Chapter LXXVIII

"Cynthia!"

"Yes Cynthia."

"Since when? And how? How on earth did you two..."

"These are personal details I have no wish to share with you."

"When? Tell me when!" I shouted back demanding and Mr. Howard spewed out the details at once.

"The night of your engagement!"

"The night! The very night! Hypocrite!"

"Do not test my heart, you have no right or claim to it!"

"Yet on the day you were asking me to be with you, to forgive, and forsake everything to be together with you was the same day you were falling in love with Cynthia?"

"Yes and what were you doing?"

"I was not falling in love with another!"

"Why am I even here discussing my life with you? I owe you nothing and you are nothing to me."

"Fine then if I am nothing, if I am silly, if I am the worst girl you ever had the displeasure of meeting then tell me why her? Of all the ladies in England why Cynthia?"

"You know she is right about you, you really did always see her as your inferior and I am ashamed to have loved somebody who would see the world this way."

"Inferior?"

"You were her friend and yet you mistreated her though she was the one bringing you up in society, introducing you as a close family friend how could you mistreat your own friend?"

"I... Mistreat Cynthia?"

"Everything began to fit when she spoke of your constant need to be the center of attention, it is true, it is why you do this to men, and how could you deny it one look at your ball gown and anyone could prove she is right."

"Lady Walker chose this dress for me," I replied in awe of the way Mr. Howard thought of me, his opinion was much lower than I expected.

"And did Lady Walker also took to singing just to bask in the praises of those around her? Did Lady Walker also encourage Miss Campbell and Sir Arthur to get together when Lady Cynthia was clearly hurt in the process? Did Lady Walker parade her ring to her close friend after the fact just to humiliate the poor girl at my son's wedding? And did you or Lady Walker announce your engagement during another's couple celebration of love? Tell me Alice! Was it you the center of the world or Lady Walker?!" He pointed his finger to the ground and stomped on his way over to where I stood.

Cynthia had poisoned Mr. Howard to see her as the victim and I as the villain of every story, she filled his ears with her side of the story and Mr. Howard's moral compass sided with her.

"I see..."

"You see?"

"There is nothing, no word I may say to change your mind."

"Change my mind? What for? All is lost between us and I see even this must come to an end! I cannot keep extending my hand to someone so self-centered as you Alice, and if you had any good sense you would go home before you are caught by your fiancé or some other known acquaintance with another man!"

"Well if this is what you believe then please leave me here to rot in my silliness Mr. Howard, leave me to feel the pain of my mistakes alone, leave me to relish in the praises of Sir Holloway," I raised my head at him.

"Fine! Maybe then by ruining yourself you will learn to stop ruining other's lives because of your changeable heart!" He slammed the door and I went over to lock it.

"Ah!" I screamed out a cry of wrathful despair instead of pitying myself, I thirsted for a just world to get away from this one for in this world everything that was under its dominion sooner or later crumbled under its chains destruction and here I was.

"I hate him! I hate him..." I shook my head.

It was so clear though he hated me more, and that is why I hated him, for not loving me more, for not loving me right, for the mess of my life since I met him, for what he had let me walk into, the paths I took trying to escape this love that was making everything else crumble.

On my way out of the Masquerade Ball I did see Mr. Henry, I was sure it was him with Brielle on one hand and another lady on the other but by then it was of little importance as everyone had made out his character he quite fit in.

"Oh dear cousin, you are a riot!" Brielle laughed letting me know it was really her with him.

Mr. Henry positively drunk dangled like a hook from the ladies keeping him on his feet, the said ladies obviously no more ladies than their title as their cups bumped into another celebrating in their nightly debauchery of getaway from the otherwise stiff society.

"And you are so wildly misbehaved you must teach my future wife how to be more like you dearest cousin," Mr. Henry told Brielle who let out a huge laugh at my expense.

"But if I do how will we ever have fun again?" Brielle said the last words I heard before they disappeared.

Without approaching Mr. Henry to point a finger at him, to pity how wrong I was about his acting when it came to deceiving me into thinking he was honorable enough to be my husband I sought out a familiar place and cried the ride home thinking on our sins, Mr. Howard's words and the hostility formed between us all.

At home I saw no reason for any precaution of my life and went straight to my room leaving the door open for what good was saving my life now? In the morning I unhappily woke up still alive and went downstairs before tea was to be served to the kitchen to see about the new doorknob and caught a strange conversation between Mrs. Trudor, the cook and one of the maids.

"I dunno know but if you ask me Sir Paul would be mortified by the companion his granddaughter keeps," I heard Mrs. Trudor talking to one of the maids.

"Miss Brielle had to be sent from her home country to England because of how bad she was, that cannot be a good thing" the maid argued.

"Indeed, Sir Paul would have picked some other high born girl I bet but that will be the last of her concern when she is set to marry into the Walker's family. I still cannot believe she is to go through with this, Sir Paul must be rolling in his grave!" Mrs. Trudor expounded but I needed to know more of why she'd say something like this about the Walkers so I went to Edna's room.

"Edna?" I arrived in my closet as she was going through my closet to choose what needed cleaning.

"Yes milady?"

"Good morning," I smiled as she chose the pieces.

"Good morning," she looked back.

"Oh god morning Indira."

"Good morning Lady Alice, I take these," the indian woman who was specialized in cleaning garments of delicate nature said.

"Good here it is," I gave her the money, "I hope your little girl is doing alright after the doctor visited her." Indira had a small toddler girl who was feverish the last time we talked and so Edna called on Joan's old doctor for them.

"Yes much better, she walks, eats again Lady Alice," she gave us happy news.

"Perfect."

"The doctor was just in time then?" Edna exclaimed happy.

"Yes and thank you to you, to you, I shall say um good be," she excused herself from the room and Edna.

"Godbye Indira," we said in unison.

"Alright what did you come to see about?" Edna guessed my nerves as she usually did and I was glad to be transparent to at least one other human being in this world.

"Edna I need to know something, and I need you to find it out, that is if you do not already know."

"You are sounding very serious milady?"

"Well if you were eavesdropping on the staff's conversation you might be a little anxious too."

"Oh dear that is never a good thing to do..."

"Probably not which is why I need you to find out why does Mrs. Trudor say my grandfather would not approve of my alliance with the Walkers."

"Oh..."

May of 1891




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Copyright: All Rights Reserved to A. Sena Gomes.

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