Contrary to popular belief, I actually DO have friends outside of school... They're just online.

-----

All speaking English:

     "Okay okay, everyone, calm down." The VC was a mess. Over thirty people were in it trying to talk at once, hair voices merging and glitching into one chaotic mass. Eventually, I just had to use my moderator abilities to mute everybody but myself and a couple other mods. "Alright, I legit just got in here. Can someone explain what just happened??" My work attire was still on from my first day at the job. When I had returned home, my DMs we're flooded with notifications.

     This server was designated to a fan group of about 100 people. Everyone here was a fan of an indie show called Star Killers; a semi low budget animated series based on a videogame, made by only a small handful of people. I had started as one of the random members who just shared my fan art, but over time actually got to know people and come out of my shell. Less than a year ago I was gifted a moderator position and declared as one of the VIPs of the server. Truly a momentous occasion for someone like me.

     ArdvarkVPN was the first of the mods to speak up. He was relatively new here, especially compared to me. "Uh-m... For Killer (me) and anyone else wondering what is going on, Adam (the indie show's creator) was just arrested for drug dealing. The show's being canceled. Even the co founders are giving up on it." I and whoever else wasn't muted gasped. No way! This series had been in the works for over three years now! Worst of all, it was on its final ARC! The biggest, raddest battle was under production! This was why everyone was here; the only reason I didn't go through middle school completely friendless!

     "That can't be right." The concerned Jiminy spoke up. "Surely someone else is going to finish it!"

      To prove it, Ardvark shared his screen so all could see the message from one of the cofounders confirming it. Ardvark was a voice actor for the show, which is probably why he so quickly became a server favorite. I was mostly quiet, just listening to everyone else slowly coming to the same realization as I. ...This server was done for... It might not be immediate, but, it might not be long before we never see each other again...

      No, I just couldn't let that happen.

      I unmuted myself and spoke up. "I can finish the show." Everyone in the chat was quiet for a moment.

      Ardvark. "...Are you sure, Killer?"

      My voice dragged, vocal cords sore from all the talking I had to do at work. "It doesn't have to be super high quality. As long as the story is told, it should be fine." We discussed the topic a little more, but it was already decided in my head. If no one else was going to finish it, I may as well do it myself. I could draw pretty well anyways, meaning I was already halfway there.

      "...Well, if Killer's willing to do it, I'm willing to help." Dicey added. She was also an artist like me.

      "Yeah, from what I know, everyone already recorded their lines, so I should be able to send you all those and the script." Ardvark overed. A few miniscule cheers sounded.

     And just like that, the crisis was diverted and replaced with the excitement of a new project.

      Only problem: now the life of both this show and my online friend group rested entirely on my shoulders...

      I ended up staying up all night, just assembling a small team consisting of my online friends and getting the project started.

     Wasn't even tired when my alarm went off, signaling it was time to get ready for school.

---------------

No longer speaking the Eengish:

- - - - -

Man ya gotta help me my dad just told me I can't keep wearing random pants under my skirt. Can I borrow a pair of yours?

Wtf?
Who is this???

Oh sorry this is Zeya. PLEASE. You have really baggy pants and I don't wanna ask the bigger guys!

Wth you asking me for pants!!?

I'll pay double what they costs promise! Surely you have backup pairs, right?!

Yeah, but....
Ur a girl

So?

...

...

Order your own pants idiot

I CAAAN'TTTTT
T_T
PLZZZZZ??!?!!!!!;!!!!!!!!;??!?!

K fine. You're paying double for them, though.

THANKSSS!!!!

Ugh..
I'll leave them rolled up in that plant by the lockers.
You put the money in my locker.

👍
A pair you haven't worn yet, right?

Sure.

- - - - -

      I snuck around between classes like I was partaking in a freaking drug deal. I was beyond over this skirt, though. Feeling skin rub against skin is just...weird. Maybe the other girls can handle it, but not me!

     The pants were waiting there already. I slipped the wad of cash into his locker and scurried away into the bathroom. The pants fit just right. Yess!

      Too bad I had to ask Bakugo of all people for them...

