Berlin, Germany

Spring 2016

So far everything seemed to be going, if not precisely according to plan, at least decidedly in their favour. As agreed, a couple hours after they parted ways, Sharon and Nadine rendezvoused at the business complex the JCCTF agent had chosen, slipping into the car in the carefully chosen corner of the lot Nadine had cased; minimal camera coverage, good sightlines and easy access to exit points were a must when evading notice, after all, and Nadine was more than well-practiced at effortlessly taking note and taking advantage of such things. No sooner had Sharon shut the door behind her, and Nadine was pulling smoothly away.

Not drawing too much attention while still making a clean, quick departure? Child's play.

Then it was just a matter of waiting. That part Nadine had been less than enthusiastic about, recognition of their limited alternate options aside.

She'd already spent more than enough time waiting, today. Waiting for the right moment to make her escape back in the JCTC. Waiting for the time to pass and Sharon to rendezvous.

Time spent alone with nothing but her own conflicted thoughts to keep her company. Thoughts that she hadn't entirely been able to subdue and properly compartmentalize. Thoughts that she'd grudgingly allowed that she needed to examine and try to deal with.

Well, at least one small benefit had ultimately come of that. She'd had more than enough time to finally process everything that had happened since she'd first seen Barnes lying on the pavement and had successfully—mostly—reconciled herself to everything that had happened at the JCTC. She had come to terms with how things had fallen out, even coming to see that it wasn't as bad a development as she'd feared. After all, if she and Nat had been able to subdue Barnes, he would've ended up back in custody. As it stood? Right this moment, she was seeing the situation as, on some level, a blessing in disguise. Though fugitives, she was free, as was Barnes and Steve and Sam. They had a chance now that they didn't once they'd all be caught in Bucharest.

Not that the conclusion sat entirely right with her.

But dwelling over it was less than helpful, so though she didn't entirely dismiss the feeling, she had carefully hidden away her unease, her training demanding she present the picture of calm composure; she knew better than to ignore instincts of that nature.

Not that her projected calm had been easy to maintain once Sharon had handed her a small red-leather book. She didn't even have to say anything for Nadine to know what it was, barely hearing the younger woman explain she'd found it hidden beneath the table debris down in the chamber where Barnes had been held and slipped away with it before anyone else had noticed it was there. Nor did she even need to open the deceptively soft, supple binding. If anything, the chill that had run up Nadine's spine the instant she saw Sharon slip it from the interior pocket of her vest—like cold, trembling fingers danced their way up her vertebra to prod at the back of her mind—had been clue enough.

It was the book used to activate Barnes' programming.

The single black star embossed on the cover gave it away.

She'd forced herself to at least flip through it once she'd taken it with shaking fingers, the pages flashing by as she did setting her stomach to twisting and churning from the merest glimpses alone. It was a record of how the Winter Soldier had been created and how to control him. A manual, in effect.

It was horrific.

And Nadine couldn't bring herself to truly read it. Not yet...if ever. She could barely breathe at the thought, feeling physically ill just from holding it in her hands. Part of her desperately wanted to destroy it. But no matter the strength of that urge, she restrained it. It might still have some use, after all. It might very well be the key to undoing what had been done to Barnes, and that was a potential benefit she couldn't bear to risk losing. Not even with the simultaneous risk its continued existence posed. What mattered now was that it was safe in her possession. No one would use it on Barnes while she had it.

That didn't make it any easier to possess. If anything, it left the slender book feeling as heavy as the car she sat in with Sharon Carter where it was safely tucked away in her jacket. And with each passing moment while they waited for some sort of sign, the odd smatter of quiet small talk passing between Nadine and her unexpected companion, it only seemed to grow heavier.

Mercifully the signal that their wait was over came far sooner than she had cautiously hoped.

Just over an hour after picking up Sharon, the agent's phone buzzed softly, and a look of relief softened her face as she pulled up the incoming text.

"Steve's made contact," she confirmed softly, though Nadine truthfully didn't need it. Who it was had been plain to see without even seeing the message. Sharon's reaction had spoken volumes. Not to mention that she promptly started the car.

But old habits—and cautions—died hard, and Nadine grabbed firm hold of her relief, restraining it as she fixed Sharon with an assessing look.

"And you're sure it's him?" Nadine asked the younger agent softly. Sharon spared her a brief, unreadable glance from the message she was typing back. Looking back to her phone, she nodded absently before hitting the send button and handing the cell to Nadine. Nadine nearly blinked in confusion at the nonsense collection of characters on the screen even as the analytical part of her rationalized that it must be a code.

