Ch. 12

Mr. Mac is waiting in his office when we arrive. He's not an overly imposing person, not too tall, or old or anything, but the principal none the less, and being around authority figures makes me nervous. Plus, you know, there's the whole thing where Tom has a freaking boyfriend. My stomach is roiling with nerves and heartbreak and a whole bunch of other unnamed emotions and I'm not really sure I can do any of this.

"Tom, how nice to see you again, especially under better circumstances. Mr. Sway tells me you're doing a great job so far," Mr. Mac says, kindly, gesturing for us to sit in the chairs across from his desk.

"Yep, so far so good," Tom says with a shrug

"How about you, uhhh, Mr. Archer, Justin?"

"Um, about me what, Sir?" I have no clue what he asked me.

"I see from your record you're a very strong student. How do you think the program's going?"

"Good?" I answer noncommittally. He gives me an odd look, so I try to give a better answer. "I really enjoy it. The ability to get outdoors and learn experientially is fantastic."

Mr. Mac seems happier with my answer, takes down a note, then starts into the matter at hand. "So, explain the idea for a fundraiser."

I look hopelessly to Tom, because, well, I just generally suck and I can't think straight. Answering one of Mr. Mac's questions pretty much did me in, and besides, I'm wrecked. Between the poor night's sleep, my embarrassing admission, Tom's incessant teasing, and dumping my lunch, I'm pretty much done. Oh, yeah, and the whole matter of Tom's freaking BOYFRIEND! I can tell Tom's not up to saving my ass yet, so I take a deep breath and try to explain. After a few miscues I'm able to get a couple of coherent thoughts out and Mr. Mac seems fairly amenable to the idea of a penny war.

"This means you will have to have some charities and bikes by next week."

"I was thinking of the Boys and Girls Club, Big Brothers and Big Sisters, Jumpstart, and maybe some sort of church charity, like the Salvation Army or something," Tom answers quickly. I'm surprised by the church thing, but I guess they do give things to needy people—hopefully not just to people they deem worthy.

"Those sound great, Tom. Now you two just need to get the bikes together. As the peer mentors for the course, I'm holding you both responsible."

"But..." I start to protest, but stop when I see Mr. Mac's glare.

"Go meet with student council," Mr. Mac directs. "Our discussion here is finished."

The student council office is almost directly across from the main office, and as usual, there are a few of the council members lounging around, one of which is the co-president, Lauren. She's been in more than a few of my classes over the past few years and is one of those uber-perky people that I avoid as much as possible. It's not that she's not nice, it's that she's too nice, too friendly, too eager to please and far too earnest. It's obvious that she feels deeply about other people's problems but probably hasn't had too many of her own. I don't hate her or anything, but she makes me ill-at-ease, like I could be one of her 'projects.' Obviously Tom's had the same experience because when he sees her, he mutters an "ah hell no," under his breath and steps back into the hallway. Well shit.

"Hi Justin, didn't expect to see you here. How can your student council help you today?" Lauren asks, all peppy smiles in her cute tight cardigan and mini skirt swishing as she stands to greet me.

"Uh, well, Mr. Mac sent Tom and I over here to get student council's help on a fundraiser." I sputter, face red.

She stands on her tippy toes to look around me and sees Tom in the hall. "Ohh, Hi Tommy! Come on in here," she calls.

He shoots me a withering look and steps back in.

"So, what's up with this fundraiser?"

"So the Beyond the Building program is making bikes for kids and we're going to have some to give away, but we need to do a fundraiser to help support the program."

"You two are in Beyond the Building?" she asks, eyes full of concern. "But that's for..."

"Students at risk, yeah, we know. We're peer mentors," Tom explains, although I'm not sure she believes him.

Lauren's face changes into one of sympathy, her eyes flicking back to Tom's battered face and I want to smack her, however, I'm sure I can probably use her emotional response to our benefit. "You know how hard it is for some of our more disadvantaged students to get ahead..." I explain the idea to her and she gets on board almost right away.

"So the money from the jars is used for two things, right?"

"Exactly. The money goes to our students in Beyond the Building, but is used as a vote to determine which charity gets the bikes."

"Great idea, guys! I bet we can do a ton of fundraising!" And she's off on a mission to support us poor underprivileged students. "We can do the fundraiser all next week! I'll get jars from the caf, and our poster committee will start spreading awareness..."

