Upstate New York, USA

Early Summer 2016

Nadine sat, curled up in her chair, knees to her chest, chin propped on her crossed arms where they rested on her knees. Staring with sightless eyes at the screen in her private workroom devoted to her search for Barnes.

Over the last several month, she'd whittled her master compilation of abandoned and defunct HYDRA safehouses he might have gone to ground in—over 400 potential sites so far—down to a much more manageable list of just over two dozen likely options scattered across Europe. Sites in Russia, France, Ukraine, England, Romania, Germany, Belarus and more. There was even one in Austria, in one of the poorer sections of Vienna, Nadine recalled with a pang, not all that far, all things considered, from her Workshop. She had physically hurt when that one made it onto her short list.

...that he might have been so close...

It was just a matter of investigating, now. Something she was eager to get started on, just as Steve, Nat and Sam were. Especially Steve. Nat and Sam had even checked off a couple sites already; one in Poland and one not far from Paris.

But she could just feel it. The end was in sight. One of these sites had to be where Barnes was laying low. And when they found it? Found him?

Then she would finally be able to let go of the last of her secrets. Never had she dreamed that she would be anticipating that day with a mixture of relief and apprehension instead of all out dread.

But that was on hold for the time being.

Which was probably a blessing, considering her mind was otherwise occupied, just now. And not with pleasant thoughts.

Not while listening with half an ear to the television on the background dissecting what had happened in Nigeria for the umpteenth time.

A little over a month had passed since the disastrous mission in Lagos and, mercifully, everyone was recovering about as well as could be expected. Even Wanda, Nadine had noticed in the weeks since with no small measure of relief.

Though, the renewed coverage the last day or so was not helping. Especially since, besides dredging up the whole episode again, it seemed to point to something big happening in response.

She couldn't help the sense that something was coming. What happened in Nigeria had been a tipping point, especially now that the elusive Wakandan nation and their eloquent King had taken up the cause.

"Our people's blood is spilled on foreign soil," he was saying in the background as she listened, "not only because of the actions of criminals, but by the indifference of those pledged to stop them." Nadine's jaw tensed, the calmly spoken statement leaving her conflicted and irritable.

It apparently mattered very little that, for the most part, the Avengers had been cleaning up others' messes or staving off something much worse when they took the field. And considering the sheer scale of the most widely publicised of the clashes they had been involved in? Of course there was going to be collateral damage, no matter how hard the Team always worked to minimize civilian casualties as much as they could. It was a by-product—tragic as it was—of any violent conflict. It always had been. People got hurt. Property got damaged. It was a horrible reality but a reality just the same. And the world would be singing a different tune had the Avengers sat back and done nothing. Like if the World Security Council's plan to combat the Chitauri Invasion with a nuclear missile hadn't been thwarted by the Team...she couldn't imagine that would've gone over well...

Or maybe Nadine was just cynical.

The sad truth of the matter was that the world simply hadn't seen the lengths the Avengers had gone to and what they had done—were willing to do—to protect and defend the people of the world. All the world saw was the aftermath. The flattened buildings and shattered glass and videos of a rampaging Hulk. The clash over the Triskelion in DC was a perfect example; next to no one of the general public had even the slightest idea what had truly been at stake or even what had actually happened that day. Sure, the details of how S.H.I.E.L.D. had been compromised and that it was thanks to the efforts of Steve, Natasha, Sam and others that HYDRA and their Project Insight had been stopped—Natasha's statements during the Inquiry on Capitol Hill had ensured the whole story had come out—had been made public, but most of what was said had been lost on the general population. If they saw any of it to begin with. All they had seen were three Helicarriers falling from the sky and the word that Captain America had been fighting to protect them.

Not to mention there were all the missions the world hadn't seen...

Oh sure, the people on the ground, who had been at the heart of the conflicts had seen what lengths the Avengers would go to to save even one more person, and some of those stories even made the news cycles after the fact. If asked, Nadine couldn't help but think that the people who had actually been in New York or in the heart of Nova Grad would be hard pressed to say the Avengers should've done more. Not having seen what they'd been up against. Not having been the ones the Avengers had been jumping in front of to save, fighting to get them to safety even as they fought back alien invasions and malicious robots.

But unfortunately the number of casualties and the damage and the dollar amounts from the destruction caused dominated the wider public's awareness, and voices in praise of the Avengers were simply drowned out.

