Final Total: 5.3 (reshelved)

Reader 1:

Cover: 1.5/4 Canva much? I compared this cover to the template on Canva that can, oh so very obviously, be found under the heading "wattpad covers" and I see that you changed the arrangement and size of the font. Good for you, but I'm not sure what you've chosen works as well as you might want it to. The words are very easy to read and your name is clear -- and that's great -- but they are not arranged in a very eye-pleasing fashion. It looks like a fat column of letters is stomping down from the sky to crush your name and the little house at the bottom like the foot of Godzilla. The entire design isn't eye-catching, although it conveys a sense of fear and horror, and looks like a really plain Canva cover. 

If you want to keep this design, I'd suggest running it through some of the free filters that are available on Canva to give it a different colour-cast. That would at least give it some oomph and set it apart from other no-effort covers out there. 

Title: 1.5/2  It's got something, and if I were in the market for a zombie apocalypse story or a 'farmer family gets slaughtered in the night' then I'd certainly go for it. 

Blurb: 2/4

The phrasing of this blurb is very choppy and heavy-handed, like a fist beating rhythmically on a table top. I'm largely confused about the door (how do you find just a door in a woods?) the house (is the house in the other world, or in this one?) and how it is full of diary entries (just floating in the air, or what?) There is that air of mystery, which is good, but this sounds a bit too much like a horror-repressed memory version of "Alice Through the Looking Glass", or the Narnia "The Woods Between the Worlds." While that might reel in younger readers who want more of the same, it doesn't have the appeal of an original or somewhat different plot twist that something that close to very known stories would need to have. I'd suggest being more specific about how this story actually plays out, giving clues as to perhaps the real meaning behind it all. The excerpt is a good idea in this case, and adds to atmosphere you've created in the main body of the blurb.

Total: 5 (I've put the book back on the shelf)

Reader 2:

Cover: 3/4  Bleak and moody image, no weird things in the layout, clearly legible. It says modern murder mystery or human interest/drama, though, not the Stranger Things-other-world type horror/mystery of the blurb. But then again, I'm not sure what that would even look like. Darker, maybe? All in all, it's not awful. It's just not clear what I'm supposed to expect from the story.

Title:1/2  Ah. World *Without* Time? World *With No* Time? It's that way right there in the blurb. My brain is stumbling over the 'of no' in this context, but I don't have any real reason why. But it's applicable to the story and attention getting.

Blurb: 2/4

Grammar: 'Four years ago*,* Persephone moved to Heileynes.' 'On the other side of the door*,* there's a world that's (maybe drop a contraction here? Two in a row seems repetitive) similar to her own*,* but *where, or in which* time has no meaning. '... Kat and Rowan*, who* live in the other world. Kat finds a box filled *with strange and disturbing diary entries* hidden under the floorboards of a house.' (Dangling modifier going on.)

Brass Tacks: Alright. Who is this story about? Persephone, or Kat? Or all of them? If it's going to be Persephone and Kat, fine, but perhaps start a new paragraph when Kat finds the box so the switch is clear.

Also, you're giving away too much with that last sentence. Or you might not be giving away enough. Could go either way. There's no hint or question of the resolution, so there's no tension to drag the reader in. Their lives come crashing down, and then what? Do they have to work together to close the door? You could try something like, 'When their lives come crashing down and the dark secrets of the world with no time come to light, Persephone, Kat, Isobel, Rowan and Liam have to find a way to reach the door or lose their way back to reality forever.' Or, if you're giving away too much and the crash itself is what they're trying to avoid, the "question" could be, 'When the dark secrets of the world with no time begin to come to light, Persephone, Kat, Liam, Rowan and Isobel have to work together to keep their real world from coming apart.'

Or something. That's just a suggestion. The inciting incident seems to be finding the door. That kicks off the story. The unfolding mystery is the main conflict that draws the story forward. Just beef up that hint/question of the resolution rather than cutting it off too short and hitting us in the face with what looks like the end of the story.

Total: 5 (I've put the book back on the shelf)

Reader 3:

Cover: 3.5/4  I like this cover - I really do. It is the perfect example of how sometimes less is more.

However - it doesn't really seem to fit the genre of the book. Picking it up, I would have expected to read a creepy mystery thriller - something you'd see on Netflix like Dark or the OA. Maybe about the end of the world. Saying that, the composition is spot-on and I really love the photo you used. I think the overall effect is due to the very overwhelming font of the title - which, again, looks great, but the genre! Full marks for the cover, although I am feeling a little betrayed that the book is not at all what it made me expect!

Title: 1.5/2 It's an interesting title, but I'm not sure if it's really grammatically correct. Maybe "The World of No Time"? Or "The World Without Time"? It does pique my curiosity, which is the point of it - so can't fault you there. It might need a little playing with, however. It almost reads like it is written in a southern dialect, so maybe that is why? I've Googled Heileynes and it doesn't seem to be a real place, so I can't really tell.

Blurb: 1/4 This is unfortunately where I feel let down a bit. Now - full disclosure - the myth of Persephone is my very favourite of all myths, and where you mention she suddenly realises she has no memories of her childhood, I am reading it to mean she is indeed the goddess of spring. That's quite an interesting idea in itself, but not really what you focus on so moving on from that.

This is a very concise blurb, and while there is nothing wrong with that, you are giving me a lot of information all at once, and very little space to process it. She moves to a new town and there is a mysterious door in the forest. Please do tell me more - is the door attached to anything? Is it standing all by itself? How and why does she find it? Also, when? I'm finding myself a little confused here. Are we joining the story 4 years after she discovers what seems to be a portal to another dimension?

You mention that the world on the other side is similar to hers. What makes it similar? And what makes it different? This world is the main focal point of the story - or so it seems here - so do tell us more about it. Try to sell it to your reader - who doesn't love a mystical world? But we need to know what it is beyond just that - mystical. I am also unclear on what do you mean when you say that time has no meaning there. Does it pass differently? Are the days never ending? Is it slower? Faster?

You introduce us to a lot of characters in the space of one sentence, and that is really breaking my concentration. Actually, just now reading this again, I am thinking that it is Kat with no memory of her childhood... because there are a few characters, and you refer to them as "she" but don't really tell us anything else about them, it is easy to get confused. It's good knowing the plot, but the characters are what really keep your readers coming back. Tell us a bit more about them!

At the end, you mention the conflict, but you do it very briefly, simply stating *Their lives come crashing down as dark secrets of the world with no time come to light.* Please, do tell me more.

In conclusion, this has the bones of a good blurb - the points are all there. But it would work better as a hook if it gave more information. Again, you tell me a lot of things very quickly, and I am not certain what happens to whom, and if this is all the main plot, or if maybe the diaries with disturbing (what makes them disturbing?) entries are a subplot of sorts.

Total: 6 (I'm interested in opening the book)