered with a pout.

"Who says I need advice?" Kim asked with a glare.

"HA! As if we don't know you," Tankhun snorted.

"We may not know what kind of trouble you are in, but we know that you messed up and need us," Kinn said, confident at his claim.

"Whatever!" Kim muttered before hurriedly walking away.

Too many people knew about many things, anyway. Kim needed to keep the thing with Porchay a secret. It wasn't as if he didn't trust his brothers. He did. He trusted them to use the whole thing to make fun of him, as all the brothers did before trying to help him. But the truth was, Kim himself didn't know what to do with Porchay. The situation has changed, with Korn gone and his brothers freed enough, he could actually think about it. Maybe. And then there was Porchay, who may have changed his mind after getting to see who Kim really was. A huge possibility.

Kim tried to think about the changes that were bound to happen now that Korn was no more. For once, Tankhun's dinner and party could go on forever now that no one could stop him. Kim was trying to weigh the pros and cons of it as he observed the drunk mess around him.

"All of you should be grateful to me; it's because of me that you are seeing this amazing day. You owe me your freedom, you lowly peasants," Tankhun yelled with hiccups as he looked around the table with his usual arrogance.

"I am heartbroken, Porsche. Do you know why? My brothers never include me in their plotting and planning. I feel so excluded," Kinn whined to an equally drunk boyfriend.

"You brothers," Porsche huffed while shaking his head. "Tankhun can be forgiven because he is Tankhun, but this new one, the Kimmy guy. Not good. But don't worry, my darling Kinn, I will teach him some manners for you."

"This one sure has a death wish," Macau laughed maniacally.

"Come on, Macau, you know Kim can't do anything to Porsche. He needs his approval to date his younger brother," Vegas provoked with a smirk, laughing when his youngest cousin glared at him.

"I will never approve. My baby Chay can't date anyone, especially not that Kimmy guy," Porsche shouted as he pulled the said baby in his arms, uncaring for how Porchay was pushing him away as he protested. "Hia, I am eighteen, almost nineteen, a proper adult, not a baby."

"Even when you turn eighty, you will be my baby brother," with the emotional remark, Porsche pulled Porchay to his chest to hide his baby away from Kim while glaring at him as if he was trying to steal Porchay. "I don't want you to date a brute like him; don't date anyone until you are thirty. You are just a baby!"

Shaking his head at the absurd conversation, Kim stood up from the table and walked past the drunk mess of Tankhun's former and current bodyguards who were huddled together and gossiping about God knows what. If they had been anyone else, Kim would have tried to eavesdrop on their conversations, but with them being Pol, Arm, and Pete, he knew their loyalty to Tankhun was strong. So he let them sway to the music only they could hear and made his way to the balcony.

The dining room on the top floor, mostly utilized for formal family dinners by their father, provided the greatest view of the compound's inside and outside. A king's view of his kingdom; Korn had envisioned it that way. But, whether because Kim had been raised as a soldier, or perhaps he chose to be one, or maybe it was simply his paranoia, all he could see it was as the best spot to defend, to know who was where, if the entries were secure, and if there was an intrusion or a coup about to occur. So he took a round to placate the turmoil within him before resting his arms on the railing and pulling out a cigarette. It wouldn't help, he knew, but at least his hands would be busy.

"You are a singer, P'Kim. You shouldn't smoke so much."

Kim's heart rate increased with each stride Porchay took toward him. He didn't turn to look at him as he came to stand alongside him; the gap between them was small, but Kim wanted to increase it while simultaneously decreasing it. That's what Porchay did to him: he constantly had to choose between fighting and fleeing; there was no middle ground. He felt overwhelmed when Porchay chattered, yet anxious when he remained silent.

"I can't help but wonder whether you'd respond differently if I asked you the same question now that I had asked back then."

Have you ever loved me?

Kim had been haunted by the question for months now; conflicted between giving in and giving up just to realize he could neither. The only thing that he never had any doubt about was that Porchay was precious. His eyes had been drawn to those bright eyes and sunny smile continually since Kim had first spotted him in the crowd, and when he had come to know Porchay, everything within him had gravitated towards him as if he were his sun. Or perhaps Porchay was his moon, constantly causing tides and drowning him in emotions he couldn't navigate.

"Are you still not going to say anything?" Porchay asked after the prolonged silence.

"Chay..." Kim could only mutter his name.

"Don't say my name like that. Don't act as if I am asking for too much. Why? Why must you..." Porchay's voice broke in between and he closed his eyes, sighing in frustration.

"Do you know how much it hurts to question every memory, overanalyze every moment and everything that happened between us? I don't want to, but ever since I learned that you are Khimhant, I have wondered if everything was part of your big scheme. And it hurts."

"Chay, you are..." Kim tried but was cut off.

"You make me feel like I am the most stupid and pathetic person in the world, P'Kim," Porchay confessed with a laugh as tears slipped down his cheeks. "And you are the most cruel person I have ever met. Everything you did was to lure me in, wasn't it? You smiled at me so softly and I stupidly thought you were getting fond of me. You pushed and pulled because I wasn't worth much of your time even if whatever you spent was for gaining whatever you wanted from me yet I thought if I tried a little bit more I could keep you interested in me; if I sacrificed a little bit more of my pride and self-respect, I could get your attention for a bit longer."

"Chay," Kim muttered, his heart heavy with pain as he looked at the tears slipping from Porchay's eyes.

"You made me feel like if I was brazen enough in my love for you, I could have you for a little longer. You pretended you weren't irritated at my constant chatter and I thought you were listening to me. That finally someone was listening to me. I bet you laughed at how easy it was to fool me, didn't you? I bet you were disgusted by how much of a weakling I am, right? Nothing but a pathetic little boy,"

"That's not true," Kim whispered.

