Lena Matthews

"What were you thinking?" Dad asked for about the fifth time.

"I was trying to figure out what happened last night. Carter asked me to visit Rowan with him, and I saw an opportunity. You can't blame me for taking it! We're looking for a female Forbidden that creates cold. She's the reason that Rowan was found frozen. If I could just -"

"No!" Dad yelled, interrupting me. "What was your assignment?"

"To keep the family from looking suspicious." I finished obediently.

"Did anyone see you interrogating Charlie?" Dad asked.

"No one except for Makaya, I guess." I answered truthfully.

"Makaya?" Dad roared.

"That woman's everywhere, I couldn't help it." I defended weakly.

"It doesn't matter, Lena! This town is dangerous! I can do my job, and I don't need you risking everything so you can feel better!" I shriveled, and Dad guiltily brought his voice down. "Listen, you're just not meant for this. Some people have a gift, or a spark, and you just don't. That's okay." Dad tried to touch my shoulder to comfort me, but I slapped his arm away.

"You want to talk about a spark?" I asked, furious. "You can start by telling me about your mom!" I walked to the stove and turned the natural gas burner on. A small flower of blue flame clicked to life, and I put my hand on it without hesitation. As I expected, I couldn't feel anything. I looked at Dad, a fire blazing in my eyes.

"Turn that off." Dad commanded. It wasn't the reaction I had expected, and I turned off the burner immediately.

"You heard me talking to your mother last night," said Dad flatly.

"Why didn't you tell us?" I demanded.

"It was better that way. I was worried that you might feel guilty, or like there are consequences to killing something that shares your blood." Dad explained.

"So you thought that I would go soft?" I asked, my blood beginning to boil. "You raised me to know that the Forbidden are always dangerous, and that there's no exceptions. One little detail is not going to override all of that!"

"It's not that simple, Lena." said Dad.

"I think it is. You just don't trust me." I responded.

"No, Lena, I do trust you, but-"

"I'm tired of being underestimated over and over!" I exclaimed. "I'm tired of you!" As much as I hated fighting, here I was arguing with Dad for the second time this week. "I'm tired of this." I said quietly, but Dad couldn't hear me. I made a slow procession back to my bedroom and shut the door.

I hadn't bothered to decorate my room here. I wanted to avoid getting too attached to Atalka, and that started with the house. Despite it being a really nice place, my real life was back in those apartments at Oak View with my family.

I flopped onto my bed and sighed dramatically. For a moment, I let myself wonder what it was like to be someone like Jane-Anne. I didn't doubt that her room was painted some pastel color with matching curtains and five million throw pillows. Maybe a bay window to go with it. It was a life in a pretty little dollhouse, with no rough edges. Well, except for the attack thing.

I sat up straight. I had almost forgotten that Taylor had mentioned that Jane-Anne's attackers lived in this house. What if they left something here?

I looked around the bare room, wondering if some remnant of the attackers was tucked away somewhere. I walked across the floorboards carefully, listening for any creaks. The process was interrupted by a knock.

"Dad?" I asked.

"It's just me." said Finn, opening the door. "You told him that we knew, didn't you?"

"Did you hear?" I asked.

"It was hard not too. And before you ask, Aurelie had earphones in." said Finn.

"Good." I said. It was a small relief in this whole mess."I just wish that we weren't like this. Before we came to Atalka, everything was black and white. The Agency was good, the Forbidden were bad, but now..." I huffed. "I just don't get how we can be both." I said finally. "When Rowan gets better, I'll talk to her about-"

"Lena, Rowan just passed away." said Finn, tearing me from my introspective debate.

"What?" I asked. "Jessica told Carter that she was going to be fine." It was a strange thing to say, but it was also the first thing that came to my mind. "She's supposed to be fine." I repeated to myself. There was no way that Rowan was actually dead.

"Is there anything I can do?" Finn asked.

"What's that?" I asked, looking at the manila folder in Finn's hand. My mind wanted to leap to anything except Finn's news.

Finn looked down at the folder, not expecting my reaction. "Dad gave it to me. It's about our grandmother." Finn passed the folder to me, but I shook my head.

"Just tell me." I wasn't sure if I had the strength to hear anything more than a simple name.

"Ifrit," said Finn.

Ifrit (n): Rebellious creatures of fire and smoke, originating from Islamic mythology.

I stood in silence, trying to process everything that had just happened. Finn looked like he wanted to do something, but neither of us knew what to say.

