The events that transpired after the Ghost Festival were quick-paced and blurry---at least from my standpoint.

It's quite a paradox how the day I can finally breathe from the past, the uncertainty of the future is slowly eating away the days I have left as a student at the Eastwood Central University. I find myself sometimes envying the freshmen and sophomores. To them, graduating students are the "cool ones" who can finally break free from the university and the routine of studying and sleepless nights. To us, they're the lucky ones with more time on their hands to make better decisions and form new experiences while they're still young.

No. This isn't a question of who is right and who is wrong.

It's just a matter of perspective.

Like standing on opposite ends of a bridge that leads you somewhere. You either stare ahead for the journey that lies in front of you or glance back at the journey you've already traveled. Both makes you wish you could cross the other side.

For me, realizing you've already come a long way, makes you question things like: have I made the most out of my college years? If I studied harder, could I have passed that exam? If I've done something different: a detour, talked to my seatmate in math class, went out with friends, or spoke more freely during recitation, would it be enough to drastically change something in the "now"?

It's frustrating to realize that no one holds the answer to that and you could only wonder about it for so long before you're pulled back to reality.

"So, you're almost done with that book review, right? Are you gonna meet up with him later?"

I smiled at Julie when I noticed the teasing tone in her voice. For the past week, we fell back into our old routine which includes her talking about everything under the sun and me getting lost in my own thoughts while we claim our seats in the cafeteria.

And, admittedly, this past week we've been closer than before. After making amends, I quickly told Julie everything about Ronan. It felt good, like finally telling your best friend a secret you've bottled up for so long. Surprisingly, the words flowed easily.

Naturally, of course, she'd bring the topic up while enjoying her pesto.

"Well," I started, unsure of the next words. "Yeah. I mean, I'm almost done... I've got the draft ready, I think I just need someone to proofread it."

"So you are meeting him?" Her eyes sparkled.

I laughed awkwardly. "If he's there. I don't know if the Library Ghost has a schedule, you know. He might be busy haunting other public libraries," I joked.

The truth is this: for the past week, I've been trying to communicate with Ronan but every time I go to his little kingdom (a.k.a. book fortress) he isn't there. And because I couldn't sleep, I started camping overnight at his spot, in hopes that he's just busy or something. Surprising, the night before the Ghost Festival, we did manage to finish "A Room with a View", thanks to his patience in reading me the entire novel and explaining words I couldn't understand without pulling out a Merriam-Webster.

But I never expected... it would actually end after that. Not when we had so many paper cranes to free from his jar.

'Not when we have so much to do and I have so many things to tell him,' my mind reeled at the missed opportunities.

"So he 'ghosted' you?" Julie suddenly asked after a moment of silence. "Wow. The Library Ghost is now ghosting people for real this time."

I smiled at her comment and picked out the beans in my meal... Remembering my suspicions during the Ghost Festival about his identity.

"Or maybe he just doesn't deem it necessary to meet me at the library anymore."

"Because he's now meeting you in person?" Julie tilted her head in confusion. "That doesn't make sense. Why is he so shy to reveal himself when he's already been found? Why the whole secret identity like he's some kind of superhero?"

"I don't know," I answered honestly. "Maybe it's just a Ronan thing."

"Still ghosting," Julie pointed a fork at me to prove her point before shoving another forkful of pasta into her mouth.

I laughed when she suddenly realized she was late for her next class, causing her to panic and grab her things while still having her mouthful.

"Nmm! Hm! Mnh? Hng!"

Huh?

"Uhh... Okay? See you later, Julie!"

She nodded and dashed out of the cafeteria like she missed the school bus. I smiled to myself, grateful that I was able to mend my bond with my cousin slash best friend.

*
My dynamic with River became more complicated after the festival.

If I didn't know how to react to the campus heartthrob's presence back then, I'm pretty sure I became more self-conscious around him nowadays. His being my seatmate in my last class daily doesn't help much either.

"Just a reminder that the submission of your book review is this Friday. Late submissions will incur deductions. Class dismissed," our professor addressed us before erasing the blackboard.

I was about to stand up and make a beeline for the door when I felt someone's hand on my shoulder. Not surprisingly, I found River shyly smiling at me as if he could feel the awkwardness in the air ever since the events of the Ghost Festival.

"So, the book review..."

"What about it?"

River smiled. It was a sight I rarely see.

"Now that it's over, Ebony... Maybe we should start seeing each other beyond our little library encounters?"

That caught me off guard. I probably stared at River for a moment too long and that must be the reason why he pulled out his handwritten book review written on a yellow paper.

