Who could have predicted that the last day of board exams would have me crying my eyes out in a strange toilet of a school that I had been to only four times? 

Not me, I can tell you.

And who would have thought the crying would have nothing to do with the three-hour Chemistry exam I just took. 

But life tends to throw you curve ball after curve ball and you are supposed to keep dodging and standing straight up. You are expected to be resilient and pretend existence is a gift. 

I know the trivialities of a high school girl's life would not seem as crushing to another person but in my opinion, this was pretty much the worst thing that could have happened to a girl of seventeen on a day she thought would be filled with celebration. 

"Meera, are you okay?" Sarah knocked on the stall door pulling me out of my spiral for a second. It had been some minutes since I had been sitting on the toilet seat crying silently.

I thought of how I had it all mapped out, March 15th, the day we would all be on the precipice of greatness. Our school lives were over and we were venturing into the next big phase of our lives and what made it sweeter was that I wasn't doing it alone, I had Parth with me. 

But now I couldn't do it, I couldn't go out there and face people. He had pulled the rug out from under my feet. The love of my life had just dumped me. 

"Meera just answer me so I know you are fine in there." Sarah continued knocking. 

"No Sarah, I'm not fine in here," I said and a sob escaped my lips. I probably looked like a very mussed up raccoon by this point with my hair in a mess and kohl streaking down my face with my tears. 

Parth and I had decided we couldn't let our relationship come in the way of our academics. We had taken a break so as not to distract each other as he prepared for his engineering entrance and I prepared for board exams. It had seemed like the smartest idea at the time, we could pick up right where left off, after all, we had such a solid foundation. I had spent the entirety of my high school life with him so it seemed only natural that we would spend the rest of our lives together. 

I laughed bitterly at my stupidity. 

"Meera please come out here. Let me take you home. Do you honestly want to stay here in this stinky washroom?" she implored.

I wiped my tears on my handkerchief and sniffled. She was right, the washroom indeed smelled incredibly bad and the seat was starting to feel uncomfortable. I opened the door and faced Sarah who immediately winced at my appearance. 

"It's that bad, is it?" I asked turning to the mirror above the washbasin to fix it and wailed, "Why doesn't this stupid school have mirrors anywhere?" 

"Here let me help you." Sarah took the already blackened square of fabric from my hands and ran it under the tap water. She started to wipe my face gently. 

"So how bad did it look?" I asked her. 

"How bad did what look?" 

"The scene. Me getting dumped by my boyfriend. Was it at least entertaining?" 

She did not reply and I could only conclude it was worse than I could have imagined. Fresh sobs emerged from my throat as I realized how humiliated I must have seemed. 

"Hey, Hey, don't do this to yourself for that loser." she chastised gently.

"Did he have to do it in front of the entire school?"

"Meera, it was one section of one batch and we won't be seeing their miserable faces again anyway. School's over. Besides, they were all too occupied celebrating the end of boards. Here all done. Tie your hair up." she said handing me her hair tie. I put my hair up in a ponytail. 

"Now we are going to walk out of here with our head held high and go to my house and watch the 'Saw' franchise to take our mind off things that do not matter," she said.

I took a deep breath and lifted my chin up. Sarah smiled and grabbed my hand towing me out of the dingy toilet. Mercifully the school had almost emptied out and only a couple of students milled around. I ignored their stares and kept walking towards the exit. 

***

At Sarah's house, we had a modicum of privacy; her parents were working late and her little sister was at her music class. I swirled my spoon around listlessly in a bowl of ice cream I had no appetite for. 

Sarah was still on call with her mother who wanted to know every detail of how the exam went. The calls to my parents had been pretty brief, they were not great conversationalists. I told them the exam had been great and I was confident about it. They were only surprised to hear we weren't going out to the mall as had been the original plan. 

We had outfits planned a whole week in advance and plans till late evening. I felt a twinge of guilt as I glanced at Sarah's outfit still laid over her chair. 

"Sorry about that. You know how mummy is. She wanted to hear what questions had come for the exam and how I think I performed and then she wanted to know why we weren't going out and why you didn't feel well." she said and sat down next to me.

"I should be the one apologizing. Our plans are ruined." I said gesturing to her outfit and straightener all laid out. 

"Are you joking, Meera? Of course, this is more important than some stupid trip to the mall," she exclaimed and then softened her tone "do you want to talk about it?"

