HAVANA ROSE LIU as ILONA DOHERTY

"I shouldn't feel this way. not for all of you. it's wrong, isn't it?"

"what about this feels wrong?"

"sorry, what was the question? got a bit distracted with siri's head between my legs."

AARON TAYLOR JOHNSON as JAMES POTTER

"sorry, there never seems to be any peace and quiet over here."

"no, I love it. my house was always quiet and lonely growing up — yours is always full of love and life."

"then you're welcome any time. besides, I've quite grown to like your company."

"I should hope so. I'm delightful."

ANDREW GARFIELD as REMUS LUPIN

"you're a werewolf?"

"well, uh, in a manner of speaking, technically, yes."

"alright."

"alright? you're not about to start screaming and running?"

"you're wearing my 'kiss the cook' apron, rem. you're not exactly the pinnacle of horror at the moment."

BEN BARNES as SIRIUS BLACK

"blimey, prongs, your new neighbor is fit. look at her, mooney."

"we look old enough to be her fathers."

"not fathers. more like... creepy uncles."

"is that any better?"

"well, as a doting uncle, I think we should help her move all those heavy boxes."

"something's possessed him, james. he's willingly suggesting manual labor."

RACHEL ZEGLER as MILLIE ROOKWOOD

"this is weird for me."

"it doesn't have to be weird."

"potter is the one training me at the auror office, and you have a hard on for him and his friends. it's weird."

"okay, maybe it's a little weird."

ADDITIONAL CAST

DANIEL RADCLIFFE as HARRY POTTER

"are you dating my dad or are you dating one of my uncles?"

"see, now, that is not that easiest question to answer, harry."

KAREN GILLAN as LILY EVANS

"I shouldn't have said anything. it's none of my business."

"it's alright, dear. it's just... raising a child in a war is straining on a marriage. not to mention, I didn't care for always sharing him. nothing wrong with it, but just wasn't for me."

"sharing him with who?"

"why, with sirius and remus, of course. don't tell me you haven't picked up on that by now."

RUPERT GRINT as RON WEASLEY

"I can't believe your neighbor is the seeker for the bloody irish national quidditch team!"

"ronald, she was your herbology tutor. don't act as if you've never seen her before."

"shut it, hermione. this is different!"

EMMA WATSON as HERMIONE GRANGER

"perhaps I'm not the biggest fan of quidditch, but it's quite refreshing."

"what is?"

"seeing a muggleborn be crowned as the best seeker in the world."

"I don't know about best. we'll see if that viktor krum is going to give me a run for my money next month."

—in which newly graduated ilona doherty moves into the house across the street from a part-time parent who always seems to have his handsome friends over.

OR

—in which james potter, remus lupin, and sirius black find themselves enamored with a sweet seeker, wishing to bring her in on their already crowded arrangement.