---------------

      "Hey! Where are going so early?" Kirishima asked as I made my way toward the exit. My gaze was set on the doors. If he hadn't stepped in front of me I probably wouldn't have even noticed him. I had only been there for less than twenty minutes and was ready to go.

      "Busy." I plainly put. Dark circles had built under my eyes. I was tired. Maybe I could get the storyboarding done between now and work instead of....this.

      "I get it, man." Volcano head laughed. A towel was over his bare shoulder and everything. He truly was a gym guy! "But making habits is important. It's good to stick to your goals or they'll break apart!" He slapped my shoulder, an encouraging smile on his face. "You said one hour a day, right? So come on!"

      "Can't... Sorry.." Deflated, I left anyways.

---------------

      "There are three orders waiting, dumb###!!" Bakugo shouted through a window between the kitchen and dining room. Hardcore rock music was playing back there, which was quickly cut short once the window was closed.

      I jumped into a flurry and ran into the kitchen for the meals. It was hard to think straight. Kept zoning out just thinking about the project. Things weren't going too well in that department. Even lowering the quality to simple animatic format was still not enough. The projected time to finish even that would be a couple years! And everyone who offered to help me wasn't actually doing anything!!

      I entered the kitchen and was blasted by more loud music as I grabbed two plates of food.

     ...I gave them to the wrong person. Oops.

---------------

      After scarfing down my dinner so that I was done in the time it took every one else to only eat half of theirs, I pushed my chair back and stood up. I turned and walked away from my family without speaking a word.

      "Remember to do your reading for school, Zeya." My mom called after me.

      "Already did. Rewinding powers, remember?" Not even facing her, I grumbled. My dad who was just kinda watching sighed."

      "What's the rush? You don't need to speak to your mother that way no matter what it is."

      "Just busy." And then I abruptly shut the door behind me.

      About twenty minutes later, when I was already nose deep into the animatic with my drawing tablet, I heard my bedroom door creak open. The light to my room was flicked on, making me flinch and blink uncomfortably.

      "You are going to hurt your eyes like that. Dad stood in the doorway, eyes fixed into a stern glare.

      "Hhh, what is it now..?" I leaned back in my chair and tapped my desk impatiently.

      "You know better than to treat your mother and I like that.."

      "Ugh- yes, yes, I know. I'm sorry. Tell her I'm sorry. I'm just- busy." I glanced back down at the crude rough draft I was sketching out. If this conversation was going to be as long as I feared, I'd completely lose my train of thought and have a hard time drawing the right facial expressions...

      My dad walked further into my room, which was already starting to get messy like it had been before, and peered over my shoulder down at the frame of someone punching another in the face.

      "...So this is more important than a relationship with your parents, then?"

      "Noo!! It's just that there isn't a deadline with you guys! I promised everyone I'd have this episode done in a month, a-and I'm doing this all by MYSELF!!" My arms flailed in the air, back sinking further into my chair with a huff. My arms dropped and I just sat there pouting for a little bit. Eraserhead stood there silently for a moment until he came up with something to say.

      "You can postpone a project... You can't postpone a relationship." ...I said nothing. "Zeyale... Your mother isn't just a mom. She's a person just like you. She has emotions, wants, desires.. as well as things she hates... And she hates seeing you act out like this all the time. She wants to be your friend as much as she is your mother." I felt like growling a little under my breath but knew that wasn't right. I just .. Why couldn't these talks happen later?? I crossed my arms over my chest and sighed in deep thought.

      Why was I being so much of a jerk?

      I loved my mom more than I could ever hope to express. Yet, it was so hard to hide the annoyances and such that always popped up when I was around her. Ugh, being a self aware teenager sucks...

      "I do love her..." I worded. "I just..struggle." Even admitting it was a struggle.

      Dad pat me on the shoulder and turned to leave. "Maybe you should reconsider how you spend your time.. so it becomes easier." And as he passed through my door. "Oh, and keep your light on or else you'll end up with eyes like mine." I chuckled a little at that.

      "Alright, Dad.."

