Ch. 10

"Nice try 95. I'm about the farthest from fantastic you can find." His walls are back up and Tom quickly stands and starts to walk away.

"Wait, Tom." I quickly stand and follow him, hoping I don't sound too desperate.

"Not now, Justin, please." There's definitely something in his voice that tells me to leave the heavy stuff alone, no matter how much I want something important to come from all of this. He clears his throat, "We have to get the rest of our samples. Lead the way."

I pull out the map and we finish the afternoon's work with almost no talk between us.

Just before we get back to the rest of our group, Tom stops me. He puts his hand up to my chest and looks right into my eyes. "Thanks, Justin. For everything, really."

My heart is racing at his touch, and I try to figure out what to say in response. I look into his eyes and I know there's something between us, an unspoken promise of more. "Nice hat," I say with a grin.

"It's not mine. It belongs to this great guy I know." He smiles back and his face totally lights up.

.....................

Last night was ridiculous. Before leaving school, Tom told me he'd, "see me tomorrow" so I spent a bunch of time trying to see if it meant anything more than normal (I decided I'm insane). Then I spent a few hours going over the whole day and the conversations we had. His parents are obviously completely fucked, no wonder he is so guarded and angry. What kind of people would do something like that to their own son? I wonder how they even found out in the first place? I mean my mom might have her suspicions, but she's never said anything, and I really don't think she'd disown me. Does he want me? He did say that he thought I was great...Maybe he's just too messed up over his parents to want a relationship? Once again, I decided I'm an idiot.

These thoughts and more race through my head again as I try to get dressed in the morning. I can't decide what to wear because I want to look good. I want Tom to notice that I look good, but really I have no game. In fact, most of my clothes were purchased specifically to make me fairly invisible to the rest of the student population, it's what I do best. And usually it works, too. In the end I settle on a long sleeved t-shirt in a deep red colour, my pair of dark jeans and my black imitation chucks. After running my fingers through my hair a little I realize that I'm being a total idiot. It's not like Tom's going to notice, I'm just fooling myself to think he even likes me.

My foul mood continues through a silent breakfast with my mom (who was actually home and up!), then on my way to school, giving Kyle one word answers until he finally gets fed up with me.

"What's your problem, Justin? You're being a dick."

I take a deep breath, then realize that he's right. "I'm sorry, Kyle, I just didn't sleep well last night."

"Why? Boyfriend problems?" He says jokingly.

I try not to jump in my seat. How the hell did he know? "Huh?"

"Your mom, Man, did she have boyfriend problems?" He looks at me oddly.

"Well she was home this morning, so that's different." I answer, the truth, sort of.

....................

Tom's late again. This time it's not too bad because there wasn't a bus to catch or anything, but it's obvious there's some sort of problem. We are writing in our course journals when the door to the portable is yanked open. Tom stomps in, tossing a threadbare jacket on a hook at the back of the room before snatching up his journal from the shelf and slamming into an empty desk.

I carefully peek across at him. His head is down and he's writing furiously, the pen almost pressing through the paper, his long, dark hair acting almost like a curtain. No doubt Tom's completely livid about something. The bruise on his eye is more purple-green than yesterday, but he doesn't appear to be hurt anywhere else. Tom is wearing a blue plaid flannel shirt with rolled cuffs and unbuttoned over top of a white t-shirt, and he looks good. Really good. Turning away before it becomes obvious that I was staring, Jen catches my eye and gives me a smirk. I really have to be more careful.

"Okay class, time to process the samples. Seniors are going to work with Mr. Bruce in the biology lab. He's doing this as a personal favour to me, so don't screw it up." Mr. Sway looks pointedly at all of the grade twelves, myself included. "Juniors will come with me and grade 10's will be in the library with Francis, since you just have to process your photos and data."

"Seniors, your stuff is already up there, so get going—except Tom. I need to speak to you outside for a second," Ms. Francis orders. The five of us, sans Tom, look at each other warily, while Tom just glowers at his desk. "Move it!"

