Having a quiet night to himself had been too much to hope for. Paulo sighed as Baskar approached him before he could escape to his room. The plump Elemental Master scurried towards Paulo with a rare intensity for the self-possessed man. Baskar's usually perfectly coiffed hair flew out of its bindings as he bumped into one of the apprentices and brushed him aside without apologizing or admonishing. This discourtesy piqued Paulo's curiosity. Baskar was a stickler for protocol, and Paulo had rarely seen him preoccupied enough to ignore any breach.

"The Fire Master comes soon," Baskar started in the middle of a conversation Paulo could not remember being part of. "We must find somewhere private." Baskar glanced around him and then decided on the room the young apprentice had just vacated. It was a practice room, well shielded and large enough for several masters to sit comfortably to speak.

"And why does Raros come?" Paulo prompted as they settled in the sparse chamber. He chose to sit on one of the stools that lined the walls while Baskar paced in the center of the room. Paulo wondered at this change in his mood. He seemed relatively calm at the Council meeting just an hour ago.

"Oh," Baskar stopped pacing and looked at Paulo. "Has Mara not spoken with you?"

"I have not yet talked with Master Mara today." Paulo's interest ticked up again. It was unusual for Mara to speak with Baskar through the Fire. Whatever she wanted to discuss must have been significant enough to overcome her distaste with the fastidious Elemental Master. Their relationship had always been strained despite their mutual affinity to Fire. Baskar looked nonplussed and opened his mouth to respond, but Paulo waved him off. "We can wait for Raros to explain."

When the Fire Master arrived, Paulo was again reminded of the frail-looking Master's age. It was time to name a new Master of the Fire Council, but none had been yet. Paulo suspected that Raros waited for Rosemund's return, which had never been the guaranteed conclusion to her mission. But, it was Fire business, not his, and perhaps the wiley man had selected a successor and just not announced it.

"Master," Raros bowed to Paulo, who flicked his hand in courteous dismissal of the honorific. No matter how long he had been The Master, accepting the obeisance of the older Masters like Raros still felt wrong.

Paulo didn't miss the absence of a greeting to Baskar. Baskar was an Elemental Master and member of the Elemental Council. He could call on Earth as quickly as Fire and, in a pinch, could control Air and Water. But despite this, Raros, who could only call on the Fire Elemental, showed him no deference, offering him a mere nod instead of a bow. Baskar accepted it, oddly, without even a grimace.

"Well?" Paulo's question pierced the silence.

"She has been taken to the castle," Raros began, and Paulo immediately knew who he spoke of. "She does not plan on returning to the Temple. She expects death or worse."

"I felt her destroy the contact portal, so I suspected something had happened." Paulo leaned his head against the wall, contemplating the situation. Rosemund would soon be in the hands of the Queen, which posed a risk of exposing the Council's presence in the Queendom. They had anticipated this possibility and had planned for it. Rosemund's mind was fortified with many traps. Yet, the Queen was a shrewd interrogator and had methods of extracting information.

"It's worse than that, Master," Baskar ran his hands through his hair. Paulo was struck with a memory as he looked at Baskar. The small man had briefly been apprenticed to Raros. He must have overlapped with Rosemund. Baskar had been a strong voice against her decision to go to the Queendom. He looked genuinely distressed like a friend or family member was in trouble. Was the relationship between Baskar and Rosemund more than he had known? Paulo would have to speak with Leena; she understood more of the Council gossip than he. He almost missed the dark man's following words. "We can't feel her anymore."

"What?" Paulo sat up.

"Rosemund stopped speaking to us through the Fire after her capture, but today," Raros slumped into his chair and looked truly sad. "We stopped being able to feel her at all."

"Is she dead?" Paulo hated to ask. Could they be sure of the answer?

"Our spy says no," Baskar answered, and Raros nodded.

"Her connection with Fire then -" Paulo started, then his voice faded.

"Has been severed," Raros confirmed.

***

A knock at his door surprised Destan. He must have dozed off during his reading. He stretched his long legs and folded out of the chair he had lounged in. The robes he always wore flowed around his lean frame, disguising his rapid pace towards the progressively urgent knocking. If it had been in his nature, Destan might have been annoyed by the impatience of his soon-to-be guest. But it was not, and he smiled as he opened the door.

It was not unusual for Natalia to show up at his door, but her uncertainty surprised him. And the eyes that stared at him spoke of turmoil and confusion.

"Can I come in?" She asked finally after waiting for a minute in silence. Destan felt his face flush and stepped back to allow her entrance.

"Of course, sorry to make you stand in the hall, it's just -" Destan paused and then struggled to find the rest of his sentence as he closed the door again. "Natalia, what is wrong?"

