Last Edited: June 19, 2019

Hope

"Ow." I yelped in pain, yanking my face away from Wheeljack. His holoform was on, as was the autopilot for the Jackhammer. I couldn't bring myself to go back to base yet. I hated it when the attention was on me, and I knew Ratchet would probably blow a fuse and ask a million questions on how I managed to injure myself yet again.

"It wouldn't hurt if you stopped moving." Jackie stated simply before wiping off the blood that was dripping down my face. I pouted as he finished placing another band-aid down above my eye.

"I'm not moving!" I argued. As I spoke, my head bobbed back and forth, making Jackie grab the top of my tender head. Everything hurt. "Ow!" I complained again.

"I said hold still." Jackie shrugged as he finished wiping some blood away and giving a satisfied smile.

"There." With that, his holoform disappeared, and his true body began moving, clicking some buttons on the controls before sighing and glancing back over to me.

"You okay?" he questioned. Probably the tenth time he had asked.

"Yes." The tenth time I had answered. Jackie paused before sighing again.

"I'm sorry. I should have been there." There he went again, beating himself up. It was probably the millionth time he'd said sorry.

"Wheeljack, I'm fine!" I assured him as I opened the bag that held my food inside. All this had happened and I still hadn't eaten. Wheeljack simply watched me as I took a few bites of my meal. "Mmm! This is so good!" I laughed softly before leaning back in the seat I was practically lying down in. Wheeljack said nothing.

A few minutes passed, and I stared outside, watching the clouds fly by. I wanted to fly so bad, but I knew my body would hurt like heck. I could almost hear Ratchets speech about waiting for your body to heal before doing something reckless. Sighing, I fidgeted with my hands after I was done eating.

Macen had come back for me. Would he come back again? It seemed he would do anything for money. And what about the Decepticons? They hadn't shown up at all since the last time I had been kidnapped, but who was to say they wouldn't try again?

Life was meant to be lived to the fullest, and enjoyed to no extent. All my life, I have only experienced the gift of flying. Literally the only thing that brought me happiness, other than my brother, who was dead. Thinking of Ryan made my eyes water, and I wiped off a few tears, hoping Wheeljack wouldn't notice.

But he did, and he raised an eyebrow before holding out his hand to me. Slowly standing up, I made sure I tucked in my wings, which had been carelessly laying limp at my sides, before climbing on. Taking hold of one of Jackie's fingers, I balanced myself as he raised me up to his face.

"You sure you're okay?"

I wanted to answer him like I had been for the past half an hour, but I sighed, looking down at my feet. Was I okay? I shrugged, and Wheeljack gave me an uncertain look before leaning back in his chair, his hand still held up to his face. It was sad how I still had to look up in order to look him in the eye.

"I know something has been bothering you. Before that flesh-bag came." he quickly added the last part before I could open my mouth to answer, yet again, that I was just sore from the attack.

"I want to be there for you when somethings bothering you," Jackie said, looking down at me. "Keeping your feelings all bottled up inside is not healthy for you." I looked away from him and bit my lip.

"I'm not keeping my feelings bottled up inside," I muttered. Wheeljack huffed, using his other hand to rub the back of his head.

"I doubt that. You are quiet and shy around nearly everyone. Even me. Keeping a secret is easy for you. You need to tell someone when something is bothering you."

I didn't answer, and kept my gaze with the random items sitting around me. Which were few. The first aid kit Wheeljack had used on me. The metal box behind Wheeljack that, I learned, held dozens of small hand grenades. When I had asked why he never brought them with him, Wheeljack had explained to me that he only 'carried one at a time.'

"So are you going to tell me what's bothering you?"

I groaned, getting frustrated. "Nothing is bothering me."

"Really? Because I found the picture that was lying in your box. I know I shouldn't have been looking, but I was a bit worried about you. Is that what you're sad about? Who's the sparkling in the picture?"

I froze before slowly turning to him. "Y-you got in my box? Who gave you permission to look?" I whispered, looking him dead in the eyes. "Why does everyone have to know everything about me? I just want to be left alone!" I yelled.

"I'm tired of everyone coming back to me and reminding me of how messed up my life is! I'm tired of being different! I don't want anything to do with the Decepticons or Macen! I want a normal life, with a normal family! And I'm tired of everyone worrying about me! I've managed to keep to myself all this time, and now I have people and bots like you who can't understand the meaning of secrecy! Or the fact that, maybe I don't want to talk about how sucky my life is! I don't want to be constantly reminded that I'm not normal, and that bad people are after me, or the fact that my brother is dead! I want my family back!"

I was practically screaming, and when I spit out the last few words I immediately slapped a hand over my mouth. I just yelled. God, I'm not allowed to yell. That's against the rules. He said he's punish me if I yelled or defied him in any way, and I just did.

