✧

The spring solstice is approaching.

It would be a year since the day Mia lost her life and came back. A year since her father pushed her into the water and buried his blade deep into her skin. The scars will always haunt her for as long as she lives, and even in the afterlife, the memory will remain intact.

She used to believe that she could forget the whole thing. Maybe she could find a way to move on, but trauma has a way of finding its way back. Whether it's in the shape of a song or hiding in a place, it will always connect as if it were a missing puzzle piece.

Either way, trauma can cause a person to make mistakes. Their response to it may be irrational and reckless, but it's something that can never be avoided. It will always return like a dog returning to its owner, staying nearby and ensuring the safety of its keeper. The thing is, trauma bites the hand that feeds it. It doesn't discriminate and affects everyone in all kinds of different ways.

Mia knows better than to listen to that part of her, but she can't prevent it anymore. Ever since that night in Port Angeles, she's become less willing to ignore it. A part of her knows she's not ready to face one of her greatest fears yet, but the other part doesn't care anymore. She knows she needs to face it, and what better way than now?

There's nothing left to lose. Nothing to hold on to, so if the end comes, she would gladly welcome it with open arms.

As she walks through the forest, the afternoon light consumes the expanse of the evergreens and seeps into her skin. She buries herself deeper into her coat, attempting to ignore the frigid wind and the puff of air exhaling through her breath.

When she arrives to the lake, she notices the barren grounds and leftover boulders everywhere. A few surrounding trees are toppled over, but one look at the water is enough to send her back to that night.

She remembers the sheer terror of feeling the air leaving her lungs and the extreme pain spreading everywhere as she accepted the knowledge that she was going to die. Having dreamt of it made her believe she could have been prepared for it, but the truth is that no one is ever ready to die.

Especially at the hands of their father.

Hesitance overcomes her as she approaches the water. A fog hovers over it, but even through the haze, she sees it clearly. Much more than before. Standing a couple feet from it, the cold temperature is felt, brushing against her skin and igniting shivers to run down to the bone. It's taking everything not to run away, but it's that same feeling that pushes her to stay.

What more does she have to lose?

There's nothing the lake can take from her more than the universe already has.

Like a ghost walking through earth, Mia takes weak steps toward the edge. As if the loss of her magic had taken her strength, she struggles to remain steady and nearly falls to the ground. The water seeps through her boots and the coldness wraps her into its deadly embrace, but unlike the other times, there's not an ounce of unease anymore.

"Darling," a familiar voice says from behind her.

Not even surprised anymore, Mia turns around and finds her father standing before her. He looks the same as the previous times, but there's something else. Compared to the dark suit and the hat he usually wears, he's wearing the same clothing from that night. His face is sunken and the purple under his eyes are more noticeable.

A year ago, he had barely escaped from Azkaban. The malnourishment and torture the guards gave him made his features resemble that of the grim reaper. It added a sense of disturbance and it isn't until now when she realizes how much he changed in one year.

"I knew you would return," Dimitri moves a step closer and she recognizes the familiar blade in his hand. "This is where you belong and deep down, you know it. You always have."

Glancing past her shoulder, she stares at the lake, noticing the fog is no longer present and is back to how it was a year ago. The fallen trees, the shattered boulders, they're whole again as if nothing had occurred.

This is surely just a dream. Even if it's all in her head, she can't imagine hallucinating the setting of the exact place she drowned in. But when she looks down at her clothing, she realizes this is real. It's the same clothes she wore a year ago and unlike the present, the scars from that night are no longer there.

When Mia looks back at him, she's no longer standing by the edge, but is now inside the lake. The water is halfway to her waist and the familiar pain gathers in her abdomen. Her blood mixes into the liquid, surrounding her like paint and leaving her frozen like a child having been caught misbehaving.

It's not surprising when his slender hand wraps itself around her throat. She expects it just as much as anyone expects a gift on their birthday or a failing grade after not studying.

This is usual for her.

"I can feel you lose your strength. It's about time you realize you belong to the lake," Dimitri told her this a year ago before suffocating her into the water. If this is nothing but her trauma reliving itself, she knows she can fight him as long as she's aware that this is all in her head.

"You're not... real," she chokes on the words, his grip continuing to tighten itself and cutting off her oxygen.

Dimitri leans closer, "If you truly believe I'm not here, prove me otherwise."

Mia tries freeing herself from his grasp, but her attempts are rendered useless when she remains in his hold with no means of escaping. She's damaged goods and he knows it. Her weakness is his strength and her loss in his triumph. It's inevitable, hoping for an escape, so instead of fighting, she surrenders to the darkness, accepting this is the end and she's okay with it.

But the end never comes.

