My feet ached terribly from walking through the city for the day. I had carried Clark on my shoulders for an hour when her little legs grew tired, mine were now killing me too. James walked ahead of me up the corridor and into the hotel room. There was a sense of peace. I hoped that Marie had finally left with Amber. It was strange to have a name to the face. I didn't recognise the name, and it didn't sound familiar on my lips when I spoke it out loud.

"Shall I lay her down" James asked, holding Bea in his arms, she was fast asleep.

"Okay, yeah, it won't hurt. We can have a late dinner" I replied.

I pushed the stroller further into the room with a sleeping Clark inside. She had crashed an hour ago after her dinner at a restaurant. Spaghetti sauce stained her denim overhauls, and her pink cheeks from the day's humidity were slathered in the tomato sauce too. I felt my lips twitch into a smile as I settled the stroller into the corner of the room.

I jumped into the shower and cleaned away the day. I felt my aching shoulders begin to relax as the muscles softened under the warmth of the water, and the soles of my feet stopped throbbing. I couldn't help but wonder about her now, in the silence and rhythmic noise of the water. Amber, she was real. We had definitely been married. I knew it, and deep down I knew we had been lovers. The loss I had felt was so great, the black hole in my memory so hard to fill, yet I knew her. I hadn't forgotten her, not really. I never remembered anything about my past, a snippet here and there yes, but the only reoccurring thing was her. Her name wasn't Bea, and I was overjoyed about that. I wondered, why she was looking for me? To take me back?! Did I hurt someone?! Had I committed a crime that day?! Or had I always been running from something that never even happened?! Was my only crime, that I had forgotten her?! I pushed her from my mind, not able to bear the way that made me feel, and I finished up my shower.

I saw the phone flashing red as James passed me and took my place in the shower. I jumped onto the bed and picked it up, we had a message. I pressed five and the receptionist relayed a message. She wanted me to come down to reception for something. Had I left something down there? It hit me then, Beas bunny. I had left her bunny. Last night in my haste to get away from Marie I hadn't noticed her drop it in the lobby, but I noticed its absence as soon as we got back to the room. We were so lucky she hadn't noticed yet. I quickly grabbed my black denim shorts and my snug green T-shirt. I threw them on and laced up my sneakers before knocking on the bathroom door to tell James I would be back in a minute.

"Okay sweetheart" He shouted back.

I ran down the hallway and jumped into the elevator. I looked into the mirror, my hair was wet. I ran my hand through it, straightening it out. As the door pinged open I saw the receptionist sitting ahead of me. I smiled, seeing the bunny at the end of the grey marble desk.

"Hello Mrs Grant" She greeted, smiling as I approached her.

"Oh thank god you found the bunny. I would have had a night of restless sleep, it's my daughter's favourite"

"Oh is it yours?" She asked pleased.

I looked at her slightly confused. "Is this not what you wanted me to come to reception for?"

"No Mrs, Sorry must have been an error" she said, checking the computer screen. "We don't have a record of anything here we need to see you about. I'm glad you found the rabbit though" she said, looking back to me with a smile.

"Oh okay" I replied, feeling a little unsure, and slightly unnerved. I turned with bunny in hand to return to the elevator. "Thank you" I added.

The lobby wasn't too busy yet. People were filtering down to the bar slowly but surely, and tourists would be getting ready to head out for dinner soon. I pressed the button on the elevator and waited patiently as it was coming down from the highest floors.

"Sydney"

It stopped me dead in my tracks. I didn't want to turn around. I gulped and held my breath.

She hadn't left.

"Sydney don't run, please"

"It's Sam" I replied quietly, taking a deep breath to steady my nerves. I wanted to run so bad but my legs were rooted to the spot. I turned my head slightly in the direction of her voice.

"Just let me talk to you, please, before you leave" She pleaded.

I let my survival instinct kick in, and I took off towards the stairs at a fast pace. As I approached the bottom step I felt her arms reach out, grab me by the waist, and pull me backwards. I wanted to scream but her hand closed over my mouth. She pushed me into the luggage room by the elevator and slammed the door shut behind us. We both fell to the floor, the darkness of the room hiding the tripping hazard of a mop and bucket of which we had both tripped over. I went to bite her hand from covering my mouth but she wriggled and let me go. I screamed out as her hand left my mouth, but in the darkness came her hands again, they covered my mouth and smothered my scream. I felt her weight on me as she leant in to whisper.

