Present day

I lay awake watching Bea, shes currently asleep, sucking her pacifier in and out of her little lips, in smooth motions. I'm wondering how peaceful it must be, to know you are cared for and loved with not a worry in this world.

My head is rested on my hand on the plump white hotel pillows. My body was twisted around Bea in a protective shell, curling my legs up behind her. Reaching out I softly smoothed my fingers through the little bit of dark brown hair on her forehead, making sure to keep it from her eyes and quietly soothe her into a deeper sleep. She had moved from her travel crib at about Seven PM, into our bed, when she had woken up cranky. I had fed her to quieten her so that she wouldn't wake Clark. Clark though, she had not even stirred in the little room attached to ours. I had checked on her multiple times in the past two hours, and she had crashed after her dinner in there with not even a sound. Each time I peeked around the door I found her in a new position, and uncovered by her sheets. It was her way, she had always slept all over the place. I re-covered her every time, resisting the urge to kiss the top of her forehead as I did so. My oldest baby was getting too big, and independent too quickly. I needed her to stay this size forever. It didn't seem that long ago that it was Clark encased in my protective embrace in bed besides me. I took a deep breath at the thought.

"Are you okay honey?" James appeared in the bathroom doorway opposite the end of the bed. A white towel wrapped around his waist and his lean toned torso covered in beads of water from the shower. He pulled a small towel off of the heated rack in the doorway and ruffled up his sandy hair until it was dry enough to smooth back and leave to set naturally.

I leaned up onto my elbow. My chin resting in my palm. "I guess" I answered, exhaling deeply.

He looked at my pouting lips and strode over to the bed. He sat down and I turned toward him, my arms reaching out around his neck. He brought me into his cool wet body and I deeply inhaled the smell of his male cologne. It brought memories back of the years I spent searching for a cologne I could actually stand the smell of. I was repulsed by most of the strong smells that men usually wore. I could never understand it but put it down to having a sensitive sense of smell.

I felt his body shake with laughter and leant back to look up at him. He had the biggest grin, it made his blue eyes light up and the creases in his laugh lines deepen.

I hit him lightly against the chest. "What are you laughing at" I whispered with a laughter in my voice.

"You're thinking about how you hate my cologne aren't you?"

"No" I replied, grabbing him again for a cuddle.

He leant his weight on me, and pushed me down onto the bed beneath him, leaning in to kiss my lips. The moment I felt the prickle of the stubble on his chin I flinched away.

I squealed with laughter, and hid my face in his neck. He kissed the side of my neck in a frenzy as my laughter grew louder.

"Go shave, Mr" I whispered into his ear. He sat up, straddling my small frame, and dwarfing me with his large body.

"I'll have you know Sammy, that I shaved this morning, and every morning the last two years too. If I wanted to though, I could have a huge beard, and guess what? You would have to just live with it, and kiss me anyway. Wife"

I grabbed his shoulders. "James, if I met you with a beard we wouldn't even be married sweetheart. If one should appear now, I'll be filing divorce papers"

He grabbed my petite waist and pulled up my white T shirt and blew bubbles on my stomach. I writhed around on the bed trying not to wake up Bea.

"Nooo, get off get off. James stop it" I protested, writhing around under his huge weight on top of me. When James did this I honestly couldn't breathe. He finally came up from my stomach. Moisture glistened against my skin and around my navel.

He kissed me on the forehead, and stood up and dropped his towel to the floor. I sat up and pulled my dark hair into a pony tail and tied it up tight.

I looked down to where James had removed his towel. His penis was starting to stand to attention "Put it away James" I begged.

"You Love it" he sung amused.

"I really don't" I replied, my hands covering my eyes as he got closer.

"You do" He protested with a cheeky smile, wiggling it towards me.

I reached down, grabbed the white towel and smacked it across his bare legs.

"Ouch... Sam stop" He protested, jumping into the air. I giggled. He walked away and grabbed his boxer shorts and stepped into them. He pulled a baby blue shirt over his head and smoothing out the creases. I passed him his chinos and turned towards the freshly awoken Bea.

She woke up startled and whimpering. I lifted her onto my lap, gently rocked her, and she began to fall once again into a sleep. Her pacifier doing a great job at keeping her calm. I turned to James, he was now in the mirror putting products through his hair to style it for our night out.

I had to confess. "I'm not sure I want to leave them with the hotels nanny service"

James looked back at me in the mirror, tilting his head. "You never want to leave them anywhere, not even at home, but we need some time just you and me too"

His expression was pleading, and his eyes sad, knowing that I would turn him down once again.

