Chapter 10: Things We're Not Ready To Talk About
I just hate going through the process.
I know there's a saying that we just need to "trust the process" and everything will be alright. It's the favorite quote of one of my Math teachers from high school whenever we're tasked to solve the gritty problems that nobody uses in real life anyway. But why did no one tell me what to do what I can't "trust the process" because I have trust issues?
"So, you're going home? Right now?"
Julie suddenly appeared beside me the moment I stepped out of English class. I immediately checked the time and remembered Ronan and I were supposed to do something before he helped me with my book review.
"Yeah. Why'd you ask?"
Julie whistled and started nervously checking her phone screen. It wasn't like her to look so agitated now that the day was over. If anything, she hates college as much as the next person.
"Well, I just thought we could hang out. You know, like good old times? There's an ice cream shop nearby that serves the mint ice cream you adore so much," she bribed and nudged my arm. "So, what do you say? My treat!"
Mint ice cream is tempting. I can't remember the last time I've had that, especially since I've moved here to Eastwood.
But I just can't shake off the feeling that there's more to it. With my hand still gripping the strap of my bag as we walked to where I parked my rented bike, I turned to Julie with squinted and suspicious eyes.
"I think I'll pass, Julie."
"Then how about we do stargazing later? I heard that some meteor shower will be visible in Eastwood at midnight."
Stargazing? That's pretty random, even for her.
"I have so much to do right now."
"Oh, come on! And don't give me that excuse," she sighed. "I dropped by your apartment and noticed you weren't there. Where have you been spending the nights? Be honest with me."
My eyes widened when she said that, but I forced myself to act casual. Surely, there's no way she can tell I wasn't inside!
"I-I was just asleep. Maybe I didn't hear you knock or something," I reasoned out, praying to all the gods of excuses out there to grant me this one.
But it seems like Julie wasn't having any of it. Before I could hop onto my bike, I saw her cross her arms over her chest and stare at me like a parent who just caught their child doing illegal things.
"Ebony, I knew you weren't there. I've been visiting you for the past three nights and the lights were always off even at 7 PM! Are you...?"
"J-Julie, cut it out. It's not what you think---!"
"...secretly meeting up with someone? Like a boyfriend? Oh, gosh! Please don't tell me it's that asshole River!"
I let out a sigh, not knowing I was holding my breath in the first place. Between thinking River and I had something and Julie discovering my secret rendezvous inside the public library to meet Ronan, I'd rather be accused of hooking up with that playboy.
"Julie, it's none of your business, anyway. And the next time you visit me, please at least give me a heads-up first. See you tomorrow---!"
"Ebony, wait!"
I was surprised when she held my wrist, stopping me in my tracks.
There's something that's been playing on her mind, and it was quite evident on Julie's face. She's the kind of person who reflects what was written on her face. I never told her that in the past, of course. That's why I can easily sense if she's elated, depressed, offended, or anxious...
Anxious like now.
"I don't think you should go home right now," Julie said, stealing another glance at her phone. "It's too early."
But I refuse to let her anxiety bother me today. Not when I have a lot of plans this evening to help Ronan with his paper cranes. I gently took her hold of me and proceeded to give Julie a reassuring smile
"I'll see you tomorrow, Julie. Bye!"
And how I wish I listened to Julie and stayed a while longer before deciding to ride back to my apartment that afternoon.
*
I saw him sitting outside the apartment building, petting a black cat that just hissed at him.
The scene was all too familiar and it instantly pulled me back underwater, my limbs feeling like they've been deprived of the freedom to move on their own. I didn't even notice my bike crash to the ground, the sound making him look in my direction. And God, when I saw his eyes I wanted to run away. Far away to the public library and hide behind the bookshelves or back into Ronan's fortress of books where I've always felt safe.
Every part of me was screaming to leave, to get away from him, to get away from the eminent danger that he embodies.
"Ebony, don't run away."
I want to run away. I can't breathe. My heart is breaking with every step he takes towards me, memories of what happened in the past resurfaced.
"Hey, come on... let's go inside. We need to sort things out. I've missed you," Anthony admitted. "We can still fix this."
There are those eyes again. I've always criticized him for being a good actor during our plays in high school because he can be anyone he wants without even trying. It was too late when I realized he was only playing the role of a good boyfriend until I found him shoving his tongue down one of my friends' throats while sliding a hand up her skirt inside one of the empty classrooms.
The same hand he's holding me with right now.
Holding me to the point of being painful.
"Ebony, come here. We can fix this, isn't that what you want---"
"W- Who gave you my address? And why..." I had to take in a deep breath because I felt like I was suffocating in his scent. Inhale, exhale. "Why are you here?"
Let me go. Let me go. Let me go.
"I contacted your cousin," he admitted, no ounce of remorse on his features. "I've been trying to call you earlier but you didn't pick up. You got me worried."
My blood ran cold upon realizing this was why Julie told me not to go home this afternoon. But how? Why the fuck would Julie give him my address? She knows I've been trying to get away from him and hide from everyone. I trusted her... why would she rat me out?
I couldn't breathe. I closed my eyes, wishing this was all just a dream. Wishing my hands weren't trembling like they are right now. Not again. Please, let me go.
Inhale, exhale---
"Listen to me," Anthony pushed, now holding both my wrists. He was staring down at me as if this was all an inconvenience for him. Like I was just "acting out again" just like what he used to tell me throughout our relationship.
"You're just happy to see me, I know. But no need to be so speechless, Ebony. Aren't you gonna at least thank me for finding you? That itself is proof of my devotion to you. Come inside, already."
I shook my head, eyes wide as I stared at him in fear. A lot of thoughts are racing in my head right now.
Running away is on top of them.
Anthony's eyes hardened and so was his grip on my wrists.
"Ebony, stop being a brat," he growled in irritation, as if I were a child he needed to scold and punish for being like this. As if it's all my fault I want to get away from him to the point of moving to another town.
While still holding my wrists, Anthony lifted my hands to his lips, kissing each finger as if he had never "accidentally" almost broken a few during our fights in the past. The moment his lips brushed against my skin, I bit down on my lower lip until I tasted blood. Panic coursed through me and I did what I would never have done before.
I bit one of his hands.
"AH! FUCK!"
Without warning, I ran away from him and crossed the street, not minding the looks people were giving me as I tried to suppress the urge to cry.
I just want to get away from him.
Unconsciously, my feet brought me to that one place where I've always felt like my feelings mattered.
*
I wasn't surprised when Ronan found me sheltered between the bookshelves in the public library.
There are still a lot of students at the study lounge so I opted to hide near the non-fiction section to get away from prying eyes. When I heard soft footsteps approaching me, I didn't need to lift my head to know it was the Library Ghost. Without a word, Ronan just sat beside me with a respectable space between us.
He just let me cry, not asking anything nor forcing me to talk about what happened.
After what seemed like hours, I finally dried my tears and turned to him, still hugging my knees together.
"I'm sorry I forgot to bake your cookies."
Ronan stared at me for a moment before responding in a gentle voice, "You don't need to apologize for anything, Ebony. It's not your fault."
I smiled in appreciation.
For the rest of the evening, Ronan and I sat there in a comfortable silence, in a sea of things we weren't ready to talk about. No, not tonight.
---
Bạn đang đọc truyện trên: AzTruyen.Top