Final Total: 6.8  (We are taking the book over to the chairs to read more. . .)

Reader 1:

Grammar & Flow: 1/2 Sun *had* baked. It's in the far past.

Next line: you don't need a semi-colon unless you're going to use another verb (The toilet (seat) was no longer pristine; its white seat *was* splattered,' or, 'The toilet was no longer pristine, its white seat splattered with flecks...') (Seat is repeated in the original, BTW.)

'Couldn't/wouldn't stand' x2, first in para beginning 'I sat back and picked at the peeling polish,' and again in the next para.

'Slid' fingers, 'slid' to the sink.

Moving on from the sink scene, there is a lot of detail slamming into the reader with the arrival of Caleb. He's stuttering, and tapping his finger to his thumb, but then he's slamming his fist against the wall. I'd save the finger/thumb detail. It's used more naturally later. Here, it breaks up his display of anger.

There's a bit of filtering going on in the line 'I watched one of the family photos rock back and forth...' Just take out the 'I watched.' 'One of the family photos *rocked* back and forth...' Presto, you're not forcing the reader to filter the experience through your character, and the action is more immediate.

Drop the sentence 'My mother's muffled voice...' to its own paragraph. It's a break in subject matter.

You could also drop the next line, 'I turned away from the photo...' into its own para, since you're going from her mother to the MC.

Overall, not too bad. The flow was especially good, and drew the story on.

Interest: 2/2*rubs hands* Oooooo... drama.

Quality of Prose:1/2 In that beginning paragraph, you could stand to go into detail a little further. Is it brick? Are there mossy live oaks lining the drive? Stressing the outward beauty of the place by emphasizing it more will make it more punchy when you reveal that it's a prison.

There is a lot to take in in this little chunk of a hook. It's not off-putting, really, but it gives it a frenzied feeling. We rush through an image of the outside of the house, then dive straight into bulimia, and then they aren't at breakfast anymore, they're going to church... (Does this actually happen? Maybe I'm too northern, but I never had neighbors over for breakfast, then changed all my clothes again before going to church. There wasn't time.) Maybe pick one. She's getting ready for church and her mother called her a fat cow at breakfast, but take out that morsel-drop about the neighbors? It's inching into the unbelievable and the overdramatic. Also, it seems to be contrary to her mother trying to make everyone believe they're the perfect family. Calling her daughter a fat cow in front of the neighbors would be over-the-top and very visible. This is just coming from my own personal experience with mothers and church, though, and it may be perfectly believable to someone else. I'm simply relating my thought process as I go through this with a fine-toothed comb.

Your depiction of Caleb and his anger is realistic, but the stutter could use a touch of research. Fun stuff, the psychology behind stuttering. It's pretty easy to depict, though, but if you get it wrong, it shows.

Hook: 3/4 It's a bit angsty and dramatic, but it works in the long run, because like most humans I can't really resist drama. Your characters are depicted well, the descriptions given are colorful and well chosen. I like the fact that, just like she tries to smooth things over for Caleb, she fixes the picture. That is GREAT characterization. Your writing is getting stronger all the time. Keep it up!

Total: 7 (I've added this one to my basket) 

Reader 2:

Grammar & Flow: 2/2  The grammar is good, no big problems there. The flow is a bit hampered in the thought process of the MC's narration, but not in the language. The scene is clear, and although it's hard to but together prisoner with illness, we understand the situation.  (The MC seems to equate prisoner = illness. I'm a prisoner because I'm ill? Or My illness has taken me prisoner? That part isn't clear.) The sentences flow well and there are no jagged or overly awkward parts. 

Interest: 1/2  I'm going to give you a point for this one because I think what you're presenting here at the start would interest a number of young women. Anorexia or overly critical parents don't interest me as topics personally, but they also don't greatly turn me off. The writing was competent enough and I can see that the situation that opens the story is one that's in the process of change, as the MCs willingness to help Caleb change his shirt indicates (against Mom's explicit wishes) and the family photos in danger of falling (= family is in crisis). 

Quality of Prose: 1/2  There are a few places where words are repeated in too close of succession.  An example is the word "seat" at the very beginning.  

While the prose is competent, the thoughts of the MC are bounding all over the place. First we're shown her house from the outside, then told her prisoner status, then bounce to the toilet with the vomit, then are distracted to her fingernails, wandering farther to her dress and neighbours and how Mom is a total bitch, and then her brother shows up and teetering family photos and his shirt and mom's treatment of him become the new worry...hop hop hop. Very scattered, almost ADD.  While this could just be me, but a scattered opening indicates a scattered narrative style, if not a disjointed plot line. A little more linear presentation of the situation -- keeping to only one or two points -- might make the ride seem less bumpy.  

