It was an early dewy morning and the sun had barely broken over the English countryside. The mornin' mist hung over the lush and rollin' green hillsides. There were cattle and horses roaming in the distance; grazing and making sounds against the peaceful backdrop. It reminded me of home very much. The crickets murmured. It was so very quiet and somewhat cool. I was leaned over on the railin' on the wooden deck, a plastic cup of water nearby. I had my robe pulled around me tightly as I worked on my cigarette. It was kind of short and my bare legs were cool. I had been asleep for about four hours. I closed my eyes and my head spun. I sighed audibly thinkin' about the night before.

It was a vivid memory of sweat, white knuckles, pulsating grind, and breathlessness. It was different this time...different than it had been up until now. It was the first time that absolutely nothin' was between us. Nothing. Our sex life would never be the same...not after last night. I couldn't get it out of my head... the way he tasted, the way he smelled, the weight of his body on me. The way I clung to him, the way he clung to me. I couldn't shake the memory of Roger's hands on my legs or the way I raked his back with my fingernails. My back hurt from archin' up from the mattress so much. Last night was the first night that I had ever cried out in bed...that's how good it was. It wasn't like me at all and it was empowering, liberating and I knew now I wouldn't shut up again...I don't think Roger would want me to. It was a huge ego stroke...for both of us. At one point, I had put my hand over my mouth but Roger reached his arm up to me and pulled my hand away. Let's just say that he was in a position where he had to reach...I'll keep it classy. As for Roger and how he felt about last night? Well, he was drained. Completely. Drained. Maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe it was...well, you know...somethin' else but I could feel myself absolutely glowin'. All over my body I could feel a radiance. I imagine if I looked in a mirror my cheeks would be flushed, and have circles under my eyes. But, I'd be illuninatin' a glow that you could only achieve from havin' really raw, uninhibited...untamed, passionate, sss...

I heard the sliding glass door behind me open, which jolted me back to my senses and nearly gave me a heart attack. It startled me so that I gasped and nearly burned myself on my cigarette. I hallway turned around, losing my balance a little.

"Jesus, Brian...you scared the hell out of me." I could feel my heart racing. I touched my hand to my face. I was sweating despite the cool morning. My skin had become so hot. This was a really bad time to be naked underneath my robe. I attempted to pull it even tighter around me.

"I'm...I'm sorry. Wha, wh...what are you doin' out here anyway? And why are you up so early?" He asked walkin' over to the railin' with me. He looked so sleep deprived and hung over...it was excellent.

"I could ask you all the same." I said. "I was afraid I'd sleep through my pill and I was cravin' a cigarette. Didn't want the smoke to wake Roger."

"Hmm...that's sweet" he responded. There was a silence as we stared out over the morning pastures.

"So, are you gonna' tell me what you're doin' up this early?" I finally asked.

"I needed a pot of tea...badly." He answered a bit sleepily.

"Mmm..." I shook my head. We stood there in silence for a bit. We could hear the cows in the distance. Occasionally, a horse would whinny and that immediately brought back a flood of memories for me. The morning breeze played and danced in all those dark curls of his. I couldn't help but stare at him. He looked in the deepest of thought. Brian was deep. There was a lot goin' on in there. But I'm not sure how often he unloaded it.

The sound of a tractor already working on his daily mow now serenaded the otherwise silence. He had a striking profile. And hadn't even bothered putting his shirt on this morning. Obviously, he had no idea I would be out here. I continued workin' on my cigarette and gazing over the farmland.

"Uuuhh...how did you...sleep?" I asked, breaking the silence between us. God, that was a stupid question. I already knew the answer... he shook his head.

"Not great. John and Veronica are like havin' a live porn show beside ya'." He answered, still looking in front of him. I couldn't help but laugh.

"It's aaalllllways the quiet, mannerly ones...those are the ones that you gotta' keep one eye on at all times." I answered him. I was still looking out over the farms.

"How the hell did you sleep through that?" He asked.

"I didn't. But Veronica wasn't the one keepin' me awake." I winked at him.

"N...nno...not...that I'm lookin'...or...anythin'...but...you got a bruise on your thigh 'bout the size of my thumb." Brian said rather tentatively. I exhaled smoke in front of me and looked down. I then looked over at Brian.

"I may have a bruise but believe me, Veronica probably has a concussion. Clearly, she and John should have been in the room with only the mattress on the floor. Had I known, I would have made a much better judgment call on that one." I said as dryly as I could without laughing. That got a chuckle out of Brian. He knew I was right.

"Are you and Veronica stayin' for the whole show tonight?" He asked me, still not making eye contact with me.

