When Anti finally woke up again, he looked out his window. It was getting dark out so he assumed it was probably around the time for dinner. 

He wasn't sure he wanted to go downstairs yet, though. He didn't want to hear everyone's thoughts at once. He was sort of . . . . afraid of it all. He'd never admit it but he always respected all of them. 

How they were all always so positive and chipper all the time. Chase was the exception but he still always tried his best. Anti always liked him the best. Had he mentioned that already?

Anti contemplated going down for dinner, smelling the delicious aroma in the air crawling up the stairs. It tempted him but his fears and doubts prevented him from moving off his bed.

Instead, he held his pillow in his arms, holding it to his chest and laying his chin on it.

'Maybe I should wait until tomorrow again to talk to Jackie and Chase. Sean's supposed to visit tomorrow, too, if I remember right. Four days until Christmas by tomorrow I think. I don't have a lot of time for shopping then but . . . '

Anti was having a hard time deciding on whether he should even bother after everything he heard earlier that day. Marvin, Jameson and Henrik seem to have angry thoughts about him after all this time but  . . . what's important is that they TRY to seem nice, right?

He didn't want to face the truth that their relationships were all based on a lie.

He heard them all laughing and talking together. The Christmas music was on but for some reason it was quieter. Maybe Henrik and Marvin had said something to the others? Did they really buy that crap Anti told them this morning?

At least they were trying, right?

Wasn't that all that mattered?

Thinking about it way too much, Anti drifted off to sleep again, clinging onto his pillow tightly. It had been a long and stressful day.

At some point a little later that night, Henrik had come up by his room. He had knocked on the door but didn't get an answer so he assumed Anti had fallen asleep. Maybe he was even more tired than they thought?

But Anti hadn't even realized he left the ear-piece on and in his drowsed sleep-state, he could hear Henrik's thoughts on the other side of the door.

'Perhaps he's sick'

"Anti, are you awake? Feeling alright?"

No answer.

'Maybe he'll just die in his sleep.'

Anti felt a tear run down his cheek and he clung tighter to his sheets. Maybe what he heard was just a part of his nightmare?

"Are you asleep? You missed dinner and I came up to check on you. I know you hate zhis time of year but you can't deny zhe food is very good. You hungry? I can leave a plate at your door if you vish"

Anti was already dowsing again, though, not quite hearing the doctor.

'Vish Sean never created you.'

"I'll leave a plate in zhe fridge and write a note on your door to let you know just in case you ARE asleep. Sleep vell."

'Sleep to your death, little glitch'

.

.

.

Anti startled himself awake.

He snapped up in his bed with his heart pounding. He couldn't help but grab at his chest and he felt his teeth scrape against each other, his glitching almost out of control.

He knew his blood pressure was up from the way he was shaking and snapping in and out of reality but he was having a hard time calming himself down.

He remembered something Chase had said a long time ago, though.

'Everything will be alright. It's not your fault'

But what if that, too, was a lie!?

'Everything will be alright. You're here now'

But what was the point of being here when so many people still hated him?!

'I'm here for you'

Clutching the sheets, Anti slowly felt his heart settle down. 

He always imagined Chase repeating those words to him.

No one was ever like him. He could be a snarky prick himself but maybe that, too, was why he liked him.

Finally out of his manic state, Anti swallowed, trying to moisten his dry throat.

Popping his neck and knuckles, the glitch rolled out of bed. For a moment, he overestimated himself and his legs gave out but after a moment of readjusting, he was back on his feet.

'I must've stayed in bed for too long yesterday. I DO sort of feel better though. Maybe that was just what I needed. Maybe yesterday WAS just a fluke. I should try again today. I have to remember that I'm doing this for a reason. I'm trying to think of presents for the idiots!'

Getting ready for the day, Anti showered and dressed up in his usual black clothes and ruffled up his hair just right, smirking as a little static zapped at his fingers.

'Today will be a better day. I have to keep thinking that way. Try and get in their Christmas spirit. Everything will get better the closer Christmas comes around, right? That's just how that works or so I've seen in those stupid movies'

Opening his door, though, Anti heard the little flicker of a piece of paper and noticed the note that was stuck on his door.

Reading it, he recognized Henrik's handwriting, 'I guess. . . ..  last night wasn't a nightmare'

Reaching up self-consciously, he felt the ear-piece that was still in his ear, covered by his hair. 

Shaking his head, Anti took the note off his door and walked off downstairs to the kitchen. Just thinking of food was getting him hungry. It made him realize he HADN'T eaten anything yesterday for lunch OR dinner!

'No wonder it feels like my stomach's trying to eat itself!'

Entering the kitchen, he found he was the first one down there but he thought of something.

Since he was the first one awake and he was trying to be a bit nicer this year for them . . .

