Children laughed and played as we all attended recess, a joy to hear after living so many years with primarily adults. I was still a little shy to talk to people, but today I determined to try! Today would be the day I would make some new friends!
The little seven year old me pranced down the grassy hill to greet a group of boys playing with a ball. I announced myself to them with a big smile on my face, hoping that would show my interest in joining them. "Can I play?!"
Though most of the other seven year olds ignored me, a few stopped to stare curiously. "Ew, a girl." One boy teased, followed by another one snickering to himself. "Do you even know how to play?!" He asked me. I stopped in my tracks, for a moment staring at my shuffling feet.
"...No..." I admitted. "But-but-but- yu-you can teach me!" I only got a long, half glare from the boys.
"...Eh." They left me to stand alone so they could finish their game. My head and shoulders dropped alike. Maybe...if I watched them enough I could figure it out..? No. Maybe it would be better to see what the other kids were doing.
I forced a smile back onto my face and turned around, marching back up the hill. Once back on a concreted area, I found myself drawn to a group of girls sitting under the shade of the school roof. I approached cautiously, not wanting to intrude or anything but still wanting to join them. The girls were all playing some kind of game with their hands. Hopefully, unlike the boys, they would be willing to teach me how to play.
The moment I sat down with my back against the wall beside them, it seemed as though I had brought some great eldritch god with me. All the girls leaned forwards, staring at me in complete and utter silence.
"...Who are you?" One of the five asked.
"Zeya!" Trying not to let my smile drop.
"Zeya..waa..? What class are you in?"
"1C!" I chimed. At last, conversation with my peers.
"...Ew.. That's the same class Lea is from. You know Lea, right?"
"Who?" I was met with several groans. I listened in as the girls began to conspire in front of me that I was some sort of spy or something. "I- I'm not a spy!"
"Prove it then! Prove you aren't on HER side by telling us who her crush is!"
"Crush..?" That was a new word. "What is a crush?"
"Somebody you like, dummy!"
I blushed and turned my head away, taken aback by the insult. "Like... A friend?"
"Ughh, no! A BOY! A boy you like like!"
"Isn't that just a friend?" My prize for the stupidity award was the booing and hissing of my peers so that I just got up and left. They didn't seem very nice, anyways. Maybe I should go find someone else...
I approached another group of both boys and girls this time. They seemed casual enough. I hoped they wouldn't be as rude as the others.
"Okay so you play the daddy! I'm the big sister...and-"
"O-o-oh, I'll be the little brother!" This looked interesting... This time instead of just jumping in, I sat on the outside of the group for a while to watch what everyone was doing first. They were playing family, specifically a superhero family. They all imagined themselves with different, traditionally flashier quirks and hero names to boot. But mostly they just pretended to be said heroes living the every day life any other human would. This seemed like fun. Unfortunately, by the time I decided to get involved, I had earned myself a reputation.
"Hello!" Jumping down from my perch. I strode over the grass over to the little group. About half of them decided to pay attention to me.
"Who are you??" One rather flamboyant girl, the one playing the mom, demanded of me. I quickly responded with my name. "What are you doing now? Are you the villain?!"
I jumped a step back, shocked, I protested against such accusations with the waving of my hands before me. "No-no!"
"Then why were you spying on us?!" The older brother of this family barged in. Again, I jumped to defend myself.
"I just want to play!"
"Well..." Everyone looked around at each other.
"I- I can be the little sister-"
"We already have a little sister!"
"I can be the aunt."
"We don't need an aunt!"
"I can- I can..." I dropped down to my hands and knees. "I can be a dog! Woof woof!" I tried to crawl my way past the mom, but none of them held any look of acceptance towards me. It was clear they were all happy with the roles already established; I was too late.
"No more people can join the family. Got it??" The mom crossed her arms. I stood up slowly and sighed.
"...Okay." And then I left.
Now, just imagine that, but essentially on repeat. Every. Single. Day.