The aftermath really was all the world saw.

And these days, that was all the jaded public cared about.

As far as the world was concerned, someone needed to be held 'accountable' for the fallout and the destruction and as, for the most part, the Avengers had been the only ones left standing in each instance? As those truly responsible for the devastation following each event the news was intent on dissecting were, for the most part, either dead and/or from other planets—a truly baffling thought to wrap one's head around, which likely contributed to the problem—it meant the Avengers were the ones left with the bill.

What was even more frustrating was that it was a bill the Avengers had so far been willing to pay. Each member bore the weight of every loss on their psyche, and on more than one occasion had stuck around to help in the fall-out. Christ, Nadine had been there with Steve, Wanda and Natasha in the aftermath of Lagos; Steve had even been helping evacuate people from the building before they'd pulled out to let the rescue personnel do their work unhindered. After Nova Grad, even shaken as she'd been by Nina's brush with death, she had seen the Avengers circling among the Sokovians on the Helicarrier, doing what they could to help the wounded and the grieving. She imagined the same had been done after New York. And all after having just fought for their lives, having barely spared a moment to rest or even take a breath. And yet they'd still tried to do what they could for the people who'd been caught in the cross-fire.

Not to mention that the foundation set up to help with the aftermath of their conflicts was always on the scene within hours to help with relief, recovery and rebuilding; everyone seemed to forget the MSRF was closely connected with the Avengers...it was named after Stark's mother, for heaven's sake!

But incidents like Hulk's rampage in Johannesburg and the incomplete footage and innocent deaths in Lagos and the statement shouldering the responsibility for Ultron were all overshadowing the good. Especially since, in the case of Ultron especially, the world was not seeing any follow up to hold the Avengers accountable for their mistakes. Not even a fine had been levelled against Stark or the Avengers for Ultron's creation even though the billionaire had come out and said it was their mistake in trying to make a world defense system that had led to the killer robot's existence.

All in all, global goodwill for the Avengers was running painfully thin, just now.

Especially for Wanda.

Nadine's heart clenched in dismay and anger as the news anchors once again turned their discussion to the Sokovian girl. Because she was just that. A girl. And here these people were talking about her like she was a heartless weapon. As though she had gone into the Lagos mission with the intent of leaving destruction in her wake.

Okay, that was an exaggeration, but still, Nadine couldn't wholly help herself. Surely anyone with a heart and a brain who'd seen even a glimpse of the raw footage from that day could see that, not only had Wanda prevented something far worse when she'd sent Rumlow's detonation surging skyward, but that she'd been absolutely devastated at the destruction that had followed. The very destruction she had tried so hard to prevent.

Okay, sure, from the clips that had been captured on cell cameras that day and distributed through TVs and computers around the world before the whole story had even come out, it was impossible to tell that the fireball had in fact been Rumlow. Or that Wanda had been containing, not creating the explosion—her powers didn't work that way, but most regular people wouldn't be able to understand that—but still. No one could doubt from Wanda's reaction as she'd lost her hold that she had very much not meant to hit that building.

God, Nadine could still see the look of absolute horror on the girl's face in her mind's eye.

Yet, because of what happened that day, these people were questioning Wanda's very existence and even condemning her for getting involved! It was wrong! Wanda had risked her life for people like them. And this was the thanks she got?

And what made Nadine feel worse? Among the infuriating calls for the Avengers to be held accountable and even responsible for events they had minimized the damage of, were genuine concerns that she honestly had to admit she could see the rationale behind...and she hated herself for it. She hated that despite her irritation with the Wakandan King, his words did resonate with her on some level. It made her feel disloyal to the team.

On top of that, the whole situation had also left her horribly conflicted about Nina choosing to stay at MIT for the summer. Her daughter had chosen to take advantage of the courses offered over summer term not only to catch up with her contemporaries who'd started in the fall but also to leapfrog ahead in her courses at some of her professors' encouragement. It made Nadine inordinately proud of her little girl.

And relieved. But also not.

On the one hand, Nadine was glad that Nina wasn't directly involved of all this, that she was safely apart in Cambridge. But on the other? Part of her very much wished Nina were safely back at the Compound and away from all the animosity and even latent hostility going around out there toward the Avengers and Enhanced people in general. And not just to ease Nadine's worry for her little sun. For one thing, Wanda could certainly use her daughter's compassionate ear and level head just now. As could Pietro, who was one hastily spoken comment away from going on the warpath on his twin's behalf; he'd been all but banned from watching TV or even accessing the Internet because of all the Lagos coverage and debate over the Avengers for that reason.