---------------

      I was scared to look at what time it was, so I kept focused on the task before me. I had faked going to bed a while ago, so my lights were off and door closed again. It was a little chilly, so I wrapped myself up in a blanket and never took the red beanie off my head.

     My eyes stung, feeling dry. They were also sore for some reason. Any time I so much as blinked, they threatened to never open again.

     But I was so close.

     The first scene was nearly done! All I needed to do was polish up a couple more lines! It didn't have to look perfect, just readable! It had to reflect the style of the original while also giving it my own stylistic spin. Instead of coloring the characters in, I just gave the characters' lines their signature colors. The fighting was what I put most of my effort into, since I wanted it to be just as exciting as how I imagined it in my head!

     There! Finally done! HaHA! Now I can share my brothers with my friend-ssssss...

     Rewatching the scene in full, it was absolute garbage. I was to delirious to even tell what I did wrong! All I could really tell was that it looked like a five year old tried to draw some of the in-between frames with a crayon, some of the characters looked to just completely switch places for a frame or two, and some parts were just plain unreadable!

     I groaned and comed my fingers through my hair. ...Please no. All the frames I'll have to do. All the hours I'll have to put in. This wasn't like doing homework where I can just read the book for an hour, reverse time, and retain that info.. No! Because every minute counts! UGHH!

      Why was I even DOING this?!

Ding!

     My eyes dropped down to the notification. I somberly opened Discord and read the text...with great difficulty.

ArdvarkVPN: Hey! I see you're still online! How's the animation going?

     I smiled faintly.

Killer_TM: Pretty good! Just a little bit of cleaning up and it should be ready!

ArdvarkVPN: That's amazing!! Excited to see how it turns out! Keep up the good work! 👍

     ...Keep up the good work, huh?...

      I minimized the window, saved what I had done so far, and rubbed my stinging eyes.

      So... I was putting myself through this torture for friendship and online affection, was I..?

      Hm... Guess I was.

      I stood up from my chair, stretched my back, and began the crawl toward my bed.

Du-du-du-ding-ding-ding~

     Craaaaaaap, there goes my morning alarm..

---------------

      That morning I stumbled into the classroom completely out of sorts. My backpack wasn't even over my shoulder. Instead I chose to just hold it like a hand bag since that seemed easier for whatever reason.

     "MS. TAYLOR, I will NOT allow you to make a mockery out of our school uniform!!" The class rep shouted at me... Was it just me or was everything both louder and brighter than usual? I stared at him, blinking with my swollen eyes in confusion. What..? What did I do..? "Do you not SEE IT?! You're wearing your jacket backwards!!" Everyone who had been previously holding it in started to laugh. My eyes shot down at my outfit, only now seeing it! Drats... This is what I get for not sleeping two days in a row I guess...

      My face turned a bright red, the heat falling down the back of my neck even. I shuffled in front of the class quickly, in a hurry rearranging and buttoning up my jacket properly. There were only a few who didn't laugh. I sat in front of one of them.

      Behind me, I heard the mocking tone of explosion hair. "What the h### happened to you?? You look even worse than yesterday." I groaned, slapped myself across the face, and turned in my chair to answer.

      "I haven't slept in two days. Alright, man? Now just leave me alone." Huffing, I turned around. Invisible girl sitting next to me was still laughing a little bit, so with the minimal effort I had I flipped her off and called it a day. That made Bakugo snicker behind me.

      Class continued as usual. Bakugo's occasional bursts of angered yelling, often followed by Iida's reprimanding but equally loud shouts was the only thing that kept me awake. Felt like all my all-nighters from the past were coming back to haunt me at once. I'd assume that just about everyone noticed. Luckily for me, though, only a couple pointed it out. I was even worse than my dad at this point! And he at the very least had a proper reason for it... But not me... Not really.

      I was doing this to myself, and for almost no reason. All this for a group of friends I hardly ever talked to about anything else other than the show and games we liked?? They didn't even know my real name!!

      Was this...really worth it?

      If it meant living like this for the next two years... maybe not.

      But now I just felt stuck at this point.

     If I dropped the project, then all my online friends would go with it....

