XXI
A gentle hum filled the TARDIS control room, just loud enough to cover up the negative thoughts from their previous escapade. No one had figured out why the TARDIS landed in the Library to begin with, and Foreman's distress over the situation forced them to leave before they could investigate.
Ever since that point, every inhabitant of the TARDIS had more or less pretended that the experience never actually happened, that it was all just a dream sequence which may have occurred. But in moments of pure silence, their true thoughts projected through the air.
Perhaps it was the echo of soft sobs coming from Susan's room as she wept over the fate of her mother and grandmother. Other times it was when the Doctor raised his hands to his mouth, attempting to think through the situations they were in. But most of all, it was when Foreman stared off into the air, looking at absolutely nothing as his thoughts wandered away.
But, of course, not a soul in the TARDIS would ever say anything that they thought over the subject out loud. It would only cause conflict, and they'd felt enough of that for quite a long while.
Conflict seemed to stick among this strange family as easily as anything else, something which they'd all learned to loathe after everything. But, of course, loathing only led to loathing of another type in another time. While Susan typically didn't involve herself in the matters, she was often a subject of the debates.
Foreman, in hopes he might be able to avoid such an issue, closed his eyes and started to think through what he could do...and instead came up with what he didn't want to do. He didn't want to speak unless someone else started a conversation with him - at least he would have that proof that it wasn't his fault that anything had started.
The fact that he had to resort to such an intense measure was more or less displeasing to him - but it didn't seem like there was much of any other way to make it work out. It was either waiting for someone to invite him into a conversation, or managing to tear an entire conversation apart. When it came down to it, he would much rather do the latter.
When Susan stepped into the room, Foreman knew he would be capable of getting at least one word in on this particular day. His daughter tended to like speaking to him far more than the Doctor did, most likely because Susan could gain information from him and the Doctor already knew so much more.
But this wasn't Susan's typical cheery entrance - she was collapsing into herself, holding one of her arms at her elbow as it hung down. She was closing herself off from the others within the room, trying to keep herself isolated from it all, hoping she could do such a thing.
"I have something rather important to tell the two of you," Susan said, looking down at her hands as she twittled her thumbs about. This shyness of sorts was irregular for her except for when she had something difficult to say, of course.
Even though Susan claimed her topic was simply important, her body language added the idea that she wasn't quite sure how to articulate it. Foreman felt as if this particular trait had been brought down from his side of the family - he ended up acting in almost the exact same manner time and time again.
"What is it, Susan?" the Doctor asked, the hint of a sigh entering his voice. She hadn't even began her explanation of what she needed to say, and she was already beginning to bother the Doctor with it. This alone was enough to bring a ruddiness to Foreman's cheeks as he felt a need to protect Susan and give her validation. But he'd promised himself not to say anything.
"Oh, dear...I don't know how I'm supposed to say it. I don't know how I can say this out loud, properly...I don't know what to say."
"Well, Susan, we don't have hours to pause everything else we're doing while we wait for you to figure it out 'how you're supposed to say it.' How about you take some time to think through about what you're going to say?"
"No, I want to say it now," Susan pressed. "I am certain that I want to say it now. I cannot wait to say it..."
"Why, will you run out of time otherwise? I am certain we will run out of time if you don't manage to push your words out now."
"Oh, goodness," Susan said, holding her head within her hands. She hadn't expect to have so much pressure loading on her back as she stood there, hoping that she could manage to get the words she truly needed to say out there and hanging within the air. She had to force them out, no matter how much effort it make take.
"It's not a simple thing to explain, Grandfather," she said. "And I won't be able to explain it in just a few words. I have to be sure you're willing to listen to me."
"Why wouldn't I be willing to listen to you, Susan?" asked the Doctor. "I'm prepared to hear whatever you have to say."
"Well...there's another girl in the TARDIS. Well, maybe 'in the TARDIS' isn't exactly the right wording for that. I suppose what I mean to say is that the TARDIS is a girl..."
"Susan, what are you talking about?" asked the Doctor, scrunching his eyebrows as he looked over to his granddaughter. "The TARDIS is a girl. Well, I do like to think of her as female, but honestly her consciousness is most likely genderless...she is a time machine, after all..."
"No, that's not what I mean," Susan sighed. "It came out wrong."
"Just tell us what you have to say, Susan," Foreman said, trying his best to gently encourage his daughter. "We'll listen to you, I promise."
Despite these words of encouragement, Susan ended up pausing for several moments, picking her nails in a manner which made her appear far younger than she was - which, of course, was already excessively young from Foreman's perspective. She'd evidently been planning this conversation for quite a while at this point - but now that it was finally happening, she was lost.
"You were saying that the TARDIS is a girl," the Doctor prompted. "I'm not sure what you mean by that..."
"Well, I'm saying that she's a girl...a girl, inside the TARDIS," Susan continued. "I don't know how else I'm supposed to say it...this is what I meant when I said I didn't know how to say this."
"The TARDIS is a girl inside of the TARDIS?" the Doctor asked.
"Father, do you know what I mean?" Susan said, turning to Foreman in hopes that she could gain some support at least for the moment. "Certainly you must have some idea of what I mean by all of this, yes?"
"I...I can't say that I do, Susan," Foreman said. "I apologise. Maybe you should take a moment to think through what you want to say? That might...that might help you work it out. You needed time earlier, I mean...yes, of course."
"The TARDIS has appeared to me as a physical manifestation of sorts, and this manifestation is a girl. She speaks to me the same as any other person, but I am certain that she is the TARDIS."
"Why did she appear to you in such a manner and never to anyone else?" the Doctor grumbled, speaking mostly to himself. "I'm certain she has the power to do such a thing."
