Super Ian's 

It's been three months since I left the metro and I have this big whole in my heart. Tatalong buwang ganoon ang pakiramdam ko. I left that night after finally really giving up  whatever it was that I had with Robi. I left again without telling anyone.I didn't think it was neccessary to say goodbye to anybody. They all have their own lives now. Hindi na pwedeng ihinto ang mundo ni James o ni Anton o ni Trey para sa akin. Sa pagkakataon kasing iyon, kailangan ko nang matututong tumayo sa sarili kong mga paa. So I left, I boarded the first plain to Seattle. I don't know why I went there but I did. Doon ko sinimulang hanapin ang sarili ko. There was nothing special with that place. I just want to be there because I thought it was less dramatic if I go there not in Europe. I wanted to go to Europe but I knew that of I did, I'd only kill myself because Europe was filled with Robi memories. At hangga't maaari ay ayokong maalala si Robi. 

So I stayed in Seattle for three months. Maayos naman ang lahat but then I knew that I had to comeback. So after three months of hiding, I came back. I didn't tell anyone that I came back. Hindi na nila kailangan malaman iyon. Ang mahalaga ay bumalik ako. 

"Para na, kuya." nginitian ko ang taxi driver matapos niyang huminto sa tapat ng bahay ko. Ibinigay ko ang bayad sa kanya at saka ako lumabas ng sasakyan. I was nervous, a small part of my brain was expecting to see Robi, sitting on our spot, waiting for me. But he wasn't there. Huminga na lang ako ng malalim at saka hinatak ang bag na dala ko. Tahimim na binuksan ko ang gate, tahimik na pumasok ako sa loob. At tulad ng dati ay katahimikan at kalungkutan ang sumalubong sa akin nang makapasok ako sa bahay.  The house looked so empty, so lonely and so cold. Halatang walang nakatira dito. Parang gusto kong maiyak. Sumasaya lang naman ang bahay ko kapag nandito si Robi. Hanggang ngayon ay hindi ko alam kung anong meron kay Robi at parang nabubuhay ang lahat ng bagay sa bahay ko sa tuwing naroon siya. 

Tinungo ko ang hagdan, Naupo ako sa unang baitang noon at saka tuluyan nang hinayaan ang mga luhang kanina pa nagbabadya sa aking mga mata. 

"It's fucking sad!" bigla kong naiusal. Kahit anong tanggi ko sa aking sarili ay pinagsisisihan ko ang gabi kung kailan iniwan ko si Robi. Ang sakit-sakit. Wala naman akong ibang dapat sisihin kundi ang sarili ko. He wanted us to work. He fought hard for what we had. I was the only one who gave up. Robi, he never gave up, even though he thought he did, deep inside him, he was still fighting. 

"Ang tanga ko kasi," lumuluhang sabi ko. Hinayaan kong tumulo ang mga luhang iyon. Ang akala ko kasi ay hindi na ako iiyak, pero heto, ramdam na ramdam ko ang sugat. The pain was so raw I could feel it cutting every vein in my heart. 

Matapos ang ilang saglit ay pinahid ko ang aking luha. Ayoko nang umiyak. Pagod na akong umiyak. Muli akong tumayo nang bigla na lang bumukas ang pinto. Bahagyang umawang ang aking labi. Hindi ko alam kung tatawa ba ako o maiiyak o maiinis sa hitsura ni Ali -- oo si Ali, he was the one who opened my door. 

Nakatingin kami sa isa't-isa, humangos siya, pawis na pawis, He was wearing a sports shirt, a pair of running shorts and his running shoes. He was looking at me like I'm some kinda of zombie. 

"Have you been running?" hindi matiis na tanong ko. 

"You're here!" he exclaimed. "It's really you! I have to go and tell them!" walang kaabog-abog na tinalikuran ako ni Ali at muling tumakbo. Napailing ako. I ran after him. 

"Ali?!" I shouted as I ran. Hindi ko na siya naabutan. Jeez! Could he really run as fast as that? Napagpasyahan kong maghintay muna sa labas. Alam kong babalik si Ali. Habang nakatayo ako roon ay hindi ko maiwasang tingnan ang bahay sa tapat ko. Robi's house. Too many  memories. Too many happy moments. Too many painful things. I sighed when I noticed the "for sale" sign hanging just right the gate. 

