"GOD OF DEATH!" W-wha?

Bang!

"Gods-damnit!" There was definitely gonna be a bruise there tomorrow. The God of Death's temple throbbed, as he swatted away the lamp, drooping over his head. He yawned, and stretched his bones, hear them satisfyingly crack, and pop, which could be expected when you fell asleep playing Xenoblade II, and of course 30,000 years of 'hard' work.

"Master of Decease, Herald of the End, The Only One the Dead Respond to, Emperor of Loss, Pres-" That unfortunately annoying drone of a voice could only belong to his factotum, Thanos.

"Thanos, shut up please, I said just call me Death! I sounds so much cooler than God of Death. Ok, imagine this..." The God of Death sidled up to his over-reactive, and hilariously serious familiar. He snapped his fingers (which he did have to say, he was getting really good at, which weas expected when you've got 28 thousand years to practice) and a thick haze, of a peppery substance settled around them, and crows flew from out of nowhere menacingly.

I've got to get that under control sometimes soon, I can't have myself snapping along to Rise, and have crows flying everywhere. The God of Death posted a mental note in his mind to practice that later, or even get a petition for that, surely a few Gods here and there would agree. He waited until the feathered fiends were gone.

"Ok Thanos, so imagine this... I'm trying to find my way into a club, and..."

"Why would you be inside a club in the first place? When the One Above All hears of this, they won't be content" He buried his head in his hands, Thanos really wasn't good ad imagining things was she?

"It's all hypothetical! Let me speak, so I'm going into a club, and so the guy's registering names, and then when he gets to me, what's he expected to say? He's going through names like Jerald, Edward, Hugo, then he gets to me and... well just look at the mirage."

Through the black haze, shapes started to form, it was like looking through water, the shapes fazed in and out, like a bad television. Eventually the shape of a bouncer appeared, and he filtered through names, with people going in, and out.

"Jerald. Edward. Hugo." Then he looked at his sheet of names and back again, at the God of Death, and slowly slurred out the words in a long and confused sentence. "Master of Decease, Herald of the End, The Only One the Dead Respond to, Emperor of Loss, God of-" He stopped the mirage there, and mist cleared.

"You see?! It'd be so much easier just to call me Death, and much cooler too"

"Wait..." Thanos raised her horns (she didn't have any eyebrows, so if she was sceptical, she'd raise his horns, or in his experience anyway) "You took all that time to explain to me to call you Death? You could've just said call me Death you know"

"I JUST TOLD YOU THAT 50 YEARS BACK!!!" His assistant just bowed her head, remembering back to 50 years ago.

"50 years ago you were still playing Super Mario Bros for a whole century"

"No I was not"

"You were, I can show you footage" The God of Death just let out an exasperated sigh, and gave up, knowing him, he probably was.

"No, no need Thanos, just get to the point, why are you here?" In all truth, he just wanted this over and done with, so that he could get back to Xenoblade II.

"Erm, well you see..." Uninterested in whatever babble Thanos was going to say next, He clicked open his Nintendo Switch controllers, and began to play. "The God of Mourning, said that he was getting an unprecedented number of tears, and wails, over the recent 3 Moon Cycles, and he believes that you may have caused some enchantment to do this"

"Well if he want's to speak to me... then get him"

"Yes God of Death I will" In a flash of light, the humanoid bull, reverted to an actual bull once more, and thundered down the hallway.

Finally Peace.

"Enough!" He announced to himself, as the deity's voice echoed around his marble room and he leapt from his seat.

"Time to do something active," The being propelled his spinning chair from the table, and rummaged through his collection of manga, looking for issue 168 of One Piece, when he was interrupted by his door being blown straight from its hinges.

"GOD OF DEATH!" He really hated how there was no concept of privacy in the underworld. That grumbling voice had the God of Death rolling his eyes at least 3 times, as he flicked through a chunk of the release to find where he was up to. It probably was nothing, the God of Mourning really should take up acting, he'd be perfect for the role, as a drama queen.

"The rates of grieving are rising exponentially, this is a crisis, never seen before, and not only that, but souls are returning to the Mid-Realm to haunt the living!"

"Mmmh, so? At least people are dying! That's a boom in business for us isn't it? If more people die, then we're doing well. And if they're mourning, then we should get a God of Counselling. LOL."

"No it's not! We are supposed to be nurturing and putting the souls of the dead to rest! It's your responsibility to guide the souls of the dead to the next life, and preside over them, giving them opportunit- Wait... what is that abomination?" The God of Mourning's beard drooped to the floor, as his jaw dropped looking over at the corner of his room.

"What? This?" the god navigated his way across Nintendo game cartridges, and manga, strewn in a hotch-potch way across the floor, to his monitor, happily whirring away in the corner. He'd stolen (he meant borrowed) it from a shop in Vegas, for a reasonable price (god's didn't have much money, surprisingly, and he spent all of what he had on Nintendo, anime and comics).