"Well, she claims that Brook has seen her in this particular form before, just with a different face and body. It's something she can only do for a child of the TARDIS at the end of the day, unfortunately - unless an inherent connection exists, then she can't manage to create such an image."
"It's that difficult, is it?" the Doctor grumbled. "I don't see why there isn't an inherent connection between her and I, but I suppose that's beside the main point, at least for the moment..."
"It certainly wouldn't be an easy thing, appearing as a full image from such a complicated system," Foreman said, hoping that he could recall enough of his studies from his days on Gallifrey to say something which would at least please the Doctor. His true goal was to seem impressive, but it was quite a stretch.
"Nevertheless, you would think..." the Doctor said, his voice trailing away."
"The TARDIS is quite a complicated girl in a lot of ways, Grandfather," Susan said, deciding it was her time to step into the conversation once again. After all, she had been the one to initiate it.
"What, exactly, does she look like?" the Doctor asked, his curiosity beginning to overwhelm him. Even with thousands of years to his name, he couldn't shake that curiosity which ended up being completely childlike, as if he removed several digits from his age.
"Exactly?" Susan asked. "Oh, dear...I've never really paid that much attention to her, I'm afraid. It seems as if she's a figure from a dream which I can only remember the outlines from. Do you know what I mean?"
"Well then, don't tell me the exacts," the Doctor corrected. "What does she look like, in general?"
"Young," Susan immediately replied. "Waifish, with long hair that looks sort of like a river in the way that it flows about - at least, in my opinion. She has dark hair, yes, and...she always wears dresses. And no shoes."
"No shoes?" Foreman asked.
"Well, yes, she doesn't have much of any reason to wear shoes...she doesn't really exist as much more than an image, of course," Susan said, letting out a slight giggle at her father's question.
"Just as an image? Well, that can't be taking too much of her energy to do, otherwise I would've noticed quite a fluctuation in her performance as of late when it comes to doing her first job - traveling throughout space and time."
"Well, I think it comes more from her consciousness, more from her heart...you must know what I mean, Grandfather."
"Yes, yes, of course...of course. But if she's just an image, then it can't be quite so difficult for her to appear to anyone. I don't understand why she never chose to appear to me before on her accord, simply just to...I don't know, interact with me the way she always should."
"The only reason I can see her consistently is because I'm the child of the Child of the TARDIS squared," Susan explained. "Neither Brook nor River could see her in such a form for long, entirely because they weren't as connected to the TARDIS as I was."
"Ah yes, yes...it's all so complicated, it makes sense why the TARDIS will never truly show herself to me. It doesn't please me any further, however...I wish she would simply allow herself to show up just for once..."
"I already told you that..."
"I don't want to hear it, Susan," the Doctor snapped, causing Susan to wince.
Foreman began taking his daughter by the arm as if to physically yank her away from the situation that they were caught within. She didn't resist, only released a sigh and started walking along with him even though she wished she didn't have to.
The two began a somewhwat hushed conversation, even though both knew that the Doctor could most likely still hear them in one way or another. It wouldn't be so simple for them to escape any of it, that much was certain, they could see that.
"Don't mind him, Susan. He is simply jealous because he can't see the TARDIS in such a form."
"Foreman's right, I am quite jealous. I never thought that my granddaughter would be more in tune with my own time machine than she is."
"I'm certain she wishes to appear to you, Grandfather," Susan said. "It's simply that she cannot, simply that it's a possibility which is out of her reach because she has only an emotional connection with you."
"Only an emotional connection," the Doctor said, letting out a dry laugh. "I would hardly say that."
"I was just trying to offer an idea to you, Grandfather," Susan said, her voice becomming soft. "I'm sorry if I...I offended you. But I thought that might be an idea for what was happening."
"You didn't offend me, Susan," the Doctor sighed, becoming aware of the damage he'd accidentally dealt. "All I meant was that I believe the TARDIS and I are far more connected than that."
"Perhaps what Susan means is that you must be connected from birth, in a way that only bloodlines can connect people," Foreman said, making eye contact with his daughter if only for a moment. "It's quite a powerful bond, in my opinion."
"That must be what it is," Susan exclaimed. "I don't see why I didn't think of it before, that makes complete and utter sense!"
Despite her fervent enthusiasm, Foreman could tell that a grand amount of her excited words came from the fact that she wanted some way to push the subject forwards without offending her grandfather any further. Simply put, she wished to find the easiest way out of the situation and her father provided it.
"I wish she could interact with other people," Susan continued, hoping that she could manage to get on her grandfather's better side once again. "I might ask her about it the next time I see her."
"Don't worry about it, Susan," the Doctor said, pretending that he still didn't feel so upset over the fact he could not communicate with the TARDIS in such a manner.
"I mean, it's nice to have another girl to talk to around here," Susan continued. "I have the two of you, but it gets rather lonely when it comes to certain topics..."
"Is it?" Foreman asked.
"I know it's not the best thing in the world, but I do enjoy having the TARDIS to talk to. She comes whenever I call, as long as I'm actually in the TARDIS...and on this particular trip, I have been in the TARDIS for quite a long while."
"Exactly," the Doctor said. "It just makes complete sense when you think about it...just like everything in this particular scenario. There's all these matters that we have to think about."
"Please don't be angry with me, Grandfather," Susan said, heaving out a sigh. "I know you're not happy about this, and this is precisely the reason why I didn't want to say it out loud. It's precisely why I kept it to myself after everything...I would've said something sooner."
"Saying something sooner wouldn't have changed anything, Susan," the Doctor said. "I just hope that you're aware of it."
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