---------------

      By the time school was done, I was awake enough to function at least. I skipped the gym all together and claimed I was sick to my manager so I wouldn't have to go work. What did I do instead..? You guessed it.

      I fixed all the errors left from last night. All the little bugs and glitches, along with personal issues I had made in such a delirious state. Just listening to my chill music playlist, I worked almost mindlessly, letting the hours pass quickly yet again. I was so in the zone that I completely skipped dinner, which so happened to be leftover night. But I...just...wasn't moving.

      Call it obsession or call it determination, I was trapped.

Riiing, ring!!

      My phone went off, startling me so bad I nearly peed myself! I grabbed the phone with jittery hands, hardly able to hold the phone right.

      "H-he-hello?" I didn't even check who it was.

      "YOU'RE STILL AWAKE, ERASER BRAIN!" I stumbled and nearly fell out of my chair. Whaaaaat the heeeeeck? Bakugo's voice continued to ring in my ears even after he stopped talking. I couldn't think up a proper way to respond. "GO TO SLEEP, D#####!" And then he hung up. I sat there in shock for a while. After staring off into space just holding the lifeless phone to my ear, I turned my attention back to my computer screen. It was only 8 PM. I still had plenty of time before I needed to be in bed! Going to sleep was a pretty good idea, though. I should do that after I'm done with this-- "YOU'RE STILL ONLINE, B####!!" He joined the call I had yet to disconnect from yet, startling me even more. This time I actually did take a tumble out of my chair, the phone following me to the floor. "THAT'S WHAT YOU GET, DUMB###!" The phone laugh after I landed. I pushed myself from the wooded floor and huffed.

      "I get it, ####face!" I let the phone blow a little steam as I pushed myself up and dusted off the school uniform I was still wearing. When I dipped down to pick it up again, he had calmed down. "Why the h### do you care anyway? Not like what I do really affects you.."

      "You really are dimwitted, aren't you??" The phone growled. "One, you kept distracting me in class with all your nearly fainting, and two, I had to cover your shift AS WELL AS MY OWN!" I yanked the phone further away from my head.

      I sighed and rubbed my pasty eyes. "Alright, alright, sorry for that... I'll go to sleep tonight. It's only eight right now, thought, so I still have a few hours.."

      "Are you kidding me??" The kid on the other side groaned. "That's probably what you said the other two nights, isn't it?" He got me there. "I'm not letting you ruin another day of mine. Now go to sleep right now, or I'll blow a hole in your window again!"

      "Right now?! I'm still in my school uniform!"

      "YOU ####### IDIOT!"

      "Geez, why so cranky all of a sudden?"

      "What do you think?! I was supposed to be fast asleep already!!"

      "Pssh, and you call me an old hag.."

       "Give me a break!! It's because I wake up at 5 AM to do my morning workout!"

      "Still kinda early."

      "That's REAL rich coming from you!"

---------------

      Around we went until the stubborn teen declared he'd stay on the call with me until I went to sleep. He kind of felt like a third, much more strict, parental figure. Through his stubbornness alone, I said a fairwell to the scene I was working on, ate -- since I mentioned I only had lunch today and that annoyed him -- and then got ready for bed. All the while he was either texting or calling to make sure I was actually headed for bed. Darn my devices and telling everyone but my parents when I was awake.

      "Alright, I'm in bed now. You happy?" I plopped in and covered myself in blankets.

      "..I'm sorry I was doing my homework because you were tAkiNG sO LoNg!" I tossed my phone further away to the side of me on the bed and stretched out on my back, hands behind my neck. Only the lamp beside my bed was on. It was 9 now. Bakugo kept claiming he was going to be mega tired because of me. The moment brought me back to our little camping trips in those hundred days... I switched off the lamp after a little bit and just laid back, eyes refusing to close all of a sudden. I could hear faint scribbling from the other side of the phone, so maybe that was the case.

     "Uh... You can leave the call now. I'm in bed."

     "But are you sleeping? No."

      "Ugh.." I rolled onto my side and tried to close my eyes, but they just kept popping back open. "Can you stop writing at least??" I eventually turned over.

