Jane-Anne Pearce

"Why not?" Mom asked. "I thought you and Taylor were friends."

"It's nothing." I insisted. "I just don't feel like having a sleepover, that's all. Besides, it's a school night."

"I understand that," said Mom, "But I asked Taylor to tutor you tonight. You need her help. Do you know how close you are to a B in chemistry?"

"Close, Mom." I corrected. "I'm not there yet."

"That doesn't matter, Jane-Anne. I don't want to risk you coming close to anything bad. No one is going to want you if-"

"Stop!" I interrupted. "No one is going to want me? How can you say that?" Usually, I would be upset with myself for speaking my mind. But this morning, I wasn't. I didn't bother to stumble out an apology, but waited for my mother to respond.

Mom closed her eyes and sighed as if she couldn't believe I was her biological daughter. "I'm just trying to protect you."

"I don't need your protection." I fired back instantly. "It was a year ago. She's gone, and she's never coming back." The last sentence came out unexpectedly. Both of us shifted uncomfortably, not wanting to think about what had happened.

The attack was hard to talk about, especially since I couldn't remember anything. I was told that it was normal to block out specific memories. Sometimes, people forget things to save themselves from their trauma. I wasn't sure if I wanted to know what had happened that day.

"That's not what this is about, but-" Mom paused when she saw Dad make his way downstairs.

"Good morning, Jane-Anne." Dad was making himself cereal, completely oblivious to the tension in the room.

"Tell Mom to stop hating me, Dad." I blurted instantly. Dad looked up at me and blinked, stunned by my statement. It was too early for family drama, especially for Dad, who didn't even have an ounce of coffee in his system yet.

"Snow," said Dad, his voice hollow with morning drowsiness. "Do you hate our daughter?"

Snow. The nickname that Dad picked for Mom because he struggled to pronounce her real name. Mom never seemed annoyed with it, but I always got frustrated on her behalf. I've had to defend having a hyphenated name since kindergarten, but Mom never bothered to defend hers.

"No." Mom answered flatly. Dad shrugged at me like it was the best I could do.

"Ugh!" That was the last thing my parents heard from me when I walked out the door. As usual, Taylor and Kiara were waiting for me on the porch, ready to walk to school together. Whenever my parents weren't watching me, I was being guarded by those two. I hadn't realized how strange that was until Rowan had pointed it out.

And now she's dead.

"Are you ready?" Kiara asked enthusiastically. She smiled with an energy that did not belong in the early hours of the morning.

"Ready." I replied. "Also, I'm not sure if I'm up for a sleepover." I told Taylor.

"What did your mom say?" Taylor asked.

"That I need chemistry tutoring." I responded. I crossed my arms, thinking back to our disagreement earlier.

"Can you still come over?" Kiara asked.

"I guess so." I answered unenthusiastically. I was trying to distance myself from Kiara and Taylor, but they were proving difficult to shake.

"Okay then." said Kiara lightly, not a single care in the world. She adjusted her fedora and continued to walk ahead of Taylor and I.

"Have you ever seen Kiara without a hat on?" I asked Taylor, mostly as a joke.

"Um..." Taylor hesitated. "Yeah, I think so." I frowned at her odd answer.

Taylor has always been a mystery to me. She was so quick to become my friend when everyone else left, so I never bothered the question it. But Kiara probably knew more about Taylor than I did, and she moved here shortly after Taylor and I became friends.

Kiara was a different entity altogether. Sure, Taylor was an enigma, but it felt like Kiara only appeared to go to school with me and nothing else. I don't think I've ever seen her parents before.

Maybe it was better that I knew less. I don't have the best reactions to new information. Rowan's spirit would definitely agree.

"What's this?" Rowan asked, walking towards me. I wasn't sure how she knew to look for me here, but the library had always been a comfortable spot for the three of us. I didn't turn around to look at her as my fingers typed furiously. "Jane-Anne, take a deep breath." Rowan instructed. I nodded, and let myself breathe in through my nose and out through my mouth.