"Do you want me to-"

"Can you actually give me some time alone?" I asked. I meant to say the words normally, but I sounded just as fragile as I felt. Rowan didn't deserve this. For some reason, I felt like I failed her.

Mom managed to find a black scarf to wear. I had on a short black dress with black heels. Dad and Finn were wearing a suit and tie, and Aurelie had on a black shirt and skirt that she fidgeted with. No one said anything as we piled into the car and set the GPS for the church.

I tried my best to focus on the window and the drizzling rain, but when the car rolled to a stop at the parking lot, I had no choice but to step out and face reality again.

Reality was a cloud of people in black clothes and umbrellas, trying to keep themselves protected from the Oregon rain. It was a hushed murmur that fell over everyone as they shook their heads and talked about how young Rowan was. I stayed close with my family and away from the crowd of mourners.

I barely recognized Makaya. She wasn't dressed up at all. She wore a plain black dress and shoes. No makeup, jewelry, or anything. She was talking to a petite Asian woman, a frown etched across her face. For some reason, seeing Makaya without her mysterious aura made me realize how serious and real all of this was. This wasn't a dream. Rowan was really gone. A girl that I didn't know left a hollow feeling in my chest.

I could see Jane-Anne, but for once, Taylor and Kiara weren't nearby. Instead, Jane-Anne was with her father, an absent look on her face. I spotted Taylor and Kiara together, both of them sparing several glances at Jane-Anne. Kiara had switched out her usual fedora for a wide brimmed black hat.

I found Carter among the sea of black fabric, and was about to walk towards him. Something stopped me. I slowly realized that I didn't have any words of comfort or genuine condolences to offer.

As the hushed pleasantries came to an end, everyone filed into the church. Kiara had volunteered to sing for the ceremony, which I hadn't expected considering that she and Rowan didn't have any kind of connection. But Kiara's voice was truly stunning, and as she sang, I could feel a strange warmth fill the church. A wave of gold washed over the room, making the world more vibrant. When Kiara stopped, no one applauded for a moment, still transported to a world of summer and hope. But when the applause finally came, the world felt dull again.

Surprisingly, one of the first people to deliver a eulogy was Jane-Anne. As Jane-Anne's heels clacked against the stairs and she settled herself behind the podium, I started to feel uneasy. Jane-Anne was probably the last person that Rowan would want speaking at her funeral. When Jane-Anne cleared her throat, the microphone let out a high pitched squeak. Everyone cringed at the feedback, but Jane-Anne didn't react. She turned her focus to her index cards, and barely looked at the audience.

"I first met Rowan in the third grade, and we became friends right away." Jane-Anne's words sounded scripted and insincere, but she continued to focus on her cards. "We got in trouble for talking more times than I can count, but she was always worth talking to. She had this kindness about her..." Jane-Anne trailed off. "I'm sorry." she muttered.

People started to look around in confusion. I wanted to sink into the floor from secondhand embarrassment.

Jane-Anne cleared her throat again, and finally looked up. "The truth is, I was never good enough to be Rowan's friend. She was a better person than I'll ever be." Jane-Anne took a shaky breath. "I don't deserve to be here, and I don't deserve to be talking about her."

I could see tears begin to form in her eyes before she started to release pained sobs in front of everyone. No one moved, unsure of what to do. I glanced at Finn, wondering if now was the time to leap into action. From somewhere in the church, I could hear someone stir. Everyone turned to see who it was.

Carter Reynolds was the only person standing up from his seat. Slowly, he made his way out of the pews. All eyes were focused on him as he picked up his pace and ran across the aisle. Carter didn't show any sign of slowing until he made it up the stairs and onto the stage. I watched as he embraced Jane-Anne in a fierce hug.

Jane-Anne turned to sob into Carter's shoulder, but he didn't seem to care. Slowly, he walked Jane-Anne down the stairs and out of the church. The large wooden doors slammed shut, leaving the room in a stunned silence.

"So, are we going to continue?" the priest asked.

The ceremony felt like it would last forever. Every time I dared to glance at Rowan's family, I could feel my heart rip in two. Rowan's mom looked almost exactly like her daughter, but her spirit was gone. When the funeral ended, Rowan's dad had to help his wife stand. It was like she had lost the will to even move.

I didn't want to say anything as I made my way outside. The rain was still there, but it had faded to a gentle mist. Black umbrellas bloomed everywhere, like a field of grieving flowers.