"Shhh, I'm not going to hurt you, just don't scream...please"

She slowly released her grip. The first sense that was triggered as her hand moved was my sense of smell. I could smell her, she smelt sweet like coconut. We both tried to find our breath after the scuffle, her chest rising and falling hard, as did mine beneath her.

She stood slowly. I felt her weight come away. The light came on above us, aggressively flashing, and then it lit the shadows around us. She stood with her back to the door, it was the first proper moment I had had to really look at her. She was slightly taller than I had imagined, fairer, and her voice softer. The obvious was now screaming through my thoughts as I became a whirlwind of emotions. She was real. She was stood in front of me and she was real. She was no longer just the girl in the locket, and with that realisation came the crippling fear and anxiety that unlike the locket I couldn't just shut the clasp and make her go away this time. 

She slowly slid down the door frame as I watched her, and landed on the floor, her head falling into her hands.

I hesitated, watching her and wondering what she was going to do. I was twitchy with the unknown. I wanted to get out.

She looked up. "I'm sorry I did that. I had to talk to you"

"I won't go with you" I said defiantly.

She looked defeated. "I'm not here to force you to come home. I'm here because I haven't stopped looking for you for five years. I haven't seen you since the day you fell from that boat, and when I heard you were here and alive I needed to see you. I need answers"

"You're not here to take me to the cops?" I questioned with worry.

"No, why would I do that" She asked, as tears escaped and ran down her cheeks. She wiped them away with the sleeve of her jacket.

"I thought I hurt somebody. I thought I was in trouble"

"Why?" Amber asked, trying to compose herself.

"I didn't hurt anybody?" I asked again, beginning to choke up with the relief.

"You were hurt Syd. You were the victim"

I felt a lump in my throat. A sudden feeling of nausea, my fingers began to tremble, my feet losing their grip, my legs going to jelly. If I hadn't of been sitting already I would have hit the floor. I had been running from...nothing.

Amber smiled then. She looked at me like we were the only two people on earth, like the room around us had disappeared. She raised her hand and pointed to my hair.

"You have it styled shorter now" She noticed smiling.

"It got in my way" I reflected, touching the tips hanging loosely on my shoulders.

"When you disappeared it was just above your waist, you hated getting it cut. You loved it long" She remembered, before sitting there paused just watching me.

"May I ask you something?" Amber asked.

"Okay" I mumbled, trying to hold myself together. I lifted my legs to my chest, hugging my knees.

"Where did you go after you went into the water?" She asked, her hand reaching out and touching mine. I flinched and she pulled it away, realising her action was a mistake.

"I ran. I panicked I guess. I didn't remember anything. I lost all of my memories and had no idea who or what I was"

Amber looked down to the floor. I knew this must be painful for her. "I always believed you were out there somewhere" she whispered "I knew you wouldn't leave me voluntarily"

I fiddled with Beas bunny in my hands, avoiding Ambers eye contact. "I'm sorry"

"You're sorry? I'm sorry. I should have looked for you harder"

"It wouldn't have helped. I didn't want to be found. I ended up in Colorado"

"You did?" Amber asked amused. "You always hated the cold" she said, smiling at the thoughts it conjured for her

"I did?" I had surprised myself. I wanted to know more. I looked at her now, really just sat and looked at her. She looked as beautiful but much more so, naturally, than in the locket. I noticed the things that made her real. She had mannerisms and movements now, that brought her to life. The way her creamy skin was dashed with tears, the pink blush of the blood that was rushing to her cheeks and the tips of her ears, it made her utterly raw and unapologetically human.

"That's why you loved Florida, it was warm" She replied, smiling briefly.

"That would explain a lot" I realised, thinking back to all the times I had begged James to move to California for the climate.

"I thought you were dead" Amber confessed as she inched closer. I could see her fighting the urge to reach out and touch me. I had no words to offer that would even touch the surface of her pain, and they certainly wouldn't comfort her.

"Did you have injuries?" Amber asked, as she placed herself next to me now. She removed her jacket and tossed it aside.

"I was pretty messed up, black eye, bashed up lip, and the worst was the wound under my ribs it took a while to heal over" I lifted my T-shirt and showed her the scar. "Seemed to help my cause though as most people didn't ask questions. They assumed I was a battered woman escaping an abuser or something equally as awful. It made it easier to hide. Nobody asked questions when they saw the bruising."

Amber's fingers ran over the scar. I flinched at her touch. Her eyes were mesmerised. I pulled my T-shirt down and she was forced to pull her fingers away.

I sat quietly observing her as she talked about Sydney. I watched her lips, her face, and her body language. I felt like I was dreaming. Only she was no longer a dream and neither was I. I hadn't noticed her stop and stare at me as I got lost in my thoughts.

