046. When The Sun Goes Down

Jackson Winchester turned out to be an avoidant coward.

As if she were the devil in the flesh, he evades her and pretends she's nonexistent. It shouldn't bother her this much, but considering she risked her life to try and help him with his transformation, it angers her and makes her feel like she's been struck in the face.

Mia knows he doesn't owe her anything, but the least he could do is be amicable and not pretend that night didn't happen. Besides, they're both a part of the supernatural. She's a former witch and he's a wizard lycanthrope. Nothing out of this world.

Despite being the most confrontational person, she's resisted the urge of visiting him at the reservation. It's been days and she's been improving in that aspect a lot, but it's getting ridiculous seeing him scurry away like a lamb up for slaughter.

Which brings her to Sam Uley's house, where Jackson has been living since December.

She knocks against the door and through the small window, she sees a reluctant Jackson heading to her. He pauses for a moment and just when he decides on looking away, her last bit of patience wears off. "I can see you. Open the door or I'll kick it down."

Glancing behind his shoulder, Jackson's expression becomes adorned with challenge. A form of teasing in some way. Knowing how much it would irritate her, he leans against the wall and offers that sly smirk that gets under her skin. He knows just where to hit her and loves it.

Following his game would be a foolish thing, but when she gets angry, her rationality refuses to resurface. She takes a deep breath and moves a couple steps back, her jaw and fists clenching as she attempts to regain her calm. Leaving would be the right thing, but that would mean letting him win, which she refuses to allow.

"What do you want, Grey? I would have thought you were familiar with rejection by now," Jackson approaches the door at the same time she does, both of them now facing the other through the slight crack of the entrance.

"And I would have thought you were less of a coward, so it looks like we're both disappointed," she attempts getting through the door, but he pushes it back. It's now when she detests not being a vampire as it would prevent situations like these from happening. One push and she would be inside, but to her misfortune, she's only human without any extraordinary qualities.

"Go home, Grey. Save yourself the embarrassment," Jackson lowers the blinds out of spite and she faintly hears him laughing.

Being avoided is an entirely different thing than being shunned. She can handle being ignored, but having the door pushed against her to keep her out is a whole different case. If this had been anyone else, she would have let it slide, but knowing more about him than she'd wish made her get emotionally involved.

Mia grits her teeth on her walk down the porch steps. She runs a hand through her hair and takes deep breaths, searching for a way to keep her line of patience intact. It's not in her capability to let things go, especially when the other party is to blame.

When she stops by the edge of the fence, she notices a rock laying on the ground. It's decent sized, which means the right damage would be done, but it would mean destroying Sam's window. He's been nothing but good to her, so it would be a slap on the face. Even she can't be that cruel.

"I think you're probably going to want to let me in," Mia glances back and feels a pang of satisfaction when he peers through the blinds. She waits for him to do the right thing and walk out, but he remains gawking as if she were some kind of public spectacle. Instead, she's given a teasing wave and a much louder laugh.

So that's the game you want to play. Fine.

Mia grabs the maroon rock and despite having no intentions of throwing it in just yet, she storms to the porch as if it were her life's mission. She raises her boot and slams it against the door, causing it to slam wide open and revealing an astounded Jackson. His shocked expression brings a smirk to her face, but it's having been driven to this that returns her previous outrage.

Like a deer caught in headlights, Jackson's eyes remain wide as he tries convincing himself that she wouldn't throw the rock in his face. He's seen her fight before, so he wouldn't put it past her, especially when she's angry.

"Put it down," he loudly orders, approaching her quickly and raising his palms in surrender.

Glancing at the rock, she tosses it between her hands and purposely pretends she's about to throw it. She knows she's acting like an immature child, but it's quite fun seeing the fear and uncertainty in his eyes.

Jackson sighs heavily, "Put it down, Mia."

Noticing he hasn't taken a foot outside, she hums in satisfaction and passes the rock to her other hand. "How about you come outside and make me? Or better yet, just let me in the easy way. We both know I can easily enter, so don't make this harder than it should."

Jackson refuses to let her win. She clearly knows the hold she has on him, so as much as he's hesitant in doing so, he walks outside and faces her. His expressions remain neutral and she maintains her prideful demeanor. "I'm here now, so put it down."

Mia drops the rock and shoves past him. Upon entering, she notices various bottles of the wolfsbane potion scattered all over the coffee table. One is nearly empty and has a small drop rolling from the end, indicating he was taking it before her arrival.

"What do you want?" Jackson quickly gathers the bottles and sets them aside, now purposely avoiding looking her in the eyes.