Nadine inhaled deeply through her nose. They had been finally getting through to Wanda that what had happened was not on her shoulders alone.

"I ignored my instincts," Nadine had been bluntly honest in admitting the first time she'd sat down with Wanda once they'd returned to the Compound after Lagos...and every time she'd sat down with the Sokovian girl afterward. "I knew as soon as Rumlow started goading Steve that I should've taken the shot, but..." she'd faltered, echoes of the mercenary's taunts grating in the back of her mind. Wanda had curled in on herself, looking guiltily away. Nadine had sighed, brushing a hand over the girl's shoulder, knowing very well she couldn't help what she picked up telepathically sometimes. Especially stressed and despondent as she'd been then.

"But," Nadine had continued determinedly, "I hesitated. I let my personal feelings cloud my judgement. I could've stopped all of this," she'd said grimly then, gesturing toward the muted reports that Wanda had been watching—torturing herself with, really. "You didn't hesitate, and you kept something much worse from happening. So if any of this is on any of us, it's on me."

But Nadine had paused then, growing more serious still, her features impassive as she'd turned Wanda's face to hers with a gentle hand on the girl's chin. "But that being said? The real one to blame for what happened is Crossbones. He's the one who chose to detonate. This is on him, not you, no matter what they say," she'd jerked a hard nod toward the TV and the silenced anchors speaking over each other as they squabbled over blame and some point or another about the Avengers' involvement.

Wanda had sobbed herself out in Nadine's arms after that.

It had taken many more such conversations, some between Wanda and Nadine, some with Nat or Steve or Nina or, on one occasion, even with Clint when they'd popped out to the farm for a visit when Nina had been on her break before summer term had started.

And slowly, the life had been coming back to Wanda's eyes.

At least, it had been...until this had all been started up again...

But with all this renewed coverage? With its focus on Wanda and her role in what happened simply because of the sheer power her Enhancement gave her? All their careful work at rebuilding Wanda's confidence was unravelling.

All because rumours were going around that the UN was contemplating some sort of treaty or some such to do with Enhanced persons in response to the pressure to do something following the last straw that had been Lagos. Aimed primarily at the Avengers, no doubt, considering the media focus.

Indifference, the Wakandan King had called it. Nadine fought back a scowl as the clip of King T'Chaka's statement played yet again, the dignified older man sounding genuine in his convictions and in his regret for the innocent lives lost. Did he think the Avengers didn't feel the same?

Did he think Wanda or Steve or Stark for all his irreverence didn't feel every single life lost as a failure? Stark was still struggling against his guilt and shame over Ultron and Sokovia. It was verging on crushing the man, if Nadine was any judge. But Stark hid it well, and he coped the only way he knew how; throwing money at people and foundations and charities in a bid to help them and creating tech that helped his Team.

And had T'Chaka seen the way Wanda would shake, her eyes growing haunted and dull with remorse and sorrow anytime anyone even so much as mentioned Ultron or Sokovia? Even now, over a year later? None of them saw how Stark had been constantly checking for updates on the casualty reports following the Ultron Fiasco, pouring more funds into the MSRF for each new confirmed death or life irrevocably altered. No one saw how Pietro would sit and stare at videos online of what happened in Nova Grad, his face dark and drawn with guilt and anger at himself.

Bruce still hadn't resurfaced...

Indifference, her ass...

Even Steve, long acquainted with the grim realities that came with war and the sheer necessity of not dwelling on the ones they couldn't save in order to keep fighting, wasn't anywhere near unmoved. And he had arguably witnessed far worse in his days as a World War II soldier. More than once after Lagos, Nadine had found him sitting alone, eyes sightless and lost in thought.

"It feels like the least I can do," he'd said to her softly when he'd caught her watching one afternoon, "to feel the weight, the guilt for not being able to save them all—for not staying to do...more to help afterward even knowing that to stay would do more harm than good—to feel it even if only for a few minutes before I have to set it aside." He'd looked to her then. "I try not to let myself wonder about what we could've done differently and if that might have saved even one more life or if we should have stayed even after the fighting was done. I know after New York, Sokovia...I know we weren't in in any shape to help with rescue or clean up, but in Lagos..." He'd paused, visibly setting his thoughts back on track even as his gaze had grown distant, his eyes sliding from hers to fix unseeing over her shoulder. "I know it's not a road I should let myself go down, and usually I can keep from doing it...but this time..." he'd sighed heavily, his gaze lowering back to his hands where they'd been clasped across his knees, "they all deserve that much." Nadine had bit back a sigh of her own, smoothing a hand across his back in sympathy as she'd settled next to him.