Instead, he releases her. The air returns to her lungs and the wound from her abdomen is gone. The water is no longer her sweet embrace. Now she stands by the edge with the scars and bruises to prove his visit. There's no trace of him, as if all this had been a figment of her imagination, and while it's worrisome for her hallucinations to get so out of control, she's become welcoming of her imminent madness.

Around her, the trees, boulders, everything has returned to its previous state – broken and unstructured. It doesn't make sense for this to happen. Why did he suddenly leave? Did he not intend to prove his power over her?

Regardless of the true reason, Mia knows better than continuing to speculate. For all she's aware of, he could return soon and finally put an end to her, but as much as she desires for it, letting him be the cause for her final breath cannot happen.

An end would come soon, but it won't happen today.

Never in her seventeen years would she willingly choose to surrender. Giving up is something considered for cowards, for foolish mortals, and for the ordinary.

Her recollection only reminds her of her lack of extraordinary qualities. She's become all those things, but while the truth has infected her like the black death, there's a new sense of liberation. Without magic, there's no longer the risk for her true instincts to emerge. The pressure of taking the mark and following in her father's footsteps would no longer mount a weight on her.

No power equals no value.

But then, why is he intent on torturing her? What game is he playing?

She waits for him to return, but Dimitri taunts her with his silence. Remaining on the lookout is his punishment as he knows breaking her mind is the only way to ensure his success. She might not know it yet, but she will soon.

By then, it will be too late.

Mia closes her eyes, her breathing heavy and tremulous as she stops gazing at the forest. The lake stares at her, inviting her to come forward and become a part of it. There's no use avoiding what she came here to do. She needs to face it and move forward, but her racing heart and the dread is all consuming to the point she reconsiders it.

She doesn't want to be afraid anymore. She's been afraid of the water ever since that night and it's taken so much. Whenever the sound of waves or the sight of its deep ends become present, she's back to that cold night. It's no longer a nightmare, but it's a reality she's been forced to bear and no one will be able to understand it.

Her hands clench into tight fists, her fingernails digging deep into the base of her palms and causing blood to trickle down. A coping method, some might call it, but it's enough to remind her that the lake can't harm her. Nothing and no one can, but why is she still afraid?

With a deep breath, Mia forces herself to walk forward. The frigid water injects itself like a blood transfusion, slowly becoming a part of her and reminding her that this was supposed to be her end. She blinks away the tears and pushes herself to continue, now standing in the middle with only her head peeking out.

A contemplative silence is present. Her heart screams at her to get out, but her mind demands her to stay. Two options can be chosen. Either she acts rationally or remains trapped in the lake.

The second option is chosen.

Mia closes her eyes and lowers herself into the water. A hollowed silence is immediate, but there's also a hint of calmness. Here, she can hear herself think. Any other time, this would have been appreciated. Many would love to acquire a moment like this, but the storm inside her is painful and the silence is only making it louder.

Everything that happened these past months return to her at once. Facing it one step at a time made it easier to handle, but it's entirely different now. Every emotion, every memory, and every mockery, it reverberates through the water like a cursed siren.

Her father's callous hands around her throat, the sharp end of his blade piercing her twice, and the water entering her lungs are memories approaching her through every second. She doesn't fight it or attempt to avoid it, but instead faces it like a brave soldier would.

As she sinks lower, the last remaining air reminds her to swim to the surface. Heading up would be the reasonable thing, but for a moment, she considers staying under. She's been drowning for months and swimming up won't change a thing, so really, what's the point?

Her magic is gone, her father is everywhere, she's lost the love of the man she once considered her soulmate, and everyone sees her as a ghost. Her mother wants to send her away and live the life she had lost for having her. To everyone, Mia's become a burden, a weight to carry on their shoulders and it would be a selfless act if she disappears.

Maybe then, everyone's lives would be better. Maybe everyone would finally find the joy they were always seeking. Their curse would be broken and paradise would be granted. Maybe never finding the surface is meant to happen.

The lake is where she belongs. Returning from the dead is a trickery against nature. What's gone is meant to remain gone. That night should have been her last, but he ruined everything. She was ready to greet death like an old friend and it was his selfishness that condemned her.

"Stop fighting, darling. You know this is your end, so face it like a Grey."

Facing it like a Grey requires bravery, strength, resilience. All of the things she isn't. Her last name has always been her burden. Being a Grey is her curse and unlike fairytales, true love or a potion won't save her. She's forever damned and she's now accepting it.

However, the voice in the back of her head breaks through the barricades. It's been silent for months and it took nearly drowning in the lake again to awaken. It's now demanding her to keep trying and not give up. It isn't her time yet. There's so much she has to live for and it would be a waste throwing it away for nothing.

Mia opens her eyes, sheer terror and regret consuming her when facing the darkness. She can't stay here anymore. She can't die in this lake. Her time will come when it should, but right now, she focuses on swimming to the surface before it's too late.