Anti glanced at the dreaded coffee machine. He had never worked it before but it couldn't be that hard to figure out, right?

After a lot of tinkering and fooling around, Anti finally figured it out. It wasn't as hard as he thought it'd be but it WAS a bit of a challenge. As the coffee was dripping into the pot, he got out the syrups and creamers so they'd be ready for everyone. Well, mostly everyone.

Chase and Jameson preferred tea. 

Only Sean knew Anti's secret preferred beverage. An iced caramel frappuccino with LOTS of caramel syrup. No one had ever seen him drink one before, though because no one ever liked him going out on his own and honestly . .. he was too embarrassed to get one in front of the others. It was such a childish drink full of sugar and caffeine for the morning but he couldn't help it. Every once in a while, he HAD to indulge himself in the secret heaven. 

It was a secret between him and Sean that the creator would sneak him one every time he came to visit so that was one reason Anti was excited for Sean to visit them today.

Not there weren't other reasons but that was the main one.

Not that Sean would actually sit down and talk with him. It was more of a drive-by and quick check-up if anything but Anti had never minded before.

Had that changed now? Did he actually want to spend time with them all now?

'The hell smells so good?'

Anti flinched at the sudden voice, almost forgetting that the ear-piece was on.

He turned to see Marvin and Henrik walking in.

The magician stilled when seeing him but Anti acknowledged him first, "Hey Marv. . . . Hen"

"Anti. You're up early again" Marvin smiled a little, "You feel better today? You didn't come down for dinner last night"

"I . . . didn't eat lunch yesterday either"

"VHAT?!" Henrik shouted, clearly appalled, "You imbecile! You should at least have two meals a day! Vhat is wrong vith you!?"

Anti smirked, "A lot"

"Got that right!" Marvin laughed but his nose directed him to the coffee machine, "Oh, I see the coffee's on. Was that you, Anti? Thought you didn't like coffee?"

The glitch shrugged, "I was up and I figured you guys would be soon. Might as well start it up, I guess." he faced the fridge again to open it and search for food when he heard one of their thoughts again.

'Don't really want any if HE made it. Might have poisoned it or made it wrong'

Anti's heart cracked just a little but he was strong, pretending it didn't bother him. For all they knew, he couldn't hear them.

"I don't know if I did a good job or not, though. Never worked that thing before"

He heard Henrik step over to the machine and pour him a glass. If anyone was desperate enough to try it, it'd be him. Man needed his coffee, after all, even if it WAS poisoned.

The doctor sipped on it and nodded, "Tis fine. At least you did not break zhe machine. ZHEN we vould have a problem!"

Anti chuckled humorlessly, "Y-yeah . .. I guess"

'I'm not drinking it. I'll just have tea. Why's he being so weird this morning? He's even weirder today than yesterday'

Anti ignored it and looked through the fridge.

Henrik coughed a little, "I have a plate of food for you in zhe fridge if you want. Dinner from last night"

"I don't think Anti would want pasta for breakfast, Hen. That's pretty weird. Something more that Jackie would do, actually"

"It's fine" Anti took out the plate of food. He'd eat anything right now and at the moment, the spaghetti looked pretty damn yummy.

Taking his time to heat it up, he listened to Marvin and Henrik's conversation but tried not to be creepy about it.

Sensing his growing awkwardness though, he HAD to say something soon.

Hearing an opening, Anti spoke up, "So. . . . . Christmas is coming up"

Marvin and Henrik stared at him.

Marvin nodded, "Yup. It is, man. You feeling better today, though? You said something about the Christmas music and lights bothering you?"

"Ah yes! You said zhat to me as vell! Did zhe Tylenol work?"

Anti shrugged, "I'm fine. . . . It'll be over soon. I uh . . . I guess I just don't understand this holiday very well is all. Maybe it's because it's just so confusing is why I'm getting all stressed out about it"

"Stressed?"

Henrik hummed but didn't pry on Anti but Marvin was all too comfortable with it, "It's about family, of course! Spending time together and having fun! Telling each other how much we mean to one another in every way possible!"

Anti was a bit floored, honestly.

He had never heard an explanation like that before.

"Oh . . .I uh-"

'Ding! Ding! Ding!'

He glitched, hearing the microwave go off and he removed his pasta, 'It's that kind of bullshit then, huh? I guess I hadn't thought about it like that'

'Don't know why we always get HIM anything, though. Not like HE ever wants to spend time with us'

Anti knew they were right. Of course that might be the reason they got him the same lame gift every year.

A knife. So original.

An yet he hadn't used a knife in so long. Only when he loses control.

The smartest thing to do then, would be to take AWAY the knives and give him something else that wouldn't bite them in the ass and hurt them later.

