"What do you think of those two? Are you ready to have a new papa?" Martha asked.

"Martha," I scolded her at how the mere future picture turned my empty and tight stomach.

"Look I am only repeating what mama thinks, and you know her." Martha meant to say her mother was the keeper of secrets, of course from time to time she would let them slip by but Martha never missed a chance to catch them.

"Yes but I think you are mistaken."

"Maybe but if I was your mother I would not choose the man even if his title is noble and his riches seem endless."

"Martha I am not recognizing you, has this proposal messed with your mind? In what world would you ever oppose a rich, noble and handsome man?"

"I admit this proposal is driving me up the walls but that is not the point here!"

Although Martha did not shout she said it with enough ardor she might as well have been shouting at me for not taking her seriously. Though this type of behavior had been exactly the opposite of who Martha was, she was carefree, not one to think of consequences or boundaries which might otherwise restrain her from taking the easy way out and the girl talking to me was worried, careful and sober.

"My apologies, you must tell me though what is bothering you."

"You are forgiven and well... I recently heard some stories about him, the mad Earl, stories I was not very happy to hear."

"Rumors or stories?"

"Only if it were rumors I would not tell you with such apprehension as I feel now, but what I heard could bring the mad Earl's reputation to a new low and it would do you nor your mother any good to be associated with him."

"Then what did you hear?"

"You must not repeat this, the story was not told directly to me," Martha meant to say she had eavesdropped like my brother loved to do.

"I promise, now please go on."

"Have you ever heard the story of Lady Lydia?"

"Joseph's mother?"

"Exactly."

"Well that is all I know, what do you know of her?"

The room with the initals L. H. entered my mind immediately and I braced hopefully not for some story but the truth at last.

"More than I should care to."

"Martha say it please."

"I am getting there."

"Get there quicker then."

"Fine, I heard the end of a private conversation between Lady Scott and my mother the other day while they were having tea in the drawing room."

"Arthur's mother?"

"Yes, apparently her and my mother are distant relations, very distant but still enough to bring them into intimacy of close friends."

"And?"

"Lady Scott was crying so I had to find out what was the matter, it just broke my heart to see her sniffing like a small bird on a napkin wiping her tears, it was awful."

Why was she crying? And what would Earl Howard have to do with it?"

"Lady Scott told my mother she had received a letter from Lydia who was sick and needed money but Lady Scott did not know what to do and was totally distraught from the news?"

"Wait Lydia did not die from giving birth to Joseph?"

"Apparently not."

"Are you saying his mother has been alive all these years?"

"Yes and she lives in Ireland."

"Martha are you very sure you heard right?"

"Yes now tell your mother to disengage herself from Lord Howard because if this horrible story comes out in society you both will suffer from it."

"So you are telling me Lord Howard left his wife, Joseph's mother to fend for herself after marrying her?"

"Alice I do not know if they were ever married, if he is than all the worse for him trying to deceive your mother into something he could never offer. Though the other option is no better, it would mean the Earl took advantage of Lydia, got her pregnant then left her!"

"Oh God," I asked horrified knowing I could not hold my emotionless face for much longer, he was the type of man I had thus no option but to reject and loathe.

"Yes just the type of thing all men do to women," Martha said looking at my face.

"Oh Martha," she did not know the disappointment I was faced with when she told me the news.

"But it is a simple thing for you to undo and no doubt your family will be happier for it."

I loathed the fact once more Mr. Howard had fooled me in his sheep's clothing and everyone else including my mother which I could not forgive. It was no wonder he wanted no one going in that room it was proof of the man Mr. Howard was, a vicious hunter looking for his next prey.

"I have to get some air will you stay with Cynthia please?" I tried to excuse myself out of the ball room but then Joseph came along with Arthur.

"Miss Martha," Arthur nodded and so did Martha as Cynthia looked over at us.

"Sir Arthur," she nodded back though something about Arthur's face was not as humorous as before when he looked at Martha.

"May I have the next dance," Arthur asked Martha.

"Yes," Martha nodded.

"And may I have the next dance Lady Alice?" Joseph asked and I looked at him with much pity and admiration for being so good after the story I had heard.

I nodded yes almost accidentally and Joseph went with Arthur to Henry to wait for the next dance to start. Without fresh air I thought of Mr. Howard, how he was professional trickster and I participated in his circus of lies as he came with one surprise worse than the last. The emotions which emerged from the depths of my being came with a specific need for vengeance against Mr. Howard when I saw him laughing with mother the smile was wiped off my face though I dearly loved to dance.

As Joseph and I faced each other for a dance Mr. Howard glanced at me as if knowing I would try to find him then continued talking with my mother, Sir Walker and Lady Thomas without as much as a knowing smile.

"You look ravishing," Joseph talked as the dance begun.

"Thank you Joseph," I responded disconcerted of being caught by Mr. Howard and turned my entire attention to Joseph.

"And did you receive my letter?"

"I did."

"Did you read it?"

"Yes Joseph."

"Do you have anything to say about its contents?"

"Lady Alice," Mr. Howard interrupted our conversation, "Theresa insisted on a break when I asked her for a third dance, will you oblige me?"

"Yes Lord Bridgeston," I said lowly and Joseph walked away smiling at me as if waiting for an answer.

"Good evening Alice," Mr. Howard nodded as the next dance begun.

"Good evening sir," I did the same and soon we were making our turns to meet face to face and touch hands.

My body arduously prickled from every part Mr. Howard's hands touched and while I could barely get through the dance his face was unflustered his moves smoothly attaching to the next though my cheeks sweat and my vision hazily followed his lead.

"And how are you enjoying the Winter Ball?"

"Very well. Every object glistens making it all so lovely I am inclined to believe it."

"So it's all you ever dreamed of?" He asked and while I tried to be diverted by beauty his story was still on my mind.

"It is not."

"Why not?"

"Nothing sir, let us dance in silence..."

"I did not come all this way for silence Alice." He did not oblige me and we continued in sync with one another under the arms of another couple though I hated my body for responding in opposition with my conscience.

"I am not obliged to talk back any longer, either we finish this dance in silence or I should leave."

"Do you truly believe you can order me around? Maybe in the past you might have come to that conclusion but no more will you do as you see fit for me." He talked suppressing my will and when the dance finished I saw Joseph waiting to talk no doubt about his letter so I lost him and my entire party in the crowd, abandoning everyone to be alone at last with my thoughts.

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No part, character, names, plot, setting, conflict or resolution, point of view, theme or symbolism of this story may be replicated.

Copyright: All Rights Reserved to A. Sena Gomes.