With a deep breath, the oxygen returns to her lungs, saving her from losing the battle. It's now dark and it's a full moon, but despite feeling unsettled at seeing the lake in its eeriness, she remains inside with only her head peeking out.

Mia keeps her ears under the water and closes her eyes. Only the muffling is heard along with her mind, but she finds a way to silence it for the meanwhile. Now, there's the pure quiet. It's one she's desired all these months and all it took was returning to the place that took her final breath.

However, nothing ever lasts forever.

A loud, painful scream is heard coming from deep in the forest. It's so gut wrenching that it sends a chill through the bone and fills her with goosebumps. Her throat runs dry and it's strange, but being in the lake makes her feel safe. If anything is out there, she doesn't want to risk it by pretending to be brave. She might have a death wish, but she's not ready to go just yet.

Mia waits for another sound or for a figure to emerge, but it's nearing a minute and there's nothing. Contrary to before, she no longer enjoys the silence. This is unnerving and makes her feel like she could possibly be hunted. Without her magic, there's no way to defend herself. She's just a vulnerable human that can die at any moment.

Slowly and quietly, she swims to the edge while remaining wary of her surroundings. She steps out carefully and squeezes the water from her hair. Her clothes drip everywhere and no matter her attempts at getting them to dry quicker, the cold weather and lack of sun makes it turn into a popsicle.

She needs to head back, but she's worried about the lurker. Something is clearly out there and based on the scream, it's not looking to play, but to attack instead. But she can't stay here. If she becomes afraid of every little thing, her life would stop running and she'd become trapped forever.

With a deep breath, Mia starts approaching the forest. It's merely a coincidence that just when she reaches the edge, the same gut wrenching scream is heard. However, there's something familiar about it. The tone reminds her of someone, but she just can't quite put her finger around it.

Another scream shakes the forest again.

It's only then when she recognizes who it belongs to, but could it actually be him?

Mia pauses for a moment and re-evaluates her actions. It could be a trick from Victoria, her father, or other death eaters. This could be a trap and she'd be falling right into it. She needs to act rationally and put herself first. If it's anyone seeking help, maybe some poor soul would find a way to them.

"Screw this," she mutters under her breath and heads in the opposite direction. With her arms now wrapping themselves around her, she hastily heads down the hill past the river. She's nearly reaching it, but that's when another scream is heard along with a voice.

She knows who it belongs to.

Her foolishness causes her to return. She follows the source thinking she can't abandon him when he chose to risk himself by helping her on Halloween. Despite worrying that death eaters could be torturing him, she can't leave him at their mercy. If it's them, his interference in their mission was seen as a betrayal, so it makes perfect sense to believe they found a way to punish him for it.

She stumbles over fallen debris and rustling branches, but eventually, she finds him. Everything she believed in was proven wrong. There's no death eaters. It's just him. The reason for his screams are tied to the full moon. The scars he hid, it's connection to his condition.

Lycanthropy.

Mia is frozen in disbelief. She's seen transformations before and it nearly cost her. She knows the stages and the pain that comes with it, but this transformation is different. Instead of remaining whole and molding into the creature, this change is much more painful.

For starters, his bones are breaking one by one. The color of his eyes are a dark red and his spine is rising, causing his once perfect leather jacket to rip into shreds. A snarling noise is heard and Jackson finally notices her presence, his eyes narrowing and hands continuing to break.

"What are you doing?! Leave!"

Mia knows it's dangerous to be around lycanthropes during their transformation. Once they reach their full form, they won't be able to recognize their friends or loved ones. Considering they're barely getting acquainted, she's more susceptible to an attack.

Still, she can't abandon him as if he means nothing. Leaving him after he so dangerously fought by her side would be the cruelest of acts. She might not know how to offer aid for this, but it doesn't mean she's not willing to try.

She wonders if he forgot to take the wolfsbane potion. Remus always takes his and it helps, but based on how different this transformation is, she considers that maybe the potion might not work for him.

Mia kneels down in front of him, gently laying her hand on his. "Listen to me, I can't imagine what you're feeling, but you can get through it. It will be over soon."

Jackson breathes uncontrollably and crumbles to the ground. His skin glistens with sweat and his coordination disappears once his elbows break. He tries to prevent from screaming, but the full moon ties him into an everlasting torture.

"It hurts, Mia," Jackson cries through a voice full of desperation. "But you shouldn't be here. It's not safe."

She refuses, "Focus on anything but the pain. Let it run its course and it will end quicker."

Jackson listens to her soothing voice and takes deep breaths. His limbs are shattering into millions of pieces and a tightness gathers in his chest. His entire body trembles with agony and the intense fever causes his head to start spinning uncontrollably. It's harder to ignore the pain, but out of all his transformations, comfort is felt for the first time by having someone present.

The glow of his eyes becomes brighter that for a second, Mia considers the moon's light must have gotten trapped in them. She tries offering more comforting words, but finds herself at a loss when his pain continues with no means of ending.