"They do," she'd agreed before hesitating, not wholly sure how to voice the concern she felt at the confession. "But...Steve, you've said yourself that we can't save everyone. We both know that. Natasha knows it, Sam does. We've all accepted it and learned to live with what we've done and what we can't change. You did everything you could. We all did," she'd pointed out gently. "But dwelling like this? Even for a few minutes? In this line of work? It's dangerous. Is it something you can afford to let yourself do?" He'd nodded, thoughtful as he'd looked over to her.

"You're right," he'd acknowledged, "and you're right that it's a reality of what I am that I accepted long ago; that I can't save everyone and that I have to live with that."

"Then why shoulder that weight," she'd asked. He'd shrugged.

"Because someone should." He'd grinned at her then, the expression nevertheless still tinged with melancholy. "Besides, I've got broad shoulders."

She sighed. This whole situation was just sideways. And she hated it. She didn't know what to do about any of it. Her rational mind said to set it aside—the guilt, the sorrow—to harden herself to it and move on. It was what she'd been trained to do, after all. But heartless as she'd been trained to be, she wasn't wholly unfeeling. Not anymore...if she had ever truly been. She had been trying to hide from her own feelings of responsibility too, still was, at times. After weeks of struggling against it, she could admit that, now. She'd come around to the acceptance that trying to place the entirety of the blame squarely and solely on Rumlow's shoulders—deserving as it might be—was an attempt to alleviate her own feelings of guilt. She had made a mistake, a fatal one, that had seen innocent people die and she had to live with that. But it was a penance she was willing and strong enough to bear. She'd learned to live with so much else that she'd done, after all. She had to. It was a reality that she had similarly come to realize that Steve had already known.

Behind her, the door to her workroom opened quietly, and a familiar set of steps crossed the threshold. She didn't even have to look up to know it was Steve.

It was funny, a mere year ago, she wouldn't have even dreamed she'd be comfortable enough around the man to be so...open. To not be immediately disappearing behind her masks and straightening from her curled-up pose, hiding her morose mood. Heck, she had barely even let herself sit in such an unguarded manner outside her Workshop in the first place...even in her home.

But as Steve approached? She just leaned back in her seat, lifting her chin from her arms and lowering one leg as she slowly uncurled and emerged from her thoughts.

"Have you seen Pietro?" Nadine looked up to Steve as he pulled a chair up next to her.

"I think he might have run off to visit Nina," she said with a heavy sigh. "He went off at me again yesterday and I told him to back off and cool down. And since I'm pretty sure Wanda had already told him the same thing? He's probably back by now, but I haven't seen him yet...he's likely avoiding me if he is." Pietro had been near furious when Nadine had been unmoved by his renewed venting about Lagos, but had quickly backed down in the face of her impassivity and cool order. "Hopefully if he did, Nina got through to him. She said she'd try, but made no promises...he's pretty wound up." Steve sighed.

"What about this time?" he asked wearily. She shot him a skeptical look.

"What do you think," she asked dryly. "How he should have been with us in Lagos. How he could've stopped this from happening...and given all this?" she gestured absently to the TV playing behind her, her tone turning sympathetic as her irritation with the Sokovian boy faltered. "Can we say we're surprised he's on edge? It's eating him alive that they're coming down so hard on Wanda given how bad she's still hurting from what went down." She fell silent, leaning her head back against her chair as she let out a sigh.

"The thing is? He's not entirely wrong," Steve said softly, and Nadine's gaze snapped sharply to him. "We could've used his Enhancement—him—that day. Another set of eyes? Another player on the field? Maybe then..." he trailed off with weary frustration. Nadine's gaze fell to her loosely crossed arms. He'd been replaying that day over again...

"Steve..." she said, sounding just as weary as he did; they'd been over this so many times. "You can't keep shouldering the blame on this one. Rumlow got one over on all of us," she repeated as calmly as she could manage, not entirely succeeding in keeping her impatience from her voice, "and we made mistakes because of it. Mistakes we've owned up to." She hated how he kept blaming himself, trying to take all the responsibility when he was not the only one to blame. "We know now that he was drawing us out. That whole operation was a bid to get the Avengers out in the open, and it worked. He was expecting us. Hoping we'd turn up."