"Yes that! What else is out of place in this room?' The god paused for a bit, before rephrasing his question, 'What else here appears strange, and not from the realm of heaven? You see, this is what makes you different from the other gods, look at the God of Life! Such a studious boy, always putting human lives before his, and you... what are you doing while he's out there improving lives? Slacking off!"

"Umm... first of all, he's immortal, it's in his name. 'God' of Life. Duh, so he can risk his life as much as he wants. And second of all! I'm not 'slacking off'! I made this." He beckoned the grumbly grandfather-like god over, and framed the monitor excitedly.

For a few seconds, the god just scrunched up his unusually long eyebrows, and beard in confusion.

"What in the name of the One Above All?..." was all he could manage, with enough distaste for it to be detected in his voice.

"It's fully computerised! See here? Erm... Tom Fredrick Hallaway just died and in any second, Thanos should come to his rescue, and take him back to the kingdom. And..." A green tick appeared next to the name, and sure enough Thanos clopped past, with a spectre on his back. The God of Death clicked on the next tab, and a number steadily rose.

"The Goddess of Bulls, is your mast-bearer, and assistant, your representative if you will. Her name is Thanatos, and has been serving since the One Above All created humans." The God of Death just stuck out his tongue at him. Remaining adamant about calling his assistant Thanos. What was not to like about the name anyway?

"Pfft. Not much of a representative if they're a minor deity," before Mourning could go on to tirade about respecting your assistant god, or in his case, a goddess, the God of Death cut him off.

"And here is the death count for this year is... 40,266,839! No, now it's 40,266,840" The god was very proud of his creation, not only did it give him time to watch anime, or burn up the Underworld's snack sources, among the few things that he did like to do, but also gave him a pretty clean record. Where the goddess of Order and Justice as always scolded for never setting things right... his job, was just one click away.

"Yes, yes, I can see what it is but how did you get it?!"

"Well, it started with Vegas, when I stole-"

"You did what?!"

"I meant borrowed!" He would give the monitor back... eventually... when it was broken and not good for use anymore... But he was still giving it back wasn't he?!

"Then I just put some magic into it"

"As long as it works, and I'm not going to be branded the idiot that created the greatest meltdown of the underworld."

"Hey! It's a genius idea, your just jealous that you computing skills aren't as good as mine"

The God of Mourning decided to change the subject, it was no use arguing with the hopeless case that Death was.

"Humans are becoming more and more rebellious, it's your job as the head of the Department of Affairs Relating to Loss, to fix this. Their free will is growing, and they're accepting less and less of our help, we must keep their faith."

"B.O.R.I.N.G. Just get the One Above All to do a cool thunderstorm thing again, and be like 'hey, listen up, I'm still here, so believe in gods' then we're fine, they'll listen, because their scared of Death... well not me, I'm a pretty chill guy, but I mean the other death, like actual death... And if they don't listen, and get a Bad Ending. Oh well, not my fault."

Mourning snorted, before plastering a face of aghast, "How could you disrespect the holy divinity like that? The Divine one cannot just sprout off shows of power like that, there must be a moderation, if they did, then our very existence would be unneeded of."

"Good, then I could watch as much anime as I wanted" Mourning's jaw just opened and closed, as if wanting to let out a torrent of bad words, but thinking the better of it every time. Eventually, he just repaired and slammed the door, fed up with the conversation itself.

Death didn't flinch, he was so used to this now, the other gods were just so boring, what'd they expect him to do, just help the dead people get used to life? Couldn't they do that on their own, it wasn't that hard, just like life in the Mid-Realm, except everything was a lot darker, and without many rules, apart from the fact that people had to wear Halloween costumes instead of common robes they would to a formal meeting in heaven. Often, he did like to exercise some power over the realm.

Honestly, his job, as interesting as being a God, (and one that presided over one of the most important things, like Death) sounded, he desperately needed some drama and excitement. As he stayed for a bit longer, watching numbers climb up, a little notification popped up on the top right of the screen, with a cute little ding.

He rolled up his sleeves, finally, something potentially interesting. He clicked the icon, hopefully it wasn't a system error, and sure enough it wasn't, but he just rolled his eyes when he saw it. It was just another complaint to him. Obviously, this guy was having a rough time, he wanted to kill himself. His want for death was at a ten. Yikes. This one would just be a simple fix.

He grabbed his mouse, and clicked on the bar, that was currently on a ten. He punched some digits in, changing the poor guy's suicidal-ness (was that even a word?) to 1. Surely that should work. He turned around again, when the machine started blaring praying for his attention, he saw that nothing had happened. Surely the system wasn't broken, it'd worked for nearly 10 000 years now. What was wrong with this human?

The God of Death clicked his profile, contacting things like gender, orientation, past, backgrounds, connections, wants etc. But upon seeing a capitalized 5 letter word, he shut his eye's, to reset his vison, maybe he was seeing things. But when they re-opened, the words were still bright, orange and flashing: ERROR. He'd have to fix this one manually, like the good old days. 

Random Question of the Chapter (sorry for re-using questions from Dyarkness): 

What's your favourite song?

MA: Demons by Imagine Dragons