The same handwriting I've seen a thousand times before.

"I gotta go, River. Julie is waiting for me outside."

The disappointment on his face was too much to bear. I quickly turned around and walked away, knowing all too well that I was not ready for this kind of confrontation.

*

It was Thursday night when I found my Library Ghost again nestled between the shelves of history books at The Eastwood Archives. When I saw Ronan's silhouette against the warm lamps adorning the hallway, it took everything in me to not run up to him and hug him like a lunatic.

"So, the Library Ghost changed his schedule now? I was hoping to see you on a Friday night."

He glanced at me direction, his rich brown eyes held so many unspoken confessions.

"I've been a bit busy finishing something. I sincerely apologize for not informing you beforehand."

My eyes narrowed at him.

"Then why are you here?"

"I'm always here."

"Liar," I walked towards him, my eyes never leaving his. "I set up my camp here every night since the Ghost Festival yet you never returned. Don't you think you should've at least left me a note or something? I was almost tempted to bring in an Ouija board just to see if I can communicate with you."

Ronan didn't respond. He softly closed the book he was holding and started walking back to where his little kingdom was located in the far most corner of the library. I followed in silence, not knowing how to thread this conversation.

"Ronan?"

He didn't respond.

This isn't like him at all.

"Ronan, talk to me..."

When we finally reached his book fortress, I tugged at his white sheet to catch his attention. It suddenly reminded me of the blood-stained one I kept at home. How many more of these sheets does he have anyway?

"Did Anthony hurt you that day? Look, I'm sorry... If I had known you'd get injured, I shouldn't have dragged you into this in the first place."

Ronan stood there in silence. He wasn't even bothered by the fact that I held on to his sheet and slowly pulled it away. My heart hammered in my chest as he turned to me, the material still covering his face. He just stood there and let me. I took in a deep breath before I continued slowly removing the only thing that separated us at this moment.

"You might not like the person underneath," he warned me. "I hate to ruin your imagination."

"Oh? Then maybe I should just stop here then," I playfully said.

"Ouch. Should I be offended?" A small smile playing on his lips.

A smile I can finally see.

I was already halfway done, but before I could fully uncover his identity, Ronan gently held my wrist, stopping me. The only part of him visible is his mouth. As for his stature, I wasn't really surprised that he was taller and quite lean.

He was beautiful.

"Ebony... why are you still here?" His voice sounded hoarse as if he was suppressing his emotions too.

"Because your jar of paper cranes isn't empty yet. There's one left, I believe."

"And?" He stepped closer.

"And I want to ask if you can help me proofread my book review."

"And?" He leaned down, his face just mere inches from mine.

"And... I wanted to make sure you're okay. I feel..." I gulped. Why am I nervous? "I guess I feel guilty. After the incident with Anthony."

"And?"

And I've missed you so much...

But of course, I couldn't say that.

My eyes slowly made their way to his lips. They were more attractive than I'd imagined them to be. The same lips that read me an entire novel just for my book review. The same lips that spoke calming words whenever my anxiety got hold of me. The same lips that made me feel so secure and beautiful in his presence, built my confidence and made me believe that there are brighter days ahead of my heartache.

Before I could even stop myself, I leaned in and closed my eyes.

Ronan froze on the spot when our lips touched, but quickly recovered from the initial shock. I soon found myself snaking my arms around his neck as I pulled him closer, letting myself melt in our kiss when his lips started moving as well. Our bodies were flushed closer together as if fusing them could distinguish this flame of attraction that simmered between us.

Soon I felt my back hit a bookshelf. Ronan immediately cradled the back of my head to cushion it from harm as he kissed me passionately.

Exploratory kisses quickly escalated into a heated passion we've been yearning for so long.

"Ronan..."

I murmured his name, out of breath from our make-out session. I opened my eyes, expecting to see him have the same expression. What I wasn't expecting was him pulling away and adjusting the white sheet over him.

"Ronan?"

What did I do wrong?

"It's getting late, Ebony. Don't worry, I'm not severely injured from that fight with your ex. I'm sorry I couldn't keep my cool when I heard him disrespect you like that. Right now, I... I think you need to go home before the library closes."

"Ronan, why...?"

"If you can spare me a second tomorrow afternoon after your last period, meet me at the library."

"Why are you saying that as if it'll be our last meeting?"

"You'll know. The last paper crane will be free tomorrow, Ebony."

There was something different in his smile. It carried the weight of the world---of expectations and failed dreams and unwritten poems that made him look like a tragic character in our story.

Back then, I never understood what that smile meant.

I wish I knew.

Maybe then I won't be left behind.

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