Jane-Anne Pearce

"Are you okay?" A panicked voice asked. I could feel cold arms embrace me, shocking me awake.

"Mom?" I asked, disoriented. I couldn't even remember falling asleep last night.

"It's me." said Mom, frowning. "Are you alright?" She placed her hand on my forehead carefully. "I think you might have a fever." It was the most motherly I've seen her act in a while. "Do you want me to stay with you?" Mom asked.

"No, I feel fine." I answered groggily. It was the truth, considering that my mysterious headache had vanished. Rowan was right, I felt a lot better now that it was morning. "What's going on?"

Mom looked down. "Something happened last night. It's Rowan."

"What happened?" I asked, a panic already taking root in my chest.

"She was found frozen. We're not entirely sure how it happened." Mom explained, her demeanor cold and calm.

"No." I said. "She's not..." I had just called her, and she was fine. "Can I visit her?" I asked.

"Rowan is in critical condition, and no one can see her right now. Your father's swamped by all of the repercussions, and I need to help things on my end." Mom explained.

"I need to see her!" I protested.

Mom and I were polar opposites of each other. She was always collected and emotionless, and I was prone to outbursts. I could tell that Mom was annoyed by my emotional response right now by the subtle way her mouth twitched. Over the years, I've gotten a bit better at reading her emotions. But despite my best efforts, her real thoughts remained a mystery to me.

"No one can see Rowan right now, not even her family." said Mom. "If you want, I can get Kiara to stay with you while I go."

"They have their own lives." I said. "I'll be fine." Mom left reluctantly, guilty about leaving me alone.

I sat frozen on my bed, unable to fully process the news. It was a weird kind of shock, like the feeling when I woke up in Atalka General and someone told me that I almost died.

"It's all my fault." I said, crossing my arms. "I should have been more careful."

"What are we talking about, exactly?" Dr. Pater asked.

"Do you think that Rowan and Carter are ever going to forgive me?" I asked.

"These things take time. I know that it's hard, and that having  to sit still is painful, but it's necessary. Carter probably needs time to heal. So do you." said Dr. Pater gently. "Now, is there anything else you want to talk about?"

I knew that she wanted me to circle back to the attack. That's why Mom was paying for these therapy sessions anyway.

"What am I supposed to say?" I asked. "I don't remember what happened that day. Sometimes I think I hear her screaming about her son when there's no one around, and sometimes I think she's still watching me. I know it's not real, but I don't know when it's going to stop." Dr. Pater was scribbling notes, nodding for me to continue. "The only thing I remember for sure was the look on everyone's face when I woke up. They were so panicked. I was told so many times that I should've died, but I didn't. It was some miracle." I continued.

"Why do you sound upset about that?" Dr. Pater nudged me.

"Because I feel like the universe wasted a miracle on me. I'm not worth it." I said finally.

I washed my face, trying to forget about the endless sessions, the looks of pity I got at school, and the way Carter would glare at me from across the hall. I wanted to make the memories stop and undo all of my mistakes, but I couldn't. I sighed and dug through my pencil case for the best writing utensil and opened my diary to the next blank page.

Dear Diary,

Mom told me that -

I set my gel pen down. I wasn't sure if it was what Rowan had said, but something felt off. I flipped through the pages, my heart sinking. For the first time, I realized that my diary was filled with everyone's thoughts except my own.

Carter said that I looked better in the red dress - Rowan told me that I should apply to Evergreen University so we could go together - Dad said that I shouldn't speak too much in public because it could be bad for his image - Mom said that I wasn't being ladylike today...

Then, it just got worse.

Taylor said I shouldn't talk to Rowan anymore - Kiara and Taylor follow me everywhere now - Kiara said that she could get revenge on Ivy by spreading rumors - She also told me to talk to Asher because it might make Carter like me - Taylor told me to apologize - Then she told me that I couldn't speak to them again...

I shut the diary and tucked it back under my pillows.

Unable to sit still, I left my room. "Hello?" I called to the empty house. No one answered, as expected. I walked into the bathroom and grabbed a thermometer to check my temperature. Mom had diagnosed me with a fever, but she had only touched my forehead for a fraction of a second. As expected, the thermometer read 97.1 degrees Fahrenheit. In other words, I was fine.

I just didn't want to be alone.

My first thought was to call Kiara or Taylor, but I ruled against that. Rowan's words from last night had planted a seed of distrust for both of them.