"I know..." he murmured, leaning forward to brace his forearms on his knees, head tilting partially toward her; for all that he was generally reading as closed to her point, it was an encouraging bit of body language. Maybe it was finally starting to really sink in.

"Not to mention he knew how to get to you," she continued. "And he got to me while he was at it. This is on me too, Steve, and you're not going to brush that fact off." Steve turned, shooting her a hard look.

"It's not your fault for not taking an earlier shot, Nadine," he insisted in a tone rather like hers—impatient beneath a hard-won veneer of calm. Begrudgingly, she had to give him credit for not flinching as she narrowed her eyes at him for his stubbornness. It was either that or grin. "The objective was to take him alive," he pointed out rationally, nearly causing her to grumble; she'd heard all this already and she still wasn't wholly convinced. "Not to mention there's no knowing what sort of fail-safes he might have had. It might have gone off anyway had you taken him out."

"Or it might not have," she countered coolly. "That's a what if and it's pointless. We. Can't. Know. That's it. Don't do this again, Rogers," she bit out, earning a raised brow at her sharp tone. She ignored it. "This is not just on you and you know it." She sighed, her other leg lowering to the ground so she could lean forward to mirror his pose, her hands clasping lightly between her knees.

"We weren't anticipating that it would be a suicide mission for him," she continued levelly, though a thread of sympathy had begun to enter into her tone as she repeated the speech she'd repeatedly given him, Wanda...even Pietro had heard it. "None of us saw that coming just like none of us saw the vest. I was staring at the man the whole time the two of you were face to face and I missed it; I'm trained to notice things like that," she emphasized. "For the last time, it's not all on you." He huffed, the shadow of a grin playing at the corner of his lips.

"You want me to admit it's on both of us, don't you," he asked wryly with a resigned quirk of his brow as he met her eye. She nearly breathed an audible sigh of relief at the faint but reassuring twinkle that had appeared in his eye. She snickered instead, reaching out to pat his forearm.

"My shoulders might not be as broad as yours, but I'm stronger than I look," she quipped back. Chuckling softly, his hand rose to cover hers where it had stilled against his arm. Her gaze fell to his larger hand as it lightly patted hers in silent gratitude and commiseration. She fought not to swallow thickly at the pleasant warmth his touch had rising to her skin or the way she was suddenly very aware of the feel of his solid arm beneath her palm or the weight of his hand on hers.

The moment stretched, but it broke when Steve cleared his throat, pulling free to stand. Looking down at her, he offered her a hand up. Nadine studied his features; was that...was it just her or was there the faintest trace of colour to his cheeks. She banished the thought; what a silly notion.

"Stark's here," he said as she took his hand, "and he brought Secretary Ross with him." Nadine nearly groaned as she got to her feet.

"About the Enhanced 'Cease-and-Desist' order the world-wide press has been batting about rumours of?" Steve smiled faintly at her acerbic remark, but his eyes were grave.

"I guess we won't know unless we hear what he has to say," he said. She faltered as she smoothed her black blouse and navy blazer—both slightly rumpled after sitting curled up for as long as she had been—and brushed an invisible bit of lint from her dark jeans; her sister's casual yet still functional style choices had rather rubbed off on her, if she was being honest.

"We?" she questioned with a raised brow. Steve nodded, absently gesturing her toward the door.

"We. You're part of the Team even if you aren't an Avenger," he pointed out plainly. She hesitated, her pulse fluttering. She supposed she was, wasn't she. Warmth swelled happily in her chest and she was hard put to keep the foolish smile that threatened from her face.

Though she did grin before she could help herself.

"Besides, he continued more sedately, "I have a feeling whatever he has to say will affect you too." Her grin faded.

She had a feeling hewasn't wrong.    

A/N: Thanks for reading!

I really do have to send out a thank TAngel96, XxTheAvengerXxX, lucidhalos and Joey106 for starting up a (huge) and wonderfully in-depth discussion on the Sokovia Accords as I was polishing this and a couple other upcoming chapters. It really did help me get some of my thoughts in order and clarify some of my points! They are all owed virtual hugs!

A/N: Thanks for Reading!

Don't forget to Vote and Comment