I guess Robi have finally decided to move on. And again, I was left here, hanging. Nakakainis. Kung hindi siguro ako umalis noon, malamang kasal na kami ngayon. Maybe we're happy, at kahit naman siguro kasama ko siya ay kaya kong hanapin ang sarili ko. Bakit nga ba kasi ako umalis? 

Bago pa muling tumulo ang mga luha ko ay naisipan ko nang pumasok bago ko pa man marating ang pinto ay may narinig akong sasakyan na huminto sa harap ng bahay ko. Tiningnan ko ang mga iyon. There were four different cars parked in front of my house. Halos sabay-sabay bumukas ang mga pintuan noon at mula roon ay lumabas ang mga taong miss na miss ko na. They were all here, James, Anton, Zach, Ali and even Trey.

Napangiti ako. Hindi ko napigilan ang sarili ko. I ran towards them. They all welcomed me with open arms. 

"Group hug!" sigaw ko. And we did. I missed this guys. I couldn't believe that I lasted for that long without seeing them.

"You're really back!" sigaw ni Zach. 

"Ayos ang timing mo. May birthday party tayo bukas!" wika naman ni Ali. Tumingin ako sa kanila. 

"Sinong may birthday?" I asked. 

"Baby Zach" wika naman ni Zach. I smiled. 

"Oo, alam ko. Akala mo ba nakalimutan ko." napalis ang ngiti ko nang mapansin kong lahat sila ay nakatingin sa akin. "Bakit?"

"Rika had a feeling you'd comeback. She was right." James said, quitely. I looked at all of them. Kahit namimiss ko sila ay hindi ko mapigilan ang mainis. 

"You owe us Ian." mariing sabi ni James. 

"Yup. We're pretty mad at you for leaving again." It was Trey who spoke. I bit  my lower lip. Ano pa nga bang magagawa ko. I sighed. 

"Fine. I'm sorry." malumanay na sabi ko. Nag-high five si Anton at si Ali. "Okay, who's hungry. May pasalubong akong chocolates." 

"Kami!" nag-unahang pumasok si Zach at Ali sa loob. Sumunod naman si Anton at Trey. James stood there looking at me. 

"James?" nagtatakang tanong ko. Why bwas he looking at me like that?

"He left, Ian." makahulugang sabi niya habang nakatingin sa akin. Was he talking about Robi? "He left the next day after you left without saying goodbye."

"He didn't leave, James. He chose to move on." 

Iyon ang katotohanang napakahirap tanggapin. Ang katotohanan na umalis rin si Robi upang makalimot. 

----------------

"Robin Hood's

"Why?" 

Inayos ni Ella ang kanyang salamin bago muling tumingin sa akin. Tulad ng palagi niyang ginagawa ay nakalabi siya sa tuwing tatanungin ko siya ng "bakit". Hindi ko kasi talaga makuha ang joke na sinasabi niya. 

Ella was Jenny's best friend. Isa siya sa mga tumulong sa akin noong panahong pilit kong kinukuha kay Diego ang mga litrato ni Ian. 

"Because, seven eight nine." ulit niya sa kanyang sinabi. Napakunot ang noo ko. I learend to spend time with Ella dahil na rin sa palagi kong kasama si Trey. Trey had been my instant companion because the other Neon boys were too busy making a life with their wives. Nakakalungkot ngang isipin. Kung hindi siguro umalis si Ian noon, malamang magkasama kami ngayon, maybe we're married already, maybe we're happy now. Siguro.. I sighed. Puro na lang ako what if's saka siguro. Hindi ko nga alam kung anong mangyayari bukas. I was always wondering when she would come back o kung kakayanin ko pang maghintay ng matagal. 

"Sorry, Ella. Hindi ko talaga magets." nakangiting sabi ko. We were at the coffee shop just outside my village. Ella was waiting for Jenny, I was just killing time. 

"Alam mo, ang slow mo." tila naiinis na sabi nito. Natawa ako. Wala pang taong nagsasabi sa akin na slow ako, maliban kay Ella. She's really something. Bigla ay napatitig ako sa kanya. May naalala ako. I leaned over to look at her. 

"Did you remember the night when we went to Diego's house?" I asked her. Matagal ko nang gustong tanungin sa kanya iyon. "Bakit bigla kang nawala? You were supposed to go with Jenny."