"You did see it." I sighed and placed the bowl of ice cream on the side table. 

"I was getting my bag from another room, I only walked in time to see him give you the..." she trailed off looking at me uncertainly. 

"The stupid ring? It's okay you don't have to walk on eggshells around me." 

The stupid ring was a slim silver band I had given him on his last birthday. He tried to return it to me after revealing he couldn't date me anymore. I had flung it right back at him after my coaxing and entreaties to give us another chance had fallen on deaf ears. I had saved up for months to get him that gift. What a waste of time and resources.

"Did he say why he wanted to end it?" Sarah steered away. 

"He met someone new. This year when he joined that new coaching centre for his entrance prep, he met a girl and grew close to her during the long hours they spent together in classes. I bet he suggested the "break" thing because he did not have the balls to break it off."

"Did he say that?" she asked looking angry.

"Not explicitly!" I exclaimed, "He thought he had done me this great favour by keeping it to himself till I was finished with boards so I wouldn't be too distraught to study. He obviously was done with me months ago, he just didn't want the blame in case I flunked."

"What an utter asshole!" she said angrily and I sighed.

"What?" she demanded, "He is officially the worst human ever and deserves it." 

His face flashed into my mind and the sweet memories I had shared with him left a bad taste in my mouth. I stared out of her bedroom window wistfully and asked,

"Do you think he dated her while we were on the supposed break?"

"I'm sure his precious entrance prep would take precedence over some girl he met a few weeks ago." she tried to reassure me.

"Is that why he switched from Whatsapp to Telegram? So I wouldn't see him online chatting to his new girlfriend? Has he taken her to his favourite momo place yet? That's his move, you know, that stall near Safdurjang. They give out three different kinds of chutney."

"You have to stop spiralling and making mountains out of molehills," Sarah said and kneeled in front of me, "I know it feels like the end of the world but trust me, this is will seem trivial after a while. He is not worth your time and he's certainly not worth your tears. So now will you come and watch some gore with me?" 

I nodded and stood up to follow her to the living room where we spent the next three hours watching way too much graphic content. 

***

Her name was Sonali.

Just when I had thought I was all cried out he had to put up Instagram posts. They had been officially a "thing" only for a week now but she was already on his feed. 

We had dated for almost two years and I had been featured on his feed a grand total of two times. One of which was a grainy selfie from the tenth standard that showcased my horrendous hairstyle and the second he had posted on our anniversary. The latter had vanished from his feed on the very day of the break-up.

Yet here Sonali was, pretty and perfect in a yellow sundress that painfully made her look almost ethereal. Insecurity raved in my brain and I blocked him right then. He knew I was still following him from my backup account and would see that picture. The audacity. 

The most surprising part of this event was that I didn't feel sad anymore, I was just angry. Angry at him for what he had done but mostly angry at myself for ever having been that stupid. It felt so mortifying that this was the boy I was so invested in. He had the gall to flaunt his new relationship on social media where all our mutual friends followed him after just one week. 

I buried my head in my pillow and spent several miserable minutes there till it struck me. Why was I the one wallowing around when he was out there living it up with Sonali? Is this what you get in return for caring? I had spent months tiptoeing and sneaking around my parents for every phone call and every date just so they wouldn't find out, remembering every birthday, every anniversary, saving up for gifts and loving him for who he actually was. I felt hollow. 

This was it, I decided, this was the last time I would let anyone take advantage of my naiveté. This was a new phase of my life. So what if he wasn't with me for this one? I was better off without the dead weight anyway and I would make damned sure this beginning meant something.

I picked up my phone and called Sarah. 

"Hey. How are you doing?" she asked excessively gentle. So she had seen the post too. 

"Can you meet me at my place in an hour?" I said cutting it short. I wanted to tell her everything in person. 

"Sure. Should I get ice cream?" 

"No, get dressed up. We are going out." 

"We are?" Sarah asked, clearly not expecting me to say that. 

"Yes. There are a few things I need to sort out to begin this next phase of our life." I said opening my cupboard and taking out some items.

"That's the spirit! I'll be there in half." 

And with that, she hung up. 

I looked at myself in the mirror and whispered,

"This is it Meera. You have to the master of your destiny. You can't let the insignificant factors control your life. You will go out there and Carpe the fuck out of this Diem, in fact, you're going to Carpe the fuck out this Noctem and this Vitam." 

Then I giggled at how goofy it sounded and rushed off to the bathroom.