After ten minutes, Tom and I have had about all we can take, but it doesn't matter because Lauren has taken over pretty much the whole project. Now all we have to do is ensure that bikes for kids get completed, and soon. I tell Lauren we're needed back at class, and she waves us away, already busy with planning. So we quickly slip away.

As we walk back through the halls, I'm more than quiet, prompting Tom to turn to me, "So, what's up your ass, 95?"

"What do you mean?" I avoid looking at Tom, knowing what I should tell him, but not sure what I'm going to say.

"Well Mr. I-Like-You-A-Lot, suddenly you're all quiet and pensive and I want to know what the fuck is wrong." Tom is obviously angry.

"There's nothing wrong," I say, trying to hide my irritation.

"Bullshit. You've been all cagey and pissy since we had to go to see Mr. Mac. He couldn't have gotten you that upset."

"No...I'm not upset," I reiterate quietly. I'm just heartbroken is what I want to add.

"Are you embarrassed to be seen with me or something? Am I only good to flirt with when we're in the safety of our own kind?"

I am completely confused and angry by the accusations he is levelling at me, "What the hell are you talking about?"

"When we're with people from our class, you know, the outcasts, it's fine for you to talk to me, but as soon as we're mixing with others, it's like I'm not good enough to stand next to you," Tom states angrily.

We've made our way back to the door that lead outside to our portable. "That's not it at all. In fact I'd love to be seen with you. Is that what you want to hear? Because I'm sure your boyfriend would be more than pissed at me being seen with you, so no matter how much I like you, I can't be that person. I'm not a cheater and I don't want you to be either!" I shove the door open with a fury and it slams against the school building, then swings back towards me.

"What the hell. I don't have a boyfriend." Tom steps in front of me on the slushy path, keeping me from walking away, the wind whipping around and cutting through my thin shirt.

"Then why did you say you did?" I'm sure there's a distinctive whine to my voice.

Tom snorts in indignation, "I said my parents took my bike away because they were worried I'd go see my boyfriend, but my parents are total idiots. I don't even have a boyfriend. I've never had a boyfriend. They controlled me so much, I wouldn't have gotten anywhere near another person, male or female, let alone have a relationship."

I'm so confused and angry at my misconception that I'm totally worked up and can't help but just lash out, "Oh, so now that you're free from them I'm like a convenient person to turn to? Because I'm here and happen to be gay?" I go to stalk off down the path.

"No, you fucking moron," Tom grabs my arm, spinning me around and slams me up against the brick exterior of the school, trapping me between his arms. "Nothing about this is convenient, but I want you, Justin. I LIKE you, and it's not a fucking joke, and I'm not settling, and it's not fucking easy seeing you in class when all I can think about is how close we were in the tent and how much I want to kiss you." His eyes are blazing and his chest is heaving, and then suddenly, his firm, smooth lips are pressed against mine.

And just like that, I have my first kiss. And it's angry and hot and insistent.

And I melt against him.

All my nerve endings are on fire with the passion of his kiss, our kiss. My back is against the freezing cold, rough, solid wall, and really, that's all that's keeping me from falling over. Tom pulls back slightly, his eyes wide, blinking, like he's shocked at what he's done, what we've done.

"Oh, fuck. I'm sorry Justin." He goes to step away, but my arms dart out and clutch him tightly.

"No," I protest. "No. You don't get to apologize for that. You don't apologize for liking me or kissing me. Not when I want you, too." I lean forward and kiss him just as forcefully as he did to me.

And it's just as amazing the second time, and I want to keep doing this forever.

His lips open and I can feel his tongue, all soft and insistent probing so I open my mouth and allow him entrance. It could have been minutes, but in reality it was probably only seconds, either way when we break apart, we both just stand for a second staring at each other. His icy blue eyes are framed by long dark lashes and there's a slight dusting of stubble along his jawbone that I'd love to run my fingers across.

"Oh my god, Justin, what are we going to do?" He steps back a fraction and I miss the heat of him already.

"What do you mean?" I pull myself off the building and shiver from the cold.

We are steps away from the door to our portable. "Does anyone even know you're gay?"

"Well...you do, and a couple of the girls in our class, I guess." Oh god, and no one else. Not my mom, not Kyle, and certainly not anyone else.

"So what now?" Tom and I reach for the doorknob at the same time, and his hand covers mine for a second.

"I don't know, but I know I like this," and I give him a shy smile before opening the door.