11/21/2021

I do not want to do this.

...Felix says I have to introduce myself. This is pointless.

My name is Dr. Wybie Shrump. Considering absolutely nobody will ever be reading this except for me, I find this quite pointless. But I suppose I will give backstory anyway.

I am a defect. Deformed. Cursed with every disability and deformity known to the Scarabion race. When I was a hatchling, my sire decided it best to have me undergo medical experimentation for the better of the hive. A very long story short; I escaped, fled to earth, and met my husband, Felix.

My dumbass husband, reading this over my shoulder, who just fucking bit me. Why did he bite me.

I'm giving him the silent treatment for making me do this. Frankly I prefer my thoughts in my own head, exactly where I can control them. Not out on paper, where everyone can see if they come into my house. That's some mind reading shit. I prefer not to have that happen.

Which means that this book will be kept under lock and key in my bedside table where absolutely NOBODY can read it.

Which means if you're seeing this, just know that I am a serial killer, and you're next on my fucking list.

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No Felix, this does not include you. Snoopy bîtch.