"Yeah, of course we will. We won't miss any part of it. We promise to scream when Freddie introduces each of you." I answered him exhaling another puff of smoke. I laughed a little.

"Good." There was another silence. "You...didn't....hear this from me...but...it means a lot to Roger...when you're there." He finished. I smiled and looked down toward the banister. Neither Brian nor I said anything. We just stood there gazing at the view. I reached into my pocket and pulled outa pale blue, circular container. It looked like a compact. I flipped open the top and clicked it into place: FRI, it read. I pushed the pale peach pill out of the foil and closed it up again, picking up my nearby water. I poured the rest of the water out over the banister after swallowin' it down. I was halfway through my cigarette. We continued to stand there in silence. I wondered if he was at all cold, standin' out here without a shirt and all. I also wondered if he was going to inside and check on his tea. It felt like we had gone a long time without sayin' anything.

"I saw your sketch book." He finally said. I turned to look at him. "I saw the whole thing. You're very talented."

"Thank you." I answered. He was quiet again, both of us gazing in the distance inhaling the smell of the damp, autumn grass.

"You captured John and Veronica well. You have so many sketches of Roger." He paused. "Who's the girl? With the long hair?"

"That's my friend Chrissie." I answered.

"Hmm...she's pretty. Please don't take this the wrong way but...she's no you...but she's very pretty." Brian said. I hadn't turned to face him.

"Yeah...she is. She's a very nice person." And idea popped into my mind. "Maybe...maybe I could introduce you to her sometime." That brought a bit of a strange look from Brian.

"I don't know..." was all he said. There was another long silence between us. "I know you gave John money when we started up here this weekend. You come from a wealthy family, don't you?" I could feel Brian's eyes on me. I turned to look at him feeling suddenly very vulnerable.

"Don't look at me like that! Roger knows! I'm not hidin' anythin' from him!" My answer was a bit defensive. He turned his face toward the pastures again. "What makes you so sure of that, anyway?" I said, my tone gentler.

"It's everywhere. Your flat, the way you dress, the way you talk, the way you carry yourself...all the designer clothes you packed. Ballet. Art. How neat and without flaw ya' luggage is..," Brian hadn't taken his eyes off the pastures. "...that gleam in your eye when ya' look at Roger...it's got so much class and romance in it. You...have knowledge of how to color hair...and most people don't." He finished. I didn't say anything for what seemed like a long time. I honestly felt a bit attacked.

"My parents are champion horse breeders... I grew up on an estate and rode English saddle for many years. I've had a very comfortable life. There. Are you happy now? Now that you got me all figured out?" I knew my words were a bit harsh. There was a certain sadness to my little speech. We were silent again. I took a long inhale on my cigarette. Brian finally spoke again.

"That's the thing..." he paused. "...you're impossible to figure out. Your personality and your upbringin' don't match...that's a compliment." Brian smiled. I looked down to my feet, blushing a little. He shook his head. "You let people be themselves around you and it's so easy. I've never seen Roger let his guard down so much. He's so...him around you. You're the first girl he's ever been with who's actually out of his league. So, I guess what I'm askin' is...what is it? What is it about you? You walk a fine line between refined and wild. So what is it, Lydia? It's like...like...you're a five ticket thrill ride!" Brian looked at me with the most perplexed look on his face I'd ever seen. I smiled and took another puff on my cigarette and looked at him.

"A hand stamp will do." Was my response, indicating that I didn't need all the glitter and gold to impress me. Brian must have liked that answer because this was the hardest he had laughed thus far this mornin'. I took one more puff on my cigarette before hurling it out into the wet grass. "I think I'm gonna' go back inside now." I said. "But, before I go back to bed...um....do you...would you care...can I sketch you?" Brian shrugged his shoulders.

"I...guess so. Sure." He answered. I motioned for him to follow me inside. His tea was ready and so I went to the couch where I had left my sketch book the night before and turned it to a blank page. I was runnin' out of space between the drawings I actually put in the book and all the extra that I crammed in there. Brian was in the kitchen preparing his tea. I could hear the liquid hit a tea cup behind me. He gave it a stir because I could hear the spoon clangin' on the cup. He came into the livin' room.

"Sit over there." I pointed to the end of the couch. I examined him a moment as I sat in the floor and made sure my robe was tucked around me tightly. "Okay, you just drink ya' tea. I won't be long." I assured him.

"My, this is a bit awkward. And how do you get Roger to sit still long enough for this?" Brian asked me as I started to work.

"Wait...wai...jus...just relax...don't pose. There! There ya' go. That's better." I laughed at him. "Roger doesn't mind. He'd let me sketch him all day." I was so tired but I knew I'd be done quickly and I couldn't wait to go back to the sanctuary of that dimly lit bedroom.