"Tulala ka na naman dyan. Dark clouds shrouding over you again?"

"No... I got an e-mail from James. He's getting married." I turned to Trey.

"I know. He sent me an invitation. He's getting married to a girl named Irish. Do you know her?"

"Yeah. She's... Was Robi's fiancé." I sighed at the thought of how ironic it was.

"So... are you going? I mean, you and James are best friends and you've been away from them for ages now. Don't you think it's about time you go back and face every one?"

I thought about what Trey said. Am I ready to go back already? Everything's fine between Robi and the guys. He's back in the band now. Making hits after hits. Still, he's singing my song. He took my title. He's now known as 'the man who can't be moved'.

"What about you? Don't you think it's about time you tell them about Angelika? It's been a year now. They're your friends too, Trey. Kung hindi pa kita pinuntahan dito sa New York, hindi ko malalaman na wala na..."

"Ian, please... I know it's been a year already and I've accepted that she's gone. But my heart is still hurting every time I hear that given fact. Time doesn't really heal all wounds. You just get used to it. I'll live... Trust me." He gave me an assuring smile.

Trey turned on the TV. Life really has its ways of showing you how ironic the universe is, 'coz as soon as Trey turned on the TV, it was Robi's face on close up- singing 'The Man Who Can't be Moved' yet again.

"Don't you think that fate is trying to tell you something?" Trey asked me as if trying to shoot some sense in my head.

"Whatever fate has to say, I'm not interested." I stood up.

"You still haven't answered my question." Trey stood up as well.

"I did. I said I'm not interested."

"No. You still haven't answered my question about going to James' wedding. It's James' special day. Decide because of James and not because of Robi. Besides, you and Robi still live in the same planet. Not unless you move to another planet, the chances of you and Robi meeting again will never be scored to zero."

"Haiii... Sana naging alien na lang talaga ako para isang tawag lang sa planeta namin darating na yung mother ship para ilayo ako dito."

"Wag naman. Ikaw na nga lang nasasabihan ko tungkol sa pagiging miserable ko, tapos balak mo pa mangibang planeta. Tinalikuran mo lahat-lahat ng meron ka just to escape from Robi. Fame. Friends. Alam mo Ian, sooner or later, you'll have to go back and face the chances of you and Robi bumping into eachother. It's inevitable."

"I know..."

"Yun naman pala eh. So why not do it on James' wedding?"

"Trey..." I sighed. I wanted to beg him not to make me go back.

"Ian. You're very important to James. Everyone in the band knows that. He always took care of you, watched over you, and supported you. It's time that you return that favor."

Typical Trey- always knowing the right words to say to persuade us into doing something that we don't feel like doing.

"I'll do it if you go with me to the wedding and tell them about what happened to you... I can't do this without you Trey. James is getting married and he was the one who always held my hand and handed me tissues every time my dam of tears is cracking. James always knew how to make me feel better. Now that he's getting married, he can't do that anymore. Meron na syang Irish ngayon eh. Meron na syang Irish forever."

"Selos ka naman?" Trey joked.

"No... I'm happy for James. Really. Maxcardo deserves a love na sa kanya lang- yung walang kaagaw. Yung sya ang first choice.  Who would've thought they would end up together. Yung dalawang taong nasaktan namin ni Robi, happy in each other's arms. Ang kulit ng mundo diba?"

"Ganyan ka na ba mag-express ng happiness? Para kang iiyak eh."

"Kasi naman... Lahat kayo kinasal na. Angelika may be in heaven already, but still, you were married to her. Your soul bonded with hers in the eye of the heavens. All of you reached your happily ever afters na. Eh ako? Still the bride's maid sa wedding ng banda."

"Then go to James' wedding. Walang best man si James kasi babae yung pinili nya. You're James best girl. Iba na yung role mo. Hindi ka na bride's maid."

"Feeling mo naman nakakatawa ka?" I smirked.

"It's true. Ikaw ang pinili nya. Read the invitation." Trey handed me the invite. "I'm going out for a walk. Iwan muna kita dito. Marami na kong stock ng gummy bears dyan, ubusin mo kung gusto mo."

"Yey! Thanks Trey..."

"And, correction. Not all of us reached our happily ever afters. Wala pa ring happily ever after si Robi. He can't have his happily ever after without you..." Trey smiled and left me speechless.

I didn't know what to say. If Robi's happily ever after depended on me, will I give it to him? I don't think I can. It's too painful... I don't think I can look at him and not feel all the pain he caused me rushing through my soul. I don't want to feel that pain ever again. This pain and huge hole in my heart is enough already. If another surge of pain and emptiness comes, it will be the death of my heart and my soul- and I don't feel like dying yet. I haven't seen the whole world yet, so dying is not an option.

After the nationwide tour with the band a year ago, I left. I left without telling anyone where I was going. I wanted to be alone I wanted to isolate myself from everyone who's protecting me. I felt like the more they protected me, the more I can't manage the pain. After the concert in Palawan, I took the first flight to Australia. I went home to my family. I missed them so much. I've passed up on spending years with my family because I chose to wait for Robi. Every time I thought about the things I've given up for Robi, the more I feel like I didn't know myself apart from him. I don't know who I am without him in my life. I did certain things because of Robi. I learned drums because he taught me. I love playing the drums because he loves it too. I'm a part of Neon because of him. I learned how to love because of him. I've hurt Irish and my bestfriend because of him. I left my life because of him. I threw my caution to the wind because of him. And now, I'm all confused because of him. After a year of trying to heal myself and living with the pain, I'm still here... Still trying... Still hurting... Still dying...