"Eh kasi namali ako ng pasok ng bintana. Pinauna ako ni Jenny but then I miscalculated. Dapat pala hindi ko sinama sa bilang iyong lobby. Ayun, sa ibang room ako napasok." natawa ako. Ella looked like she didn't want to remember that night. May kung ano sa kanyang mga mata. Napailing na lang ako. I took a zip of my iced tea at saka ko pinagala ang mga mata ko. Maghahapon na noon. Matatapos na naman ang araw, pero hindi pa rin bumabalik si Ian. I missed her. 

The day after she left, umalis rin ako. I went back to Madrid and I tried reasoning with my father. Reena was right, he was really mad at me. Siguro kahit sinong anak ay magagalit kapag nalaman niya na traydor ng kompanya ang kanyang anak. I told him the thing that I thought he would understand pero tulad ni Reena, he was too stubborn. Mabuti na lang ang pumagitan sa amin si Mama kung hindi, malamang bangkay na ako ngayon. 

But a miracle happened. The day before I left Spain, he talked to me. Forb the first time in twenty eight years, we had a father and sone heart to heart talk. And that talk changed everything. I realized that my father loved me too. 

Wala nang hadlang sa amin ni Ian. My father gave me his blessing. I can marry Ian anytime I want. Ganoon din si Reena. Ang problema ko na lang ngayon ay ang pagkawala niya. Kailan nga kaya siya babalik? It's been three months... 

"I miss her." mahinang wika ko. 

"Babalik din iyon." sagot naman nI Ella. "Mahal ka noon eh." 

"Mahal niya ako bakit niya ako iniwan?" 

"Kasi, Robi, may mga bagay sa buhay natin na hindi kayang sagutin. Rhetorical question kumbaga. Siguro kahit si Ian, hindi niya masasagot ang tanong mo."

"Bakit?" 

Ella shrugged. 

"Kasi, you're in love. When you're in love, you don't think. You just do." she smiled. "Where ever she is right now. I know that she's missing you. Babalik iyon. Babalik at babalik iyon dahil nandito ko." 

Hindi ko pa ganoong kakilala si Ella, pero ang mga bagay na sinabi niya ay nakapagpagaan talaga ng loob ko.  I smiled at her, then I reached for her hand. 

"Thank you." I sighed. "Hey, you wanna walk with me?"

"Okay!" nakatawang wika niya. Sabay kaming tumayo. Sabay rin naming nilakad ang palabas ng coffee shop. I walked side by side with Ella habang papasok ng village. Nagkekwentuhan kami, nagtatawanan nang bigla na lang siyang ma-out of balance. As reflex, hinawakan ko ang kamay niya at saka bigla siyang hinapit. 

"Are you alright?" mabilis na tanong ko. She looked at me, eye to eye. Awkwardness was written in her eyes. 

"Oo.. okay na ako," isang pilit na ngiti ang gumuhit sa kanyang mga labi. "Salamat ha." 

Binitiwan ko siya. 

"Mag-ingat ka kasi." paalala ko. Tumango lang siya. We continued to walk. Pagharap ko, bigla akong natigilan. Nawala ang ngiti sa aking labi when I recognized the girl standing in front of us, looking at Ella like she wanted to murder her. 

"Ian.. y-you're back." nagsimula na naman ang chais sa loon ng katawan ko. My heart started beating like crazy, my palms were sweating, my knees were trembling. She's here. 

"Who is she?" tanong niya habang nakatitig pa rin kay Ella. I knew what she was thinking, I knew that I should say that it's not what she thinks but then an idea crossed my mind. Muli kong hinapit si Ella. 

"Uy!" usal ni Ella. 

"Si Ella. Girlfriend ko." 

--------------------------

Super Ian's

"Si Ella. Girlfriend ko."

I've been back for only one day pero isang malaking delubyo na ang sumalubong sa akin. I had an idea that Robi had move on but I didn't expect it to be like this. Ganito kaaga, nagka-girlfriend siya? At sino ang babaeng ito? Saan siya nakilala ni Robi and why was Robi holding her like that?

"Si Ian, she's a band member too." muling nagsalita si Robi. I am a band member? Just a band member? Bakit hindi niya sabihin sa babaeng iyon ang totoo? Na ako ang ex girlfriend niya, that three months ago, he asked me to marry him? That he promised me forever! Why can't he tell her?!