      "How are you even still awake?? You haven't slept in three days, right?!"

      "Maybe it's because you keep shouting so much.." I mumbled, rolling over again to face the phone. The teen didn't respond and his scribbling was quieter. Oddly enough, I think the constant but minor sounds of pen and paper were what helped to calm my senses down. I started to feel myself getting tired again. It hurt my eyes to close, though. "...Hey, Katze...?"

      "Hhh, what??"

      "So... There's this project I started. An animation of sorts."

      "Is that why you've been staying up so late?"

      "Well...maybe."

      The phone sighed. "Go on."

      "I just... You know, was wondering if I should continue it."

      "Don't-"

      "But-"

      "If you're already regretting the project only a couple days after starting it, then it won't be worth it in the end." To my surprise he gave.. rather sound advice.

     "But I- ...All my friends are excited to watch it... It means a lot to us."

      "So?"

      Though that simple, uncaring question really cut, it...actually kind of helped.

     Was it really worth it to keep this up? For people who at the end of the day I only knew a few small things about? Sure, we hung out a lot, but that was only because we had one shared interest. Take that away and, well... Were they even my friends anymore...?

      "...Thanks..." My voice shook a little. It was a hard decision to make, but I had to make it if I was ever going to sleep. "Guess I'll just... spend my time doing things that will actually help me in the end.."

     "Like your job?"

     I chuckled. "Yes.. Like my job..." I stared at the faintly glowing screen. Really needed to give him an icon image so I'd know when he was calling me next, didn't I? After a few seconds, I yawned. "Good night. And sorry for keeping you up so late."

     Sparky mumbled nonsense under his breath before responding. "Night." And then he exited the call. I only had the energy to turn my phone off after that, sleep overtaking me not even a full minute later.

---------------

     The next day I announced that I was giving up. Many were confused, some even angry. I had only worked on it a couple days, after all. "Weak spined." Some people left right away, seeing their stay as pointless.

      "So... What do we do now...?" I sat in a voice call with a few remaining friends. People like Aardvark, who were only there for the project itself, had already left. Plenty more were already preparing to leave but just didn't know when.

     "We can...delete the server? I dunno. Quest gave me admin privileges the other day so I guess I could do that."

     "M-maybe not yet." I cut him off.

     "I guess we can keep it up for another month... Kinda pointless, though.." Dicey added. Everyone knew what was coming. We had all had this happen to us before. When a project dies, it doesn't take long for everyone to either leave outright or in spirit. Even if people remain, the server'll just feel like a ghost town.

     We all knew this was our fate. Our fate as friends, at least...

     "...You guys have been fun..." I sighed, crossing my arms on the desk and resting my chin on them. My eyes were only half open. I was pretty tired again. Still needed to catch up. It was only six and I had plans to go to bed soon.

     "Hhh, yeah, I'm really gunna miss this group. Y'all wanna play some games before the server goes dark?"

      "Nah.." My eyes shut. "Think I'll go to bed."

      "Alright, good night, Killer."
      "Night, Killer."

      "Night..." I left the call and got ready for bed. My mind was as dull as always. There was a minor ache but nothing more emotion-wise. Hhh, if only I knew how I was feeling sometimes...

      The sun was still setting when I slipped into bed, pulling the red beanie over my head to use as a sleeping mask.

      Hard to know whether you made the right choice or not when you can hardly feel a thing inside.

---------------

     "Hey, Zeya, mind spotting me real quick?" Kirishima laid down on a workout-bench. He could carry a lot more weight than me, so I wasn't sure if that was the brightest idea. But, guess with my reversing abilities I could always just tell him to stop before he had the chance to hurt himself. "I'm glad you're back, by the way." He talked as he started pushing the weighted bar high above his head. "The first week or two are usually the hardest. But, once you get into the rhythm, it gets a whole lot easier."

      I looked down at my blistering hands. "Heh, no kidding. How long do you think it'll take for me to really start bulking up?"

      "At this pace, I'd say about a month."

      "Nice!" That was a lot sooner than I expected, actually. When he was done with that, he spotted me while I lifted half of what he did daily, all the while encouraging me.

