Authors Note: This is the first draft and is raw at the moment - when I have completed all Parts I will start the editing process. (All critiques welcome) 

Lavinia was finding it harder to talk about Dolly and Will, she would tell her stories in short sharp bursts always leaving Charlie hanging, eager to know more. He wondered if it was because she was building up to something but daren't ask.

 He wondered why it was he wouldn't ask Lavinia why she was having trouble talking for any length of time. That was his job after all he was her doctor, but he realised that wasn't how he saw himself at all, their relationship was so blurred, the lines of what they really were seemed to be just a fuzzy mystery and when he tried to think of them as friends that didn't seem to fit either. 

Lavinia smiled and realising her face felt better put the ice pack down, when she looked at Charlie, whose face seemed to be exhibiting some rather screwed up and scrunchy signs of distress she frowned knowing that now it was her turn ask the questions.

"What's the matter? She asked Charlie.

"I don't know Lavinia,I guess I feel a little awkward"

Lavinia slid slightly closer to Charlie closing the gap between their bodies.

"Why?" she said, looking seriously into his eyes.

"I don't feel like your doctor anymore," said Charlie unable to break her gaze.

Lavinia moved closer to Charlie, his heart pounded in his chest he had never felt anything like it, what he was experiencing was verging on panic, he was so sure his heart was just going to burst from his body and right out onto the sofa. 

Despite the warning from his heart Charlie didn't move, he allowed Lavinia to move closer to him, so close that they were touching, just slightly at first and then she placed both hands on his shoulders and  straddled his thighs.

His heart continued to race, but not in the good way.

She slowly ran her hands up his chest, kissing his neck once, boom went his heart, for just a moment he wondered if he could ignore the thunderous drumming coming from is body and pretend she was Alice, there was such a similarity in their looks sometimes when Lavinia wasn't speaking he could almost convince himself that Alice was in the room, but then Lavinia would speak and the illusion would be broken and his world shattered once more. 

Lavinia and Alice did not kiss the same, they did not touch Charlie the same and they did not make Charlie's heart pound in the same way. 

Charlie stood up taking Lavinia with him his hand clasping hold of her thighs.

She was wrapped around him like some kind of flexible coil and before he knew it he was kissing her, he could feel she wasn't Alice, she was something else, something wild and passionate and something that did not belong to him something that didn't even belong to herself. Before he could pull away or say a word Lavinia had released herself from his waist and removed her lips from his. She was just looking at Charlie all innocent eyes and mass of red locks he couldn't believe this creature had been with him all these weeks. 

 "Not right is it?" Said Lavinia with a casual shrug.

Charlie paused then like a wave the panic lifted and his heart began to slow.

Charlie laughed "No". Half laughing at what had just happened between them partly because Lavinia was being so casual about it.

"Guess that's cause we're both in love with dead people," Lavinia shrugged sitting back down on the sofa.

Charlie's mouth dropped open a little "Guess so" he said laughing. It irritated him how she seemed to know everything, how she could read him even before he could read himself.

"I should go," Lavinia said grabbing her bag.

"Come back tomorrow?" Said Charlie an awkward expression in his eyes.

"No more office?" Said Lavinia with a smile.

"No, no more office," said Charlie screwing up his nose slightly as he shook his head.

Lavinia began to head for the door but right before she left Charlie stopped her.

"Lavinia...what are we then?" Said Charlie almost reaching out to touch her.

"We're friends Charlie, forever friends," Lavinia smiled at Charlie and as he watched her leave he knew she was right.

Lavinia found it easy to walk home and even easier to sneak past Anna and George upstairs to her room. What wasn't easy was telling the truth whether it was verbally or on paper, the whole thing seemed like a sweet and bitter agony. Looking to her past was like cutting into raw and open veins but trying to live in the present, that was worse. 

Lavinia knew she was wrong to kiss Charlie, not for Charlie's sake he was a grown man he could take care of himself but for her own. She knew she was drawn to him but it wasn't Charlie she wanted not really or at least not the physicality of Charlie, it was something else. 

There was a darkness in him that only seemed to burn and grow with time, Charlie's red , Charlie's darkness mirrored her own, when she looked into his eyes all she could see was her own pain and despair looking back at her and it was like coming home. How could she tell her secrets to anyone else anyone but the young man with lost and broken heart.

