Last update for today dahil mag COC at magdoDOTA pa ako. Bukas na lang ang LAST Chapter. 

47

Alexis POV

I closed my eyes as I try to calm myself. Truth is, I wanted to punch on something or someone. I wanted to shout. I wanted to drown myself in alcohol katulad ng ginagawa ko dati when I’m upset. But I can no longer do that because I know for a fact that my wife is just inside that suite room probably drowning herself in self pity. At kahit na gaano ako nasasaktan ngayon dahil sa mga sinabi niya, still, I cannot afford to make her worry dahil lang sa naglasing ako.

And it’s unfair. Napakaunfair na siya pa din ang inaalala ko while she’s so bent up on giving me up. Nakakainsulto, nakakababa ng ego, nakakalalaki. Nakakagago.Pero bakit nga ba nagpapakagago ako kay Amanda?

 Inihilamos ko mga palad ko sa mukha ko and took a series of deep breaths. Alam na alam ko ang sagot sa tanong na yan. Simula pa lang ng relasyon namin, I know that I’m doomed. I know that there’s no turning back once I committed myself to her.

Tumayo ako mula sa couch sa may hotel lobby at lumabas. Pumunta akong hotel garden and took out my phone from my pocket and dialed my secretary’s number.

“Book me the fastest flight going to the Philippines tomorrow after lunch. For me and Amanda.” I immediately told her the moment she picked up her phone.

“Certainly Sir. I’ll email your etinerary in a while.”  

“And cancel all my engagements for the next 2 months.” Dagdag ko pa at dinig na dinig ko ang pagtigil niya sa ginagawa niya.

“Pardon Sir?”

“You heard me.”

“But Sir…”

“What?”

“You cannot do that.”

“Don’t tell me what I can’t do!” Tumaas na ang boses ko. Ayaw kong pagbuntunan ang secretary ko ng init ng ulo ko pero hindi ko maiwasan.

“RL’s gonna file a case if you cancel or reschedule any of your engagements. You’ve agreed to…” I cut her off.

“Let them do what they fucking want. Just do what I want you to do because you are paid to do it!” I ended the call.

Alam ko ang mangyayari kapag nag cancel pa ako ng kahit isang event or photoshoot. Pasalamat na nga lang ako at pinagbigyan pa nila ako sa dami ng hindi kong sinipot na engagements. But I have to agree na gagawin ko na ang lahat na nakaline up sa akin. Kaya naman kahit gusto kong madalas na umuwi sa Pilipinas dati, hindi ko magawa.

But now, I don’t give a fuck.

I estimated in my head the amount that I will be spending for the settlement. Ayaw kong galawin ang kahit sa anong real properties ko lalo na ang stocks. If I pool all the bank accounts the money would be enough pero ayaw kong galawin ang bank account sa Pilipinas dahil kay Amanda yun.

I took out my phone again and dialed a number na kailanman ay hindi ko naisip na tatawagan ko. It was answered on the first ring.

“It’s a surprise.” Came her curt reply.

“I want to redeem that trust fund.” Walang pasakalye na sabi ko. Nalaman kong may trust fund kami ni Alexander nung nag 18 ako. One of her lawyers approached me and showed me the documents. She put it up even before we were born. Pero hindi yun naging daan para lumambot ang puso ko sa kanya. I was already earning enough by that time. In fact, I was already earning too much for a teenager. Kaya instead na matuwa sa nalaman kong pinaghandaan naman pala niya ang future namin ng kakambal ko, nainsulto pa ako. Hindi kayang punan ng pera niya ang kakulangan niya sa amin bilang ina. I vehemently refused to claim the fund at pinalayas ko pa ang abogado niya.

“Finally.”

“Can you have it sent to my account tomorrow?”

“That urgent? What for?”

“For the settlement of my breach of contract with RL.”

“That’s new.Did they sue you?”

“Not yet. But they are about to.”

“On what ground?”

“Early termination.” I said curtly.

“I’ll have Eloisa call your secretary.” Binaba na niya ang phone. Ganun kami mag usap simula nung nagdecide akong kausapin siya.

I stayed at the garden for another hour bago ako nagdecide na bumalik sa suite room.

Tahimik na sa loob ng suite room nung pumasok ako at akala ko nga tulog na si Amanda dahil nakadapa na siya sa kama pagpasok ko sa bedroom. Didiretso na sana ako sa bathroom when I heard her sob.

My heart automatically goes out to her. Lumapit ako sa kama at umupo sa gilid. Bigla siyang tumigil sa pag iyak. Kahit anong galit ko, kahit gaano pa kalaki ang sama ng loob ko, pagdating sa kanya, lumalambot ang puso ko. Tuwing naririnig o nakikita ko siyang umiiyak, parang sinasaksak ang puso ko.

