[A/N i'm thinking about changing the name of this book to "The Fundamentals of Loneliness" I prefer it much better to Battle Scars and it relates much more to the plot]

Chapter 7

It was midnight.

No, it was after midnight. She had arrived at the astronomy tower just at midnight and now it must have been around two...and she wouldn't have been surprised if it was edging towards three. Though she wasn't alone, and her time hadn't been occupied with her own thoughts, but that of someone else's.

Someone with scars similar to the ones that ran over her features, trailing under his clothes unknown to her but still there. Someone with much lighter hair than her - with bright eyes and a lovely smile that she saw as she sat in front of him.

When he arrived, she hadn't the faintest clue how he could possibly know she was there, but he did and he came with a blanket that fell over her shoulders that made her jump but nonetheless warm, and soon was a goblet cupped in her hands with three marshmallows swirling that enclosed the extra chocolatey hot chocolate underneath.

"What is your goal?" he had asked her just previously and she had been thinking of an answer, but she was confused. There were many ways to take the question he was asking as he sat in front of her and she would deny any thoughts of such, but she would be lying if she said he wasn't a better view than the stars above.

And the stars were magnificent.

"My goal?" she soon asked, head tilted to the side ever so slightly and soon was the goblet to her lips to take a sip of the very warm drink. She didn't care of the time or the fact that she had classes tomorrow - well today. She went to think but she was having a better time with Remus, she had realised, when she smiled for the first time that day, though of course, it wasn't the day she was thinking of.

"In life...your future - what are you planning?" he elaborated, and she sighed.

"I haven't thought about it." She was lying, but he hadn't caught on to that. She had thought of what she wanted to do, of it all, she liked written work, but her advantage had always been practical work.

She wanted to work with creatures - Care of Magical Creatures was a favourite of hers and she always hated when Asa and Nolan deemed that as a Hufflepuff's favourite, "not a Ravenclaw's!"

She knew she wasn't dubbed as a stereotypical Ravenclaw, but it was laughable because half of the Ravenclaw's she knew were hardly stereotypical either. Of course, she was smart...but her smart wasn't passing all of her classes and becoming the best student - in fact, she was smart on many useless facts that didn't even mean much.

And of course, procrastination was practically a skill to her, she hardly liked classes - unless the subject was interesting, but it hardly was unless she was in a class she actually enjoyed.

"At all?"

"No...but well, I have thought of the future - a little bit," she trailed off, soon shrugging her shoulders, "summer, really."

"Summer?" he repeated, "care to tell me or?"

"I'll tell you," she nodded. She took a deep breath, "well...at the start of this year - I just, I thought I had no one. I was so alone for so long that it consumed me to the point that I hated myself, I hated life and everything around me.

I have Nolan and Asa, but I don't really have them, I guess. It's just, I know that when they look at me - they feel something, they have a glint. It's like they're not sad at what happened to me but disappointed that I did it.

Like their grieving would have mattered more than the fact that I was suffering.

So, I don't really have them, they're just there. But then - suddenly, you're there and I'm not alone anymore and I thought I didn't have anyone who actually cared about me until you popped up.

And you do care about me, and I care about you but I just - I already had someone who cares about me and I realised this not long ago and I just couldn't stop crying.

Because Hagrid has been in my life since first year, he practically took me in without a word of annoyance and he invites me every week for tea and when I tried to do it...when I tried to kill myself he was the one that found me.

He had to witness that...the girl he had been serving tea for four years at the time - lying there on the ground almost dead and he had to push his own pain aside to help me, and now...when I see him - when I go for tea, I see that in his eyes.

Because he really cares for me and I didn't even think of it...so in that way - I suppose I was selfish-"

"Birdie-"

"No, it's alright. I know I wasn't selfish in that way, I know that what I didn't doesn't make me selfish. What does make me selfish though, is the fact that when I was thinking about who cared about me - I completely forgot about the man that raised me like a daughter.

So, I want to forget about it all. About everything in my life that fucking sucks completely - like the fact that I think I've seen more genuine concern about me on your friends faces than my own, and the fact that there are days that getting up feels like the hardest task because regardless of wanting to die, and the fact that I almost succeeded.

It doesn't just make the problems I have fall away.

So, summer, when it comes, I want to run away.

I want to go somewhere - somewhere with a mountain I can hike up and when I get to the top of that mountain, I want to scream. I want to scream so loudly that my throat hurts, and I can barely breathe and I'm crying, and I want that scream to be my problems.

I want those problems to get lost in the wind." She took a deep breath when she finished, and Remus had listened to every word she said, eyes wide and a nod of his head indicated that he had heard her.