I can't imagine they're going to kick Tom out or anything, certainly the school knows about his past, but I'm really worrying as we trudge up to the lab on the third floor. Mr. Bruce gives us a rundown of how the tests work and shows us how to do everything, then goes and sits at his desk and reading on the computer.

After fifteen minutes, Tom finally joins us. He walks in and nonchalantly comes up to the lab bench where I'm working and the rest of the group 'helps'. For each sample of water we have to do a number of tests, like ph, lead, phosphates, and coliform, then we record the results and prepare a report based on our findings.

"We only have, what, 45 minutes of lab time left?" Tom addresses us.

"Yes," Nicole responds.

"Then why are you all standing around watching 95 do everything?"

"He knows what-" Kent tries to defend the group but is cut off.

"No. Nicole and Kent with me, Kyle and Jen with 95. One recorder, one prepares the samples, one tester. Go."

"But-" Jen tries to interject.

"No buts, just do it." He turns to me and the corners of his mouth turn up just a little, "You're too nice, 95. People walk all over you."

Under Tom's orders we finish with five minutes to spare, tidy up, and thank Mr. Bruce.

"What now?" Kyle asks, looking at Tom.

"I guess we go type up everything in the library," he shrugs. "That's where Francis is anyway."

As we head towards the library Tom asks me for gum. When I tell him I don't have any, he drags me away from the group to go to the vending machines, telling them we'll catch up.

"What happened to you this morning?" I ask, once we're out of earshot of everyone.

"Nothing out of the ordinary. A few people in the group home have some anger issues."

"If it's so bad there, can't you go somewhere else?"

"Where exactly?" He sighs heavily. "Back to my parents? To somewhere in a different school district? I need to be here. I need this program to graduate, and I need to graduate to get to university."

"You want to go to university?" I ask, surprised.

He reels on me, his voice sharp. "Did you think you were the only peer leader in the program, Justin? The only one with a high average?"

My face is flushed with embarrassment, I didn't know he was the other peer mentor. I'd assumed it was a girl. "No, I-"

"I'm actually really smart if you'd get over yourself for a minute to actually notice."

Shit, I've totally pissed him off. "I know you're smart. I just didn't know you wanted to go to school."

"OF COURSE I WANT TO GO TO FUCKING UNIVERSITY!" My eyes go wide and I take a step back, biting my lip. He takes a deep breath, then starts again, "I fucking hate where I live, but I can't go to my parents and if I leave foster care then I'm totally screwed."

"What do you mean?"

"The government will cover tuition and some living expenses as long as I'm a ward of the court until I'm 25 if I'm in school. Because I'm over 18, if I move out of foster care I lose those benefits and become a self-sufficient adult, instantly."

The magnitude of his situation hits me. "Shit."

"Yeah, shit. So when my roommate has a hard time following the rules, and there are a lot of rules, he gets really fucking angry. This morning we were on lockdown until he stopped breaking things. I'm pretty sure he won't be back."

"Are you allowed to stay away, like even for a night?" Maybe he could stay over just to get away for a little bit.

"Well, I am for this course, for our trips, but otherwise, no," Tom explains. "I mean it's not like I was allowed to do anything with my parents either, they were insanely strict, like church all day on the weekends, so I've never even been to a party."

"I can see why some of the people in your home might have a problem with that. I mean, I don't go out too much, but if I was out, my mom probably wouldn't even notice."

"Welcome to Foster Care. When your parents can't parent we'll send you to a prison. I had to give up my driver's licence because we aren't allowed to drive as wards of the court," he says, bitterly as he reaches into his pocket and pulls out some coins.

"But what if you got a job and bought one yourself?"

"Curfew is 7 pm to be in the building unless it's a school sanctioned activity." Tom puts some change in the machine and buys a pack of gum.

"I know my mom isn't the best parent, but holy shit, I wouldn't want to be in your place."

"Sadly, there are less rules and less beatings where I am now, even though I got a black eye."

"I'm sorry, Tom."

"Don't be." Tom shrugs then gives me a grin, "Don't think I didn't notice how good you look today, 95. Nice." He tosses me the pack of gum and wanders off, leaving me totally confused again.