Chapter 20: Present

"What are your plans for today Queen?" My secretary asked, updating her written schedule for me.

I have a lunch meeting with Dr. Zabart. After that, I'll visit one of my father's institution for the abandoned. I have been invited to celebrate their 5th anniversary. Should I just cancel all my late meetings so I could spend more time with the kids? I'll ask my adviser for that.

I ate my breakfast quietly. I debriefed my secretary about my plans today and it seem I'd be taking a day off.

I sighed. I'm bored with this life. Nobody could expect I'd be in this position years ago. I have ever since shown my lack of interest in this company but where am I right fucking now? Doing the best I can to stabilize the future of this company.

I am not happy.

But I realized few years ago that my happiness wasn't important anymore. Happiness has been forgotten the moment my father left us. All that was left for me is responsibility not just for this company but for my remaining family.

I had to work to continue to provide whatever's their need. My brother is now in junior high school studying and being the best that he can. I'm thankful that he's not a pain in the ass like I was. We're both struggling in our own ways. For me, it was to work in this stupid place even when I don't know anything about running this. For him, the struggle of being alone, with no father figure to look up to anymore. But, we're both standing up so still, just to keep our family strong and fighting, barely fighting.

My mother. My dear mother is still sick. The lost of my father affected her mental state so much. She had depression, stroke and was hospitalized many times. She wasn't able to speak, couldn't move much. I hired nurses and nannies just to take care of her.

Later, I'll be meeting her doctor to get an update on her current status.

All these years, what I had were problems in the family. My father's death is up to now remain unsolved. There were leads but the investigators always find dead end. They promised they will not stop. Pero parang tumigil na rin sila o kung hindi 'man ay hindi na prayoridad.

I wanted to focus on his perpetrators but the current state of my father's company back then put me in devastating turn of events that I had to jeopardize myself from the police's investigation.

My father's attorneys and advisers helped me throughout the years. I didn't want to lose the company because my great grand father and my father as well built this themselves. To pay off debts, I sold our properties which much higher value. Iilan na lang ang natira pero hindi pa rin ito naka apekto sa yaman namin. My father's shares from different company was pulled out and I used that to pay the bank for my father's loan. The company faced recession. A lot of our employees lose their job. Dalawang taon bago naka bangon muli ang kumpanya.

"—she is not getting any progress, Arden. She's been taking medications, there were no lapses. I don't think her case is a just a slow progress."

I nodded, "She's not cooperating mentally, doc?"

"I read her Psychologist's report. You and your brother must convince her to get better. If her mind is not cooperating, her body won't."

My mother didn't want to get better. Para bang sinuko na rin niya ang buhay niya matapos mawala ni Papa. I always question her in my mind. Bakit hindi siya lumaban para na lang sa mga anak niya? Nandito pa naman kami, or si Ismael. Hindi ba 'yun sapat na rason para bumangon muli? Her son needs her so much. Minsan hindi ko mapigilan na maawa sa kapatid. He didn't just lose his father. His mother may be alive but she isn't there anymore with us.

Everyday I visit her room. I talk to her, had coffee with her every morning. Hindi ako nagkulang na iparamdam sa kaniya na nandito kami magkapatid. Nandito kami tumatayo parehas. Kaya dapat siya rin. We are not giving up on her. She shouldn't give up on herself.

"Ate Adi!" Nicole ran when she saw me approaching the gate. When the children heard her, they all started running towards me.

I smiled and pat their heads isa isa. Bumaba ang driver ko para ilabas ang pinamili kong pasalubong sa kanila. The nuns then assisted and help us.

"Mabuti at naka punta ka rito, hija." she's sister Lumi. She's the head nun of this orphanage.

"Opo! Hindi ko palalagpasin ito, sister. This is my father's accomplishment to himself. Kaylangan kong alagaan ito."

"Kamusta ang mama mo?"

Malungkot akong ngumiti. Malapit din kasi si mama sa kanila dahil nga sa dalas nilang pag bisita rito. My mother grew up poor, no parents to rely on only but herself. She wanted kids to have a family, a home so they would not experience what she did.

Sa ngayon, mayroon ng 30 na bata ang naka tira rito. Ako at ang iba pang mga donators ang bumubuhay sa orphanage na 'to. Hindi mahirap humanap ng susuporta sa charity dahil gustong gusto ito ng mga negosyante. I don't care if they're taking advantage. As long as it feeds the children.

