I used to ride a bicycle to school when I was in elementary.

I never told anybody how much that meant to me, and I don't think anyone could ever understand how happy I was doing such a mundane thing. I can say for sure that it was my favorite part of the day---waking up early in the morning just to take the long route to school on my yellow bike decorated with white ribbons and a small basket that was big enough to carry my snack box.

It felt liberating to ride against the wind on my face, floating my hair in all crazy directions, with the morning rays warming my skin.

'I wish I could ride a bicycle forever, everywhere!'

I remember not caring much about how disheveled I would look when I reached my destination. I cared more about the scenery of the rice fields and how the sky would change just a tad bit of color each day. Whether it's with the sunrise or the sunset, I loved being a part of it. It felt like an intimate moment, to be able to freely do what what you want.

To make that child happy.

'It's easier to be happier when you aren't aware of the horrors brought by adulthood. All the responsibilities to yourself and other people, all the pressure from academics, and the never-ending feeling that everything is a survival of the fittest,' I thought in dismay. It took me a long time to admit that to myself, and not once have I wished I could reverse time and be a child again.

I'm not saying that I had the best childhood years, of course. But it's so much more bearable compared to what life has in store for me right now.

I feel like I don't know myself some days, and that image of a happy child in my memory feels like a stranger.

I don't even know if my inner child is happy with me. Probably not. She'd probably ask me what went wrong and hold my hand, telling me it would be alright. And I will always carry the guilt of never being able to heal her, instead.

My phone's ringtone called me back to the present day. I stopped walking and fetched it from my pocket, frowning upon realizing it was an unknown number.

"Who the heck would call me at this hour? I'm almost late for class!"

I quickly declined the call and put my phone in 'do not disturb' mode before replacing it inside my jacket's pocket. That was when I realized I stopped in front of the pedestrian crossing where several other people who looked like they were in a hurry were waiting for the green light. At that moment, my eyes drifted towards a nearby shop across the street.

Particularly to the bicycles on display with a "for rent" sign neatly written in calligraphy. It was a small shop with a glass window, and if anything it looked homely and well-taken care of by the owners.

I stared at the sign for a moment too long, contemplating something.

'Should I?'

I suddenly remembered Ronan and his unusual jar of things he'd given up.

If I promised to help him accomplish the things he's given up, should it make sense that I accomplish mine as well?

Suddenly, a smile broke its way to my lips as I walked towards the shop. My heart racing in nervousness and anticipation. I don't know whether I'm anxious or excited.

I only know that this small decision completely changed my mood that morning.

*

When I reached the university gates, I already spotted Julie waiting for me outside. She waved a hand and called out to me, "Hey, Ebony! Good morning!" I smiled and stopped just a few feet away from her, getting off the bicycle and frantically combing my messed-up hair. I'm pretty sure it looks like a bird's nest on my head already and that made me even more giddy.

"Good morning, Julie! Sorry, we're already late for the first period."

Because I realized, after several years of insecurity about my looks and hopelessly trying to "fit in" with girls my age, I don't care about it.

It doesn't bother me any more than it used to.

After securing the bicycle on the rack near the guard house, I noticed Julie staring at me as if I were a different person. She blinked several times and rubbed her eyes before jokingly saying, "Am I still dreaming? I'm sure I hit the alarm clock earlier this morning. Or maybe this is one of that crazy 'dream within a dream' sequence again?"

I furrowed my eyebrows at what she was saying, clutching the straps of my bag as we started our path towards our respective college buildings.

"What do you mean?"

Julie then exclaimed in a voice that surely caught the attention of all, if not most, of the other students minding their own business.

"YOU LOOK SO DIFFERENT!"

"Um... is that a good thing or a bad thing?"

Julie facepalmed and gestured to me. "My dearest cousin, I don't think you've noticed yet... but you look happier than you did months ago! And I am 100% sure that skincare doesn't have anything to do with this! What's got you in such a good mood?"

I paused, suddenly feeling conscious. It never even occurred to me that I looked... happier. I just know that I was in a good mood this morning because I finally rode a bicycle again after who-knows-how-long. 'I never thought one small change could leave such big of an impact,' I thought in realization before smiling at Julie.

"I just woke up at the right side of the bed, is all."

She eyed me suspiciously. "Don't tell me you already found someone? It's not River, is it?"

I was taken aback by what she said. But instead of River, my thoughts immediately (and subconsciously?) wandered off to a certain Library Ghost that would often fill my mind during the daytime. I shook my head immediately, brushing off the idea. No, not Ronan. He's just helping me get through my book review.

I shouldn't romanticize every display of kindness that comes my way.

It'll only end in tragedy again.

"No, of course not. I... I just had a good night's sleep!"

Her alarm rang, indicating that she was behind schedule. Julie sighed and gave a small hug before bidding her goodbye and running in the opposite direction. That look she gave told me she's not done with her interrogation yet. I sighed and just walked to my classroom, not even bothered by the fact that I was several minutes late.

*

At lunchtime, Julie's suspicions only intensified when River suddenly sat beside me as if it was his usual spot.

"Hey, Ebony! So, about the revisions..."

He suddenly pulled out the essay our professor corrected yesterday. On instinct, I scooted a bit farther away when I noticed he was sitting close enough to be considered an invasion of personal space. All the while, Julie was shooting me curious glances while trying to eat her pesto in peace.

"Ah, River? Don't you think it'll be more appropriate to work on the revisions after we eat?"

He paused, considering my request before his eyes landed on my tray of food. For a moment, he suddenly became embarrassed and gave me more space. Raising his hands in defense, River sheepishly smiled and apologized.

"Oh, umm... sorry about that. I just got too excited. Don't mind me, just continue your meal."

I nodded, a bit annoyed at the fact that he didn't even attempt to move tables or give Julie and me some private time. Under the table, I almost jolted in pain when my cousin kicked my foot, her eyes going back and forth between me and River as if silently inquiring what was going on between us.

I frowned and shook my head, hoping to convey the message: No! He's just my partner for an activity in English class!

In the end, I think Julie's reaction was warranted. From the way the other female students kept stealing glances in our direction, their eyes not even hiding the jealousy, I knew I'd have a hard time keeping a low profile from now on.

I sighed and was about to turn my attention back to my food when I suddenly had an urge to glance at River's direction.

He was already taking out another sheet of paper from his bag, which he probably wrote to start on the revisions. I haven't noticed it before because I was the one doing most of the writing, but from this angle, I can see how legibly he writes.

And the funny thing is?

His handwriting looks familiar. Too familiar.

My heart suddenly raced at the idea that occurred to me, my mind drifting back to the folded piece of tissue paper neatly kept somewhere inside my bag.

No. It was a stupid idea.

But that stupid idea made me want to snatch the piece of paper and compare it to Ronan's handwriting on the tissue paper. Then again, I might look crazy and I don't want that to happen. Not when River seems to be popular among the students on the campus.

"Ebony, are you alright?"

River's voice suddenly made me nervous. His brown eyes found mine, and for a brief moment, I wanted to take a picture of them just to compare and set my suspicions aside. Now that I'm looking at them this close, I notice it is a similar shade of brown. There's just something different. Maybe it's the lighting? Since I met Ronan at the library only lit by the lamps and the fairy lights.

'No, Ebony... since when did the Library Ghost's identity appeal to you?' I internally scolded myself.

But maybe, just maybe, deep inside I am curious about Ronan's identity. Or maybe I just deluding myself to believe that I can meet him outside of the library, too?

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