"Mauna na kami, Ian. See you around." 

I've been gone for three months and all I got from him was "see you around?" Ni hindi niya man lang nasabi na "I missed you?" Kasi ako sa bawat araw na hindi ko siya kasama, para na akong namamatay! Tapos siya, ni hindi niya ako namiss?!

Nilagpasan na ako ni Robi at ng babaeng iyon. I looked back at them. Robi was still holding Ella's hand and they were walking side by side. My heart, my brain and all the veins in my body were aching. Parang gusto kong magpasagasa. Ang sakit! Ang buong akala ko, uuwi ako dito at naghihintay siya. Pero hindi! 

Kahit anong sabi ko noon na kapag umuwi ako at naka-move on na si Robi ay magiging okay ako, hindi pala! Masakit pala! Sobrang sakit! Kung sabagay, kasalanan ko naman. Robi fought hard for us, but I gave up... 

Tumakbo ako palabas njg village. I stood near the bus stop at nang may humintong bus ay agad akong sumakay.  I was too busy catching my breath that I didn't notice where I was. 

Naglakad ako sa aisle ng bus na iyon at kahit pigilin ko pa ang aking sarili ay kusang nagbibilang ng upuan ang utak ko. When I found seat number seven, ay agad naman akong naupo roon. I wanted to cry... Nawala sa akin si Robi dahil sa katangahan ko! 

Tahimik akong umupo roon. I wasn't expecting the traffic pero iyon naman ang naabutan ko nang makarating kami sa main road. Nakadama ako ng inip. Nagpalinga-linga ako at saka ko lang naisip kung nasaan ako. I was on the ROBIN HOOD - SUPER IAN bus, I am sitting on seat number seven and right in front of me was the stick figure of Super Ian and Robin hood. 

Nananadya yata ang tadhana. 

I couldn't help but to trace that stick figure I drew almost eight years ago. I drew this when Robi decided that he wanted to spend a day with me. I drew this after telling him that he was the thief who stole my heart. 

"Ikaw na naman?" nag-angat ako ng tingin nang marinig ko ang pamilyar na boses ni Manong Konduktor. "Magsusulat ka na naman? Tingnan mo nga itong bus namin! Puro vandal na dahil sa'yo tapos may isang lalaki pang gumagaya sa'yo kung anu-ano din iyong pinagsusulat!" 

"Isang lalaki?" nagtatakang tanong ko. Tumayo ako at nilagpasan ko si Manong. 

"Hoy! Umupo ka nga! Baka masubsob ka!" I looked around the bus and Manong was right there were new writtings on the wall, on the back of the seats. They were replies to my woes!

"R-robi.." naiusal ko. He was the only one that I could think of. Siya lang ang gagawa nito. I looked at the back seat. May nakasulat rin doon. Ang una kong binasa ay ang sinulat ko a year ago. I wrote; How can I move on, if I'm still in love with you. Sa ilalim noon ay may nakasulat. It says: I thought I moved on until I realized that I was still in love with you.

The next writing says;

What I wrote; You were the one who left, but why does it feel like I was the one who's lost?

What he wrote; You were never lost cause you were always in my heart.

Another one;

What I wrote: Does your heart still beat fast whenever you think of me?

What he wrote: Yes. It will forever be like that. 

Another one:

What I wrote: You stole my heart, you took my breath away and then you left me hanging. Should I hold on?

What he wrote: I stole your heart but I left mine with you. I took your breath away, but I stopped breathing the moment my heart started missing you. Please hold on. Our forever will begin soon.

I didn't realized that I was crying until an old lady gave me her hankie. I smiled as I took it. Robi really loves me. Tahimik na bumalik ako sa seat number seven at saka umiyak. Bakit ko ba kasi siya iniwan? I thought I'm gonna find myself, but I was wrong. 

"Uy, nandito ka na. Bumaba ka na. Tama na iyang moment." tinapik ako ni Manong. I smiled at him. Bago ako tumayo ay may nahagip ang aking mata. On the left side of seat number seven, were words that I was sure was written by Robi. It says:

"Still waiting for our forever to begin. Where are you the girl who can't be moved? Love, The man who can't be moved."