~

Have you ever had one of those moments when you're not sure if you awake or sleeping? I was lying on Henry, sun on my face, gentle breeze in my curls and my eyes were shut tight just enjoying the moment.

 I was somewhere between awake and asleep in that mystical land of the not quite conscious and it was when I was lying there drifting that I heard something; I heard something that would change my world forever.

Subconsciously I knew that Will's face was next to mine so it was of no surprise when he spoke but the words he had to say they threw me a little.

"Marry me?"

My eyes shot open.

Before I knew it I was standing, my heart was pounding and I just stood there, like a fool gaping at Will.

He laughed "Marry me?" He said again.

"Will I'm engaged, you know this about me, it's not like I've tried to keep it from you"

I could feel Will pulling me close to his body and as he did so he said the words again but this time they finally seemed to resonate.

"Marry me Dolly," said Will his blue eyes sparkling.

I pulled away from him keeping both my hands on his chest.

"Tell me Will, tell me how I can? You and me it's nothing more than a dream" I moved away from him, from Henry and walked to the top of the hill. It was a cliff really the hill was just a silly childhood name we had, I stood still and listened to the waves crash far beneath my feet and cascade against the cliffs edge and the sharp rocks bellow.

 "It is not dreams that govern our lives but reality and reality would never allow us to be" I didn't even turn away from the cliff and the sea when I spoke.

Will looked at my back I know with those sad disappointed eyes, he pulled my body around so I was facing him.

 "Reality may govern out lives my lady but it is dreams that govern our souls."

"Why are you doing this to me?" I said

"I did nothing, we, we did this to ourselves"

Will was still clasping me by the shoulders and I was letting him.

"I have to marry Lord Niall, I do not see a way out my father would never allow it and after the promise I made for my sisters how could I even want one?"

"Wanting a way out of a rotten life does not make you a bad person it just makes you human. Let me tell you Dolly Marxby there aren't as many chances in this life as you might think. You love me and I love you, you might not say it, but words can be said by anyone and it's what you do that counts. How many other Will Gilberts to you think there'll be in your life? Do you think that Lord Niall of yours will fill the void because I'm telling you he won't. If you don't marry me now you're sentencing us both to a lifetime of anguish and eternal misery." Pleaded Will

When you are about to reject the marriage proposal of your beloved when is the right time to remove your hands from their chest? It's was late of course but the question still remained, and there I remained engulfed in Will's arms like he was the ocean and I the sandy beach forever waiting for the tide to come in.

 I couldn't marry Will.

I belonged to my family, when it came to them it was ownership not love, but then somewhere the love still remained . I tried to explain that I could marry him, give myself to him but I would never truly be his, that's what it meant to me a Marxby, you belonged to my family and it belonged to you with an incredulous grasp that had no intention of letting go. 

Being a Marxby it was a punishment for a crime I knew only my soul could have committed, because what other explanation could there be to love what holds you prisoner. My love for my parents was complicated they had a power over me that to someone like William was unfathomable. He thought they were trading me like cattle and I was doing nothing to help myself, that I was burying my love for him and was walking with the heard towards a bitter existence.

I cannot say he was wrong but I was a Marxby this is what we do- we suffer for some greater cause. 

"You're going to marry him aren't you, I can see it in your face, your eyes they have gone dark,  you may as well not here when you disappear into your shell this," Will was cross with me and had every right to be but I didn't see the point in getting angry in something that was never going to change.

I stepped away from him finally letting my hands leave his chest and drop to my sides as if that was it, decision made.

"I..."

"Don't say you have no choice," said Will.

"Alright, then I say nothing at all," I replied. 

~

Lavinia was snapped back the present by Anna's motherly call penetrating her ceiling. 

"Lavinia dinner"

Lavinia put down her pen, folded her page in half and sighed.

"Coming" she cried back. She was hungry but knew the only person who would have a full belly tonight would be Frank.

Hi Guys, thanks for reading- this is my first time publishing anything on Watt Pad, so I would really appreciate any and all honest feedback so I can get a sense of where I'm at and where I need to improve. Thank you so much, Chloe.

The posting schedule for The Girl That Fell Out of The Ocean is Wednesday and Sundays!