As Sharon eased the car from where they'd parked down one of many quiet side streets that littered the outer boroughs of Berlin, Nadine's eyes narrowed as she automatically started puzzling it out. There was something vaguely familiar about it if she was deciphering it properly. Evidently, it was clear that she was not immediately familiar with the code.

"It's an old Howling Commandos code," Sharon finally said, confidence in her assessment clear in her voice and amusement faintly visible in her eyes as she spared Nadine another glance. She efficiently guided the car onto the main thoroughfare that they'd come down when they'd slipped out of Berlin proper. "Aunt Peggy and Steve apparently worked a few of them up with Stark's dad back during the War. She taught me a couple of them when I was a kid." The corner of her lip quirked sadly. "Kept me occupied for a lot of rainy afternoons when my parents had to work weekends." Nadine looked up, a small, nostalgic pang beneath her breastbone; she'd done the same with Nina, really, occupying her daughter with puzzles and codes she'd grown-up with to keep Nina occupied on so-called boring afternoons. Sharon's head canted minutely, undoubtedly refocusing from the fond memories of her recently passed aunt. She met Nadine's eye for a brief instant, a faint grin surfacing.

"That I know many of them came up in conversation with Steve at the Reception," she explained. Somewhat unnecessarily, but Nadine didn't mind. The pair of them had fallen into a surprisingly easy companionship in their brief time waiting for Steve and Sam to reach out to Sharon as Sam had apparently intimated they would back at the JCTC once they'd gotten somewhere safe and secure.

And suddenly it clicked with Nadine and she only barely restrained an exasperated huff, a soft, sharp exhale escaping her instead. Of course. In their lessons to Nina and the twins, Natasha and Nadine had spared some time to teach them about what Nat had fondly referred to as 'old-school' techniques; codes and ciphers and methods of transmitting and conveying them that, in the modern age, were often considered obsolete if they were remembered at all. But that didn't stop such methods from being effective. Nat's use of such methods had been key in tracing her location and thus that of Ultron's base of operations after the redhead had been kidnaped by the sociopathic robot, after all. If Nadine's memory served, Natasha had brought in several of Steve's old Howling Commandos codes as case studies.

Sure enough, once the memory surfaced, the pattern to the message that had been hovering just beyond the edge of Nadine's mind slipped into reach. And now that she knew what she was looking for? It all fell together rather quickly from there.

Another moment of contemplation and Nadine was able to decipher the message staring up at her from the screen of Sharon's phone.

Soldier to Nurse: The doctor needed intel, the message read, earning a faint frown from Nadine as she puzzled momentarily over Sharon's address. But really, that was the only part of the message she stumbled over. The rest was relatively straightforward. Source secure with Soldier and Bird. Steve, Sam and Barnes were safe and secure.

Just below Steve's message, encoded the same way was Sharon's reply of supplies secured, neighbor - delivery arranged in one hour. The message ended with a set of coordinates.

Coordinates that received an acknowledgement even as Nadine finished deciphering them.

And before she could help herself, Nadine was letting out a relieved exhale of her own, some of the anxious tension she'd been trying and failing to consciously dissipate finally leaving her body. Not all of it, of course, but enough that it felt like she could breathe a little freer, relax into the passenger seat just a touch more.

"Acknowledged," Nadine repeated aloud, her finger hovering over the characters that had appeared on the screen as though caressing them. She nearly jerked when she realized she was doing it. Sharon just nodded, not even looking over. She'd heard the soft ping.

But what she said in response was not at all what Nadine had anticipated.

"So how long have you and Steve been together," Sharon asked then, her curiosity poorly concealed behind a veneer of nonchalance and small talk. Nadine fought not to tense once more, though her stomach began to flutter happily despite the uneasy concern that Sharon's question had let loose.

Oh God, was that really what it looked like? Was the way she felt that obvious? She'd known Nat and Nina were well aware of Nadine's feeling for the Captain, but they knew her better than anyone else, even herself at times, so she'd thought little of it. Not to mention she hadn't been wholly sure they both had actually known how Nadine had felt, or if they'd been hoping or guessing. And Sam she'd figured had been tipped of by her sister.

But if Sharon, who barely knew her, could see it, had she really been concealing it so poorly? And if Sharon had seen it so easily...what did Steve see? All at once her gut was near jumping with nerves, pleased and otherwise.

She needed to fix this.

And not just because it made her feel inordinately vulnerable.

"We're not together," Nadine corrected as unconcernedly as she could managed. Not that it sounded as much to her. Sharon spared her a look of frank skepticism.