"You've changed" She noted. I snapped out of my thoughts. She smiled, her lips were glossy.

"Having a baby will do that to you" I replied, without even thinking.

"Marie told me about that" Amber confessed with a frown.

"It's what saved me" I explained "Being a Mother. It made me feel whole again"

"You always wanted to be a Mom" She told me, smiling softly.

"I did" I asked with surprise.

I remembered when I had Clark and how I had wished I had had the memories to answer that question. Would I make a good mother? Did I have a motherly instinct? Was this something I had wanted?

"We had started all the work at the fertility clinic to start our family. We hoped it would happen after we got married" Amber remembered with a sigh.

I took a deep breath and lost myself again in my thoughts. Amber noticed my absence.

"What's her name?" She asked.

"Whose name??" I replied, confused.

"The baby, what's your little baby's name?" Amber asked again.

"Oh her name. It's Bea. Her name is Bea"

"No way" Amber replied. "That's amazing" she continued with a grin.

"Why?" I asked as I watched her open mouthed, and trying to make sense of what I had said.

"You suggested that name with me" she revealed solemnly.

"I picked that name?" "With you?" 

What the hell was going on, this wasn't making sense.

"You had a way with playing with words. You got it from my name, Amber rose Beaton. I talked you out of it. I thought Bea Beaton was taking your play on words a tad too far" she smiled at the memory "The poor kid would have hated us. Anyway we planned on a unisex name in the end"

"Oh my god" I whispered under my breath, beginning to freak out.

I stood up with my hands running through my hair. This wasn't making any sense. Things were piecing together in the most back to front way. Amber stood up and pulled my hands into hers. Her face inches from my own. I could feel the warmth of her breath on my face.

"I'm so sorry for throwing all of this at you. I don't know what else to do. I can't go home with you, and I can't go home without you. I need some sort of closure Syd, I mean Sam, shit sorry"

I wanted so badly to give that to her, but how could I give her closure if I didn't even know myself how this was all going to end?!

I looked down at the floor. I felt her fingers suddenly under my chin, her thumbs caressed my cheeks, stopping and starting over my jaw.

"I missed this" she whispered softly. "I missed how you feel under my touch"

We stood there then for what felt seconds, but the clock on the wall had moved on by at least two minutes when I glanced up finally. I knew what she wanted to do, it was clear she wanted to erase the space between us, place her lips onto mine and go for the ideal ending to this. Her eyes looked so deeply into mine that I felt her looking for something inside of me, looking for Sydney. I shifted on my feet and broke the silence.

"Amber, I'm not the same girl. I'm not Sydney anymore. I don't even know who Sydney was"

She broke away, bending to pick up her jacket. I noticed the girl on her arm sleeve. I reached for her arm gently, looking closer.

"Let me guess...Sam doesn't like tattoos" Amber returned sarcastically, picking the jacket up and swinging it over one shoulder.

"I do actually. I just haven't had one, well not counting this" I said, letting her arm go and lifting my wrist. I rubbed my fingers over the Honey Bea tattoo, but found my eyes fall back to Ambers arm sleeve.

"It's you" Amber confirmed, noting my gaze.

"I guessed maybe it was. The sleeve, it's pretty great work, you know, from an artist's point of view"

Amber laughed. "You're an artist, are you kidding?"

"No. Why?" I asked, surprised by her sudden change in body language.

"Sam you seem to have picked up all of Sydney's traits, her gifts, and her job even. You notice something?" She asked me, looking absolutely defeated.

"No...what?" I was unsure of where this was going

"You have reclaimed everything naturally, everything beautiful and brilliant about you it's all still here. You're almost the same person...only you forgot one thing"

"And what is that?" I asked.

"You once told me that whatever happened in your life you would always have me, deep down in your soul, even if god forbid we had gone separate ways, which we both knew wouldn't happen. You told me a love like this burned so deeply inside of you that even death couldn't destroy it. I wasn't just your lover and your soul mate. I was a part of you. I was a natural ebb and flow that couldn't be removed from you. Just as you couldn't survive without oxygen you couldn't survive without me, it was like living with half of your heart. It seems though, that you underestimated the power of the mind to delete me like a virus on a computer. I've been deleted from your entire hard drive."

I reached out automatically to touch her, to comfort her even, but she flinched away. "Tragic really" She continued angrily, as she put on her jacket and started walking back to the door.

I stepped into her way, putting my hand on her stomach and holding her in place before me. I couldn't let her leave like this. I had gone from the captured to the captor. I couldn't have her leave yet.