I touched and caress her hair pero lalo siyang umiyak.

“Let’s talk Mandy.” I helped her get up at pinaupo ko siya sa tabi ko sa gilid ng kama. Nakayuko lang siya and I have this urge to wrapped her in my arms.

Minsan, nakakalimutan ko kung gaano siya kabata. Minsan nakakalimutan ko na bago sa kanya ang lahat. Oo nga at dalawang taon lang ang age gap namin pero nag mature ako ng mas maaga kaya dapat ako ang mas umintindi. Ako ang mas may madaming karanasan sa relasyon. Nakailang relasyon na ba ako bago siya? Samantalang siya, everything when it comes to relationship is new to her.

Hinawakan ko ang kamay niya na nakapatong lang sa lap niya and enveloped it with my hands.

“Ano pa ba ang hindi ko naibibigay Mandy? Ano pa ba ang kulang?” I wanted to know. Gusto kong malaman para maibigay ko sa kanya o mapunan ko ang mga pagkukulang ko. Para hindi na niya maisipang layuan o ipagtabuyan ako.  

“Hindi ikaw ang may kulang Alexis. You are perfect. Too perfect that I know that I am not worthy of you. Ako ang may kulang. Hindi ko maibibigay ang lahat sa’yo. Hindi kita mabibigyan ng anak. Hindi mo ba naiintindihan? Hindi ko kayang buuin ang pamilyang hinahangad mo.May problema ako.” Napabuntunghininga ako sa sinabi niya.

I touched her chin and made her look up at me. I searched for her tear stained eyes and looked at her intently. Gusto kong maintindihan niya ang sasabihin ko. Gusto kong tumatak sa isip at puso niya ang lahat.   

“There’s nothing wrong with you. Yes, you have PCOS. You may or may not be able to bear me a child. Pero kung anak lang ang gusto ko, I should have impregnated all the girls that I’ve fucked.” I saw her flinched by my words.

“ It doesn’t have to be you, it can be anyone. Anyone who’s willing and there are a lot of them.  But I want it to be you. I need it to be you. So stop pushing me because your attempts are futile. You will remain as my wife whether you like it or not, with or without a baby. At isa pa, ginusto kita una pa lang hindi dahil mabibigyan mo ako ng anak. Ginusto kita dahil ikaw si Amanda, the woman who make my heart flutter.” Sinapo ng dalawang kamay ko ang mga pisngi niya and my thumb wiped the tears that falls.  

“May sasabihin ako sa’yo. When you were unconscious at the operating table, you looked so helpless and fragile and I felt so helpless that I cannot help you. Gusto kong patigilin na lang sila sa ginagawa nila pero hindi pupwede. Right there,  I understand the extent of your sacrifice as my wife just to bear me a child. Hindi basta basta Mandy. That triggered me to talk to my mother because I realized na kahit pala papaano, pinahalagahan din niya kami kasi binuhay niya kami. She could have opted otherwise considering her status and  the family  reputation that she needed to uphold.”  

 “When you flatlined…” Napatigil ako as I remember the memories. I almost choke at my emotions. Nag init ang sulok ng mga mata ko. Ayaw ko nang maulit ang pangyayaring yun.

“What do you mean?”

“You almost died before my eyes.” I flinched.

“When your heart stopped, my heart also stopped beating. It was traumatic at kung gugustuhin ko I wouldn’t subject you to that kind of situation again. I’d rather not have a child than to have you go through it all again. Pumayag akong magpacheck ka sa mga doctor dahil yun ang gusto mo. You wanted to try at hindi kita gustong pigilan. Pero kung ako ang masusunod, I wouldn’t subject you to that kind of pain again. Hindi anak ang kailangan ko sa’yo Mandy. It’s you that I need. Naiintindihan mo ba ako?” Another batch of fresh tears fall down her eyes while she nodded her head.  

“Let’s heal together. Let’s break our heart together. Let’s face the pain together at kahit gaano man kasakit Mandy, wag na wag kang bibitaw dahil hinding hindi ako bibitaw. Are you okay with that?” She is openly sobbing now and I heaved a sigh of relief when she hugged me and buried her face in my chest.

“I’m sorry Alexis.” She said in between her sobs. Hinaplos ko ang likod niya and hugged her tighter.  

“I’ll just finish the shoot tomorrow tapos umuwi na tayo. I’ll make sure na hindi na tayo maghihiwalay.” I said before I kissed the top of her head.