Instead, I worked up the courage to call Carter, only to be left on voicemail. "Hi Carter..." I said awkwardly after the high pitched beep. "I know that we haven't been friends for a while, but I heard about Rowan and I just wanted to see if you were okay. I know that I've been acting weird lately, but I want to be better, so..." I deleted the message and hung up abruptly.

I buried my head in my hands in frustration. I sounded wrong, but I couldn't put my finger on why.

I paced around the house, checking every corner and behind every door just to make sure that I was actually alone. I needed to do something, but I never liked to be the one to make decisions.

Suddenly, an idea came to me. I smiled to myself as I grabbed the car keys that had been left on the kitchen counter.

Maybe someone else already made a decision for me.

"Jane-Anne?" Ivy asked as she opened the door. I had definitely messed things up with her, but now I was ready to take Rowan's advice and start over.

"Hi Ivy." I greeted. I smiled, and Ivy tried to smile back, but she understandably looked surprised to see me. She was still dressed in pajamas, and only had the door cracked open. I cleared my throat. "So, here's what's going on. I don't know why, but we don't seem to get along that well."

"We..." Ivy frowned. "What?"

"I know you don't like me. I get it. I just really want to start over." I explained.

"Okay." said Ivy awkwardly, still a bit confused by my sudden visit and the bluntness of my speech.

"I'm not a perfect person." I confessed. "That's ultimately what I'm trying to say here. And I shouldn't have let Kiara start that rumor about you. It was petty and stupid and I'm really sorry."

"You shouldn't have." Ivy agreed. Her voice sounded irritated, but she opened the door all the way. I took that as a good sign.

"I have this thing where I say what I think and it can get annoying. But I'm not a mean person. I think that you think I'm a mean person." I rambled, the words tumbling out of my mouth. "But then again, I acted like a mean person the other day with Jacob. But that's not who I am. Or, at least, it's not who I want to be." The more I talked, the more panicked and desperate my words became. All of the sudden, I was hit with a wave of doubt that made me want to turn around and drive away.

"Okay, um, just breathe." Ivy instructed, unsure of how to react to my outburst. She sighed and stepped aside. "Do you want to come in?"

"I'd like that." I said, trying to collect myself.

"Great." said Ivy. "And listen, I'm not a perfect person either. I have a tendency to assume the worst in people."

"I guess we both could use a clean slate then." I suggested.

"Sure." said Ivy. "Can I get you something to drink?"

"Do you have any Ramune?" I asked, following Ivy inside.

"What the heck is that?" Ivy asked.

"It's some Japanese thing." I explained. "On second thought, some water would be great."

"That, I can do." said Ivy. She gestured for me to sit at the table while she filled a glass. "By the way, about my name, it's actually Lena."

"You don't really have to explain." I said, sitting down. "I was the one eavesdropping, so-"

"No, I've thought about this a lot." Ivy insisted. "My name is actually Lena. After my grandmother. But, just before we moved here we found out that my grandmother was actually a pretty terrible person. So I decided to go by my middle name. That's why my family sometimes calls me Lena."

Ivy set a glass of water on the table, satisfied with her explanation. She sat in the chair next to me, and pushed a book aside to make some more room for herself.

"Wait, what's this?" I asked, grabbing the book. It had a sticker on its spine, meaning that it must have come from Atalka Academy. I was surprised that people still checked out books from the library. I've always thought of those tall bookshelves as decoration.

Ivy frowned and took the book back from me. "It's nothing." she dismissed. "I just wanted to know a bit more about the town, that's all." She opened the book to a page with a graphic illustration. "I learned that the Native Americans were really hated."

"Well, it's a little more complicated than that." I said. Ivy perked up instantly.

"Do you know about this town's history?" She asked, closing the book.

"Well, I am Samuel Pearce's daughter." I said, laughing.

"I don't get it." said Ivy flatly.

"Well, the first Samuel Pearce was the founder of Atalka. It was called Pearcetown first, actually. I'm from like, the fifth generation of Pearces in Atalka." I explained. I pointed to the subheading of the book's title, where it clearly read, Pearcetown.

"Really?" Ivy asked, fascinated. Nobody ever showed much interest in Atalka's history, but Ivy was captivated. Taking advantage of my invested audience, I launched into a story I knew all too well.