What if self exile is not the remedy to this empty and painful feeling in my chest? What if I try doing it the other way around? What if I stop running away and face everyone? What if I go back living the life I left in the Philippines? Will I be able to face Robi without my heart cracking? Wait... My heart's already smashed into gazillion pieces. What else is there to break? Obviously, my tears haven't gone dry. I still have a damn of tears to cry. Sometimes, my tears would just burst out. It has become something that I can't control. That's how miserable I have become- much, much more miserable than missing and waiting in vain for Robi for 5 years.

I sat on the swing on Trey's backyard. I looked up at the night sky. No stars. No spark of hope for me. I sighed.

"I have to go back now, right? I have to be the bestfriend to James now. He was always the bestfriend. I never gave him my fair share of that friendship. It's the least I can do for him... As for Robi, I'll try to make him a faded background of my present." 

....and that's how I ended up standing on the shore of James' island in a white dress waiting for my best friend's wedding to start.

"Kala ko i-indian-in mo ko eh."

It was James' voice.

"I almost did. But I won't be able to forgive myself if I did that." I turned to him and smiled.

He walked up to me. I'm glad that his eyes are finally filled with happiness. The last time I saw him was almost a year ago in Spain. He was looking for me- and he did find me with the help of Irish, only I didn't want him to find me. His eyes back then were filled with confusion, hurt, loneliness... and even emptiness. Now, he seems to be the happiest guy in the planet.

"Can I get a hug?" I opened my arms.

He opened his arms as well and hugged me tightly.

"I missed you, you little pain in the neck." He whispered.

"I missed you too my PSG." I whispered to him. "I'm happy for you.  I'm happy that you found someone who can give you the same love and happiness you give. I'm happy for you and Irish." I pulled away.

Nothing can wipe away the smile on James' face. He messed my hair.

"Can you fix my tie?" He pleaded.

"Haii naku. Hanggang ngayon hindi ka pa din marunong mag-ayos ng tie mo?" I smirked. "Sige na nga. For the last time. Kasi, si Irish na yung gagawa nito para sayo." I said while fixing his tie. "Ayan. Perfect. Gwapo mo na Yi Jeong."

"I will always be your Yi Jeong kahit na Jun Pyo na ko ng Jan Di ko. Thank you for being here, Ian."

"Wala yun. You've always been there for me. You were always the best friend kahit wala akong maibigay sayo in return. Now, it's my turn to be the best friend to you."

"Asus! Papasakitin mo lang ulo ko eh." He started walking to where the ceremony was set up.

"Hindi ah. Nagbago na po kaya ako." I said as I followed him.

He took out his phone and looked at it.

"They're here. Nasa villa na sila Ali. Kasama na daw nila si Trey. Hindi pa nila alam na nandito ka. Sigurado ako, magugulat sila pag nakita ka nila. Tara, puntahan na natin sila!"

We ran to the villa where the guys are. Kinakabahan ako. One year na since last ko sila nakita. Umalis ako ng Palawan without a word. We were about to enter the villa when I pulled James' hand.

"O, bakit?" James asked.

"Kinakabahan ako eh. Pano kung galit sila sakin kasi hindi ako nagparamdam ng isang taon?"

"Hindi magagalit yug mga yun. Babatukan ko kung sino man ang magalit sayo. Okay? Akong bahala. Tago ka sa likod ko. Gugulatin natin sila."

I took a deep breath. James turned his back on me and I stepped closer to him so I won't be seen as we enter the villa.

"Ready?" James asked.

"Ready." I answered.

He opened the door and I heard the voices I missed so much. Anton's laugh, Rika's authoritative voice, Ali and Rapah's bantering. Zach and Audrina's sweet nothings.

"JAIME!" Ali yelled. "Ang tagal mo. Kanina pa kami naghihintay dito. Anong oras ba magsisimula yung kasal nyo? Swimming na swimming na kami ni Rapah."

"In 15 minutes. Pasensya na ha. May kinuha kasi ako sa tabing dagat eh. Welcome gift ko sana sa inyo." James said.

I took a deep breath again.

"Wow! Ang sosyal naman. May welcoming gift ka pa para samin. Ano ba yan?" Anton asked in curiosity.

"Magsi-kapit na kayo sa kinauupuan nyo kasi baka hindi nyo kayanin yung regalo ko sa inyo." James building the excitement.

"Ano ba kasi yan kuya?!" Rapah asked impatiently.

"Ready na ba kayo?!" James asked.

"Stop it already!" Zach exclaimed.

"One, two, three!!!" James yelled as I revealed myself to them.

"SINONG NAMISS NYONG LAHAT?!" I screamed.

"IAN!!!" They all jumped off of their seats and ran to me locking me up in a tight group hug.

"Can't breathe." I said as I was gasping for air.

"You're back! Buo na talaga tayo!" Ali yelled in happiness.

So this is what happiness felt like. Ang tagal ko na nga sigurong malungkot kaya nakalimutan ko na maging masaya. Being surrounded and embraced by the people I love, covers up the huge hole in my heart and soul. In the corner of my eye, I saw that dark figure standing at the other end of the room staring at me. He looked tired, lonely, empty, miserable- but his eyes suddenly lit up with hope. Then, my heart started beating fast and electric currents came rushing down my spine. It felt like I was being brought back to life. But as soon as I realized who it was, reality dawned on me why those electric currents suddenly hurt. It was ROBI.