"I don't even know where to start," Natalia answered. She walked to the window in his sitting room, which had a built-in seat where he often enjoyed the beauty of the Vale. She frowned as she looked at it."I wish I had one of these," she commented as she sat on the cushion.

"I wonder if you would ever leave your room if you could sit while you stared out the window and pondered," Destan teased lightly, trying to lighten her mood.

"I would, but likely not as often." Natalia smiled weakly and then gestured for him to join her with a pat of her hand on the cushion. "Something about this Vale gives me peace, which I have known so little of for many years."

"Yes, it has a rare balance," Destan agreed as he sat beside her and examined the dark Vale. "But peace found in a place can be fleeting."

"Peace is fleeting, so we must enjoy it where we can." Natalia turned to Destan and frowned. "So much in life is fleeting. Shouldn't we grasp at joy where it is?"

"Natalia?" Something about her look made him uncomfortable.

"Oh," Natalia breathed out with exasperation. "I don't know how to deal with this."

"With what?"

"The way I feel."

"About what?"

"About everything."

Destan waited patiently for the rest.

"For so long, I worked so hard not to feel anything. I was most comfortable when numb. No one could hurt me when I didn't feel anything. And I never wanted to be hurt again."

"But without pain -"

"I know." Natalia dismissed the rest of Destan's words with a flick of her hair. "I thought that that would be the end when I met Lukas again. He had been my great love, and I was ready to die after meeting him one last time. The first few years, I blamed him for my pain, but then the numbness gave me perspective. I loved him, and he loved me. So, regardless of what he may have done to me, I could not let someone I loved suffer the way I had. I had to save him."

"And you did," Destan prompted. During her healing, he had witnessed all of these things. However, he knew she needed to discuss them to process something new.

"Then I met Raja, and the way he made me feel was different from Lukas. I wanted to hate him and blame him for stealing my life from me, but I couldn't. He became my bondmate, so soon after we met, I was forced to see the truth of his identity before I was ready. Then I met you." Natalia paused and put her hand on Destan's shoulder, sending a shock of sensation through him. "And you helped me process so much of what was in my mind and healed me of many of my old wounds, but you also confuse me. I haven't yet sorted out so many things about you and -" Natalia's hand fell to the cushion near Destan's hand, and after a pause, she put it over his. "I have known love, but I was so young." She paused and then moved to stand, pulling Destan with her. "The Elementals have pushed me towards one direction and helped me find something I desperately wanted, but I don't know what it means. I'm not sure if I should be pleased or angry."

"Pushed you towards love?" Destan began to feel dread forming deep in his heart. He knew that he would not like her following words. She understood it, too, and pulled him into a sudden embrace.

"Pushed me towards something-" Natalia's head buried into his chest, and Destan put his arms around her to comfort her. "Something like love."

"You and Raja?" Destan released his selfish inclinations and worked to help Natalia find her peace.

"Raja and I," Natalia affirmed. "It was something different than anything I have ever had with Lukas. But it is so complicated."

"You are bonded. Is it not natural for you to desire further intimacy?"

"I don't know if I can blame it entirely on the bond," Natalia answered as she backed away from him. "If I am honest with myself, it is not just the bond that draws me to him." A calm came over Destan, and he felt the unmistakable presence of the Lady. Nothing in Natalia indicated that she felt the Water Elemental's presence, so she must have approached only him through his mindspace. Destan accepted that the Lady had a plan, and he needed to be who she had made him. He was rewarded for his decision with a quick wave of her pleasure, and then the Lady left him.

"What worries you about the connection you have made with Raja? The connection itself or the complications it brings?" Destan moved back to the chair he had abandoned to answer the door. Natalia followed suit and sat back on the window seat. The distance helped Destan process what she needed from him. Her silence confirmed that he had guessed right.

"He is Lukas' mate. I still love Lukas."

"Is it not possible to love more than one person?"

"No," Natalia answered automatically, then shook her head. "Or at least, I don't think it is. And I don't know if what I feel for Raja is love. It certainly doesn't feel the same as what I felt for Lukas when I was young."

"Does it make you happy?"

"In the moment? Yes."

"Then you have to decide." Destan saw the choices before her clearly but could not see their consequences. "Do you want to live for the moment? Do you want to live in the past? Or do you want to live for the future?"

"Can't I do all three?"

"Do you think you can?"

"Not and be happy." Natalia buried her head in her hands.

Despite knowing he may not be pleased with tonight's outcome, Destan wanted to comfort her.

"The future is not certain. The past is a memory; now is the only real thing." Destan stood and closed the distance between them again. "Don't sacrifice the future for the pleasures of today. But don't disregard what you have now for what you once had or may have in the future. If you decide not to be with Raja, do so because you have chosen a different path, not because you are afraid to go down this one."