"What is?" I asked, staring at her intently.

"I spend five years of my life just existing, waiting for that phone to ring, the door to go, and awaiting the police to knock and tell me they have found your body, then your bones, sick to the stomach, raging, sick, then numb so fucking numb that I push my entire family and friends away. I feel nothing for four years, nothing, an empty shell with nothing to give anyone. I've kept the world at arm's length, while inside I'm not there. I'm not there in the moments I'm with people, I'm not there in the moments I'm in bed with someone trying to forget you, and I'm not there with Marie. I'm not there. I'm not fucking there Sydney"

Tears began to stream down her face, falling into the creases of her mouth and down her chest before disappearing into the fabric of her T-shirt. The pain in her face was horrifying. I could feel her body shaking, and the sobs were coming from somewhere so deep down inside of her that I feared she would be swallowed up right in front of me.

"Amber, I'm so sorry" I begged, now holding her against myself trying to keep her from leaving again. Instinctively I leant into her and kissed her softly on the forehead, just trying to stop the pain.

"I'm still there" She confessed quietly, her voice muffled by my T-shirt.

"Where?" I whispered back.

"I'm still on the boat" She finally responded.

I could only just make out her words in between the shaking and the sobbing. I couldn't let her carry this any further. She was right, she needed some closure. I may not remember our life together but to her this was yesterday, to her I'm still her wife.

"I want to remember" I said honestly.

"No you don't" she disagreed, removing herself from my embrace "You're happy. You have a family. Why would you want to remember me. Like you said... shes not you, she's gone" She wiped the tears on her sleeve and pushed me aside, grabbing the door handle.

"Where are you going" I asked desperately as she stepped over the threshold and  into the lobby.

"I'm going home. I need to do what Drew told me to do years ago. I need to lay Sydney to rest"

"Who's Drew?" I ask, desperate and following her out into the lobby.

She turned around and paused. Pushing her fair hair to one side she answered "Your sister. Well your best friend actually but to you and her you are sisters"

"What's she like?" I asked, clinging onto the information she offered, as if it was a life raft.

"Butch and bitchy with a side of psychotic" She replied, wiping her face on her T shirt and walking on.

"Oh okay, wow, not what I expected you to say" I confessed.

Amber stopped walking and turned around. "I'm sorry that wasn't right. That's how I feel about her and not how she was with you. You two were inseparable since kids, and you moved in with her when your parents died"

I felt my legs go weak. Amber returned to me and held my shoulders. "You okay?" She asked, steadying me.

"I didn't even think about my parents or my friends. I feel sick just thinking about it. There's so much I don't know. I feel like I have finally got some puzzle pieces and now you're leaving and I have no way of piecing it all together"

"I wish I could stay" Amber said regretfully "but I can't. I'm ready, I'm ready to go home. I have to let her go now. I can't do this another second. I can't pretend she's coming back"

"Please Amber" I begged. "help me fill the blanks" I begged.

I knew she needed the closure, and I wanted her to have it. I just needed more information.

She let go of my shoulders. "Sam I'm stood here in front of a ghost. I'm looking into her eyes and she's no longer behind them, eyes that sparkled when I entered a room, eyes that looked into mine and said yes as we married, and eyes that captured my heart. I'm looking at her lips, lips I have kissed a million times and lips that have kissed my entire body. I'm hearing her voice, her sweet voice, the voice that I heard a million I love you's from, and the voice that asked me to marry her. I stand here, knowing I'm seeing her, but that she is no longer there. I would rather die myself then torture my soul one more second with a ghost, a shell my beautiful wife left a long time ago. You aren't Sydney. I get that now. She's gone"

I stood silent. A single tear dropped off of my chin. The reality of the situation was unbearable.

"Here take this" Amber said, handing me a white piece of paper. I took it from her hand.

She turned to leave, fresh tears ran down my cheeks blurring my vision slightly as many more filled my eyes, but before they could fall Ambers hands firmly gripped my face, and her lips touched mine slowly. The kiss was so soft and gentle. It was a only a moment, one sweet second before she again began to break away. "Goodbye" She whispered.

I felt something stir deep inside of me as I was left stood there alone in its wake. A longing. I opened my eyes but before I could shout after her she had taken off and disappeared up the lobby and out into the city.

I sat myself in the nearest chair and shook uncontrollably. How could that be it? After running for so long how could it be over like that?

I touched my lips with my fingertips. I could taste her. I felt the paper in my hand, quickly turning it over I found Drew's name and number. She had left me with a connection and someone who knew the answers.