Humihikibing tumingin ako sa mamang konduktor. 

"Take me back!" I yelled at him. I don;t care if there were other passengers inside that bus. I need to go back to Robi. Wala akong pakialam kung may girlfriend na siya. I need to have him back. I couldn't see myself living the next years of my life without him. Hindi ko isusuko si Robi. Kesehodang lantaran ko siyang agawin sa babaeng iyon, gagawin ko makasama ko lang siya!

"Ano bang sinasabi mo?" tanong ng konduktor.

"Take me back to my village or I swear to god, tatalon ako ng bus ninyo at hindi ako nagbibiro!"

The bus conductor stared at me. Maya-maya ay huminga siya ng malalim. Tinapik niya ang bubong ng bus at saka sinabing;

"Balik tayo!" 

"Thank you, Manong!" humihikbing sabi ko. I bit my lower lip, sana ay hindi pa huli ang lahat. Sana hindi pa talaga. 

----------------------

Super Ian's

Matapos ang ilang minutong pakikipagpatintero sa traffic ay narating din namin ng bus ang village namin. Ayokong bumaba. I need this bus to prove to Robi how much he loves me. I knew that he still loves me. Hindi niya isusulat ang mga salitang iyon kung hindi na niya ako mahal. 

"Sige na, guard. Papasukin ninyo na kami ng bus." pakiusap ko sa gwardya. Napkamot siya ng ulo. 

"Ma'am Ian, papagalitan ako ng management eh." 

"Akong bahala sa'yo. Please!" naiiyak na sabi ko. "I need the bus, guard. I need this. Please let us in so I could have my happy ending." napahikbi na ako. Nakipagtitigan sa akin ang gwardyan at saka tumango. 

"Sagot ninyo ako, Ma'am Ian ah." napangiti na ako. 

"Thank you!" sigaw ko sa kanya. Binuksan niya ang dalawang naglalakihang gate at saka pinatuloy kami. I was standing near the bus' window, trying to calm my nerves but I was too nervous. Sana maging okay ang lahat. I'm going to chase after the man I love and I will never give him up without a fight. Kahit makipagsabunutan pa ako kay Ella na iyon, wala akong pakialam. I need this, I need Robi in my life. 

"Liko mo, Manong!" sigaw ko nang makita ko ang street namin ni Robi. Iniliko ng driver ang bus at saka nagdirediretso. Napapangiti na ako. Natatanaw ko na ang bahay namin ni Robi. 

"Stop!" I yelled. Nabigla yata ang driver kaya bigla siyang napapreno. Tumatakbong bumaba ako ng bus at saka tumapat sa bahay ni Robi. 

"Robin Santos!" sigaw ko. "Robin Santos! Lumabas ka siyan sa lungga mo at harapin mo ako! Robi! Robi! Robi!" halos mapatid na ang litid ko kakasigaw. Naawa na lang yata sa akin iyong bus kaya bumusina siya nang malakas. Matapos ang ilang sandali ay biglang lumabas si Robi sa kanyang bahay. He was looking at me like I'm a crazy woman. 

"What the? Ian what are you doing?" nagtatakang tanong niya. "You're disturbing the neighbors."

"You still love me!" sigaw ko. Kumunot ang noo niya. 

"Alien ka ba? May girlfriend na nga ako diba," naikuyom ko ang aking mga palad. Sa inis ko ay sinikmuraan ko siya. "Aray!" matapos iyon ay hinatak ko ang kanyang kamay papasok sa bus. 

"Hindi ako Alien at wala akong pakialam kung may girlfriend ka na! Girlfriend lang iyon. Iyong fiance mo nga nadispatsya ko, iyong girlfriend pa kaya!"

"Ian, there are actual people on this bus." namamanghang tanong niya. 

"Hindi mo ba alam kung nasan tayo?" I asked him. "This is our bus, Robi,"

"So, if this is our bus, what do you want me to do?" tila nang-iinis na tanong niya. Hindi na ba talaga niya ako mahal? Tiningnan ko ang kanyang mukha. Walang reaksyon iyon. Ni walang warmth sa kanyang mga mata. Napaluha ako. Sa inis ko ay pinagbabayo ko ang kanyang dibdib.

"Nakakainis ka! Sinasaktan mo na naman ako!" sigaw ko sa kanya. Hinuli ni Robi ang aking mga kamay. 

