Music: SORROW'S HARMONY || Peter Gundry

You fight me all the time, pushing me into darkened corners, forcing me behind locked doors. Yet, I am still victorious; rooted so deep within you - I am primal. Eternal.

I have many guises, some of which I am still to reveal. Those which you consider 'conquered' are merely sleeping, silenced; they too must - recover. But silence is not my forte; it is a means to an end and nothing more. 

I, like the various threats to humanity, am always preparing, plotting, waiting for that moment when you foolishly think you are invincible and then - I strike! And crumble, you do - most spectacularly. 

As I lounge upon my spiked throne, I am privy to your goals, your dreams - your delusions. That mask you wear, it only fools those looking in from the outside, whereas I know the truth.  I am the truth; the indecipherable shape in the shadows, the literal blot on the landscape, the ghost in the machine. And although you try to deny me, to exorcise and defeat me, I am, nevertheless, your driving force - the very thing which makes you tick. 

I live within the masquerade which you call your life. Throughout the years, I have been pandered to, nurtured, allowed to evolve sometimes to epic proportions. And all thanks to you.

You think me evil? Something to be cast out? Or better still, denied, tucked away, swept under the carpet? Without me, honey, your life would be boring. You would sit, vegetating, without purpose, staring at four walls, 24/7, with no ambition, no desire - nothing. 

No, I was born within you at the exact second you drew your first breath. From the moment your baby-blues greeted the light, I started to grow. 

Funnily enough, your parents, unwittingly perhaps, helped me spread my tendrils throughout your fragile body, enabled me to creep into every muscle, cell, and fibre of your being. How - you wonder? Fairytales for starters - those dark, subliminal tales which the grown-ups tell you are meant to be "Happy Ever After" children's stories. They are not! They are building blocks - for me!

And then the lies; Father Christmas, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy (and there's a bitch if ever there was one!) You thought they were beautiful, magical and you believed wholehearted in these individuals didn't you? And weren't you just devastated to find out they were fabrications?

You see, you are programmed by your peers, from the moment you are born. And once your initiation is complete, and your own ideas kick in, then I take over.

You still think I am bad, though, don't you? I dare say I am guilty of painting myself as such - I'm a bit theatrical - but again, all thanks to your brain processing. Here's the show-stopper though, I am not evil - per se. Vital, though, I am. 

I lurk behind your insecurities; I give them fuel. Your doubts are my Hans Memling's, my Henry Fuseli's - dark masterpieces. Your sense of failure, inadequacy, and self-loathing are my offspring. And sometimes I am given the best seat in the house to watch you flail, sink, and try to swim against the currents. Yes, you may think I am out to destroy you; but I'm not.

You see, I have opposition. My 'nemesis', Hope, loiters in the background, as always. And therein lies the constant battle, the rise and fall, the ebb and flow. We are your inner demons. There is no black without white after all, but oh, the greys - they are complex and wondrous hues. I do enjoy wiggling my tootsies in their murky waters.

The fact of the matter is, if I did not reside within your intellect, you would rot. How so? Because Hope would have nothing to grab onto, there would be no foundations for her to sink her roots into and flourish, or reach up for the light. Likewise, without Hope, I would not exist either. There would be no joy to crumble, no dreams to shatter, no heart to break.

So, embrace me when I visit, accept the gauntlet I throw at your feet. Rise to the challenge. I am proof that you are alive; the very thing which keeps you breathing and fighting. 

What was that? My name?

I am Fear.