PASSION

"Kailangan natin dalhin sa hospital si Tabi," hindi na hinintay ni Six ang susunod kong sasabihin at agad itinakbo palabas ng condo si Tabitha.

Sumunod kami ni Rie, habang nagsisimula na naman manginig ang aking mga kamay. We all run fast and as we arrive in the parking lot agad binuksan ni Six ang sasakyan at pinasakay ako sa back seat bago ibinigay sa akin ang namamalipit sa sakit na si Tabi.

I bite my lower lip as she keeps struggling with the pain inside her head in my bare arms. She started shedding tears. Wala akong magawa kundi hawakan lang siya at hintaying makarating kami sa hospital.

"Ouchiieeeee," Tabi reached for my hand and put it on her head, thinking that it could ease the pain she was in right now, but I'm no use. I bit my lip harder and controlled my tears. "Shhhh malapit na tayo Tabi," I whisper as I hugged her.

She started kicking and moving aggressively just to express the pain, Rie looked at me and when our eyes met both of our eyes shouts fear and pain. I can't bear to watch my child suffer like this.

"Tabi malapit na tayo baby," nanghihinang sambit ni Rie mula sa harapan at inabot ang kamay ni Tabi. "Tata ouchiiieee," mas lumakas ang pagiyak ni Tabi kaya hindi na pigilan ni Rie na lumuha, "Six bilisan mo," she utter.

I just remain watching Tabitha, and the car almost fly dahil sa sobrang bilis ng pagpapaandar ni Six. He continuously glanced at us through the rear mirror of the car. "Almost there Tabi," she whispered.

"Ouchieee Mommy huhuhu Mommy ouchieee," she keeps shouting and every shout feels like a stab of sharp knife into my heart. "My Tabi is strong right? She can do this, Ouchiee will go away any minute now ok," pinilit ko ang sarili kong maging matatag para sa kanya dahil alam kong walang mangyayari kung luluha lang ako habang nahihirapan siya.

"Ouchieeee," I gasped for air when she weakly said that and just hugged me so tight like she was trying to show us that she can endure the pain. I hardly close my eyes and hold her so tight.

"Mommy is here," I whisper, and wipe my escaped tears. This is killing me, please spare my daughter.

Pagkadating sa hospital ay agad bumababa si Six at kinuha sa akin si Tabi, tumakbo kami ng mabilis sa loob ng hospital hanggang sa madala muli namin siya sa E.R., napaupo ako sa sahig sa paghihina at agad akong niyakap ni Rie.

Ever since I discover that Tabi has this kind of sickness, my life became an active bomb that anytime fear can explode, every time she steps inside the hospital, every time she becomes pale, every time her eyes show weakness, every time she aches for pain inside her body, every time she feels tired, every time she says the word ouchie.

It's the most painful word I could ever hear, she doesn't deserve this, my Tabi doesn't deserve any of this.

Right now, I realize that what they say is true, you will only know how strong you are, until being strong is the only choice you have to save your daughter.

"Tumayo kayo dyan," Six utter and guide us to stand up and lead us to the bench chairs here at the wall. Nanginginig kong hinawakan ang kamay nilang dalawa habang nakatingin sa pinto ng E.R.

My heart won't stop beating, my soul won't stop breaking. My Tabi is still crying. I could hear her, unti-unting nawala ang ingay ng pagiyak ni Tabi kaya mas hinigpitan ko ang pagkakahawak sa kamay ni Erille at Six.

Six rubbed my back and tried to calm us down, while Erille was still sobbing a bit loud, I managed to control my tears and just keep them inside again and be strong for my Tabi.

We waited for half an hour bago lumabas ang doctor at inilipat sa ibang kwarto si Tabitha, she's with those aparatos again. My poor Tabitha.

"Her body keeps struggling and seeking proper oxygen, that's why her aching head keeps triggering like her body is forcing her to produce oxygen when her body is weak to process it all. She's feeling the aching pain but she keeps enduring it until it bursts out like this, she must tell us if she's feeling any pain so we know. We can't avoid this kind of situation but we are going to do our best to lessen the pain your daughter's feeling. For now, let us give her a new blood transfusion tomorrow," The doctor said before she bowed her head and left us there.