"Please go, Mia!" Jackson senses the final stage of the transformation nearing. He won't be able to control himself anymore and hurting her is the one thing he's afraid of most. "I- I can hurt you, so please leave!"

Mia doesn't want to abandon him, but the knowledge of how dangerous lycanthropes can be in their full stage allows her to make the right choice. She staggers back and dives deeper into the darkness, making him believe she's gone when it's far from it.

The most intense scream consumes the forest as his features begin molding into the ferocious creature. His skin pales into a dark gray and the brightness of his eyes fades into a darker shade. His fingernails transform into claws and the last remaining part of his features that remained human take the image of a werewolf.

An ominous silence is left once the transformation ends. He stands completely still, gazing into the trees and Mia does her best at staying as quiet as possible. She hasn't seen this type of transformation before that she can only wonder if there's another kind of lycanthropes. It's something she will have to spend hours researching on, but right now, all she cares for is making sure she's not seen.

When catching a glimpse of the moon, he howls in such a haunting way. He starts running off in the opposite direction, allowing her to take a breath of relief. She leans back against the tree and wonders how many more supernatural creatures she will meet. First it was witches and wizards, then vampires, then shapeshifters, and now another lycanthrope. So much for a moment of peace.

Mia waits a few minutes before coming out into the light. She scans the perimeter to make sure he's not around. There's only darkness and silence present, casting the green light to start heading back home. However, her attempts are prevented when the sound of leaves crackling behind her catches her attention.

Not surprised at her terrible misfortune, she glances back past her shoulder. Sure enough, he's standing there in such a threatening stance. He snarls and forms a low growl as if he's found his prey. Lycanthropes are dangerous in this stage. A bite from them transforms a human into a werewolf and it's now when she regrets not having left earlier.

"Okay, nice little wolf," she says in a calm voice as she slowly, but carefully, takes a few steps back. "I know you don't understand me, but I'm still going to try. Stay right there and just let me go and no one gets hurt."

He growls much louder and approaches her much quicker. Her soothing tone only made things worse as his bloodthirst has only intensified.

Mia swallows hard and continues diving deeper into the forest away from him. The moonlight prevents her from seeking shelter in the shadows, but a tree she can climb up is only a couple feet away. If she's lucky, she can escape him and wait until the moon is covered. It's a foolish plan, but it's better than staying on the ground.

Like a wolf hunting sheep, he circles around her and growls. His claws expand with every breath and the sound of her heart only intensifies his need to attack. She figures that this is where everything ends. Having prayed for an end is finally catching up to her and it angers her that it will be in the worst possible way.

Why did she have to stay? Why couldn't she just leave?

His posture suddenly changes into a much more menacing one. He's about to launch his first attack and she can't do anything about it now. He's standing in front of the tree she could have climbed up and as much as she wants to run, there's no use for it. It will prolong her death and she would much rather face it bravely.

Taking a deep breath, Mia only closes her eyes and waits for the end. A respite will come and she will thank him for it one day. She resists the urge to attempt fighting back since it would only risk getting bitten and becoming a lycanthrope. Becoming a supernatural creature is the one thing she refuses, leaving her with no other option than to accept the sweet embrace of death.

Mia waits for him to attack, but just when his footsteps start dashing to her, another growl prevents him from ever reaching her. When she opens her eyes, she recognizes the wolf that saved her. It seems he broke the treaty to help her and such action makes her realize that maybe she's not alone like she believed.

Jacob and Jackson fight the other with no means of stopping. Their loud snarls are piercing and rattle the forest with extremity. Their movements flow naturally, as if their encounter had been destined to happen and for a fleeting moment, she wonders if Jacob had been around to sense the danger.

The lake is far from La Push, so it could only mean he was heading to Forks. Maybe she's thinking too much about it, but nothing is ever coincidental.

The forest suddenly turns darker and Mia notices clouds are covering the moon. She starts running to them and finds Jackson starting to transform back into his human form. Jacob remains a wolf just in case another attack happens. He glances back when sensing her and tries preventing her from getting closer, but the voice of Jackson eases his reluctance.

"I'm- I'm so sorry," he apologizes and groans when feeling the sharp sting of the scratch Jacob had done on his shoulder. "Please tell me I didn't hurt you."

Mia approaches him and he avoids looking at her from shame, "You didn't, but you only have a little bit of time before transforming again."

Jackson notices Jacob standing in front of her protectively, making him feel much more at ease at knowing there's someone who can keep her safe. "You need to go now. Please."

Mia doesn't argue and squeezes his hand one last time. Jacob gestures with his head to his back for her to climb on. Quickly, she follows his order and he starts running in the opposite direction. A few seconds later, Jackson's painful screams are heard again before a distant howl consumes the forest.