The girl who just can't move (Fifteen)
Robin Hood's
I put Ian to bed that same night. I could sense that something was wrong but she didn't wanna tell me. I stared at her. Even when she's asleep, she could still take my breath away. I wanted to know what was bothering her. But she was too stubborn. Ayaw niya sabihin. Instead of answering me, she keeps on distracting me by kissing my lips. I sighed. Are we about to face another problem again? I ran my left hand through my hair. I don't want another problem. Kakatapos lang ng problema ko kay Diego meron na naman? Can't we just fast forward our lives to that day when we are finally living the dream? I kissed her forehead and tuck her in. I decided to go home for tonight. My gut tells me that I should go home. I wrote a note and paste it on Ian's bedside table. I told her that I'll see her in the morning, and that I love her. After that, I slowly walked out of her room and I quietly walked out her house. I was banging my head as I crossed the street. Napapakanta pa ako. Kahit na nakakaramdam ako ng pagod ay masaya ako. I got rid of Diego. Thanks to my dear friends.
Tahimik ang buong kabahayan nang pumasok ako. What do I expect? Umiingay lang naman dito sa tuwing narito si Ian. She gives life and laughter to this lonely place. She's like the sun to my darkest lonely day. I shut the door. Nakadama ako ng pagkabigla nang bigla na lang bumukas ang ilaw.
"Shit!" hindi ko masyadong naipinid ang pinto dahil sa gulat. May nakapasok na magnanakaw! Agad akong lumingon upang sinuhin ang pumasok pero ako pa ang nagulat. Standing near the staircase was none other than my sister.
"Reena? What are you doing here?" kulang pa ang sabihing nagulat ako sa aking nakita. She was supposed to be in Madrid. Working her ass off not here infront of me.
"Mi querido hermano, sorprendido de verme?" nakangising tanong niya. "I've been waiting for you."
"What are you doing here?" I asked again. Inilang hakbang niya ako at saka binigyan ng mag-asawang sampal. Napatigalgal ako. Parang may nag-ring na bells sa tenga ko. Hindi pa nakuntento ang kapatid ko, she slapped me harder.
"You sold me out!" she yelled at me. "Do you think that it would be difficult for me to find out who betrayed the company?"
I was speechless. Reena knows the truth. She knows that I was the one who sold out the Orion Project. She knows now what I did and I'm sure that she already told our father about it. I looked at her. Her eyes were full of anger. It was also visible on her face. I knew that she wanted to kill me, rip my body apart and feed my soul to the dogs. She may be may sister but when it comes to the family business, she was ruthless.
"I c-can e-explain.." naitaas ko ang mga kamay ko nang bigla niya akong batuhin ng figurine na nadampot niya kung saan. Nailagan ko iyon at tumama sa pader.
"You are my brother! You're supposed to be loyal to the family and yet you sold us all out for that girl!" sigaw niya. Halos lumabas na ang lahat ng litid niya sa leeg. She continued to throw all sorts of things at me. I'm tried to avoid it. Reena was angry. At kahit anong sabihin ko sa kanya, alam kong hindi siya makikinig. She was too angry and too crazy that she wouldn't want to understand my reason.
"Listen to me!" I ran to the left part of the house.
"I don't want too!" she yelled back. Classic Reena, always being the stubborn one.
"I love her!" sigaw ko. That stopped her. Tumayo siya ng tuwid at saka pinagkrus ang kanyang mga kamay. She lookied at me intently and laughed sarcastically.
"How could you love someone like that?" she smirked. "I know who she is Robi. She's Ian, your childhood sweetheart."
"I love her."
"You don't. You just have a hangover of your first love. Gosh Robi! When are you gonna grow up!" inis na inis na wika nito.
"I don't care what you think. I love Ian, no matter what." mariing sabi ko. Napailing si Reena. Nakita kong may kinuha siyang brown envelope. Ibinato niya iyon sa akin dahilan upang malaglag ang mga laman niyon. My eyes widened when I saw Ian's compromising pictures -- all of it.
"Where did you get that?" I asked.
"I don't know. Someone sent that to me. Pero kung sino man siya, it was a blessing in disguise. I found out the kind of woman she is." she laughed darkly. "And frankly, Robi, how low could you get? You replaced Irish with that?"
Isa-isa kong pinulot ang mjga litratong iyon ni Ian. I didn't want anybody to see that.
"So how did you feel? Disappointed? Angry? I'd say you break up with her and get back together with Irish." muling wika niya.