A last point:  the way Caleb is stuttering is not how (I've been informed) real stutterers speak. Since I had to look this up for a character of mine, I'll share with you a really helpful checklist for writing stuttering.

Stuttering occurs on the first sound of the word— stuttering will not occur midword 

Stuttering happens on the first sound– not the first full syllable (s...s-ample NOT sam...sam-ple) 

Do not write a stutter more than once in a single sentence or three times in a single paragraph (in a situation with high stress, you might be able to get away with two stutters in one sentences and up to five in one paragraph, but don't do this often) 

Choose 3-7 sounds for your character to struggle with: People who stutter consistently tend to get blocks on particular sounds (For my dad, these particular sounds are b, p, k, w, the soft g, and ah as in audio)

People who stutter often back up and try to get a "running start" when they reach a block (ex: "I would like you to g... like you to g-go to the park.") 

Another strategy for stuttering is to use another (often imperfect) synonym for the word they are struggling with (ex: "You look g...g... really pretty tonight.") 

Under higher stress, the stutter will be more frequent; under low stress, many don't stutter at all, so don't feel obligated to have your character stutter in every single conversation. 

If you use the dialogue tag, "he stuttered," do not write the stutter in the quote: If you write the stutter in the dialogue, don't say "he stuttered." Your reader is smart– you don't need to beat them over the head with a stick for them to understand that your character stutter. 

It seems Caleb is having problems with more than just a few sounds (and they're inconsistent) and he's syllable stuttering, instead of initial sound stuttering. 

Hook: 3/4  This works. While the short-attention span topic hopping is problematic, and a story starting with vomiting is going to turn off some readers, it more or less does the job of a hook. It presents the characters -- here the MC, Caleb and Mom -- their relationship to each other, something about their personalities and a point or points of conflict. Check for all of that. The writing flows well and there is certainly discernible movement in the world of the MC. 

I'd also like to congratulate you on including some metaphoric elements. It's lovely to see some literary depth in writing on WP!  The teetering, almost-falling family photos really demonstrate how disruptive Caleb as an individual has been to the stability of the family's "perfection".  You've selected an excellent metaphor to show that. With it, we also are clued in to the fact that it will most likely be Caleb who brings the whole facade down at some point. He almost manages it right at the start. Well packaged!

Total: 7 (I'm continuing to read)

Reader 3:

Grammar & Flow: 1/2 There is a bit of an issue for me with how the story flows. You start with a nice description of the house, then tell us about the prisoner inside, then she's making herself sick. This is a good start, but it could use some work. The parts seem too disjointed, not really following into each other well. You mention the toilet seat which is no longer pristine too suddenly, as if you were talking about it already before. A bit of a preamble could do it well. This feeling of lack of coherence follows through the first chapter. She's already seen her mother, so the chipping nail polished would have probably already been noticed, Caleb would have already had a tantrum about his shirt before breakfast with the neighbours.

Interest: 1.5/ 2 This could be a really good story, by how it starts, with the heavy topics you are approaching straight from the beginning. However, it is somehow lacking the emotional punch in the gut I would have expected to feel while reading it. Saying that, it's nothing that a good edit/rewrite wouldn't fix, and the idea is clearly there.

Quality of Prose: 1/2 I'm not sure if this is on purpose, but there is little emotion in a highly emotional scene. Alysson seems completely checked out, not in an 'emotionally exhausted' way though, which I could understand, but in how she is narrating the situation. Yes, her hands are shaking and yes, tears are brimming, but I don't really feel her feelings. Maybe it's in how matter-of-factly she is describing everything? For example, the dress. She was clearly angry/upset enough to chuck it in the corner, and even looking at it now, however much later, is still bringing back her mother's words, but she doesn't really seem angry or upset or anything else. 

Also, I'm a little confused about what it is she's wearing as she walks out of the bathroom, because there is no mention of any other clothes, or of her putting the dress back on. This is just an example, this same stoic approach follows through to the end of what I've read, and if it was only regarding her own situation I could accept it, but not when it extends to how she thinks of her brother. You've got the start of motherly protectiveness in how she treats him, but it doesn't really translate further.

Hook: 3/4 It is interesting. Lots of emotionally-charged topics all around. You throw us straight in the middle of a bad situation, and a bad morning, which is great. There are a few ways to make this stronger, which I have outlined below, but it is a good start.

Total: 6.5 (I'm continuing to read)