27

Alexis POV

Alam kong nasasaktan siya at alam kong ako ang dahilan kung bakit siya nasasaktan. Kaya sinunod ko ang gusto niya. Kaya hinayaan ko siya at hindi na ako nagsalita pa kahit na gusto kong malaman kung buntis nga talaga siya.

At kahit na gusto kong malaman kung bakit may pasa siya hindi ako nagtanong. Kahit na pinilit niyang doon matulog sa guestroom hinayaan ko siya. Pinigil ko ang sarili ko dahil alam kong lalo lang siyang magagalit sa akin.

“Sir, ayaw pong kumain ni Ma’am. Matutulog na daw po siya.” Napabuntonghininga ako sa sinabi ng katulong. Tumayo ako mula sa pagkakaupo sa dining chair at naglakad papuntang guestroom.

I knocked and called her name pero walang sumasagot. Alam ko namang gising pa siya. Nakailang beses ako ng katok at ng tawag pero wala ata siyang planong buksan ang pinto.

“Pakikuha ng susi ng guestroom.” Utos ko sa isang katulong. Agad naman siyang umalis para sundin ako at binigay ang susi.

And when I opened the door I saw Mandy lying on the bed. She’s not sleeping. She’s just looking at the ceiling and my heart constricted when I saw her crying silently. She didn’t even even glance at me when I entered her room.

Dahan dahan akong lumapit sa kama at umupo. Hindi pa din siya gumagalaw. Nagtangka akong hawakan ang kamay niya na nasa tyan niya pero iniwas niya ito.

Even if our own mother kept us from everyone and left us to our father,  I have never felt this kind of  rejection. Not until now and it is something I never want to feel again. Dahil ang sakit. God, it hurts.

“You need to eat Mandy.”

“Hindi ako gutom.” She said curtly.

“Gusto mo bang ipadala ko ang pagkain mo dito?”

“Hindi pa ako gutom. Can you leave me alone?” Her voice is so cold and the coldness gripped my heart. Parang dinadaganan ang puso ko sa sobrang bigat ng pakiramdam. Ganun pala talaga. No wonder men would kill and die just to protect their women. Ngayon naiintindihan ko na. It’s not an ego boast or machismo attitude. It’s not to prove to others how strong they are, it's to protect their heart. Dahil ngayon nararamdaman ko kung gaano siya nasasaktan, nararamdaman ko kung gaano kasakit para sa kanya ang lahat and worst the pain that I am feeling is intensified by the guilt because I know that I am the one who caused her this kind of pain. Kung pwede pa lang patayin ko na lang ang sarili ko.

“Not until you’ve eaten.” I said firmly and this time she turned to look at me. Her eyes glazed with tears.

“Hindi mo ba ako naiintindihan? Ayaw kitang makita. Ayaw kitang makausap. Ayaw kong marinig ang boses mo. Hindi kita kilala kaya umalis ka na. Leave me alone!” Bumangon siya at naupo sa headboard ng kama. Nakikita ko ang galit sa mga mata niya at alam ko na para sa akin ang galit na yun.   

“We need to talk Mandy. I will explain everything but you need to eat first.”

“Explain? Para ano? Para saan? Mababago ba ng explanation mo  ang katotohanan na niloko mo ako? Would it change the fact that my family throw me out because I disgrace them?”  

“It won’t change anything. But we could make things work. Amanda kasal tayo. Magiging isang pamilya na tayo. At alam ko darating din ang panahon na mapapatawad ka ng pamilya mo.“  

“You really think so? Alam mo ba kung ilang sampal ang nakuha ko kay Papa dahil pinagkatiwalaan kita Alexis?” At tumulo ang mga luha niya. Napapikit ako and I cursed myself silently.

“At hindi ko siya masisisi kung bakit niya ginawa yun. Hindi ko magawang magalit sa kanya dahil ama ko siya at dahil alam kong malaki ang kasalanan ko.  May karapatan siyang magalit sa akin. May karapatan siyang saktan ako kasi siya ang ama ko at pinahiya ko ang pamilya namin.” Tumingin siya sa akin and I etched to wipe the tears on her cheeks.  

“Ikaw ano ang karapatan mong saktan ako? Anong karapatan mong lokohin ako?” Napayuko ako dahil wala akong maisagot. Dahil tama siya. Wala akong karapatan na saktan siya.

“I’m so sorry.” Was all I could say.

“Stop saying that you’re sorry dahil nasusuka na ako sa sorry mo. I just want you to leave me alone. Stop caring for me. I don’t need it.” 

“At sana sa susunod wag mo nang gamitin ang pekeng kasal natin para makuha at mangyari ang  gusto mo!” I felt something snapped within me because of what she said. I clinched my hand because I feel like hitting something.  

“Our wedding is not fake Amanda.” I said curtly. I stood up to distract myself and I have to remind myself that she’s hurting kaya niya nasasabi ang mga bagay na yan.  

“Pati ba naman tungkol dyan maglolokohan pa rin tayo? Sa tingin mo ganun ako katanga?” Her eyes flashed anger. Pero mas galit ako. Oo, alam kong kasalanan ko na hindi ko nasabi sa kanya ang totoo but I won’t have her demean our marriage. Sa lahat ng bagay na ginawa ko sa kanya. Yun ang isang bagay na kahit kailan, hinding hindi ko pagsisisihan.

“Alam nating dalawa na hindi tayo mag asawa. Alam nating dalawa na null and void ang kasal dahil wala akong parent’s consent!” She said angrily at me. I again took a deep breath and looked at her seriously.

“You maybe right, but who would believe you?”  Naningkit ang mga mata niya. Ibibigay ko sa kanya ang lahat na makakaya kong ibigay. But getting out of our marriage is something that I would never give her.

“We have witnesses that I did not coerced you into that marriage. I have pictures and videos to prove that. And parent’s consent can be fabricated. Now do you have an evidence to show to the court that your parents have not consented the wedding? They can testify alright, but how long would it take before the court will declare that our marriage is null and void? And until then, you will remain as my wife.” Nakatulala lang siya sa akin. Her mouth is set into a thin line and I know I will have to face whatever are the consequence of my words.   

“Legally you are my wife and you will not leave this house until I allow you to do so. I won’t allow you to return to your parents’ house only to be ridiculed and be abused. Because, God knows what will I do If I ever hear that your father lays a hand on you, I might not be able to stop myself. I might kill him even if he’s your father.”

“How dare you!”  

“Don’t dare me  Amanda because you’re right. Hindi mo pa nga ako kilala. You still don’t know what I am capable of. And I won’t have you insinuating that we’re not married. Until you’ve proven otherwise, you will remain as my wife. And as your lawful husband and the father of the child you’re carrying, I have the right to provide for all your needs and to take care of you.”   

“I hate you. God! How I hate you.” She shouted at me.

“I know.” She doesn’t even have to say it. Nakikita ko sa mga mata niya ang galit niya sa akin.

“Ipapadala ko ang pagkain sa katulong and you better eat or I will also have to coerced food into you.” The way I forcing myself into your life now. Pathetic. Kelan pa ako namilit ng babae? Kelan pa ako namblackmail para lang tanggapin ako ng isang babae sa buhay niya? It’s degrading, it’s a big blow to my ego. But my ego is the last thing on my mind right now.  

Tumalikod na ako bago pa magbago ang isip ko. I don’t want to regret what I’ve done. I don’t want to retract any words that I’ve said. Alam kong nasaktan ko siya at patuloy ko siyang sinasaktan. Alam ko rin na habang tumatagal mas lumalalim ang galit niya sa akin. She may even loathe me. But I’d rather have it.

 I’d rather have her hate than lose her.