"I don't care about this, Reena." sabi ko nang mapulot ko na ang lahat ng litrato ni Ian.
"What? Robin! What kind of principle do you have in life? She made out with a stranger! She kissed some french girls, she lost herself when she was in Europe and God knows what elses she did and yet you don't care about it! What the hell is wrong with you?!"
"I love her, Reena! One thing that you will never understand because you're too busy building an empire!" humihingal na sigaw ko. "Matagal ko ng alam lahat iyan. I've known it for six months and it never bothered me. I love Adriane, she loves me. At kahit ano pang nangyari sa kanya sa Madrid, sinoman ang hinalikan niya or even if she had sex with anybody, I DON'T CARE!" hindi ko napigilan ang pagluha. I wanted Reena to understand me. I want her to see Ian the way I see her.
"You're stupid. You sold us out for her?" disappointed na sabi ni Reena. "You do realize that dad is furious when I told him what you did."
"Yes. I did, Reena. I sold the Orion Project to Diego Delos Reyes because I didn't want anyone to see those awful pictures! and you were right. Dad maybe furious but dad has always been furious at me ever since I chose to be me, Robi the drummer, and not the Robi he wants me to be. It didn't change anything, Reena."
"You can always change that." I shook my head.
"One thing I learned when I fell in love with Ian was that if you really love somebody, you will love everything about them, kasama pati tulo laway, utot, kulangot and even the deepest and their darkest secret, mamahalin mo iyon, Reena."
"Eres tan estúpido, Robi!"sigaw niya sa akin. "Hindi ako papayag na sirain mo ang buhay mo para sa babaeng iyon! Mother wouldn't want to see her precious Robi ruin his life!"
"The only way that you will ruin my life is if you take Ian away from me." I sighed. "I have live my life in the dark for seven years. Ngayong nakita ko nang ngumiti sa akin ang liwanag. Hindi ko na hahayaang mawala iyon sa akin."
I stared at Reena. Then I turned away. I couldn't hide the tears anymore. I let them flow. As I walk out of my house, I cried like I haven't cried before. I cried like a child. I went to that pavement where I made my promise to Ian. I sat there. I looked up at the sky feeling unsure of what's gonna happen tomorrow. Pero kahit ano pa iyon, kakayanin ko. Kakayanin ko para kay Ian.
"Robi..." agad kong pinahid ang mga luhang kanina lang ay nag-uunahang pumatak sa aking mukha. I smiled when I turned to Ian. She was standing near me, maya-maya ay umupo na siya sa aking tabi. Hinawakan ko ang kanyang kamay.
"Hey, you're supposed to be asleep." Malumanay na wika ko. She put her left hand on my cheer then she wiped my tears away. She gave me a light kiss. "Ian?"
Muli siyang ngumiti. Nakita ko ang mga luhang dahan-dahang umaagos sa kanyang pisngi.
"Ian?" kinabahan ako. She took may palm. Ibinuka niya ang palad ko, noon ko naramdaman ang isang malamig na bagay sa gitna niyon. She put something on my palm. Tiningnan ko iyon. "Ian?"
"I'm so-sorry..." humahagulgol na wika niya. I looked at her, then I looked at my palm again. There lies the enagagement ring I gave Ian just four days ago. I felt my tears falling again. I held her hand.
"Ian.. Ian please..." umiiyak na sabi ko. "Mahal kita... "
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Super Ian's
Ian.. Ian please, mahal kita."
I cried so hard when I heard Robi said those words. I couldn't even bear looking at him. Ayoko siyang makitang nasasaktan yet I am the one causing him pain right now. Lumayo ako sa kanya. All I could say was..
"I'm sorry, Robi...." naiiyak na sabi ko.
"Ian please..." nagmamamakaawang wika niya. Umiling ako. Hindi niya siguro ako maintidihan sa ngayon pero kailangan kong gawin ito. I need to set him free.
"Robi, don't make this hard for me." mahinang sabi ko. "We need to do this. It's for your own good, for your family, for your future."
"How can you talk about my future? Iiwan mo ako, and tapos sasabihin mong for my future?" he shook his head. "There's no future if your not with me."
"You know what I did in Madrid." halos bulong na lumabas iyon mula sa aking bibig. Hindi ako makapaniwala na alam na niya ang lahat ng iyon. I heard him. Nagising ako kanina dahil hinahanap ko siya. Ang buong akala ko ay bumaba lang siya but when I went down stairs, I saw that he crossed the street. Sumunod ako. Naisip ko na gusto kong matulog na kasama siya but before I could eneter the house, narinig ko na ang sigawan nilang dalawa ni Reena.