"You know," he finally said after a few moments of complete silence, "I don't know why you think there isn't much to your future. But if you have enough ambition to pull through until summer to do that, then I think you can do anything you want, Birdie."

She smiled, pulling her knees up to her chest, and tightening her grip on the blanket. It smelled like Remus, she had noticed when she brought it up to her chin and the smell waved through her nose and it made her pull a little tighter.

"What are your future goals...Moony?" he smirked at the use of his name, eyes rolling because she had been pestering him to tell her, wondering how in the name of Merlin he and his friends even came up with such names - he thought it was funny how interested she was to know.

"My future goal is to finally stop you from going on about the names!" he exclaimed, earning a loud laugh from her.

"If you tell me...then I'll stop," she merely waved him off, "I don't make the rules."

"I'll tell you at some point, Birdie," he took a deep breath, eyes unable to look at her, "I promise."

"Pinky Promise?" he lifted his eyes to her to see her pinky near him and he wrapped his own around it.

"You know..." Remus whispered, "I think - I don't want you getting mad, but I think you need to consider your friendship with Asa and Nolan."

"Wha...Remus what?!"

"Look, I know it sounds terrible," he sighed, "but if they're disappointed in you for something you did when you were suffering then I just...I don't think they're good friends for you. I mean, Birdie - you need people who are going to care about you no matter what...no matter what you go through, the meaning shouldn't matter but what should matter is that people care.

I care. Merlin, my friends ask me if you're alright cause they know you've been through shit, so I think you're right - I think my friends care more about you than your friends do, and that's fucking horrible to think but you're hurting.

You're smiling now, yes, but that doesn't mean you couldn't fall back into that suffering...and those friends of yours aren't going to help If they keep thinking of themselves. I know you've known them for longer than me - and I'm sorry because this really is horrible to say but you're my friend now.

And friends care about each other, and fuck I care about you a lot, Birdie," he squeezed her hand and her lips had parted, eyes wide.

"I can't...just leave them," she whispered so quietly, he moved to hear her, "they know...everything. They know so much about me that if I left them - then I would be the bad friend."

"Birdie, tell me this," Remus trailed off, "are you scared to leave them because they're your friends...or because they know everything about you? are you scared because you think they'll tell people? Because trust me, Birdie, I want what's best for you and if they so tried to tell anyone a secret about you then they'll deal with me."

"You?" she asked, a smile tugging, "you're going to take on Nolan and Asa?"

"Birdie, I'm not enjoying you making fun of me-"

"Wha- no! no, I don't mean it like that!" she exclaimed, eyes wide, "you could fight them...if you want! I mean - you're a prefect and kind and nice and you smile at everyone and I mean I know you're a fucking arse sometimes when you're grumpy but that's it! I just...I couldn't picture you fighting someone.

Not because you can't!" her hands fell over her face when she realised she had been rambling and Remus couldn't help the smile...it was amusing to see her so worked up about it.

But it was also adorable, course, she didn't need to know that.

"When you run away," he trailed off, "I think I could do with my emotions getting lost in the wind."

"You know," she sighed, "you seem like an open book. But you're not. You have a smile on your face constantly, you're always nice to people, y'know. Course everyone has days when they're grumpy and want everyone to piss off but it's like you only have half of those days cause you're just a nice person.

It's like you emit happiness all the time, cause so many people like you, Remus. I know about five girls in Ravenclaw who fancy you." She hadn't truly thought about it before...and she wasn't exactly sure, but she found herself wondering if she was one of those five girls.

"I can remember you in previous years." He moved so he was sitting beside her, and she wrapped the blanket around him too, moving closer to him so they were body to body and she lay her head on his shoulder, and his head fell onto hers, "I remember you used to be so cheery and bright. You would have a smile on your face almost always and perfectly done makeup and on weekends you wore these dresses and you talked to everyone.

You could talk smoothly to teachers - always chatty. Then fourth year came, and it was as if a switch flipped. I saw the makeup on your face, but it was as if you didn't care anymore, I saw a frown with no space for happiness and you kept to yourself.

I, like others, didn't know what happened.

Then before summer, I found out what you tried to do...I felt even worse when I realised it was the night the boys and I saw you wander into that forest," he shook his head and she found his hand, "I wanted to help you after that. I know McGonagall came to me, but I was quick to take the opportunity to keep you company because I wanted to."

"if McGonagall came to you," she whispered, "and said you didn't need to keep me company anymore...what would you do?"

"I'd tell her to piss off."

"You wouldn't dare!" Birdie exclaimed.

"Oh yeah?" he turned to her with raised eyebrows, and she forced herself not to think of how close they were, "watch me."

"I'll bribe McGonagall to say that to you," she smirked, "then we'll see."