"I wanted to make sure you were okay, but you started acting like a total arse by avoiding me."

"I'm not avoiding you," he looks down at his hands and pictures the claws that were there a few nights ago – the same ones that could have ruined her life.

She recognizes the guilty look in his eyes. It's one she knows very well. For many years, she's lived with it and even if she's not the fondest of him, she wouldn't wish it upon him for anything.

"Well, I'm okay. It just would have been nice to know if you also were," she reassures him and approaches him slowly.

Jackson staggers back, refusing to receive her comfort when he's far from deserving it. "Just stop. Don't try to diminish this. Just don't."

"No. You don't do this," she raises her voice, making him gape at her like a wounded soldier. "You didn't hurt me. I'm still me, so stop feeling guilty for something that didn't happen."

"I put myself in that position!" Jackson walks away from her into the living room, his hands running through his hair and finding themselves to the scar tracing down his chin to his neck. "I should have remembered to take the wolfsbane. I shouldn't have gotten distracted."

Mia recalls having this exact conversation with Remus during her third year. Like Jackson, he was consumed with guilt for nearly hurting her. He tried distancing himself and even resorted to quitting his job, but it was her stubbornness that reassured him she was more than fine.

If she needs to do the same for Jackson, she would gladly do so.

"Yeah, you shouldn't have," she agrees, causing him to look up at her in surprise. "But that's in the past. There's no use dwelling on it when you could move forward instead."

He scoffs, "Like you have?"

That strikes a nerve.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means how you are the one who should let go of the past," he walks toward her, his voice lacing with venom and cowardice, all in means of avoiding having the attention on him. "Instead of learning how to live without magic, you're still holding on to the hope that you will get it back."

Her gaze hardens in an instant, "That's entirely different. I can find a way to get my magic back, but you will always be stuck as a meddlesome wolf with temper problems."

Jackson incredulously laughs, "Newsflash, Grey. Your magic will never come back and you should accept it now rather than continue believing the opposite like an ignorant child."

"And don't you think it's time you remember when to take your potions to avoid nearly killing someone?" Mia knows she hit him right where it hurts and while she knows she shouldn't be pleased with it, there's an unpreventable feeling of satisfaction.

"I will remember to forget the next time, so that way you will be forced to abide by me," Jackson's threat would be worrisome to anyone, but she finds it to be the most hollow and comical threat of existence.

"I wouldn't dream of that if I were you, but of course, what more can I expect from someone who can't stay away from me?" Mia's just had about enough with him, so quickly, she starts dashing to the door, but Jackson being near it prevents her from exiting. "Exhibit A."

"Might I remind you that I was trying to stay away, but you were the one that came here?" Jackson softly smiles in content when seeing her expression diminish. He folds his arms across his chest, raising his chin ever so slightly while she glares at him with such intensity.

"And who's the one preventing me from leaving now?" Mia walks closer to him, both of them now staring down at the other with ferocity. "Sounds like it's you who wants me here."

Jackson swallows hard and as much as he wants to move away, he's now controlled by her presence enough. Instead of letting her go like he should, he says the wrong thing, "In your dreams, Grey. I would rather die than be stuck with a know it all, arrogant girl, who's too busy pining for the impossible."

"Don't you dare speak to me like that," Mia shoves her hands into his chest, but before being able to provide another, he holds her wrists in a firm hold. She tries freeing herself, but as much as she detests admitting to it, he's stronger and the fool knows it.

"Or what, Grey? Are you going to hex me?" Jackson mocks her lack of magic and unlike the other times when she would have taken offense, she's only irritated and in need of expressing it. "Oh, that's right. You're a witch with no magic. How sad, really."

Shoving him as hard as possible, she slams him into the wall and reaches for the nearest object in her hold. Before realizing what it is, the liquid is thrown to his face, leaving him completely drenched with what now she recognizes is coffee.

She could only hope it was hot, but life hasn't been in her favor so far.

Jackson clenches his jaw and stands frozen for a moment, considering if what happened actually occurred or if he imagined it. When he glances up past his drenched hair, he sees her standing with pride and challenge. That is more than enough to reach over for the dirty dish water by the sink.

Mia narrows her eyes in confusion, but when he storms into the kitchen, she wastes no time in avoiding his attack. Successfully, she dodges his attempt and laughs at his loss, now moving her hair back and placing her hands on her hips in a rather sassy way.

"You missed, you numpty," Mia speaks loudly, slightly leaning forward at the same time he does. "What else do you have?"