Yeah... It wasn't much of a shock then that I never did end up making any new friends. And come middle school I had but all given up.
Despite this...there was still a slim sliver of hope..that maybe it could all change this year. Now that I was not only trying to become the best hero I could be, but the best person I could be, too...
---------------
Something was off. Everything felt fake. Just the way the landscape looked, how still the air was, and how hopelessly alone I felt.
I stood, the one person for miles in an endless field. The grass was yellow and dry, reaching all the way up to my knees. The sky was deathly pale, though not a cloud was in sight. There was no sun either. Only static light. After a while if just standing around, wondering what I should do now, a rumbling shook my feet. First it was low..but then it started to grow.
Thump-thump-thump-thump
It felt like an approaching train. I craned my neck in all directions to spot where it was coming from. And out of nowhere, it just emerged. A flood of people, a mass greater than I could ever wish to count, ran past me faster than ever possible! I'm talking the speed of a metro train, man! So fast that a wind blew at my hair, knocking me off balance so that I had to readjust my stance. Once I could, I followed this long thick line of people with my squinting eyes. It stretched from horizon to horizon, and the line itself was at least fifteen people wide! I stared in awe for a moment, wondering how I could ever catch up; IF I could ever even hope to join them.
My fists clenched at my side. It was...impossible. I already knew how fast I could run, and it wasn't nearly as fast as this mass.
...So why even try..?
---------------
And then I woke up. Thank goodness it was to my new alarm. One more 'BRAP' and I might just throw my decapitated head out the window!
I threw my uniform on sloppily and did the equivalent of hiding one's own terrible past by pushing whatever knots I had left in my hair up underneath my hat for the future me to deal with. I skipped breakfast -- who needed it anyways? -- and ran out the door. May as well consider my morning run my daily exercise, because BOY, enough of these every day and by the end of the MONTH I'll be a professional athlete!
I arrived to class a little later than I'd hoped, dropped myself into the chair, and waited for my heart to stop attempting to break out of my chest.
Everyone else were talking casually, but I didn't have much to say. Now was my chance. No one had formed friend groups yet, meaning I had the rare opportunity to make some friends of my own...
Yet...
I sat quietly in my chair, twirling my pencil while watching everyone else do what I seemingly couldn't. Maybe it would be better to wait for a moment when attention was automatically set onto me...so I wouldn't have to humiliate myself by walking up to them.
No wait that is a flawed plan... Darn...
I just set to studying everyone and getting a general read of their personalities from afar to see who'd be the easiest to befriend first. Too bad Mr. Explodey behind me was as prickly as a cactus and as charming as an eel, because it didn't look like he was into making friends at all!
"Good morning, class." My dad slipped open the door, startling everyone. Instantly, there was a mighty thumping of feet as everyone rushed to their seats. Mr. Aizawa stood before his little podium-desk, stern gaze panning over the class until they stopped at me. "Principle Nezu wants to speak with you, Ms. Taylor."
"The principal?!"
"What did she do?!?"
I found my face heating up. Rightly so. This wasn't the kind of attention I had hoped for.
"She is not in trouble." Addressing the rest of the class, the teacher addressed everyone's suspicions directly. He, however, did not explain any further. Stiffly, I stood from my chair and crossed the room, trying to ignore all the eyes on me. This was...not a good start.
I knew where the principal's office was. In fact, being one of the teachers' eldest daughter meant I had personally met the principal before. He was a really kind soul, though sometimes there was an off-putting.. disturbing presence about him. We hardly ever talked before, but I couldn't recall anything bad from the times when we did.
I entered the mouse's office to hear his voice chime warmly.
"It's good to see you again, Zeya Aizawa." Oddly enough, he spoke to me in English. My cheeks heated up again to see there was another stranger among us. Another classmate, it looked like. A shorter girl with blond hair and big, blue eyes. But of course the most distinct thing were her two large horns, just how BIG her eyes were, and her more, almost goatlike legs.