Nanghihina akong umupo muli sa tabi ni Tabi at naluluhang hinawakan ang kanyang kamay, "Nararamdaman mo na pala Tabi eh, why didn't you tell it to Mommy, why do you keep enduring it by yourself?" I burst out and shook my head on her bed. Tabitha knows that we are all struggling when she's in this state, so she tries to endure it and keep it from us so that we won't be sad.

Ginagawa niya iyon dahil ayaw niya kaming mahirapa, "Why Tabi?" I weakly whisper. "Sabihin mo kay Mommy if you feel ouchiee, so Mommy would know and I can stop the pain" this is more painful than I expected. Knowing that at her young age she tries to endure it so that we won't suffer.

"Don't do this again, Tabi" I hugged her hand and keep kissing it, bakit kailangan ganito pa? Bakit ganito pa? Please save my daughter.

Continue crying on my daughters' arms, I watch her the whole night, every movement, bawat pagkunot ng noo niya at pinapanood ko, kasi natatakot ako na baka nakakaramdam na naman siya ng sakit sa kanyang katawan.

Hindi ko namalayan na umaga na pala, sumikat na ang araw pero ang tingin ko ay nanatili sa aking anak. Sa aking Tabitha, ang aking malakas na Tabitha.

Bumalik ang doctor para tignan siya at ginawad ang blood transfusion at dahil doon, mga ilang minuto lang pagkatapos ay nagkamalay na ulit si Tabitha. The first thing she did when she opened her eyes was to smile.

She still manages to smile even though she's in pain. "Hello Mommy," she whispers, she looks pale again. "H-Hi," sagot ko sa kanya bago siya hinalikan sa noo at nagpasalamat sa panginoon.

"I'm ok," she said and tapped my head while I hugged her, I faced her and fixed her hair, "It's ok Baby, you can say it to Mommy if you are not...p-please say it to Mommy ok," my voice was cracking because my heart was breaking.

"Ok," she utters with her hand gesture sign Ok, "Promise it to Mommy," I whisper. She nodded and showed me her pinky fingers, "Promise," she whispered then wink at me, I smiled and did the pinky promise with her.

"Say it to Toto and Tata too Tabi," sambit ni Six kaya napalingon kami sa kanya, nakatayo silang dalawa ni Rie sa kabilang gilid, Tabitha giggled at him and they all did the pinky promise.

After that we just stared at Tabitha, until she laughs and hold my hand, "Mommy, Toto, Tata I'm ok" she said, "We know," sambit ni Rie at nilabas ang remote para buksan ang TV dito sa loob at nanood sila ni Tabi.

"CR lang ako," bulong ko bago tumayo at tumuloy sa banyo, I wash my face and take a deep breath, look at the mirror, mukha akong hinanghina, I also look pale and mess up.

Inayos ko ang buhok ko at sinubukan ngumiti, pero kahit anong pilit kong ngumiti ay tila parang hindi ako makikitaan ng saya sa aking mga mata at mukha, my face is filled with fear.

Fear that something bad might happen to my Tabi again, oh, please no.

I wipe my face, stroke my hair up and let out a big exhale, "Kaya mo ito Louen, maging matatag ka," Bulong ko sa aking sarili bago lumabas at nakipag kwentuhan kila Tabitha at Rie. Six bought food for us, then attended a big event at his job while Rie, Tabi and I stayed like this for the rest of the day.

Pagdating ng hapon ay bumalik si Six dito na may dalang mga damit at prutas para kay Tabitha. "Dinala ko na rin mga gagamitin niyo sa trabaho mamaya, wag kang mag-alala Louen hindi ko papabayaan si Tabitha pagumalis na kayo mamaya" seryosong sambit ni Six.

"Aba dapat lang, dahil pag may nangyaring hindi maganda kay Tabi habang wala kami, nako Six sinasabi ko may paglalagyan ka!" pagbabanta ni Erille sa kanya, kaya agad itong tumawa.

"Walang mangyayaring masama kay Tabitha habang nasa akin siya" tugon ni Six, nagpatuloy sila sa pagaasaran, habang ako ay busy sa pagpapatulog kay Tabitha. She easily fell asleep because of the medicine she's taking.

Kahit na ayaw kong umalis kailangan kong gawin ito, kahit na ayaw kong iwan si Tabi, kailangan namin ng pambayad dito sa bill sa hospital kaya magtatrabaho si Mommy para kay Tabitha at para gumaling na si Tabi namin.

