I guess the worst part of feeling betrayed is harboring trust issues that cannot be remedied by time alone.

"Good morning, sleepy head. Time to wake up."

I blinked as the first rays of sunshine slowly seeped into the library and hit my face, reminding me of the reality that was waiting for me outside. Ronan's voice felt like a soothing balm to my wounds. I silently, irrationally, wished that I could wake up to the sound every morning in hopes of casting away all the doubts of yesterday.

But I know that's selfish of me.

"Good morning."

We both have our own lives to deal with.

This... Whatever we have is just a temporary escape from the things we can't confront yet.

As I sat up from the bundle of blankets inside his little book fortress, I noticed Ronan already prepared a glass of water and some snacks on the makeshift table. It was made from leather-bound books, carefully stacked like furniture. The fairy lights long gone off, and the library was lit with the morning light coming from the nearby windows.

"What time is it?" I asked and rubbed my eyes, yawning as I sat next to time.

"It's 5:30 A.M., you still have to drop by your apartment, right?"

Suddenly, I was recalled what awaited me in that apartment yesterday. My eyes immediately fell on my wrists, the bruises a bitter reminder of my ex's presence in Eastwood. What are the odds that he already left?

Ronan became silent, and it was at that moment did I realize his eyes followed my line of sight.

"I don't suppose you got those on accident?"

We both know I didn't. But I guess Ronan won't ask me directly about it, testing the waters first if it is a topic I'm comfortable with.

For a moment, I had a mental debate on whether or not I should just tell him the truth...

Well, fuck it.

I'm tired of keeping it all to myself. I'm so fucking tired of letting my ex affect me in so many ways. I'm so sick and tired of compromising just for the sake of everyone around me, even when I know it's a form of self-destruction at this point.

"I ran away to Eastwood because I wanted to start anew, that much I think you already know by now," I started. Ronan nodded, encouraging me to continue. It was a silent promise that he'd listen to whatever left my mouth, just like how I listened to him reading me a story for my book review. I took in a deep breath and, with trembling hands, I continued, "So, I have an ex-boyfriend..."

And I told him everything.

I told him about how we met, how we fell in love, how I was always manipulated into thinking that I would never be enough. I told him how I caught Anthony cheating on me, how he wrecked my confidence until there was nothing left but the lingering sense that I was incomplete. All the gaslighting, all the pain, all the subtle jabs he took out on me whenever he was having a bad day. How Anthony reduced me to a shell of who I was before I met him, how I struggled these past six months just to convince myself that I could survive this.

That I can live through the heartbreak.

And the fucked up thing is, I told Anthony all my traumas... Only to have him traumatize me in the end, using every word against me as if I owe him something just because I entrusted him my heart.

When I finished, it felt like a weight was lifted off my chest.

Like the first time you come to the surface after almost drowning in the sea.

I can finally breathe.

"Ebony..."

Ronan gently pulled me into a hug. I melted in his embrace, letting myself be carried away with his warmth as I buried my face in the crook of his neck. His scent became all too familiar. His presence calmed me down.

I hugged him back.

"...thank you for trusting me with your story. I know things haven't been the best for you, but you're still here. You're still here, surviving and trying, no matter how unfair the battles seem... You have the strength to live, and that alone is something no one can, not even Anthony, take away from you."

Ronan's words broke the last of the walls I built around myself... crumbling down as I finally let the tears free and sobbed, clinging on to him as I cried all the pain I'd kept sealed inside me for so long.

*

I've missed the first period.

As a disclaimer, I am not saying it's cool to skip classes unless it's an emergency or medical concern.

But after months of feeling sick inside because of a narcissistic ex who deludes himself into thinking that I'll come crawling back to him, I guess that can pass as a medical concern of the heart. Or at least in my case.

Hence, the moment I stepped out of the Eastwood Archives, seeing Julie's concerned face was the last thing I was looking forward to. I stopped in my tracks, clutching the strap of my bag a bit tighter than necessary.

It was written on her face: Julie's confused why I'm exiting the library with puffy eyes.

I guess that didn't stop her from running towards me anyway.

"Ebony!"

"Save it," I gritted my teeth, making her halt just a few inches away from me. "You have the guts to hug me after what happened yesterday? Really? And don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about, I assume my ex already spread the news since you two seem to be close."

Julie's arms paused in midair before she hung her head in shame.

"I-I'm sorry," she began. "Anthony kept pestering me since you moved in Eastwood. H-He promised me he'd just meet you for closure... that he wouldn't hurt you again---!"

"And you believed him? You still gave him my address? You didn't even give me a heads-up? My consent?"

"I... I'm sorry, Ebony. I thought it would help you move on."

"How long I move on from something or someone is none of your business, Julie. It's easy to look at things at a surface level because you don't know how I feel... You don't know what I've been through. And here I thought you would understand me. You're my cousin. How could you?"

My voice broke. Julie couldn't look at me in the eye, but when they fell on the bruises on my wrists, her face paled. I guess she finally understood the gravity of this situation and how it's affecting me so much.

Before Julie could even respond, I wiped my tears with the back of my hand in frustration and walked past her.

But not before she popped the question that I know she's been itching to ask me since a few moments ago.

"What are you doing at the public library anyway? Y-You were missing all night, we couldn't contact you..."

I took in a deep breath and calmed myself. A part of me still wanted to tell her about Ronan, about how I've met an amazing person who helped me cope with my broken heart.

But I guess I'm just not ready to share Ronan with the world, not when he's the anchor I selfishly cling on to escape my reality. Or maybe it's the thrill of having a little secret of my own? In any case, I found myself saying...

"What I do here should be none of your business too."

*

I made it through the day with minimal challenges.

And by challenges, I mean my phone buzzing with notifications from both Julie and my bastard of an ex. After deciding to change my number immediately the moment I went home, I just shoved my phone inside my bag. That was when I noticed that the tissue paper where Ronan first wrote me a note was missing.

'Probably got mixed up with all the stuff I have,' I thought, dismissing the idea of accidentally throwing it away.

I would never throw that away.

Yes, it's that sentimental to me.

"Hey, Ebony. Got anything to do after class?"

Before I could even bolt out of the room, River suddenly approached me. It could be that my eyes are playing tricks on me, but he seems more bashful than he used to be. Wait, why the heck is he embarrassed all of a sudden?

"Yeah, I... I need to work on some things after class. We already finished our paper anyway."

River's smile faltered. "Things? Like that book review due a couple of weeks from now?"

"Yes."

And the jar of paper cranes Ronan and I were planning to empty by the end of my semester. But of course I can't tell him that.

There was an unknown emotion that flashed in River's eyes. Before I got the chance to read it, he suddenly pulled up that mask again and shrugged. "Well, good luck with that. In case you need any help, just hit me up. I'm quite fond of libraries if you haven't figured out by now. See you tomorrow, Sleeping Beauty."

My eyes widened and I was immediately paralyzed.

'What, what did he just call me?'

River started casually walking out of the room, his strides were too large that I could barely catch up. I quickly shoved my notebooks inside my bag and ran after him, but the only thing I spotted in the now empty hallway was a cup of coffee on top of my locker along with a tissue paper.

Written there, in Ronan's handwriting, are the unmistakable words:

You might need this to get your energy up. It's your favorite. See you in a while, Sleeping Beauty.

—Library Ghost

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