A silence fills the expanse of the room. Both of them remain in their spot, only glaring at the other with such intensity that could be mistaken for a look reserved for enemies. But there's something more. A strange, unfamiliar lust resurfaces. More on one than the other, but it's enough to drive them forward simultaneously.

Slamming against the bookshelf, they hungrily kiss the other as if their life depends on it. Their hands trace the outline of their bodies, finding small patterns and silhouettes to memorize. Through every breath and every kiss, they forget the place and the time, ignoring the necessity of stopping when the door could be opened at any second.

"This is not going to mean anything," Mia leans away for a second, making sure he listens and understands. "Don't get attached 'cause I tend to have that effect on people."

Impressed, he smiles, "Look who's being vain now."

She nonchalantly shrugs, "I need you to understand."

Jackson's eyes trace down from her eyes to her lips, seeking to savor them one more time, "I understand, Grey. Don't worry about me, but perhaps you should be the one to worry."

"In your dreams, Winchester," Mia pulls him through the collar of his shirt, ignoring everything telling her that this is a mistake and she should stop. For once, she's willing to lose control and not worry about the world beyond these walls. Right now, she's focusing on making mistakes to regret the next day.

The sound of the lamp crashing to the ground goes unnoticed. It gets slightly darker, driving them to head to the sofa to where she's now on top ripping his black button up. She caresses the softness of his skin, his warmth being unfamiliar territory for her. She's been used to the cold that to her misfortune, the memory of her first time with Edward fills her thoughts.

Mia doesn't want to think of him. He's surely not wasting his time thinking of her, so she tries focusing on anything that won't return the memory of him. She focuses on Jackson's touch and the way he kisses her neck with passion. The feeling of his lips forms goosebumps, but while she desires to find enjoyment in this, the image of Edward becomes more constant.

From the way he held her with such delicacy, the way he kissed her and made sure she was alright, the way he called her name like a prayer, and finally, to the way she felt about him. Love. That damned sentiment she longs to forget. It's brought her nothing but despair and made her regretful for ever opening her heart to someone as coldhearted as him.

He might not be present anymore and as much as it hurts admitting it, she prefers it that way. Anyone who sees the worst in her is not worth her time. Even if her heart will always call his name, she considers maybe it's time to move on.

But is she actually ready?

Aggressively, Mia pushes Jackson back down. He smiles at her dominance and caresses her hips, urging her to continue. She reaches for the end of her blouse and raises it, harshly throwing it to the side and lowering down to kiss his neck. Her eyes remain closed as she's afraid she might see him again, but it's that very reason that drives her forward.

When she does, it's no longer Jackson present. He's now taken the form of Edward. Gasping, she staggers back as if she had seen a ghost. She's being driven to insanity by the minute, but for the first time, she's willing to dive into her madness if it means seeing him again. Through it all, she's still a helpless fool in love with him.

And she hates herself for it.

His golden eyes that she once adored still manage to barricade her walls. Only now, there's an unfamiliar feeling. Her heart no longer fills with a comforting warmth. It's full of shame and resentment, and it burns hotter than any fire ever could.

Having believed in him had been her mistake and if given the chance, she would have turned back time to never have crossed paths. It didn't matter if they had good moments, because she now knows it was never real. Maybe to her, but how real can it be if it was all one sided?

"Mia."

His voice is the same as she last remembers. The same melodic sound has remained and it infuriates her just as much as it hurts to see him again. Without awareness, her hands find their way to the base of his neck. She leans down, her eyes burning a hole into his, "I fucking hate you."

"I'm all yours," he breathlessly says.

Mia harshly crashes her lips onto his. All of the months of his absence are felt in her aggressiveness and it didn't matter how they ended. It didn't change how much she wanted this and needed one last moment of closure. Even if it's not real, she can only dream of fantasizing about their last time.

She hates him just as much as she loves him. It's such a compelling yet infuriating combination that leaves her stranded in the middle of a desert at night. She's wandering through the sand, searching for an escape and wanting to follow the constellations, but there's clouds covering the end. She's forever trapped into oblivion and no amount of prayers would put a cease to the cycle.

How pathetic can she truly be?

Her hand provides a harsh pull on his hair and he moans softly, his smirk now transforming into a smile. "Easy there, Grey."

Being addressed by her last name is enough for Edward's image to disappear and for Jackson's to return. She's alerted of her mistake on how far she was willing to go. She moves away, her heart pounding against her chest and breathing becoming heavier.

What just happened?

"Mia?" Jackson asks, unsure if approaching her would be the right thing. "Are you okay? Did I do something-"

"It's not you," she reassures him, but avoids looking at him. "I just- I thought I was ready, but I'm not."