"Ivy?" I turned when an unfamiliar voice called my name. It was someone I had never seen in my life. She looked like botox personified, and her hair was clearly dyed blonde. I frowned seeing her, but then realized that Jacob was right behind her. "I'm Grace Wilde, Jacob's agent."

"Mom." said Jacob.

"Right." said Grace, laughing artificially. "I'm his mother first. I just haven't gotten the chance to meet you guys! Welcome to Atalka! I wish it was under better circumstances."

"Yes." said Mom, pushing her scarf up a bit farther. That was a surefire sign that she wasn't a fan of Grace.

"Did anyone know Rowan?" I would have guessed that the man talking was Jacob's father, but he looked nothing like Jacob at all.

"No." said Dad, answering before I could say anything.

"Didn't you guys have that business call at one?" Jacob asked. He was looking around warily, and I realized that people around us were starting to whisper and point at us. Well, at him.

"I almost forgot!" Grace exclaimed. "It was nice meeting you all!" She and her husband waved cheerfully before turning to go.

"I'm sorry about them." Jacob apologized immediately.

"They seemed... nice." I said.

"For the record, Ivy, I know pretending when I see it." said Jacob. His eyes locked with mine, and I could feel heat rise in my cheeks.

"Right." I said.

"Listen, I was-"

"Jacob!" Grace snapped. "Are you coming or not?"

Jacob turned. "I should go," he said quickly.

"Okay." I said, frowning. Based on her volume, Grace had forgotten that she was at a funeral. She was definitely attracting attention, but no one did anything about it. They seemed used to her behaving that way.

On the other hand, people were watching Jacob like an animal in a zoo, and a couple of them took photos as he got into his car. Jacob couldn't even go to a funeral without unintentionally stealing the spotlight.

"He looks like Spencer Gray from Spellbound." said Aurelie.

I wasn't sure what to say to that. "Hey guys, I need to check on something. I'll be right back." I didn't wait on a response before walking towards Jane-Anne and Carter, who were situated on a bench underneath a spindly tree. Carter had an umbrella open, but it was mostly covering Jane-Anne, who had her hands covering her face.

"Hi." I wasn't sure what else I could say.

"Hey Ivy." said Jane-Anne, her voice sounding choked. Carter handed her a tissue from his pocket and she accepted it gratefully. Jane-Anne blew her nose loudly. "How's it going?" She asked.

"It's going okay." I answered. "How about you?"

"I've been better," said Jane-Anne. "I couldn't keep myself together back there. I still can't believe that I was the last person to talk to Rowan and I decided to complain about a headache. She probably still hates me from the grave."

"Jane-Anne, it's really hard to hate you." said Carter. "Trust me, I've tried. Getting annoyed with you, on the other hand..."

Jane-Anne shoved Carter playfully, causing his umbrella to tilt and spill water all over her. I couldn't help letting out a small gasp as Jane-Anne looked down at her soaked black dress. Carter and I froze, trying to anticipate Jane-Anne's reaction. Jane-Anne looked back up at us and started to laugh. Unsure of what else to do, Carter and I joined in, ignoring the stares.

That night, I showered for almost an hour, pretending that hot water was going to wash away the odd emptiness that funerals left me with. I've never been to a funeral before. Both of Mom's parents were alive, and Grandpa Matthews died long before I was born. I shuddered, remembering that Grandma Matthews was still one of the Forbidden. Maybe if I never exited the shower, I could forget about all of this, and float away to complete nonexistence.

As much as I liked that option, I exited the shower and changed into some dry clothes before deciding that I would go to my room and hibernate for the rest of the mission.

"Aurelie, you scared me!" I exclaimed. My little sister was already making herself comfortable on my bed. "You can't sleep here tonight." I announced firmly. "I need to be alone for a bit."

"But what if you get cold?" Aurelie asked. "I don't want you to get cold." To Aurelie, Rowan's cause of death was hypothermia, with no Forbidden involved. "Please." Aurelie begged.

I sighed, completely defeated by her brown eyes and innocent intentions. "Fine." I surrendered. "But just for tonight."

A/N: So, it's been a while. I've been a little bit busy: I broke my foot, I took my midterms, my mom got corona, my car spontaneously combusted, and I got casted in my university's production of the Hunchback of Notre Dame. I think that covered it. So anyway, I hope that things have been less chaotic for everyone else! I added "The Song of Purple Summer" to this chapter, and I imagine Kiara singing something like that at the funeral. Until next time!

QOTD: How are you? (I know that this has nothing to do with the book but there's nothing wrong with checking in on yourself every once and a while)