"Then what is the truth?" Porchay roared back. "Did you use me again? You led your father to believe you love me and would do anything to protect me just to use that to kill him? Is that what happened? Have you used me again?" Porchay looked into his eyes with a frown, trying to find his answers.

"I never wanted anyone to know what I felt for you, not even you. Do you know why, Porchay Kittisawasd?" Kim whispered as he stepped closer while peering into his eyes. "In my world, people like you get killed so easily, so meaninglessly. For revenge, to show how powerful someone is, in crossfire, to prove a point, or just because. Do you actually understand the gravity of being associated with me?"

"I am at that risk anyway, I can get killed anyway, or did you forget that?" Porchay asked as he harshly wiped away his tears.

"Your brother is a selfish prick and an idiot, but that doesn't mean I have to be one too," Kim snapped in frustration.

"Hey, who did you call selfish and an idiot?" A voice yelled from the distance.

"Porsche!" Tankhun screamed in a high-pitched voice as if he was ready to kill him.

"You just gave away our position," Pete scolded as he slapped Porsche on the same shoulder he was leaning on to overhear the ongoing conversation.

"Were you listening to our conversation?" Kim demanded with a glare.

"Damn right, we were. What will you do?" Porsche said with his nose in the air. "Actually who do you think you are? You rejected my brother and made him cry?" He glared as he advanced towards him only to be pushed back by the said brother. "Chay, you still taking his side?" He asked with a pout.

"Do you too find my pain amusing?" Porchay asked, his voice quivering as his whole body trembled under shame. "Why are you both so hell-bent on making me feel so alone?"

"Chay!" two different voices protested at the accusation.

"I hope you all found it entertaining," Porchay muttered in the general direction before running away and leaving everyone gasping after him.

"Chay!" Porsche yelled before rushing towards the door where Porchay had disappeared.

"It's because of you stupid people that my baby Chay is angry at me," Tankhun snapped at the group he was surrounded by before marching towards his baby brother. "And you, Kimmy! You better get your act together and make up with my baby Chay or otherwise, I will disown you." And with a huh and a glare, he made his way out too as his two bodyguards followed him.

"You messed up badly, Kimmy," Macau sang, shaking his head as if disappointed.

"And I thought Vegas was the most anti-romantic of this family," Pete huffed in disbelief.

"Baby, I told you, I am the most romantic and sane one," Vegas pouted and beamed when his lover finally believed him and patted his head.

"I don't know about the sane or romantic, you sure are the most whipped one," Kinn muttered.

"Look who's talking," Vegas glared, ready to attack but was pulled back by Pete who called it a day and dragged his lover and Macau with him.

There was finally silence around him and Kim raised the cigarette to his lips but couldn't bring himself to light it when Porchay's words came to his mind.

"For how long are you going to deny yourself what you want?" The only remaining person asked.

Kim tried to pay no attention to the question, whether it was about the cigarette or something else. He didn't want to respond, even when Kinn came to stand next to him.

"You know what's your problem, Kim? You assume what's best for others and in the name of protection, you keep them at arm's length while hurting them yourself. Do you think that kid would die at the hands of your enemy or mine or Porsche's? No. He will die from the inside before anyone ever gets to kill his body. You just..." A hand on his throat stopped Kinn from uttering anything else.

"What did you just say?" Kim hissed, eyes blazing as he glared at his brother.

"If the thought of his death disturbs you so much why not take a stand and protect him properly?" Kinn proposed while trying to pull away from the grip.

Closing his eyes, Kim sighed and let go with a jerk. He ignored Kinn's exaggerated coughs. His grip hadn't been that tight; a warning with no intent to hurt. Yet Kinn remained the overreactor that he was. Shaking his head at him, Kim stopped paying him attention once again.

"Think about it, Kim. Do you actually have a valid reason to continue to reject what both of you want? Is that reason strong enough to continuously hurt the kid?" Kinn asked. When he saw the pressed lips of his baby brother, he let out a sigh. "Are you going to ruin your chance at happiness, you stubborn shit?"

When the provocation didn't work, Kinn shook his head and raised his hands. "I will let Tankhun beat some sense in you." Saying his part, he left Kim to pursue his desired solidarity.

Even though Kim wanted to relish in peace after days of being surrounded by everyone, just as the outside quieted down, the noises from inside began to yell at him again. The trembling lips, the voice faltering mid-sentence, and the tears and pain in those lovely brown eyes tormented him. He was a culprit who deserved the worst punishment in the world for breaking the heart of someone so precious. And he had thought losing Porchay and never getting his forgiveness was that punishment. He had given up on it before even attempting to ask for forgiveness properly. But maybe Kinn was right. He did have the bad habit of assuming things and self-sabotaging. It was time for him to ask Porchay what he wanted. It's high time for him to know the real Khimhant Theerapanyakun and decide if he actually could come to like that side of Kim...

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A/N:- So here is the new chapter. I hope you liked the update. Apologies for the tardiness... :/

Korn is officially gone, as Kim said, now even the white walker wouldn't be able to summon him... *cue to collective celebration*

Some Kinn-Tankhun-Kim brother bonding happened, did you like that? The mystery of the zip file is finally revealed. Was it something you wondered about or you forgot about it? ;D

Coming up next would be the much-awaited KimChay conversation and the last chapter of this story... ;)

Please let me know if you liked the chapter and your thoughts/feelings about it. Would love to hear from you in the comment section... :)

Thank you for waiting, reading, liking, and commenting... :)

Thank you! <3

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