Dito papunta si Papa noong araw na 'yun. Binabakante niya ang schedule niya sa buong araw para lang bumisita rito. Nagkataon na may ibang lakad si mama kaya hindi siya sumama pero kung sakali, sigurado na wala na rin siya sa amin.

"Hinding hindi kami titigil sa pagdarasal para kay Natasha, hija."

"Maraming salamat po, sister."

I spent my afternoon in the orphanage bonding with children. I decided to go home after I got tired. Ismael texted me when he got home. Kumakain na raw sila ni mama sa dining, pinapakain si mama rather.

I slept for an hour and woke up when the driver called me. He parked the car in the restaurant's reserved parking for me.

"Kuya, sumama kana sakin."

"Secure ko lang po itong area ma'am. Susunod na lang po ako sa inyo."

The staff assisted me to my usual spot. Sa dalas ko rito, naging regular na nila ako at ng malaman nilang mayari ako ng kumpanya, nag re-reserve na sila ng table para sa akin. I told them not to do that but they insisted since I am their regular daw. Hinayaan ko na lang. It's obvious naman na ginagawa lang nila 'to para ma enganyo akong bumalik.

Well, their food is good so why I'm always here.

"The usual order ma'am?" the waiter asked.

Tumango ako. "Yes, but I want to add this nachos and change my tea to avocado smoothie. Also, one meal for my driver."

"For your driver's po, take out or will be served on this table?"

"You serve it here along with mine."

"This is noted po. Thank you!"

I was busy scrolling my facebook when the door opened. I don't usually observe whoever's eating in this place since wala naman akong pakialam but right now, hindi ko alam pero napatingin ako. My heart beeped.

Anton entered the restaurant. He's just got off from work because he has his suit still on. Anton sat on one of the chair. Akala ko magisa siya pero ng buksan ng guard ang pinto, si Giselle ang nakita ko.

Did they get back together? For sure. Donya likes her so much. It's no wonder they ended up together again.

Nakaramdam ako ng pait pero pinilit ko itong isawalang bahala. It's been... 4 years? Matagal na panahon na ang lumipas. I must have been moved on by now like he did. Pero sino bang niloloko ko? Sarili ko lang din. Alam kasi nito na siya pa rin.

I got busy with my father's death and my family's recovery but whenever I was alone, sad and thinking, all I ever imagine was him beside me. I imagine him comforting me and helping me get through. I imagine him being there for me, always, so that even when I was sad, he's there to make me happy.

It feels good to imagine him by my side. It helped me survive, kahit na hindi totoo. He'd become my safe haven that whenever I was on the verge of losing, I imagine him holding my hand, and I would be okay after that.

Ang hirap ipaliwanag. Pero dahil sa kaniya, nagawa kong maging malakas, lumaban at bumangon. The good memories we shared, we had, kept me from falling to the bridge. He saved me.

Ilang taon din akong walang balita sa kaniya dahil ang sabi ni Beni, nag ibang bansa siya ilang buwan matapos namin mag hiwalay. Ngayon ko lang ulit siya nakita. Naka balik na pala siya? Kasal na siguro silang dalawa.

The dinner is served. I started eating but I lost my appetite. Biglang sumama ang pakiramdam ko ng makita siyang muli. Alam ko naman na darating ang panahon at magtatagpo ulit ang landas namin. Maaari na magisa siya o may kasama ng iba. I have prepared myself for that. I didn't expect it would still hurt.. me.

Akala ko noon, hindi sapat ang pagmamahal ko sa kaniya. Lumipas ang ilang taon, ngayon ko napagtanto na lubos pala ang nararamdaman ko sakaniya. Maaari na nakalimutan na niya ako. Pero sa akin, buhay na buhay pa rin ang alaala naming dalawa.

Pag gising ko kinabukasan, ang phone ko ang una kong kinuha dahil sa walang tigil na tumatawag. I immediately answered the call after I read Jireh's name on the screen.

"Good morning, Queen!"

"I told you to fucking stop calling me that."

"Whatever. I found what you've been looking for."

Bumangon ako para mas makausap siya ng maayos. I sent Jireh to Japan in search of someone. She's not particularly close to me but I owed one person before. I was only paying what I owe years ago.

"What did you find?"

"She's living here alone, and working. Walang pamilya na kasama. Pero para siyang may tinataguan."

I smirked. "Na confirm mo ba na siya talaga?"

"Yep. 100% confirmed, Queen. Siya talaga ito."