I rubbed the back of my neck and mumbled, "I go by Ms. Taylor in class, sir."
The mouse attempted a small laugh. "Oh, my apologies. Ms. Taylor, meet Tsunotori Poni. Ms. Tsunotori, meet Ms. Taylor." He introduced the two of us to the other. I stepped further into the large and spacious office as to not make myself look like a skittish coward frozen at the door. "You are probably wondering why I have brought you here, Ms. Taylor." Now the two of us girls stood side by side at his desk. "Your father told me you are fluent in English. Is that correct?"
"Co-co- correct, si-sir." My English decided to relapse at the worst of times.
"That is great to hear!" The mouse smiled, paws clasping each other on the desk. "Ms. Tsunotori here isn't quite fluent in Japanese yet, so it is great luck that you are here to be her helpful companion in these first days of school." I chuckled. ..Depends on how much help I can be. "If you wouldn't mind, can you show her around and sit with her at lunch today? You don't have to worry about switching classes or losing sleep over homework. I will give you a pass for helping Ms. Tsunotori." He grinned a little, polite smile. I was shocked.
No HOMEWORK today?!? Well in that case, why would I NOT accept?!
I bowed to the principal. "Thank you for offering me this. Yes, I will show Ms...-her around."
"How delightful. You have the first half of the day to show her around. After lunch, you will return to your own classes as before." Then he turned to and smiled at the other girl. "I sure hope you find Ms. Taylor accommodating. She has been a great joy to our campus these past years." My face heated up again. Why did he have to keep bringing up my history with this school? Everyone's going to start getting suspicious of me... Wait, are we going to run into the SENIORS this year?!? Oh-nonononono...
I left the principal's office and the girl followed. Once we had both left into the silence of the halls, it was just the two of us... We stood around awkwardly.
"...Um, hi." The horned one giggled, raising her hand slightly to wave. I realized that it was I who was supposed to initiate the conversation now.
"-Oh! Uh, so-so-sorry!"
"Heehee, no worries. I'm shy too." My solid wall of uncaringness was beginning to crumble, revealing the anxiety induced half of me that dares never be shown under the light! "So how come you know English so well? Sounds like you have American name." She spoke again, this time in Japanese. She really wasn't all that bad.
"Uhh, my mom grew up in America, actually! She wanted me to learn English so I could talk to her siblings and friends easily! On top of that she's also a language specialist, so she knows five to six other languages almost fluently!... Also y-you don't have to talk in Japanese for my sake! I know English just as well as Japanese...heheh, which I guess isn't saying much.." My head lowered, one hand over the back of my neck now just to cool it down.
"Aww, well I want to practice anyways, since I know I won't always have you around!" She giggled. I caught my standing again...and my cool. The best way to ward off anxiety was with a good plan, so I had to be quick to formulate such.
"Uhhh, you wanna see the USJ?"
"The what?"
"Follow me! You're gunna love it!" I would show her other places too, but I wanted to start with the biggest...to give myself more time to map out the rest of the tour.
---------------
"This feels illegal." Pony whispered as I used an old rusty screw driver to unscrew the cap of an air duct just outside the massive domb.
"Trust me, it's fine!" I sort of assured her. "Besides, it's only illegal if you get caught, and I'm the master of not getting caught!" I hissed a laugh as, at last, I pried off the duct. I pushed the screw driver into a little indent in the dirt and covered it up with a rock. Then I carried the vent top over to the side a bit and leaned it against the wall. "You're small enough. Get in. I have to close up the vent behind you." The girl's face blushed, and it was then that I saw the most apprehension in her. "Relaaax, even if we get caught, I'll just reverse time and call the whole thing off! It'll be like we were never even came here!"
"You can DO that?!?"
"Yehhh, my quirk allows me to reverse time."
"WOAHH... Still feels wrong, though."
"Hah! You're too polite. Now get in." Eventually, she crawled into the ventilation shaft and I followed, leaning the little door over the hole behind us.