While he might not know the full story between her and Edward, he did hear from the others how he and his family abruptly left. He's aware they were romantically involved and from the looks of it, it's obvious her feelings are still there.

"It's okay. I'm sorry if I made you feel pressured."

Mia shakes her head, refusing to make him feel guilty. "You didn't, but can we just pretend this never happened?"

He nods, "Whatever you need."

She puts her blouse back on and is grateful for not having gone further with him. It would have been a grand mistake and instead of feeling better, she would have felt worse for believing she was ready to move on.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Jackson finishes up buttoning his shirt and approaches her slowly, making sure not to invade her personal space.

Mia sighs heavily and finally looks at him. Relief is felt when not finding Edward staring right at her. She takes a step closer and instead of answering him, she deflects the question back to him, "Are you okay? I know the day after your transformation, you need time to recover."

Jackson hangs his head low, his shame and consternation returning like the remembrance of that night. "Can I trust you?"

"Always."

He's silent in contemplation, afraid of revealing his truth and how she might react, but now that she's seen him in his other form, there's no use keeping his secret from her anymore. "When I visited my uncle last December, I was attacked a few days before Christmas. I couldn't sleep, so I took a walk around the neighborhood. It was... so dark and foggy."

She listens attentively, a strange sense of familiarity becoming felt. December was a month that had been eventful. Death eaters crashed her school dance, her magic was revealed to Bella, and she was ordered to attend a hearing with the Magical Congress.

After the attack, she remembers there had been an ominous fog. It was dark and if it weren't for being driven home, maybe she wouldn't have made it back safely. She doesn't want to believe that night had some type of connection to his condition, but since when have coincidences not been a part of her life?

"I knew something was wrong when I made a turn into that street. Something was hiding in the shadows and it was my arrogance that drove me to attempt facing it," Jackson clenches his fists, slamming them into the wall as he breathes heavily. "I should have kept walking, but it was too late when he appeared."

Mia waits for him to continue, but his mind appears to be somewhere else. His gaze has turned blank as his expression begins filling with unease and anger. "Who appeared?"

Jackson looks up at her, "Fenrir Greyback. He's the one responsible for what I am."

At his revelation, the world once again falls upon her shoulders. The only reason Fenrir was in town was because of her. He and Lucius Malfoy were sent to take her to the Dark Lord, but it was her magic and Edward's help that spared her.

How can she tell him that his condition was also her fault?

"You wondered why I was so willing to get involved and while it was also to help you, it was to avenge myself as well," Jackson is unsure as to what her reaction will be, especially after admitting his involvement had been intentional. "I know you must probably think I'm some kind of weirdo-"

"No, I get it," Mia can tell he's surprised by her lack of anger, but there's no reason to be angry. She understands him. If this had been her, she would want to get revenge as well. "I feel the same way about my father. I want to hurt him the way he hurt me, so I understand wanting to avenge yourself."

Jackson curiously stares at her, "You do?"

She nods, "I do."

A silence surrounds them as she deliberates on revealing her responsibility for this. He will hate her for being the cause and she's not ready to have another enemy on her back. It's already enough having her own hatred that she can't fathom dealing with more.

However, he notices she's holding something back, "What is it?"

"You're going to hate me for this, but you need to know that the only reason Fenrir was in town was because of me," she expects him to be furious, but he remains calm as if it wasn't anything new. "My father is one of the most notorious death eaters, so he along with another wizard were sent for me. I'm the reason as to why you were attacked."

"No," Jackson is quick to deny her, refusing to have her believe she's at fault for something beyond her reach. "It's not your fault being the daughter of a dark wizard. You're innocent in all of this and I don't blame you. I could never. I only blame him, so stop placing a burden that's not meant for you."

It's easier said than done. As much as Mia wants to believe him, there's still so much work she needs to do. For starters, finding a way to move on from the past needs to happen. Like he said, moving forward is the right thing and she's now considering it after everything.

"I want you to understand, Grey," he softly says.

She sighs heavily, "I'll work on it."

He holds her hand gently and squeezes it, "Good."

Understanding and compassion is exchanged. Neither expected to find it in the most unlikely of places. From not being that fond of each other, they now couldn't envision not wanting to move forward in this next phase together. Sure, their circumstances are different, but their motivations are the same.

Revenge.

It might not be the healthiest, but it's working for them. Maybe this feeling won't last forever, but something new has started and neither wants it to end. They might not know it, but this moment is enough to shape the next few years.

The thing is, would it be for better or for worse?






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