I fix her pillow, her hair and her hands as she deeply sleeps, Six and Rie stop arguing when they see her sleeping, Six beside Tabi while Rie and prepare for work. "Six ikaw na ang bahala kay Tabitha, Tawagan mo ako agad pag may nangyari," mabigat man sa loob ko ang umalis, pinilit ko pa rin at nagtiwala na lamang kay Six.

"Ako na ang bahala dito," he said and send us to the door, and we leave. "Wag kang matakot El, walang mangyayaring masama kay Tabi, natutulog lang siya and then bukas pag gising niya nandito na tayo" Rie cheered me up, I nodded at her. Tama siya.

Sandali lang ito. Pagkalabas namin ng hospital agad kaming sumakay ng Taxi at nagtungo sa club, habang nakatanaw sa bintana ng taxi, tila parang bumabalik sa akin ang oras na kasama ko siya.

Pero hindi siya dapat ang iniisip ko ngayon, kailangan ko magfocus kay Tabitha, at sa kanya lang dapat. Gagawin ko ito para kay Tabitha, para sa anak ko.

Erille's Point of View

Panay ang paghinga ng malalim ni Louen habang papalapit kami sa club, alam kong kinakabahan siya na malayo siya kay Tabi, nagaalala siya na baka anong mangyari kay Tabi habang wala kami, pero may tiwala ako sa panginoon hindi niya pababayaan si Tabi.

At alam ni Six ang gagawin niya, sobrang mahal non si Tabitha kaya kontento akong iwan namin sila.

Nangtumigil ang taxi sa harap ng club nakita kong natigilan si Louen at pinagmasdan muna ang club bago kami bumaba, "Kaya ko ito," bulong niya na agad kong narinig, ngumiti ako at hinawakan ang balikat niya.

"Para kay Tabi" bulong ko, tumango siya at sabay kaming naglakad papasok ng club. Habang papasok na kami, medyo nahirapan kami dahil marami na agad tao sa loob para kumuha ng entrance ticket.

Ngayon muli nagbukas ang club kaya hindi nakakapagtaka na marami nang tao, "Suotin mo ang mask mo," bulong ko kay Louen ng dadaan kami sa mga customer, pero nang malapit na kami sa staff room nagulat ako ng biglang may humawak sa aking kamay.

"Ay," sambit ko at natigilan kami sa paglalakad ni Louen dahil doon, nang lingunin ko ang humawak sa aking kamay, agad kumunot ang noo ko dahil doon. "Ikaw?" sambit ko, siya yong.

"Erille, you're back," he said and urge a handsome smile, napalingon ako sa paligid at nakaramdam ng takot na baka puntahan kami ng ibang costumer, kaya mabilis kong tinulak papasok sa staff room si Louen at sinabi, "Mag-ayos ka na dyan, hintayin mo ako, saglit lang ito," sambit ko bago hinila ang lalaking ito sa smoking area ng club kung saan wala pa masyadong tao.

Hinila ko ang kamay ko mula sa pagkakahawak niya dahil nakaramdam ako ng kakaibang pakiramdam sa pagkakahawak niya sa akin, hindi ito mahigpit at kung ano man bagamat ito ay mahinhin at tila iniingatan ang aking kamay.

"Ano nga ulit ang pangalan mo?" tanong ko at kunot noong nakapamewang sa harapan niya, he smile at me again and stand straight. "Jackson," he said.

Oo tama naalala ko na Jackson ng ang pangalan niya, "Bakit ka nandito anong kailangan mo?" tanong ko.

"I came here to see you, actually I was just hoping to see you again because I came back here every month for the past few years just to see you again, you've been gone for almost 4 or 5 years already, I'm glad that I finally see you again," mas lalo kumunot ang noo ko dahil sa sinabi niya.

Hinahanap? At hinihintay niya ako dito? Bakit? "Huh? Joke ba yan?" tanong ko, dahil hindi kapanipaniwala ang sinabi niya. He smile and rub his nape, at nahihiya akong tiningnan. "No, I was really hoping to see you every month," he sincerely said.

Halos mahulog ang panga ko dahil sa sinabi niya, at hindi nagproseso sa aking isipan ang ganong klase ng sitwasyon. Natawa ako ng makarecover ako at tiningnan siya ng mabuti. "Bored ka ba? Kasi kung bored ka at naghahanap ng mapagtritripan, at ako ang napili mo ulit ako nagsasabi sayo wag ako," sambit ko.