Anti slurped up the pasta, forking it down as he thought about those dark things.

It's not like he liked hurting people. He just could never control it when he got angry enough. 

One of Sean's many traits he had given him.

The worst one.

'Wish he'd leave. He's so fucking awkward. I wanted to talk to Henrik about something but I can't in front of HIM'

'He should just go somewhere else. Listening in on our conversations. So rude'

Quickly finishing the spaghetti, though, Anti put the plate in the sink wiped his face off with a paper towel.

"I'm uh . . I'm gonna go see where Jackie is. He's usually in the garage at this point, right?'

Henrik nodded his head, "Vorks out before eating breakfast. Always so healthy in zhe morning. He'll probably drink a cup of coffee afterwards"

Anti nodded, "I'm gonna go talk to him about . . . something. See you guys later"

'LEAVE! LeAve! LEAve! leave! lEaVE!'

The conjoined thoughts shouted into his head, piercing him. He heard it over and over until he was finally out of range.

'Well . .. . I guess that wasn't as bad as yesterday.' He tried to think positively, 'But they really do hate me, it seems. I never thought I'd be on their bad side so hard'

He let his feet walk him along though until he was in front of the garage door, 'But Jackie's always so positive, right? He's practically Mr. Positive. His whole hero persona is based on PMA. He doesn't hate me, right? I know I can probably be annoying sometimes to him but would Jackie really hate me?'

He swallowed down his doubts, 'Guess I'll just have to find out'

Gently, Anti knocked on the door and slowly let himself in.

Immediately, the smell of clean air mixed with sweat and rubber filled his nostrils. He looked around the garage until he spotted the Septic on the other side of the room lifting weights.

Sensing his presence, Jackie motioned to him, "Sup, prick"

Anti snickered, "Sup, asshole?"

"What you doing in here? You never come in here for anything" Jackie wasn't wrong. 

Anti was never the 'working out' type of guy. He preferred  speed and power over brute strength. That where Jackie won over him, though. Jackie could easily take him down with strength and speed. And  he was just getting stronger every day. Anti knew that if he ever happened to go too far, Jackie could kill him in an instant.

Any one of them, could, actually.

The thought burned in his head but he refused to let it overwhelm him.

"I don't know . . just felt like paying you a little visit is all, I guess"

"Oh really?" Jackie snorted, "Oh, well I'm so honored!" 

A confident look in his eyes, Jackie lifted several hundreds of pounds on each arm. They were just arm crunches but damn, were they intimidating.

Along with the look in his eyes.

"Um. . . " Anti felt out of place, "You think I could join ya?"

Now this surprised the hero, but he was neve one to refuse anyone if they wanted to help themselves, "Sure. Go right on ahead, Mr. Grumpy"

Anti glared at him, "Shut it"

"What? You WERE pretty pissy the other day, you know. What's your beef anyway with Christmas, huh?" the hero switched to putting down the dumbbells and walked over to his weight-lifting bench.

Anti rolled his eyes, just happy he hadn't heard Jackie's thoughts yet. Or else he was just speaking his thoughts on the fly. Could it be that Jackie didn't actually despise him?

"I don't hate Christmas. There's no beef. I just don't really understand it is all. Marvin kind of explained it better, though this morning"

"Really? What do you think about it? What was Marv's explanation?"

Anti shrugged, "I don't know. Something about family and friends and spending time together or whatever"

Jackie snorted, "Pretty much the gist. Hey come over here, yeah? Be my spotter?"

"Yeah, whatever" Anti stood over him as he laid his back on the bench and started to lift.

Not that there was a lot Anti could do to help him if he lost grip of the bar. The weights were FAR more than what he could handle. Jackie would have better luck renting a circus elephant as his spotter.

And as Anti watched Jackie lift the bar, the intimidation just got worse and worse. He noticed his shirt was off, revealing his muscles and scars and Anti couldn't help but to remember all the fights they had gotten in before. The scars he had helped put on him.

'One move and he could kill me' he thought to himself, 'Why am I here, again?'

He seemed to lift thousands of pounds with ease by himself.

'He's gotten far stronger than before. It's been a while since the last time we fought. Is he just getting ready just in case?'

He wouldn't blame him but then again. . . . he just so happened to notice the sinister look in Jackie's eyes as he stared up at him.

Then the ear piece worked its magic.

'Son of a bitch. I'll fucking kill him one day.  I'll rip out his fucking spine from his back. I'll crush his skull with my bare hands and watch as his last breathe is drawn. Fucking freak'

This was something Anti should have expected.

Although, not exactly so violent.

Then again, Jackie WAS pumped up with adrenaline and in the middle of lifting thousands of pounds with his arms.

With his past enemy above him.

Anti didn't blame him but he couldn't help feeling terrified in that moment.