"It's a lot to think about. I am so sorry to burden you with it. It is unfair to you." Natalia stood and caught Destan's eyes with hers. Her look of understanding sent a flush of embarrassment through him. He had no claim to her and tried to hide his feelings. It shamed him to know how transparent he had been.

"I am always the right person for you to come to. It is not a burden to me. I will always support you, no matter what."

"No matter what?" Natalia countered.

"No matter what," Destan confirmed.

***

"So, you think the Air Elemental pushed you together?" Lukas' tone confused Raja. Anger would have been understandable, sadness perhaps, jealousy even, but intrigue seemed out of place.

"I now recognize that he was the reason for our bonding or the reason it happened when it did. And we left our shields down -" Raja studied Lukas's response to his words. His lover was pacing in the field his Mindspace had created for them. The soft grass was fluttering in the light breeze. It was their favorite construct, yet Lukas paid no attention to his surroundings.

"You left your shields down. Did he possess you? Did he force you to do something you did not want that you did not desire? Should we gather our strength to battle him to control your mind and body?"

"No, Lukas, you know that is not what happened. You would have felt it if he possessed me."

"Yes, I would have," Lukas answered dispassionately. "Raja, be honest with yourself. Did you have no desire for Nati? Was it something that you did not want?"

"I - "Raja faltered, not knowing what to say. "I have never desired a woman."

"And yet you made love to my wife?" A hint of jealousy and anger entered his voice, and Lukas stopped his pacing. Raja wondered if Lukas was jealous that Raja might develop feelings for someone else or that Natalia was. Anger warmed Raja's chest. How often had he tolerated Lukas mating with women and sometimes other men to further their cause? What was different now? Raja had always remained loyal to Lukas but had never asked for the same monogamy from Lukas. It was not Lukas's way; he did not put the same importance on sex that Raja did. But he did know the significance that Raja gave it.

"Yes," Raja answered honestly, beginning to understand Lukas's feelings now. He knew what this act meant for Raja, likely more than Raja did initially. Lukas was annoyed because Raja hadn't realized the significance immediately. Honesty to oneself was critical to Lukas. You could be dishonest to everyone but never lie to yourself. "We have developed feelings for each other outside of the bond."

"And what about me?" Lukas approached Raja, his piercing blue eyes locked onto him. They stood in silence, staring for a moment. Raja allowed Lukas to simmer.

"I love you," Raja finally answered.

Lukas grabbed Raja's face and kissed him. A pantheon of feelings flooded Raja with that touch. He could feel all the contradicting emotions from Lukas and those living in his heart. Raja had thought Lukas would always be the center of his life, the keeper of his heart. But, now, his heart had opened to someone else, and though the passion may not burn as bright as it did with Lukas, his affection for Natalia was genuine. Maybe it was even love of a different kind.

"Raja," Lukas whispered when their lips finally parted. "I'm sorry." H rested his forehead on Raja's and closed his eyes. "I think my forced celibacy has made me more sensitive than I should be. I have no right to feel the way I do about this. You are your own man. Natalia is no longer my wife. But part of me hates the idea of you touching her -" Lukas's arms wouldn't allow Raja to leave the embrace in anger. "Or her touching you. I am honestly not sure which angers me more yet." He pulled Raja closer. "I have never had to share either of you before."

"Lukas, you are so vain." Raja kissed him again in frustration. Why did he love this arrogant man so much, even when he said things like this?

"Yes, I am," Lukas said with a slight chuckle between kisses. "But you love e for it."

"I love you despite it," Raja contradicted.

"Do you?" Lukas pulled back long enough to look into Raja's eyes. "Raja, I believe that the reason I love you, in part, is because you truly believe that. You see the go d in me that I am not sure is there. But your faith gives me hope."

Lukas's words sent a shiver of pleasure down Raja's spine. Just as Lukas was miserly with his proclamations of love, he was even less likely to mention any possible failing. To say this much was a gift to Raja, showing his absolute trust. Even at this moment, when he was confused about everything in his heart, Raja savored it.

Their bodies intertwined in a frantic need to connect, and Raja enjoyed the moment. It paled compared to their joining in the physical space, but it was still a source of intimacy and pleasure.

No matter what happened between him and Natalia, Raja had committed his life to Lukas the day he saved him instead of his cousin. Everything they had built since then had been to honor that choice and prove it right. Though nothing could bring back Marush, he still had Lukas and would never risk losing him. Therefore, if Lukas asked him to cut ties with Natalia, he would do his best to comply, but he was relieved that his partner didn't make such a request. Lukas trusted him enough to allow him to have a relationship with Natalia, even if only for a short time.

WC2952

Last Edit 1/20/24