My breaths became labored as I grabbed my head, trying to process what I had just done. I yelled at Macen. I yelled at Macen. Everything around me went in a blur as I shook my head. What an idiot I am!

*beginning of flashback*

"I'm tired of you. You never do what I ask, and nothing I do to you ever helps!" Macen backhanded me and I grunted as my body slammed against the wall. "Nothing I ever do helps discipline you! If you don't start listening-" he grabbed me by the hair and started repeatedly slamming my head against the wall.

"Hupe?" Ryan stumbled into the room, holding his teddy bear and rubbing an eye sleepily. He had his head cocked to one side, listening to what was going on. He couldn't see Macen standing over me, death in his eyes. I shook my head, trying to comprehend what was happening around me, while Macen simply grunted, turning around and facing my little brother.

"Why aren't you in bed, brat?" he sneered. I groaned and began to stand up. Macen forced me back down, but I stood again. "There you go again, not listening to me! I should-" he stopped talking, slowly turning towards Ryan.

A sinister grin came upon his face. "I'll make you listen to me." He muttered, unbuckling his belt and cracking it as he took another step towards Ryan, who was clutching his teddy bear.

"Hupe?" he whimpered. Immediately, as Macen stood over the boy, raising the belt, I lunged at his back, wrapping my hands around his head and clawing at his face.

"Run, Ryan! GO!" I screamed. My little brother let out a cry and turned, teddy in hand, running in the opposite direction. He was feeling along the wall, as he always did when he was finding his way around. "Out the front door! Go, Ryan!"

I was suddenly flipped oven Macens shoulder and slammed into the ground.

"Never yell at me or attack me! I will kill you the next time you do!" Macen grunted one last time before slamming his boot into my face.

The next morning, when I had woken up, I was sore, and I glanced around to find dry blood on me. Macen was sitting on the couch, watching Tv. I groaned, and he turned his head, a grin on his face. I went pale, suddenly alert and looking for the little body of Ryan. Listening for his giggling.

Everything was silent.

"Now you know what will happen to you if you don't listen to me." Macen smiled. "The brat is dead. Ran right into me. Right into his death." he snickered, twirling a gun around his finger. "If only you had listened, you could have saved him."

He couldn't be dead. Not my Ryan.

"Monster!" I screamed. Macen's face turned dark, and he stood slowly, making his way over to me. I was screaming useless insults at him while attempting to stand. To find my baby brother. He was lying, he had to be. Macen scowled at me, grabbing me by my hair and yanking me up to his eye level.

"The brat is dead, because of you. You listen to me, unless you want me to do the same to you. Now-" he lifted his belt, which had been hanging in his hand. Waiting. As if it knew it would need to be used. Macen sure knew he would use it. He hit me with it, over and over until I felt numb.

"Never yell at me. Never disobey me." He kept screaming. It was in that moment, curled up on the floor, sobbing my eyes out, that I knew he was serious. Ryan was dead. I had no purpose in life. And I would always obey Macen, whether I liked it or not. Because he had complete control over my life.

My pitiful, useless life that had no meaning without Ryan.

*end of flashback*

A calming voice finally brought me back. Jacks holoform was sitting next to me, one arm wrapped around my shoulder. I flinched, remembering how I yelled at him. Guilt came over me. He was only trying to be a good friend. And I just yelled at him.

But Jackie merely cocked his head and smiled at me. "See? Doesn't it feel better when you let it all out?" he asked soothingly. I sniffled, my breathing finally coming back to normal. I had a panic attack, I realized.

And I hated to admit it, but as I sat here, staring at Wheeljack, I felt like a large weight was lifted off my chest. Wheeljack had listened to me, and he still was, after he had been yelled. I made a weak smile, snuggling into his arm.

"Do you still have it?" I asked him. "T-the photo of Ryan."

Without hesitation, he dug into his back pocket and pulled the picture out. With shaky hands, I took the photo, and stared at it silently.

"I-I'm sorry I yelled at you. You're right, though. It feels good to get that off my chest. It's just... I miss him a lot, and I hate to think about him. But at the same time, I feel guilty for not thinking about him. I guess I just feel weak for not being able to handle his memory."

Wheeljack's holoform disappeared, and his hand gently picked me up. "Kid," he snorted, "you are probably the strongest human I know." His eyes softened as he looked at me. "The last thing I think of when I see you, is weak."

"Thanks Wheeljack," I hugged his finger, my eyes trained on Ryan's picture. "You're a pain in the aft sometimes, but you helped a lot today. Thanks for saving me and such." I sighed, sitting down in his hand. Wheeljack let out a loud laugh.

"Ask Bulkhead. Being a pain in the aft is my specialty."

I yawned, leaning my head back against his finger as I suddenly felt the days events land on top of me. I was exhausted. Yawning again, I closed my eyes and let myself drift off into sleep.