"A really long time ago, there was a group of pioneers traveling along the Oregon trail. They were terribly lost, and desperate. So desperate, that they merged with the Atalka tribe to create one cohesive society. The Oregonian settlers and the Atalka Natives lived in peace in a community composed of teepees and cabins. It was a really unique situation, but it didn't last. One day, the Natives revolted. There was no explanation, and they burned everything."

"There must have been some reason." Ivy interrupted.

"Well if there is, no one knows it." I answered. "Everything was lost."

"Well sure, but there has to be someone who survived and knows-"

"Finally," I said, cutting Ivy off. "Samuel Pearce was able to drive out every last Atalka Native from the town. Pearcetown was established, and a large wall was constructed around it to ensure that the Natives never came back. The wall changed over the years, and now it's the infamous gate. Nowadays, Pearcetown is called Atalka to pay homage to the original people. I don't necessarily agree with it, but it's whatever. It would have been cool to have a town named after my family."

"So, what happened to the original Atalkans?" Ivy asked.

"The rest of them just died out. They didn't have a home anymore, and they couldn't leave because they saw the area as sacred or something." I explained.

"That's... really sad," said Ivy.

"Yeah." I agreed. "I guess it is." For some reason, that had never really occurred to me. When Dad told the story, the last details weren't focused on. "What about California? Any interesting history there?"

"I mean, I'm sure there's plenty, but I never really paid attention. I just never saw the point." said Ivy.

"You never saw a point in learning about your past?" I asked, unable to believe it. "I mean, for me, it's really important that I know about my ancestors. Samuel Pearce was able to bring peace to this place. He made Atalka what it is today. That's important. I can't imagine not wanting to know it."

"But what happens when your history isn't good?" Ivy asked.

"I don't get what you mean." I said blankly.

"Like my grandmother, for instance," said Ivy.

"What did your grandmother do, exactly?" I asked, genuinely curious.

"Well," Ivy paused. "Jane-Anne, how good are you with secrets?"

"I'm terrible." I answered automatically. "Have you been paying attention?"

Ivy massaged her temples, and laughed a bit to herself. "Yeah, that's a good point."

"It's not my fault!" I argued.

"No, it clearly seems to be ingrained in your DNA." said Ivy, still amused.

"Don't remind me." I complained. Ivy and I laughed together, but were cut short by a harsh knock on the door.

"Who is that?" Asher, Ivy's really hot older brother had now wandered down the stairs. "Hi, Jane-Anne." He greeted as soon as he noticed me. He didn't seem taken aback by the fact that I was here. I guess he was a really go-with-the-flow person.

"Hi." I said, trying to appear normal and utterly failing. It was almost as bad as the way I act around Jacob. Maybe I should just avoid boys in general from now on. That would make things a lot easier for me.

Ivy glanced at the window. "I have no idea who it is." She hopped out of her chair and opened the door. "Hello?" She asked.    

"Where is she?" a voice demanded.

"Taylor?" I asked, standing up. "What are you doing here?"

"Get in the car. I'm taking you home." Taylor announced. She was more serious than usual, which was really saying something.

"What if I don't want to leave?" I asked defiantly.

"Get. In. The. Car. Now." said Taylor fiercely.

"No!" I argued childishly.

Taylor groaned and rolled her eyes. "How did you even know I was here?" I asked her.

Taylor frowned, but didn't answer my question. "If you don't get out here now, I'm going to-"

"What?" I interrupted. Ivy glanced at me, concerned.

"Do your friends always treat you like this?" she whispered to me.

"Yeah." I answered softly. When Carter, Rowan, and I were friends, it was never a chore. I wasn't a burden, and they weren't my babysitters. When it came to Taylor and Kiara, the atmosphere was always different. I've tried to not think about it too much, but now it was impossible to ignore. "I'm going to go now." I told Ivy. "It was nice talking to you."

Dear Diary,

Apparently, leaving the house without permission means that I'm grounded. I guess I'm okay with that. Ivy Scott doesn't hate me anymore, at least. But I'm over my Mom treating me like this. I'm over Taylor and Kiara. I'm over Atalka, and everything it stands for. The gate doesn't keep the bad people out. It keeps the monsters in. They're just good at hiding who they really are.

A/N: Hi everyone! It definitely took me a long time to get this chapter out, but it's been a crazy week. I hope that everyone is staying healthy and safe, because this pandemic is still going on! As always, vote and let me know what you think about this chapter!

QOTD: Do you think there's a chance Lena and Jane-Anne could become friends?