Rowan knelt down so that she could get a good view of my computer screen. Her eyes narrowed with concentration as she read the words on the screen to herself. "You have a whole dissertation there." said Rowan, smiling to herself. "Listen, Jane-Anne, I know you. If you would rather research your heart out than just talk to him-"

"It's not that I don't want to talk to him. I just want to be sure." I said.

"You don't have to know every detail about the Lavender Scare and George Takei to be there for Carter," said Rowan, laughing. It felt like she was laughing at my expense, even though Rowan was too nice to do that.

"It wouldn't hurt to know." I said, continuing to type.

Rowan crossed her arms and cleared her throat. For her, that was a big deal. Rowan seldom got upset about anything, and it was enough to make me stop. "I know stalling when I see it, Jane-Anne. I mean, you've seen me try to put Charlie to bed." Rowan tried to smile again to ease my nerves, but I could already feel myself being flooded with unwarranted embarrassment and defensiveness.

"I'm not stalling, and I'm not a child." I countered. "I just don't want to say the wrong thing. I always say the wrong thing."

"Do you want to know what's worse than saying the wrong thing? It's saying nothing at all." said Rowan. "Carter's waiting outside, so if you could just come with me-" Rowan put her hand on my shoulder, but I shrugged it away.

"Just let me finish." I said.

"That's going to take hours," said Rowan. "You can't put this off. What are you scared of?"

"I don't know." I whispered.

"Whatever it is, I need you to put it aside. This isn't about either of us. It's about him." said Rowan.

"I know that!" I practically snapped. "I don't need you hovering over me. I'll talk to him when I feel like it!"

I couldn't take the words back as soon as they exited from my mouth. Rowan didn't respond in a dramatic fashion, but I could see in her posture that she had completely given up on me. I watched her go, but didn't make an effort to say anything or follow her. I didn't want to face the repercussions of what I had just said. I wanted to forget about it, and shelter myself in the library until the storm ended.

I returned to my project, digging through everything I possibly could. When my eyes couldn't look at the screen a second longer, I decided that it was time to go. So I left. I didn't even think about my exchange with Rowan, or how I had made an effort to avoid Carter since he had told me. I wanted to block it all out.

I didn't know who had decided to cut through the library on their way home that day. I didn't know that the computer was still awake, displaying its screen for everyone to see. I didn't know I had forgotten to log off.

The next day, the hallways were littered with a paper entitled "Carter Reynolds", with all of my research compiled beneath it of history, famous figures, and a psych article detailing how to talk to a friend who had recently come out.

All I had to do was log out. Or just talk to my friend. But I didn't, and I ruined everything. Just like I always did.

The chatter of the cafeteria pushed the memory to the back of my mind. I didn't even realize that I had been gripping my tray tightly until I glanced down at my white knuckles.

"Jane-Anne?" Kiara asked. She tried to put her hand on my shoulder, but I had already started walking forward. I picked up the pace, wondering if I could lose her and Taylor in the crowd. They were supposed to be my friends, so why did I feel like they were suffocating me?

I spotted Ivy and Carter sitting at a nearby table. "Hi." I announced, nearly dropping my tray on their table. There was no turning back now. Ivy and Carter stared at me, clearly surprised by my decision to sit with them. "Is this seat taken?" I asked. Ivy looked to Carter, who nodded.

I turned behind me to see if I could find Taylor and Kiara in the crowd. They weren't there. Maybe they were sitting together and minding their own business.

Ivy cleared her throat, trying to disperse the awkwardness around us. "So," she said, breaking the silence, "what brings you to our table?"

"I'm not sure." I said, shrugging. "Maybe I'm looking for something different." I glanced at Carter. "But only if you're okay with me being here."

"Of course," said Carter, completely surprising me.

I had been dying to hear those words for the past year. A sharp pain tugged at my stomach, reminding me that Rowan wasn't here to see it. I always thought that I would have had more time to build back my friendship with her too.

"Hey, I have a question for you guys." said Ivy. "If someone downloads a tracker on your phone, how do you get rid of it?"