"Really? C'mon, you can't tell me you're not together."

Nadine shook her head, carefully fixing her expression to one of casual indifference balanced with a weary patience, as though it was a common misunderstanding that she was well used to clearing up. Well, that was partially true, in a way...she did seem to be repeatedly attempting to disabuse people of the notion that there was something between her and Steve, recently. "No. We're not," she repeated. She glanced to Sharon, pointedly—but not obviously so—meeting her eye; to avoid her eye would be a glaring indicator, as would looking too intently for too long, so she was careful to look away after little more than—what she hoped—was an earnest glance. She raised a brow, purposefully quirking the corner of her lip. "Besides, I imagine you have a better chance with him than I do, Carter," she said with a purposefully dismissive little gesture.

Sharon huffed, her dark eyes amused as she looked back to the road. They drove in silence for a short while, Sharon concentrating on their route and looking for the side street she needed. Once she found it, making use of it and accelerating toward the thoroughfare she needed to cut past another of Berlin's outlier neighbourhoods, she picked the topic right back up again.

Much to Nadine's dismay.

It was hard enough to keep herself from thinking about what she couldn't have without the younger woman needling her about Steve...

"Steve's a great guy—though I'm sure I don't need to tell you that," Sharon said with a trace of a smirk, "and for a while I thought there might be something there between us."

"You sure there isn't?" Sharon giggled—actually giggled—at Nadine's perfectly indolent tone. She ignored the sudden, pleased flutter beneath her breastbone.

"Pretty sure," Sharon repeated wryly. "His attention has definitely moved elsewhere." The loaded look she gave Nadine then said more than enough. It was hard not to scoff skeptically.

Steve didn't like her, she reminded herself forcefully. He couldn't. Not that way.

But Sharon's words dug in, joining forces with the insistent and rebellious little part of her that refused to stop insisting that there was the potential for more between them. The part that pointedly ignored and endured against every scrap of reason and rationality and objectivity that she had brought to bear.

The part of her that clung to the way Steve would smile at her when she laughed, or touch her arm when they walked.

The part that had hummed happily that he had seemed so relieved to see her at the funeral and grateful for the comfort she had tried her best to provide.

The part that had nearly caused her breath to catch with astonishment and contented vindication when he had confessed how he needed her by his side. That he trusted her as he did. That he had looked to her so earnestly and so intently...

The part that had swelled with hope and happiness when his lips had brushed against hers...

That part of her wished it had been a real kiss was entirely beside the point. Entirely inconsequential. Entirely foolish...what a futile...futile hope...her very thoughts faltered...

...then there was the way he'd looked at her after...

And the way he'd looked at her on the Quinjet in Vienna when she'd appeared despite saying she had to stay behind. Or when they'd all been arrested...and when she'd been taken away...

He hadn't even looked that devastated or that determined for Barnes...

And then it really, truly sunk in...the looks, the expressions she hadn't quite been able to read, the way his touch would linger...

Oh, God...it hadn't been wishful thinking, had it...

Steve actually liked her...

Nadine was suddenly fighting the urge to swallow convulsively, and the way she felt nearly lightheaded as the revelation broke over her like a gentle wave, warmth flooding through her veins as her chest suddenly felt tight with a blossoming of emotions she couldn't even begin to start naming.

That and a welling of pure, unadulterated panic that was suddenly pressing against her windpipe.

She really couldn't deny it, could she...Steve had developed feelings for her just as she had for him, hadn't he.

"Though, I do have to admit," Sharon said then, her soft, contemplative tone breaking through the staggering blur that Nadine's thoughts had become, "it was nice to reconnect with him. Despite the circumstances, of course," she added with a trace of a small, self-deprecating smile, her expression turning faintly thoughtful as she kept the bulk of her focus on the road.

And all at once a flare of bitter, sharp indignation tried to rise up in Nadine's chest, her breath catching at the potency of it even as she had to will her eyes not to narrow or flash to the younger woman. She was not jealous, she firmly told herself. Sharon had every right to consider pursuing Steve and vice versa. Nadine had no claim, she reminded herself, no matter her feelings and his. Nothing had been said and nothing should. That was the way it should be.

Perhaps Sharon could turn his affections away...

And the bitter well of emotion flared once more, this time tinged liberally with heartache.

"Well," Nadine forced herself to say, the effort to keep her voice friendly and casual nearly killing her, "you said it already; he is a great guy." She glanced to Sharon, practiced eye gauging how she interpreted Nadine's comment.