As we crawled through, "So how do you know this place so well?"
"Ehh, I grew up around here. My old friend and I used to sneak into this place specifically and play around in it all the time."
"So what is the USJ..?"
"You'll see soon~" After crawling up a decent incline for a tiring amount of time, Pony and I reached the top. She gently hit the vent cover. It didn't budge, so she looked down at me. "Just hit it harder." She whined a small bit, a last hint of worry before punching at the shaft top again. This time it wiggled and hopped so she could easily lift and move it aside. The thing wasn't bolted on still...thankfully.
Light greeted us both as we crawled up out of the shaft. After squinting and blinking under the new light, our eyes adjusted in time to see a land of wonder. "...Woah..." Pony gasped. Beams of light shown down on the insides of the massive dome. Inside, the place was segmented. One section was a big lake, another an entire city, and another was a forest. Furthest to the left was even a cluster of mountains as well! "This is...AMAZING!"
"Shh-" I pointed out to the other girl some movement among the trees. In the forest, another tree sprung up from a small gap in the leaves. "Darn.. The planting family is still here.. They're hired in every year to grow the trees.
"Oh.. Well that's cool."
"And over there is Cementos." I pointed over at the teacher, who was finishing up a building with his concrete quirk. "Heh, looks like they're lagging a little behind this year." I leaned my elbows on the railing which circled the entire dome. Up here, we had a bird's eye view of just about everything! "My old friend and I used to skip school just to watch the kids here. Our favorites were the first years, since they didn't have a clue what they were doing!..." I then sighed, a tiny smile appearing on my lips as I remembered back to those good times. Pony looked at me questionably.
"..Sounds like you and your friend were quite the trouble makers..." She mused.
"Oh yeah! Believe it or not, I was the weary one of us back in those days, but.. he was also my only friend... Couldn't just refuse an adventure with him! Ya know?" I sighed again, this time a tad more mournful. "...We had a lot of fun."
"Where is he now..?"
"I dunno, honestly. He ran away and all that crap.. Haven't heard from him since."
"Oh... I'm sorry to hear that."
"It's alright... Anyways, so I'm kind of excited actually to finally get a chance at having a turn at this test."
"Huh?"
"We're going to do this test ourselves in just a couple weeks."
"Oh! That IS exciting!"
"...How much of what I say can you actually understand..?"
"...About sixty percent."
"Hhhhh... Alright, I'll slow down."
"Thanks." ^^
---------------
I of course did show her around where it wasn't considered "illegal," but that wasn't as interesting. Since I knew a little more than most kids, I kinda knew what to expect for the most part, so I was able to share some of the school secrets with her. All-in-all, she was...surprisingly easy to talk to...
At last, it was lunch time. The most social anxiety inducing time of the day. Thankfully, I actually had someone to sit next to today! Pony and I walked with our trays toward an empty table. But then she did the unthinkable. She stopped and turned to face a table full of kids.
"Hey, Zeya, isn't that Class 1B?" She asked me. I turned and hummed a small question back.
"I...don't know. Everyone looks the same to me." I mumbled.
"Let's go sit with them! I'm going into Class 1B!" She chimed, already beginning to stride their way. I hung behind for a little bit, gripping my tray tightly. I was... scared to move forward, but I also really didn't want to sit alone again. Pony stopped when she realized I wasn't following and turned around. "Come on, Zeya!" She laughed. Terrifying as it was, I...kinda did want to go.
Maybe this was exactly the push I needed. I made my foot move forward. It didn't want to. Felt like a thousand pounds. But once that first step had landed, I rose the second one. That one only felt a hundred pounds. With each small step, it felt just a teeny tiny bit easier. I just looked at my my new friend as she encouraged me to inch ever forward. By the time I reached my chair, my feet didn't feel like weights at all.