"That is definitely an interesting question." Carter observed. "Overprotective parents or secret agent conspiracy?"

Ivy laughed a bit too loud, but then shook her head. "It's Makaya. She took my phone and installed something on it. I can't find it, much less delete it."

"How did you piss her off?" I asked.

"I didn't!" Ivy exclaimed. "She just took my phone and downloaded it."

"Or," Carter suggested. "She did that thing where she holds out her hand and you give her the first thing you see on instinct. Happens to the best of us."

"When she was my babysitter, I had to hand over my phone so many times." I said.

"Makaya was your babysitter?" Ivy asked.

"For a time, yeah. After everything, my parents didn't want me to be home alone. Makaya would make me do all this meditation and hypnosis stuff. Apparently it was supposed to help me with processing." I elaborated.

"Did it?" Ivy asked.

"I'm not sure." I admitted. "I don't remember anything." I shrugged playfully, and Ivy and Carter couldn't help but laugh.

"That sounds a lot like the checkup." Ivy connected. "Did you ever have to do that?"

"I didn't." I said.

"I did it twice," said Carter. "Jessica and I failed the first time."

"You can fail that thing?" Ivy asked.

"Trust me," said Carter. "It's very possible. I barely remember what I did, so I'm not too sure about what changed the second time around."

"I had no idea you could actually fail." said Ivy, mostly to herself.

"Family rule. It's no joke." said Carter.

"So do you think that you failed because you're adopted?" I asked. My inappropriate question was met with a painful stint of silence. For some strange reason, Carter smiled.

"What?" I asked, looking at his mystifying reaction.

"I missed you." said Carter.

"Jane-Anne." Kiara and Taylor were now standing behind me, their shadows covering my lunch tray. "What are you doing?" Taylor asked.

"I'm eating lunch with my friends." I answered. "What are you doing?"

"We've been looking for you." said Kiara. "You kinda disappeared on us."

"I'm sorry about that." I said. "You can sit with us." I moved my chair aside so that both Kiara and Taylor could sit by me.

"This isn't funny, Jane-Anne," said Taylor. Her voice sounded weighted, like I was making her life so much harder by choosing a different seat.

"I'm not trying to be funny." I defended. Taylor had a way of bringing out the insolent child in me. It was like she wanted me to be the person who overreacted or spread rumors. Maybe because that person was really dependent on her.

In the end, I caved, and changed tables to be with Kiara and Taylor. Neither of them were very good at getting any kind of conversation out of me, and I couldn't stop my mind from wandering. I felt like I had invisible shackles that kept me close to the two of them. Why was I here?

I hadn't known Taylor or Kiara for long, but I couldn't remember the feeling of them not being attached to me in some way. And now, I was starting to realize that neither of them really liked me. I was their friend out of duty more than anything else.

Something was going on that I didn't completely understand, and probably never would. It wasn't like Taylor was going to explain anything to me. Whenever someone tells me anything, they may as well post it on a billboard. But the distrust that I got from Taylor and Kiara felt insulting. They underestimated me almost as much as Mom did.

"You know what?" I said aloud. "I have a lot of homework today. I don't think I can go to your house after school."

"Okay." said Taylor, sounding unbothered. "Do you want us to walk you home?"

"You don't have to." I said. "My house is kinda out of the way, don't you think?"

"I don't think so," said Kiara. I narrowed my eyes in suspicion, but then put on what I hoped was a normal expression.

"That's fine." I said pleasantly.

Dear Diary,

Rowan was right. There's something wrong with Kiara and Taylor. I don't know what's off about them exactly, but it's time for me to find out. All I need now is a plan.

I tapped my pen on my chin, a smile forming on my lips as an idea started to take shape in my head.

Step one...

A/N: Jane-Anne Pearce and Lena Matthews. Two girls surrounded by secrets. Two girls on a mission. Only one way to find out how these two adventures are going to go, and what secrets are about to be revealed. I'm so excited for these next few chapters! Vote and comment if you enjoyed, and stay tuned. Some things are finally going to come to light...

QOTD: What do you think is going on with Taylor and Kiara?