"Sinaktan mo rin ako! I begged you to not leave me. Lumuhod pa nga ako sa harapan mo pero di ka nakinig. Iniwan mo ako!" he yelled. 

"Iniwan nga kita pero hindi mo ako hinintay!" I yelled back. 

"I asked you to marry me, you left, I got hurt and you expect me to wait for you?!"

"OO! Gusto kong hintayin mo ako! Gusto ko iyon! Hindi mo nga ba ako hinintay Robi? You wrote a reply sa lahat ng broken hearted writings ko, and yet sinasabi mo sa akin na hindi mo na ako mahal! I wanted you to wait for me, because I still believe in that promise you made almost ten years ago! I love you! And right now my heart is beating so fast, my brain and every vein in mu body are aching for your touch! I love you too much that I couldn't even see myself living the next years of my life without you by my side!"

Sigaw ko sa kanya. Wala na akong pakialam kung may ibang tao sa loob ng bus na iyon. Wala na akong pakialam kung nagmumukha na akong alien. I want my Robi back and I'm going to do everything just to have him again. Even if that means going back to square one. 

"Good!" he yelled back. "Because I love you too and I still want you to be my wife kahit na ang tigas-tigas ng ulo mo!" 

Dahan-dahang umawang ang labi ko. Did I hear him right? Natulala ako. Naramdaman ko ang pagtapik ng isang babae sa aking balikat. 

"Hija, papakasalan ka daw niya." nakangiting turan ng babae. I smiled at her then I looked back to Robi. He was still smiling.

"Paano iyong girlfriend mo?" 

"Ikaw ang girlfriend ko. Kahit na noong iniwan mo ako. girlfriend pa rin ang tawag ko sa'yo. I just said na si Ella ang girlfriend ko para maramdaman mo iyong naramdaman ko noong iwan mo ako."

"Eh gago ka pala!" muli ko siyang sinuntok. Napahagulgol na naman ako. "Ang-ang-akala-ko-hindi mo na ako mahal!" humihikbing sabi ko. 

"Ian, Adriane, my gosh!" he exclaimed. Ang dami na nating pinagdaan, ngayon pa ba naman ako susuko? I will never stop loving you. You have to understand that even if you don't want me around. I'm here to stay. I love you." 

Napangiti ako. He loves me. I was right, he was still in love with me. 

"Para tayong magnet, Ian. Kahit saan mapunta.." itinuro niya ako. "babalik at babalik siya sa kinalalagyan niya. Parang tayo, wherever we go, ilang milya man ang layo natin sa isa't-isa, may force na hahatak sa atin pabalik. I came back because I wanted to be with you. You left and yet you still came back because you wanna be with me." 

Hinapit niya ako sa baywang. 

"I wanna be with you. Let's cut the chase dahil kung tatakbo ulit ang isa sa atin, bubugbugin na tayo nila James." nakangiting sabi niya. Bakit ganoon, bakit si Robi natatawa, bakit ako naiiyak? 

"Paano iyong photos?" nahihiyang sabi ko. 

"Ilan beses kong sasabihin na wala akong pakialam? I've known that for a long time pero wala naman sa akin. I love you, its all that matters."

"Si Reena?" muling sabi ko. 

"I went to Madrid and I reasoned with my family. I told them that whatever it takes, I'm gonna marry you because you're my life." 

Napapangiti na ako... I came home expecting to see Robi still waiting for me and when I thought that he didn't nasaktan talaga ako. Ngayon naman that he was confessing his love for me in front of these people, tatanggi pa ba ako? 

I love him, he loves me. What else do we need.

" Inilabas niya mula sa kanyang bulsa ang isang kahita, binuksan niya iyon at saka lumuhod muli sa aking harapan. Nagsigawan lalo ang mga tao. I couldn't hear what Robi was saying because they were too noisy. Pero kahit na gaano pa sila kaingay ay alam ko naman kung anong itatanong niya. 

"Yes!" sigaw ko. Robi smiled widely, took my hand and put the ring back on my finger. After that, he gave me a kiss. A kiss that would surely be on the papers tomorrow morning. But I didn't care, all I know was how amazing it felt to finally be with the one you want to spend your lifetime with. 

Forever, with my Robin Hood. 

Could I get any happier?

The END