Sitting down and looking at the other kids was another story. So many new faces. All strangers I had never met. New people with new personalities. All new opinions and backgrounds. How was I supposed to MANAGE it all?! I sat beside Pony stiffly, silently picking at my chicken and rice. I could barely even listen to the conversation all around me. The thoughts stirring through my head were quite the challenge to sort out. If only there was a way to turn my brain off while around people!
"Hey, Zeya, they want to know what your quirk is! Go on, tell them!" Pony elbowed me. I looked up to over a dozen pairs of eyes all on me. My heart rate picked up. Maybe a chance like this wasn't what I really wanted.. "Zeya?"
I cleared my throat. "I..." I could hear my heartbeat in my ears. Why were they all looking at me? That's not normal. "M-my quirk is.." Why were they all smiling at me? "I can..." I don't belong here. I can't belong here.
<<<<
"Let's go sit with them! I'm going into Class 1B!" Pony jumped with glee. Trying to keep up a dying smile, I backed away with my tray.
"Sorry... I just... I just can't."
"Oh... Well who are you sitting with then??" Looking around for who I might already be friends with. I chuckled faintly.
"...No one."
"Oh... We- well, I'd like to meet my classmates, if that's alright with you."
My fake smile grew. "That would.. That would be alright with me." We parted ways rather awkwardly. I sat alone at a distant table, the sound of my peers' voices forming one big white noise. Other than Bakugo briefly staring at me while he passed by, no one really seemed to notice me. I thought as I ate in silence, angry at myself now for backing away like that. I had what I wanted, didn't I?? No one was threatening or even insulting me! Yet there I was freaking out about nothing!
Maybe... I should retry? What was the worst that could happen?
No, I would need something better to convince myself with.
All of this...fear...was purely emotional. So, if I just, like, maybe decide that I'm not going to be afraid..maybe that will work? Besides, it's not like I can be scarred for life from whatever happens. I already experienced it anyways. So, now that I know what to expect?
That's it!
<<<<<<
I went along with Pony and sat through the whole lunch experience, doing little more than eating and watching everyone else. When lunch was over-
<<<<<<
I rewound time and accepted her offer again. This time, I felt like I knew the crowd well enough to actually interact. Knowing their conversation topics ahead of time, I found I had the courage to speak up and join in. I...was actually able to enjoy myself a little bit, even.
After having essentially eaten the same lunch four times, I felt a lot fuller than I probably was when I at last stood up to leave.
"Hey.." I calmly walked up to Pony. She turned to me curiously. I stuck out my hand to her, a gesture I was sure she knew well enough. "Thanks." She took it happily, a giddy look in her eyes and we shook hands.
"I should be thanking you!" She exclaimed. "I don't think I would have even talked to anyone without you!"
"No, you would... And you did."
"Huh???"
"Rewinding time, remember? You were a little shy at first, but you're still very brave... I probably wouldn't have joined hadn't you inspired me like that." My smile was small but genuine. It really made the other stop and think for a moment.
"Wow, well.. Thank you." She looked up at me, blushing. Her smile was so...precious. The only word I could think of for It. Clearly, though, it was time to go, and I had nothing left to say.
I just pat her shoulder. "Anything for a friend.."
"Friend?"
"Friend..?"
"Friend."
"...Friend."
👍
---------------
I returned to class 1A just in time to attend...English class. Next was math, and then some more reading material. You know, the basics. It was...alright. Kinda bummed that I couldn't just skip the entire day.
One thing that did change, however, was my attitude toward the rest of class. Sure, it was still the same group of strangers as before, but now... Now I at least knew it was possible to make a friend. Furthermore, I was reminded that I was no longer in that time loop, meaning I COULD simply rewind time and try again and again if I really wanted! It was manageable now. So, maybe... Maybe I stood a chance. And even though I didn't really talk to anyone after class, I knew that at the very least, it would be possible to make a friend.
Next challenge was finding out exactly how to do that.
Which, unfortunately for my anxiety, will take some necessary chances to be made. Oh yes, it was finally time to show them all my true personality!
But wait- What exactly IS my personality?
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