Final Total: 4.5 (reshelved)

Reader 1:

Cover: 2/4 

This is a tad too dark. The word "Shadows" on the bottom is barely readable, even when I'm looking at it on a large screen. The name of the author is too high and gets cut off. Lowering the image a bit to leave more black on top and lower it would help.

The font for the title is well chosen, it fits the genre rather well. It's pretty much exactly what you'd expect from a fantasy book about mages. My issue with it is the placement of the "G" in Grendilion. I understand what the makers of it were trying to go for, but my eyes keep reading "Rendilton, Grise of the Shadows". The image is nice, although without reading the book I can't really see the reference to the story. Do the mages all have tattoos, or are these special somehow?

Title: 1.5/2

The title is fairly typical for the genre, but because of the "Rise of the shadows" it makes me think this is the first, or possibly second, in a series. I've had a look at your profile and can see that a second one is coming, so that makes sense. The word "Grendilton" itself, however, is difficult to read and even harder to remember. It relates to the blurb in the sense that you explain this is the magical school where the story happens, but the "Rise of the Shadows" part leaves me confused. Is this a metaphorical shadow? Is there a faction within the story you called "the shadows"? There is no mention of that - other that 'conquer this darkness' in the blurb, so I'm a little confused. More on that below.

Blurb: 2/4

You start by introducing the Institute, which is fine, but in rather vague terms that don't make sense if you aren't familiar with the story (and anyone reading this wouldn't be). You say "it is here that the finest beacons of light are created" and I assume you are speaking of the prestigious sages and mages (oh, that rhymes) mentioned earlier, but you could just as well be speaking of actual physical beacons of light. I think the issue here is the word 'created', because that's something reserved for objects rather than persons. Maybe try 'educated' or 'trained' instead. Then the fact that these mages are trained to 'defeat the corruption which may destroy the peace'. There is an obvious conflict you are alluding to, but I have no idea what it is or if the stakes are high, or who is the perpetrator. That makes the threat fall a bit flat, because if I don't know what it is - why should I care?

Next, you go on to describe the two main characters, starting with the age for each of them. You could remove that and, if you really want to specify that they are both twenty, put it in later when you talk about them both being first years. Here, where we first see them, it would be much more interesting to read about who they are. The fact that they are twenty is not going to keep your readers keen.

You describe that Connor is a fire sage, while Macey is a moon mage - maybe elaborate on what that means. Why is he a sage? A sage is typically someone with vast knowledge and intelligence - a wise person, but here it just seems to be a different title - does it depend on which elements they use? Also loathing someone just because they got a better test score than you isn't a great quality, and while your characters should be flawed, the fact that this is the only quality of his we see doesn't make me care what happens to him whichever way. Considering he is that "finest beacon of light" who will "defeat the corruption" portraying him so one-dimensionally doesn't give him justice - he just seems a little wattpad bad boy cliche.

It's much the same with Macey. The both of them seem like the same person, just with slight alterations. You mention she is battling "inner demons" which "haunt her mental well-being". Again - this is so vague it could mean anything. Is she depressed? Is she possessed by something? Are these the rising shadows from the title? If you're going to tease your readers with mental health issues, don't be coy about it. If she has PTSD, tell us.

The next line ("The two first-year students...") is the first part where I can sort of start piecing together some semblance of a plot. I would suggest expanding on it. This is where you can hook your readers. As it is, I'm assuming this is going to be a romance ( since you are telling me they can't get over each other) and a rather angsty one at that, but you made no allusion to it earlier and so far, I thought I was getting into a fantasy/mystery novel.

"These two will uncover not only new things about one another while they quarrel against each other..." please try to read this sentence out loud a couple times.

It's not a bad start, and you have the building blocks of a good blurb, but it needs a good rewrite and polish. It did make me curious, but I'm not sure if it's because I actually want to read the book, or because I want to have my confusion clarified. 

Total: 5.5 (I've put the book back on the shelf)

Reader 2:

Cover: 3/4 Fantastic, evocative image and the fonts used are quite eye-catching, but I can't see the word Shadows (in red) very well at all, they just fade into the darkness. The author name disappears entirely in the thumbnail and is hard to read (very faint) in the large version. That's a problem, because I'd like to be able to remember who wrote the book I'm reading and not have to fumble for the name if I want to find more of their work. As nice as this cover is, it's probably a bit too sexy for the story and nothing about it says "school". 

Title: 1/2  Sounds like a fantasy novel, but that's all it sounds like. There's nothing that would draw me in here.  "Grendilton" reminds me of a combo of the monster Grendel from Beowulf and Stilton cheese.  Reminiscent more a name of a village in the backwaters of the UK. "Rise of the Shadows" is only slightly more atmospheric, but doesn't really arouse much in interest in me. Over all, it seems a very normal title for a work of fantasy.   

Blurb: 1/4

Confusingly written and alternating between being overly stiff or clumsy in phrasing. 