      My arms felt like jello when my hour was up. I wasn't even sure if I could use them at work now! Kirishima reminded me to do a few stretches and showed me in order to keep them from stiffening up. Some days he would stay longer, but today he left the same time as me.

      After I'd cleaned up and changed into my work attire and him into casual wear, we headed out of the building together. There sure was a lot I needed to learn about exercising, so i was thankful to have someone more than willing to teach me!

     "Hey, wait just a sec! I want to see if I can lift the big weight now!" Kirishima split from the beaten path toward a mat with a massive weight on it. I followed at a distance.

     "What do you mean?"

      Kirishima grabbed the thick handle bar and squatted, trying to pick it up. Eventually he had to let go.

      "Gah! Yeah, it's still too heavy for me! Haha!" He rubbed his hands and brushed past my shoulder.

     "Got it to wiggle a little bit."

      "Yeah, but that's nowhere near lifting it!"

      "Wait, how heavy is that thing?"

      "About 200 pounds."

      ":o" I was a little surprised by his struggle. He was so muscular I just assumed he could lift anything!

      "Yeah, my goal is to be able to lift this thing over my shoulders by the end of the year! I know, I know, it's a little silly but..." Kirishima was bashfully sharing his insane goal. His smile was so pure. I found myself amazed by his spirit, just staring at him trying to keep up with what he was saying.

      'Kiss his cheek.'

      My cheeks pinked a little and I stopped to rub my eyes. That thought was so random, it hardly felt like my own! Wait a minute, why would I think such a thing in the first place?? We were literally just talking!

     I managed to calm down and continue the conversation about weight goals, but that certainly was a first time thought for me!

     "Do you have any weight lifting goals to achieve by the end of the year? Having one helps keep you motivated and see your progress better!"

     "U-u-uh, yeah! Guess I can shoot for... 100 pounds?" That sounded reasonable enough for a girl my age and stature.

      "Hm, yeah, that should be doable!" He smiled again at the idea. You mean...he believed in me too?

      Maybe it really is about picking the right battles? And since I had just dropped one..this one I'd be taking head on.

---------------

     Something was off. Everything felt fake. Just the way the landscape looked, how still the air was, and how hopelessly alone I felt.

     I stood, the one person for miles in an endless field. The grass was yellow and dry, reaching all the way up to my knees. The sky was deathly pale, though not a cloud was in sight. There was no sun either. Only static light. After a while if just standing around, wondering what I should do now, a rumbling shook my feet. First it was low..but then it started to grow.

Thump-thump-thump-thump

     It felt like an approaching train. I craned my neck in all directions to spot where it was coming from. And out of nowhere, it just emerged. A flood of people, a mass greater than I could ever wish to count, ran past me faster than ever possible! I'm talking the speed of a metro train, man! So fast that a wind blew at my hair, knocking me off balance so that I had to readjust my stance. Once I could, I followed this long thick line of people with my squinting eyes. It stretched from horizon to horizon, and the line itself was at least fifteen people wide! I stared in awe for a moment, wondering how I could ever catch up; IF I could ever even hope to join them.

     My fists clenched at my side. It was...impossible. I already knew how fast I could run, and it wasn't nearly as fast as this mass.

     ...But I had to try.

     I started at a jog, building up momentum with every step. My feet pounded into the dry earth, grass scratching past my legs. Though I stumbled I kept going. Though I couldn't wish to keep up with the whirlwind, at least I might someday know where they were headed! I ran faster and faster until I was at a full sprint! My lungs began to hurt. I didn't know how long I could keep this up.

     But then a hand emerged from the group I ran along side, and another one. And another one also. I picked up speed again. Just enough to reach them. Maybe they would help me!

     I got it! I grabbed the extended hand and instantly gained the speed I needed. Holding onto their hand still, I watched in awe at the remarkable pace I was going. I could cross miles in a minute! Who knows? I may just be able to round the whole world in a day!

     I turned my head to see who it was that was holding my hand. Their face was blurry. I couldn't make out any features. And then..  I woke up.