Only to swallow back an exasperated sigh at the almost convincing look of innocence on her face. The smug glint in her eyes gave it away.

Had she really walked right into that one?

Sharon shot Nadine a searching, eager look. "You're jealous," she declared merrily, "you do like him. You like Steve." Nadine's eyes widened inadvertently as she glanced over at the blonde agent. She huffed out a sigh after a moment, pointedly ignoring how her pulse had quickened nervously at the conviction behind the observation. That was not at all how Sharon was supposed to take everything she'd said. Leaning back against the headrest she stared sightlessly at the road ahead, ignoring Sharon's eager glances.

"There's nothing between me and Rogers," Nadine reiterated quietly but firmly, forcing an unconcerned tone. She needed to play this so carefully... Sharon actually snorted, earning a disapproving glance out of the corner of Nadine's eye.

"But you want there to be," Sharon resumed confidently. Nadine fought back an exasperated groan. She ignored the comment, knowing doing anything else would only fuel Sharon's curiosity. "So why aren't you two together?"

"Because there's nothing between us," Nadine repeated as patiently as she could, belatedly aware how her voice was tinged with impatience. This was very much not going the way it should be.

She was so far off her game it wasn't at all funny.

She inhaled slowly, reinforcing her projected indifferent calm. "Steve and I are colleagues, teammates, friends. Nothing more." Sharon shot Nadine a skeptical look that Nadine also ignored.

"Now it's Steve?"

"We're friends, colleagues. Yes, Steve," she repeated, her tone growing more like the one she used on Nina when her daughter was being obstinate with each passing moment. Obviously, it didn't have the same effect on Sharon...

"Why nothing more?" Sharon asked, genuinely curious now more than anything else. "You obviously like him, and I'd more than hazard a guess that he likes you too...a great deal."

"No he doesn't," Nadine maintained, despite the way she knew it was a lie. A heavy, weary weight seemed to settle on her shoulders. Revelation notwithstanding, it was still far better for everyone if he didn't. Sharon spared Nadine a thoughtful glance at the way she said it, sensing a decisive change in tone to the conversation.

"Why's that," she prompted gently when the former assassin didn't elaborate. Nadine glimpsed surreptitiously at the younger agent, maintaining her relaxed pose for a moment longer before straightening with a stifled sigh, turning to study Sharon.

Knowing what she did of Sharon?

Nothing short of the truth was likely to convince her.

Well? She'd proven trustworthy so far...what more did Nadine have left to lose save a little peace from the other woman inflaming the part of her she was fighting so hard to restrain...

"Because I had a—I have a past with his friend Barnes—Bucky, I guess—years ago...a lifetime ago, it seems now." A tired sigh did escape this time, earning a nearly concerned look from Sharon, "so even if Steve were to have feelings for me? He'd never act on them. He's far too honorable and far too loyal to his friend for that."

Why did that suddenly feel a lie too?

Because he'd been the one to kiss her the irrationally romantic part of her clinging to the fantasy of her and Steve insisted gently.

She refused to look to Sharon as the younger blonde spared her another brief, searching look.

"You love him," Sharon said softly then, nearly incredulous. Nadine fought back a denial; it wouldn't help her case, coming across as defensive. Before she could stop it, though, she let out a faint scoff. Sharon grinned, something Nadine didn't miss, drawing an impatient expression to the former assassin's face. She cut off the JCTTF agent before she could renew her insistence.

"I don't fall in love," she said firmly, quietly, "the urge and the ability was trained out of me a long time ago. I'm not in love with him." Sharon raised a skeptical eyebrow as an unconvinced hum preceded her reply.

"Somehow I don't quite believe you," she said with unexpected gentleness despite her wry tone. Nadine bit back an exasperated sigh. Why did she even try? Sharon obviously didn't believe her. But she wasn't. She couldn't be in love with Steve...could she?

She suddenly couldn't breathe.

And her eyes slid shut against the painful...comforting...bewildering truth she'd been fighting so hard to ignore and argue away...

But she didn't get a chance to let the realization form into a single, devastating, coherent thought.

It was a small mercy.

Beside her, Sharon's demeanour shifted as she spotted the overpass and the exit to the service road that darted beneath it just ahead that she'd evidently been looking out for, the other woman straightening as her professionalism once again emerged.

"We're here."

To her reluctant relief—a perplexing feeling all its own—Nadine had no choice but to brush all thought on the possibility that she might very well have fallen in love with Steve Rogers aside.

And sparing Sharon an impassive look as the car slowed to a stop, she slipped from the car.

A/N: Thanks for reading!

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