Authors Note: This is the first draft and is raw at the moment - when I have completed all Parts I will start the editing process. (All critiques welcome) 

It didn't take Charlie long to find Lavinia, the yellow car she had described was parked in the next street. Charlie saw the monstrosity every day, it was a Classic Volkswagen Beetle, every day he looked at the car and wondered to the point of its existence and now two feet from its front wheel lay Lavinia's vomit the universe has answered my question he thought, there is no point. 

Charlie scooped the now unconscious Lavinia into his arms and carried her back to his office he laid her on his sofa with a blanket and a sick bucket. It was another two hours before she woke, luckily she hadn't been sick anymore, lucky for my carpet Charlie thought irritably.

"Sorry," Lavinia grumbled rubbing her forehead.

"What the hell happened Lavinia?" Said Charlie,

"I just needed to, I don't know, blot some stuff out I guess," clearly embarrassed unable to disguise the blush in her pale cheeks.

"Are you going to talk to me or are you going to sit there pouting all day"

"I don't feel well," 

Charlie grumbled something, he handed her a glass of water and some paracetamol. 

Lavinia stayed silent and looked at the floor she didn't want to talk about anything she wanted to go to bed, to pass, to forget.

Charlie felt a sudden pang of guilt like he had let his personal affection and friendship with his patient distract him from his responsibilities as her doctor but he couldn't help being drawn in, but not by Lavinia by Dolly if there even was such a person.

"I did something after you came by," said Charlie.

"I Googled Dolly, or rather I Googled Dolly's house Marxby Manor I figured an estate like that must still exist right?"

Lavinia's face shot up and her eyes blazed at him.

"Why would you do that? I get it, you wanted to check out my story well, I don't know how much of that you will find on the internet." Said Lavinia her voice sarcastic and stroppy.

"You'd be surprised" started Charlie ignoring her.

"I found out about The Earl and Countess of Marxby and their children and they were all named - Lord James, Lady Sarah, Lady Persephone, Lady Fay now, can you tell me what the last name in the list was?" Charlie raised his eyebrows and smirked.

"Well I imagine it wasn't the last name in the list, I imagine I was the third and the name would have been Lady Dolphina, but nobody called me that not even my parents. Look I know it makes sense for you to look for ways to trip me up but I have never researched my family not because I didn't want to because I did, I do desperately it's just I need to remember what happened to me, to look it up would not be the same as seeing it in my own mind, I need to remember what happened to me Charlie I need to know how and why I died," Said Lavinia passionately.

Charlie sat back and reached for his own water but Lavinia stopped him and passed him the letter.

"I might go if that's alright Charlie, my brother and sister are leaving for Chichester in the morning I really should spend some time with them."

Charlie just nodded but in a moment of impulse grabbed her arm lightly, he could see that she was slowly falling apart and was entering this self-destructive mode which he recognised well, it was like looking in a mirror, he began to recognise destruction in others like a cruel gift.

"Lavinia please let me help you and I don't mean by peeling you off the pavement and into my office," said Charlie.

"I wish I had an off switch or a pause button ya know?"

"No Lavinia I don't know (he did), why don't you tell me?" Said Charlie, he moved over to his own chair and leant back.

"I just want to make it stop," said Lavinia with pain in her eyes.

"Make what stop Lavinia?" Said Charlie he kept his eyes on Lavinia.

"The pain." She said closing her eyes as the words left her lips.

Charlie got out of his chair knelt on the floor beside Lavinia but she seemed to flinch away from his presence.

"I know a little something of pain Lavinia, and it is part of being alive. In the darkest, cruellest parts of pain and life, the parts that only you can understand, pain, it is a sorry part of life but it is life none the less and we must cherish it."  Said Charlie not quite able to look at her.

"Do you think I am being selfish?"

"No, I don't think you're selfish, if I found you hanging from a tree, or you over- dosed on pills and vodka then I would think you were selfish. We all wish for an off switch sometimes but that feeling, that desire for the dark it fades and you will, I promise, see the light again.