God! Reena was so awful to Robi. How could she have said those things. I knew that Robi didn't sold his family.. pero nagkamali ako. Sa mismong bibig ni Robi ko narinig na pinagtaksilan niya ang kanyang pamilya para sa akin. How could he do that? Pinili niya ako kaysa sa pamilya niya? He said he loved me despite of the things that I have done in Madrid. He said that it didn't matter. Pero bakit? Dapat magalit siya.
"Yes, yes, but it doesn't matter, Ian. I love you and I don't care about it."
"Dapat magalit ka sa akin, Robi!" napaiyak na ako ng tuluyan. Pinagbabayo ko ang dibdib niya. "Magalit ka sa akin! Saktan mo ako! Ginawa kong lahat iyon dahil galit ako sa'yo at gusto kitang makalimutan! I wanted to exorcise you from my thoughts that I ended up destroying myself! You've hurt me, but that's not an excuse!" sigaw ko. Niyakap ako nang mahigpit ni Robi.
I don't deserve this. I wasted my life in Madrid. I semi-cheated on him, and what do I get? A warm hug and a sweet kiss?
Itinulak ko siya.
"Ian..."
"Magalit ka!" sigaw ko.
"Do you think I didn't feel anything when I saw those pictures Ian? I was devasted! I couldn't live with myself. I couldn't even talk for days because I knew that you did those things because of me! If I didn't left you seven years ago, hindi tayo darating sa punto na ito. Pero kung magagalit ako sa'yo o sa kung sinuman, it will be a waste of energy, what's done is done and frankly, I really don't care because I love you. I accept what you did because it's a part of you and if I refuse any part of you, ibig sabihin lang noon, hindi kita mahal."
Napailing ako. Hindi ako naiintindihan ni Robi.
"Marry me, Ian. I don't care about the past. I just want to be with you in my future, in my forever."
Hinawakan niya ang kamay ko at saka hinila ako papalapit. Hinapit niya ako sa baywang at saka ginawaran ng isang halik. I couldn't explain the way he kisses me. It was full of love, longing and passion. He was kissing me so beautifully, I find myself crying. It was clear. Robi didn't want to let me go. He loves me too much...
And I don't deserve that.
Slowly, I pushed him away.
"I'm so sorry, Robi." umiiyak na sabi ko.
"Ian, please..." to my surprise, lumuhod si Robi sa harap ko at niyakap ang mga hita ko. "Ian wag mo akong iwan, please. Nagmamakaawa ako sa'yo wag mo akong iwan. Parang awa mo na." humahagulgol na sabi niya. Napahagulgol na rin ako.
"R-robi, wag kang ganyan...." hilam na ang mga mata ko ng luha.
"You said you'll never let me go. You said that you'll fight for me, for us. Why are you giving up now? Diba lagi mong sinasabi noon na ang sumuko pangit? Kapag iniwan mo ako, pangit ka."
"I'd rather be ugly than be with you. I can't do this anymore. I'm tired of fighting." huminga ako ng mamalim bago ko tuluyang inilayo ang sarili ko sa kanya. "Let's just accept the fact that maybe we're not meant to be together."
Tunalikuran ko siya. I knew that he was still kneeling down. I hated myself for hurting the one person I love with all my heart. Ayoko siyang iwan pero kailangan kong gawin ito. Hindi ko kasi maibibigay ng buo ang pagmamahal ko kay Robi hangga't hindi ko nahahanap ang sarili kong nawala nang iwan niya ako.
I know it was very much JLC alike but that was the truth. When Robi came back seven years after he made that promise to me, I realized that my Robin Hood was gone, pero unti-unti siyang bumalik ngunit kasabay noon ay ang unti-unting pagkawala ng Ian na minsan ay minahal niya. I knew a part of that Ian was still with me but I had to find her missing pieces before I could fully love Robi.
Tama naman si Reena, hindi ako bagay kay Robi. Ayokong sirain ni Robi ang buhay niya at ang pamilya niya dahil sa akin.
Iiwan ko siya ngayon. Hahanapin ko ang sarili ko.
I looked back at him before I enter the house.
Maybe I'll get lucky,by the time that I come back, he would still be here, waiting for me... again.
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