Putting the bar back up on the rest, Jackie sat up and stretched a bit with a grin on his face, "Thanks, man. Say what's got you so worked up, huh?"

Anti tried to think of anything to say but his eyes were drawn to the picture of himself on a wall  covered with knife holes, a couple knives still stuck in them.

Jackie followed his gaze and hissed, "Oh . . .. sorry about that. I meant to take that down a long time ago but I mean. . . well you're such a good influence for me working out, you know!? But if it bothers you too much, I can take it down"

'I love to imagine it's really you. Stabbing knife into your eye socket, watching you cry and bleed out. Fuck, I want to tear you apart! Why did Chase want to protect you so fucking bad?! This is all his doing! But he just HAD to feel so bad for you. Piece of trash, you're lucky Chase vouched for you so hard'

That was something he never knew.

What did he mean by that?

'Thought Sean was the one to give me the chance here? Was it really Chase? Did he actually like me? It  seems Jackie still has it out for me. There's no talking to him like this. I can't bear his thoughts.'

"Anti?"

"Huh?" he forgot Jackie had asked him a question but he remembered, "Oh. . . no, it's fine. I understand. You can keep it up if you want. I know I was pretty terrible back in the day"

Jackie belted out a laugh, "Pretty terrible!? Dude, you were a fucking disaster! But that's what makes you, you, huh?" he grinned at him so positively.

You'd never know he was thinking such horrendous thoughts.

'Little bitch if he doesn't get out of my space soon, I'm gonna lose it and make this look like an accident.'

"Yeah . . . . . I'm gonna go now"

Jackie suddenly looked confused, "Huh? But why? You just came in here!"

'No, stay so I can make an excuse. They won't care anyway'

"It's just . . . I got things to do. I'll see you later, huh?"

Jackie nodded, "I guess, man. If you wanna talk again, just let me know, hm? I'm a good listener! And. ..  we never get to talk really. Just the two of us. We should have another chat some time and get to know each other more, huh?"

Anti preferred the hero's words out-loud and nodded, "Yeah. That'd be great"

'Be great if you didn't fantasize about killing me, too'

'Why go now?' Jackie thought, 'We could get to know each other VERY well. You said so yourself so long ago that the best way to get to know someone was through torture. Anybody would spill anything about themselves that way. I could have so much fun torturing you . . . . .'

Anti had to get out and he had to get out now. Those thoughts backed up with such an intense stare was really freaking him out.

That was when he knew.

Marvin and Henrik never had a bad day. Neither had Jameson yesterday.

Backed up with Jackie's thoughts and expressions, his thoughts had to be real.

He knew that look all too well and it shook him to his core.

"B-bye!" Anti bolted out the door running, leaving Jackie to watch in suspicion at his sudden panic.

Jackie looked over to Anti's picture on the wall covered in holes and scratches from knives and bullets, punched holes around it.

'He's sure acting funny today. Never seen him so jumpy before'

.

.

.

Anti ran out of the garage and slammed the door behind him, starting to breathe rapidly. Jackie's thoughts sent waves of fear through him.

He couldn't bare to be around Jackie alone after that. He would never be able to handle it.

Really, he didn't know how much more he could take at all.

This was all so much for him.

Could he ever stay there with any of them knowing how they all really felt about him?

All of this happening because he was just trying to figure out a present for each of them.

None of it was worth it anymore. He couldn't do that. Not in good conscious. Not this year.

But there were just two more people he had to hear from.

He knew it was risky for his fragile emotional state at the moment but he HAD to know. He couldn't just go on without knowing at this point. If he was going to listen to their thoughts, he might as well listen in to ALL of them.

'Chase could never be mean, though. He likes me, right?'

Anti thought back to all the times they bickered and made each other upset. He had doubts but all of that didn't mean Chase hated him.

Jackie even thought himself that it was Chase that had vouched for him! That had to count for something, right?

He knew Chase wouldn't be in the kitchen yet. It was still sort of early. And Sean wouldn't be there until later that day in the late afternoon.

Taking the risk, though, Anti glitched fast up the stairs and in front of Chase's room. He quietly listened on the inside and could hear moving around. 

'So he's awake but is it a wise idea to bother him in his own room? I really need to talk with him, though. I need to know. I have to hear it myself. If there's at least ONE person that doesn't hate me here! I have to take that chance! I have to hear it! I need it!'

He begged in his mind for it. He didn't realize how BADLY he needed it.

'Please don't hate me', he thought to himself. He didn't know if he could bare it otherwise, 'You've been there for me for a reason, right? It means you care. . . . . right?'

Anti slowly built up the courage to knock on Chase's door, tapping on it just loud enough to hear on the other side.

'Please don't hate me, too'