"I haven't seen the light since my first life and I fear I will not see it again not until I leave this life a second time."

For the first time, Charlie understood the darkness of Lavinia's heart and just how troubled she truly was.

"Lavinia how did Dolly die?" Asked Charlie even though he knew she could not answer.

"I don't remember, I, just can't remember Charlie."

Lavinia rested both her hands and most of her body weight on Charlie's shoulders.

"It's alright," Said Charlie holder her arms tightly, trying to reassure her that everything would be alright. 

"No, it's never going to be alright again," said Lavinia

She pulled away from Charlie, shook her head in dismay and  walked out the office slamming the door behind her, Charlie was still on his knees staring after her. 

Charlie was a Cynic, a lifelong atheist; he did not read his horoscope or believe in luck or ghosts, he did not believe in any God. Charlie believed we lived, we died then we made a tasty meal for the worm's, end of story.

But there was something about Lavinia Gregory that was like trying to catch air between his fingertips. Somewhere along the way he had forgotten he was her doctor and become just like any other human being desperate to know it doesn't all end here. He started to wonder could she be telling the truth, could she have lived before?  

Is such a thing even possible?

~

There's something about train stations.

Lavinia arrived back at the house to find Sam and Andy sitting on the sofa looking at train times.

"Hey, what's going on?" Lavinia stood over Sam and Andy as they huddled around the laptop screen.

"Sis we're going back early, I got this call from a guy at my halls, there's gonna be a party later. So... we don't really want to miss out, we were thinking if we leave now we can be back with time to change, pre-drink ya know?" Sam's eyes briefly flicked away from the computer screen to meet Lavinia's unsurprised eyes and shot right back to looking at the train times.

Andy gave Lavinia a what he said nod.

"Sounds great," said Lavinia.

"She never says she going to miss us," said Sam turning to look at Andy.

"I know it's so rude" she replied to Sam ignoring Lavinia.

Lavinia put her hands on hips unable to ignore their routine.

"You not what else?"

"No Sammy what else?"

"Lavinia's being shifty" he turned his gaze back to meet Lavinia's but Lavinia had already flown up the stairs.

"See what I mean, shifty." Said Sam still staring up the stairs after Lavinia.

Andy just ignored him and continued looking at train times.

Through the ceiling, Lavinia could hear Anna and George had come home, and the clear devastation in Anna's voice when Andy and Sam announced they were leaving a day earlier than planned. Soon there was a familiar crashing sound going on below, Lavinia recognised the sounds of Anna wanting to iron a few last pieces of Sam's clothing before sending him back to University 'uncrumpled'. 

She had no worries about Andy she was perfectly capable but she didn't like the thought of Sam wondering around West Sussex wrinkled and unkempt looking. Then came further thunderous crashing sounds she's going to try and feed us Lavinia thought, bemused to why she had to be fed when she wasn't going anywhere. 

She would have to recruit Frank he would have to take the bullet tonight, there was no way she could eat a thing, not after the afternoon she'd had, particularly one of Anna's well-intentioned meals. Lavinia could hear George and Anna slightly bickering through her ceiling. She decided it wasn't fair to leave Sam and Andy downstairs alone in all the chaos and slowly and cautiously came back downstairs. Andy and Sam were still sitting on the sofa, they pretended to stare at the television while Anna's voice got more on high pitched.

"Soon either we are going to go deaf, or there's going to be a mass gathering of the neighbourhood's canine's right here in our living room," Sam said what he thought was quietly in Andy's ear.

From the other side of the room Lavinia spat out a laugh and George shot him the look.

"I heard that Samuel," said Anna.

Lavinia walked across the kitchen area to join her brother and sister on the sofa. She flopped down next to Sam with next to no grace.

"Don't call me Samuel," said Sam in almost a whisper.