"No, I'm not playing with you, what I've said is true," pilit niyang sambit, kaya mas lalo akong natawa, "Gusto mo ba ako?" walang takot kong sambit.

He stopped for a second before he clenched his jaw and gulped a few times before he spoke, "Yes," he said. Mukha siyang inosenteng lalaki na hindi mahilig sa sex, kaya nilapitan ko siya at hinila ang kanyang kwelyo.

"Gusto mo bang halikan kita?" tanong ko at diretso siyang tiningnan, tila hindi siya nakagalaw dahil sa kaing sinabi, "Ahmm.. a-actua---," hindi ko na siya pinatapos magsalita ta agad hinalikan.

I kissed him on his lips and he was stiff. He didn't even move when I gave him a chance to grab me for a deeper kiss. I smirk and move away from him, "Yan libre na yon, pwede ka nang umuwi," sambit ko, naglakad at nilampasan ko siya na tila nakatulala pa rin doon.

Pumasok muli ako sa loob ng bar at naglakad papalapit sa staff room, pero natigilan ako ng tumunog ang phone ko, mabilis ko itong tiningnan at nang makita ang pangalan ni Six, agad akong kinabahan. "Tabitha," bulong ko, at tumabi ako sa isang tabi upang marinig ng maayos si Six.

"Anong nangyayari?" malakas kong tanong kay Six at tila agad bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko.

"Tatanong ko lang sana kung anong channel ba dito sa TV dito yung spongebob?" dahan-dahan bumagsak ang balikat ko sa walang kwentang tanong ni Six, seryoso ba siya? Hindi niya ba alam kung gaano nakakakaba na makita isyang tumatawag dahil kasama niya si Tabitha.

"Yan talaga ang dahilan kung bakit ka tumawag?" nagpipigil kong tanong, "Ahm oo, at nakaramdam kasi ng kakaiba kanina parang may hindi maganda nangyayari dyan kaya tumawag ako, anong ginagawa mo?" he said. Napakawalang kwenta!!!

"Eh tangina Six, kung ganyan lang din itatawag mo, sana hindi ka na tumawag hindi mo alam kung gaano ako kinabahan sa ginawa mo! Gago ka talaga!!!" singhal ko.

"Ay ganun ba hehe," mas lalo lang akong nairita sa uri ng pagtawa niya kaya sumabog na ako, "Gago ka papatayin ko na ito wag kanang tumawag kung ganito lang din ang sasabihin mo, tanga!" papatayin ko na sana ng magsalita siya ulit.

"Anong channel?" umikot ang mata ko sa inis, "Nickelodeon, Gago!" sigaw ko at pinatay ang tawag.

Gago ka talaga Xyrus Iris Santos!!!

Louen's Point of View

"Sorry natalagan ako may dalawang lamok lang akong pinatay," sambit ni Rie bago ako tinulungan magayos.

"Ready ka na ba?" tanong niya, tumango ako bilang sagot, kahit na alam kong sasarili ko na kinakabahan ako muli, iba ang kaba ko ngayon dahil may nakasalalay na sakripisyo sa pagsasayaw kong ito.

Para ito kay Tabi kaya gagalingan ko pa lalo. "Galingan mo ah," nakangiting sambit ni Rie habang tinitingnan ako mula sa repleksyon sa salamin. We both smiled at each other and after that she helped me wear my old red mask.

I wear a hot red fitted bodycon dress, it has a lace design at the side that causes it to show my right waist and I wear black leggings beneath it so I could dance properly later.

"Louen, ready ka na?" napaligon ako ng tawagin ako ni Ma'am Cherille, nilapitan ako ni Rie at hinawakan ang aking kamay.

"Kaya mo ito," she whispers, I smile at her and walk outside the staff room and make my way to the main stage.

"We are back again for a new start, for our brand new start, once again let us serve you our best, hot, sexy performance coming from..." I close my eyes and take a deep breath.

You are back where you belong, Loeun, and dance as if it is your last.

"The greatest stripper, El!!!!" The crowd shouted and cheered as I stepped out off the stage and held the pole. I looked at the pole and suddenly that passion I felt back then went back. I smile and whisper, "I miss you."

Leusam's Point of View

"Woahhhh!!!" Loud music, flying money around the stage but he shines like a star, finally, after so many years. 

"Welcome back," I whisper and smirked.