Ever since Beas birth I had not let her out of my sight, not once. It wasn't unusual. I had been the same with Clark. At first I thought it was a natural mothers reaction, but as the months went by I realised even her being in her nursery at night was too far from my watchful eyes. Clark had always slept in my bed, she didn't have a nursery at the time. So with Bea this was new territory. Unless she was with either me or James...I panicked. I couldn't do it. I had dreams at night she was missing and I couldn't find her, they tortured my soul. If it wasn't dreams about losing my daughters, it was dreams of her, the girl in the locket, but those I pushed away, deep down inside, and not once since I met James have I allowed her to get to my head or heart like before. I think somewhere deep down I knew it was the fear of losing my children to another memory loss or that someone would find me and come and take them away from me. Perhaps someone from my past. Not knowing always chipped away at me.

"Can we order room service?" I pleaded.

Standing with Bea balanced in my small arms, her chubby legs swinging over my wrists I looked into James's eyes, and pleaded for him to let it go one more night.

"Please James, after today's incident at the park. I can't leave them. I feel sick about the whole thing. Let's just have a night together, all four of us safely tucked up together... Please?"

He reached out and took us both in his huge arms. "Of course. I'm sorry honey"

He was so good. I was his wife sure, yet for the last year and a half, physically, I hadn't been there for him. Since I had Bea I hadn't let him touch me. I even resorted to seeing a therapist about it. When she started poking about in my past, I left. I loved him, I did. I just didn't know when the lines had got blurred from "in" love to plain, friendly love. I was so scared. He was my life, him and the children, and I was beginning to pull away from him. I wasn't in control of it. This trip was meant to bring us back together but I was doing a great job at sabotaging it. Tomorrow I would do it. I would be with him. I knew though that I had been saying that every day for the last six months.

He pulled away from the embrace and went about propping up the pillows and smoothing out the blankets and he gestured his hands out towards the bed with a gleaming smile.

"My ladies" He softly gestured.

I lay myself propped up high on the pillows and allowed Bea to gently nestle her head into my shoulder. James eased himself down slowly beside me. He put his arm around me with remote in one hand and a room service menu in the other.

I leaned into his chest and I allowed myself to relax for the first time. I had a feeling this nightmare hadn't ended, but tonight I would leave it at the door and allow myself a moment to enjoy my family.

I pushed my dark glossy hair from Bea's face and smiled as she sucked away at her pacifier, oh to be her right now.

James flicked the channels onto an adventure movie, and called up for two burgers with fries, and a bottle of Beas milk to be heated up.

I looked towards the white curtains blowing in the night's breeze. Through the parting I could make out the lights of Paris. I had a sudden urge to go to the window. I slowly lifted all of Beas weight over to James arms. He adjusted and softly soothed her with his hand.

"Where you going?"

"Shh" I said, looking down at Bea wriggling into her new position. I pointed to the window and crept over slowly as to not wake Bea.

I gently raised my hand and pulled back the white cotton curtain. The lights of Paris were glowing brightly. Down in the streets below I could see the people all milling about and sitting in the outdoor restaurants. It sounded delightful to my ears, the sound of music drifted up from the local bar. I knew it instantly it was the Beach Boys "don't worry baby" I smiled, and I looked onto the Eiffel tower standing lit up in all its beautiful glory. The song and the view began to trigger an image. I pushed it away. I knew I had been here before, and that song, I knew it well. But as usual the images got wiped away and pushed deep down. I had been doing that a long time. I didn't want to know anything anymore, it wasn't my life.

My hair blew upward and covered my eyes. I pushed it away and shut the window tight to keep the music out. James could see by my face that there was something wrong.

"A flashback" He asked, with worry in his voice.

He knew I had had them time to time. Once on a trip to California, and once at our friend Vinnie's art gallery opening. They always came out of nowhere, and always left me breathless and sick.

I shook my head "no" and walked to the bathroom, shutting the door behind me and splashing water onto my face. I looked back at my reflection.

"Keep it together Sam, keep it together" I repeated.

I closed my eyes tight, visions of an emerald dress relentlessly forcing their way into my mind. Cameras flashed away in front of me.

I opened my eyes and thanked god when James called me from the other room.

"The room service is here"

I wiped the water from my face and shook myself off. I went out to greet the guy with the trolley, and once again I began to force the visions of the girl in the locket deep down inside.