In the first paragraph, I have no idea what "land" we're talking about (in all the land), nor why electrical beacons of lights are being manufactured at this Institute (yes, I know you mean talented people, but that's not how it reads), and what "peace" are we speaking of? Sounds political. Has there recently been a war, or is one threatening? 

"while also battling the inner demons that haunt her mental well-being." Here is an example of clumsy, non-engaging phrasing. Mental well-being is too formal of a phrase to be paired with inner demons. It sounds forced and almost like it's something taking place across town and not right in front of us. A suggestion for more engaging phrasing might be something like: while also battling inner demons which threaten to unbalance/upset her precarious mental state. In general, I'm getting some serious Harry Potter vibes from these two students, who, quite honestly, sound like unlikeable snots from the description provided. I doubt I'd want to read about their petty bickering and one-upmanship."Together these two will uncover not only new things about one another while they quarrel against each other, but they will also stumble on a dark secret that was buried in the institute's history long ago."This is pure telling, not engaging showing. It sounds like kids around a campfire, holding a torch (flashlight) under their face and announcing a ghost story, not the blurb of a novel. You want more dynamic, more vivid phrasing that swoops the reader straight into the story. Like you have it, this doesn't come up to the bar. And it's a tad too long, as well.

Total: 5 (I've put the book back on the shelf) 

Reader 3:

Cover: 1/4

Overall, I like the cover. The general aesthetic is intriguing and eyecatching. Alas, while the font is really cool, 'Grendilton' looks like 'Moonshape Renelibton'. Then 'Shadows' might as well be invisble. The only reason I knew something must be down there was that 'Moonshape Renelibton Rise of The' seemed to need a noun at the end. 'Shadows' needs to be brighter. I would either make it the same font as the subtitle (rise of the), or bring the whole thing up a few clicks, make the subtitle smaller, and try to incorporate 'Shadows' into that grouping of title and subtitle. Right now, not only does it blend right in with the tattooed lady's rump, but there's a really stark divide that doesn't make much sense, IMHO. Why make the word 'Shadows' the same exact font as the title but a different color? It either has to look like it's different on purpose – think the over-done flowing red calligraphy fonts on corset-poppers – or more cohesive to the actual title – silver, and 3D. (That's the problem with subtitles. They are usually dratted long, and make for awkward alignments and busy layouts. Personally, I would suggest getting rid of it altogether. The main title is cool by itself, and has a certain fantasy vibe.) Your screen name (why not something more professional that resembles an actual name?) is also kissing the top edge, and nearly invisible. Go ahead and brighten that up, and drop it just a hair. So. To sum up: (1) make title look more like the word it's supposed to be, (2) change subtitle so it's all visible (either deliberately go whole hog on 'Shadows' as a flourishy scarlet counterpoint, or make it fit in a little better with the rest of the subtitle/title), (3) brighten up and drop author name so it's a bit more visible.

Title: 1/2

Grendilton is unique. I like it. Don't know what it refers to, but it's cool. 'Rise of the Shadows' is kinda a cliché among fantasy circles... I mean... it just is. Everything is 'rise of the' something or other, or 'fall of the' something else. But ok. You've got a title, it's genre appropriate, and I'm assuming it has something to do with the story.

Blurb: 1/4

Grammar, Word Choice, Etc.: Don't use diminutives like 'may.' The corruption either will or won't destroy the peace. That first paragraph is in need of a pruning/adjustment. 'In all the land.' What land? "It is here that the finest beacons of *light* are created..." Is that an official thing? Is that what the school is for? Beacon creation? "to defeat the corruption that *will* destroy the peace." This sounds like a clumsy advertising slogan. "Got corruption? Come to Grendilton! We'll defeat it with beacons of light!" And 'the peace.' What is that? The peace they've fought so hard to maintain? That peace? Or just a general, everyday sort of nebulous hippy 'peace'?

What is this corruption, anyway? Political? Societal? Physical? Mental? What ACTUAL evil forces are these professors training these mages and sages to fight? This beginning is too vague. Up the ante and quit using cliche descriptions. The school is there to train specially selected people to fight... what, exactly?

Quarrel *with* each other.

General Plot Note: This is Hogwarts meets The Magicians meets Anne of Green Gables. Isn't it.

So you've got: a touch of backstory, Main Characters, setting description, check, check, check. Inciting incident, check. Ok. Great. The problem is that the inciting incident comes after a lot of backstory, and it is really blah. They find something 'dark'. Now. I understand not wanting to give away everything. That's fine, but don't make it faceless either. The tension fizzles in those last two lines, mostly because there isn't any clear danger. Just 'darkness.' OOOOoooo... Is this YA? It doesn't look like it from that sexy cover and the basics of the blurb, but I'm fully expecting the threat to be something a kid would be afraid of. I would say go ahead and spill just a little more of what, exactly, they have to fight against. Put some more hurdles out there. Are they going to run out of time? Are they facing opposition from someone in the Institute? How dangerous is this 'darkness'? What is actually at stake if they lose?

Total: 3 (I will not be reading this book.)