"Now, now Samuel it's rude to whisper," said Anna making Andy and Lavinia snigger.

George just shook his head at Sam and watched as all three of his children shrunk further into their seats.

"I don't see why it has to be this next train," said Anna knowing that she was defeated on the subject.

"My love, they want to go to a party, now I don't want to hear any more about it understand?" Said George gently caressing Anna's chin.

George had such a lovely way of handling Anna, she would burst like a big old volcano and he would just watch, wait and then approach when she had simmered a little. Then in his usual quiet manner and with his knowing gentle touch it was all over, an argument that started and ended with George gazing at Anna and saying my love, they really were the perfect match.

"Trains in twenty minutes team," said George clasping his hands together and giving them a quick we can do this rub.

"Sam, Andrea bags, boot, car, go!"

"I really think they should eat something..." Anna trailed off as George tapped his watched and Sam and Andy jumped into action.

"Lavinia do one last sweep of the house, for phone chargers that sort of thing anything those nincompoops could have forgotten."

"Nineteen minutes and counting lets go team Gregory," said George clapping.

While George and Anna waited for the triplets to come back downstairs and thunder into the car, all flailing arms and legs and bickering, George shot a look at Anna.

"What is it?" He said putting his hand round her waist and giving her a tight squeeze.

"Lavinia's been drinking," said Anna.

George just gaped at her waiting for more information.

"In the afternoon, are you sure?" Said George.

"I saw it on her face when we came back this afternoon but not with the other two, and she was up and out the house before five this morning and waltzed back home in time for breakfast. Something's going on George," said Anna anguish spread across her face.

George took a brief moment to rub his face then looked at Anna.

"I want to talk with her therapist, see what this Doctor Charlton has to say for himself," Said George.

"He won't tell you anything specific she's eighteen years old, everything she tells him will stay private."

"We'll see about that," said George thumping his fist hard against the table and forcing a smile on his face as his children walked down the stairs, out the front door and piled one by one into the car.

Lavinia was sorry to see Andy and Sam go, they were a bright light in a time that had begun to look very bleak. They were always so supportive, or at least they tried to be, it seemed there was an unspoken rule within their relationship. She didn't talk about it and they didn't ask, that way they could play normal all day long if they wanted. 

Of course, 'normal' was often interrupted by night terrors, or flashbacks sometimes both. Lavinia had never really been capable of being in control of her moods either, so one moment she could be happy, or pretending to be happy and the next she would be sobbing violently in her bedroom.

 For a long while her mother insisted that she was Bi-Polar, this turned out not to be the case when at sixteen Lavinia agreed (which is putting loosely) to go to the doctors and 'explore' the option. 

The doctor said she was not, depressed on the other hand she was, but Lavinia could have told him that. When this particular doctor started reeling off medications for her to take 'to help' Lavinia she decided it would be best to boycott doctors for a while, because really, what do they know about spirits and souls that are lost and seem to be floating around the wrong part of existence.

 Nothing that's what until  she met March Charlton, who, okay knows nothing of spirits and souls and things. But maybe, just maybe he knew a little bit about Lavinia, a little bit about Dolly and that made him more than just a doctor in her eyes it made him a keeper of souls. Andy and Sam climbed onto the train and pressed their faces against the window. 

Lavinia smiled and waved them goodbye, Sam pushed his face up against the glass and Anna couldn't help but shed a tear while George pulled her close to him and patted her although she was his prize mare.

 As the train pulled away Lavinia thought of Lord Nial and allowed the memory to tumble its way into her present. He was getting off a train, the first class carriage door was opened and closed for him and he walked steadily towards Dolly smiling.

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Hi guys, thank you so much if you are continuing to read on with Lavinia's story- This a first draft and an ongoing project so everytime someone comments or critiques my work I really appreciate. 

Thanks again, 

Chloe x

The posting schedule for The Girl That Fell Out of The Ocean is Wednesday and Sundays!