Chapter 13

She was happy.

The world seemed okay for the time she was living, with the latest full moon behind her and her friendship with Remus back on track - it was better. Though a friendship didn't seem like the right word to describe her and Remus, it was quite clear that there was something more between them, but she didn't know what.

And they were both scared.

Signs were all around them, so many things to show the truth that both of them couldn't bring themselves to face. Neither of them wished to be werewolves, and they never wished to bestow that same curse on the person they wished to spend all of their time with. The thoughts seeped through Birdie's mind more times than one, but she pushed them out harshly, Remus was too good to have the same curse she did.

She was walking with Sirius. It was just a quiet stroll on their day off, they had been in the library with James, Peter and Remus to get homework done but Birdie just wasn't feeling up to it, she had announced she was going a walk and Remus jumped to go with her but she pushed him back down - making sure he finished his work and squeezed his hand as a goodbye.

Sirius decided to join soon after, hurrying after her when she was already gone and finally catching up to her. She jumped when he arrived when he attempted to scare her, but her laugh rang through the hall...she was happy.

"Birdie!"

It was Asa. The voice that halted her steps and she grabbed onto Sirius to stop him too. They had been talking about the most random things, laughing all the same. She clicked with Sirius, they could talk about anything and everything and still find a way to laugh at it.

"Hi, Asa." Birdie frowned. He hadn't been talking to her, and she wondered why. She knew partly it was because of Nolan, he had an easy way of manipulating Asa and Birdie didn't know why he let him, she wasn't afraid of Nolan...but Asa was.

"I know you're mad at me," Asa blurted out, grabbing her arm frantically, "You have every right to be mad at me but now is not the time."

Tears brimmed his eyes, almost spilling and she grabbed his hand. It was serious, she could tell that much from the sheer pain in his eye, "Asa...Asa what's wrong?!"

"I got into a fight with Nolan." He eyed Sirius for just a few moments, he knew he didn't like him. Asa could see that strikingly from the look in Sirius' eye, and regardless of if Birdie made that happen...he knew that he hadn't been a good friend to him.

"Asa you let him walk all over you!" Birdie exclaimed, "You barely talk for yourself because of him...because you're scared of him or something!"

"No," Asa shook his head. He practically broke down after that, the tears didn't just brim they streamed down his face, practically choking on the air around him, "It's not because I'm scared of him."

Birdie shared a look with Sirius, it was a quick glance in his direction just to see what he was thinking. From the look on his face, she realised that regardless of the anger Sirius felt towards Asa, they had to help him.

So, she grabbed Asa's hand and pulled him with her. The hall was too crowded, whatever was going on with Asa and Nolan, he wouldn't tell her out in the open. Asa was a lot more private than he let on, Birdie knew there were secrets even she didn't know but that didn't diminish the friendship she had with him - or, once had with him.

She would always care for Asa, no matter how much Nolan tried to control him.

An empty classroom seemed best fit for them to talk, and Sirius leaned against the door looking somewhat intimidating. He did to Asa, and Birdie knew that from the occasional glance in Sirius' direction, but Birdie couldn't see Sirius as intimidating if someone paid her to.

"Asa, I tried to help you," Birdie whispered, "But...you left me to go back to him and I don't know why. We agreed he was a bad friend, but I have barely seen you."

"Believe me, Birdie if it was up to me then I'd never leave your sight," Asa whispered. Birdie wiped his tears for him, she cared for him deeply and taking care of him was something she was accustomed to. He was emotional at the best of times, sensitive to bullies and she would clean up the mess others made.

"You have always been there...been my best friend above anyone else in this world." He tried to sound strong and she squeezed his hand, "But I have a secret."

He glanced at Sirius, but that didn't seem to stop him, "a secret that Nolan knows. I'm not scared of him, Birdie but he has threatened to share this secret if I leave him. He has no one, no friends and he knows that - he doesn't want to be seen as a loner...or with no one. So, he holds this over my head, I hate him, Birdie. I hate him, and I told him that today."

"And now...he's going to tell your secret," Birdie whispered, fear struck in her stomach. He could easily do the same for her, she felt selfish for thinking of herself in such a moment, but the fear found her in the back of her mind and she couldn't help the pain in her heart. If she knew the trouble that Asa was going through before, she could have helped.

Regardless of knowing his secret, she was Asa's friend. She would help him no matter what.

"You don't have to tell me your secret, Asa," Birdie whispered, "But I'm not going to let him get away with it."

"But..." Asa cut himself off, this time eyeing Sirius with curiosity, "Does he-"

"No." She squeezed his hand, "Only you...and Nolan."

"Not even-" she shook her head. She knew exactly who he was going to say, it wasn't exactly quiet news that she and Remus had gotten considerably closer throughout the year, dating rumours were already flying.

"If you go after him, Birdie, my secret will only be a second thought," Asa stood suddenly from the desk he had leaned on, "I can't let that happen."

"Your secret?" Sirius repeated, straightening up.

"It's not important, Sirius. If it was you'd know," Birdie gave him a reassuring smile, "It's just something I told Nolan...stupidly."

"He hates you, Birdie - more than he hates me." Asa pulled on her arm, "You can't do anything."

"He's used us for too long, Asa!" Birdie exclaimed, "And we aren't going to let him get away with it. He's a dick, and if he even thinks about telling your secret-"

"It's not that important," Asa waved her off. He was lying, and she knew it, the way his breath shook, and his hand tightened around hers, "I can deal with it."

"Even if you could, you shouldn't have to." She frowned, "Asa if you want someone to tell then you can tell me, but you don't have to."

"I can leave," Sirius trailed off. His anger for Asa had diminished at the sight of him with Birdie, to have a secret that someone knows - that they can control you with, Sirius understood the fear in Asa.

"No," Asa smiled at him, "No you don't have to."

"Nolan found out by accident," he started, running two hands through his hair, "he kind of...figured it out for himself a few years ago and I can't lie. I'm the worst sort of liar in the world so even if I denied it, he would always know the truth. It was the first time I had admitted it out loud and even now it's still hard.

He seemed supportive, seemed like a comforting shoulder when things got too much, and my own insecurities got the better of me but after a while, it wasn't like that anymore. I remember he wanted to ask this girl out, someone from his class and he didn't know how to.

He asked me to talk to her for him and I didn't want to. Do it, he said, or I'll tell Birdie that thing you told me.

It wasn't like I didn't want you to know, and if you had known I probably would have felt better. It's just...to have someone else know scared me to death. I didn't even want Nolan to know, but he did.

After that it got worse. Do it or I'll tell your dormmates. He practically controlled my entire life. I've never been more afraid to speak than I am around him, I used to be outgoing - I could talk to everyone, but he made my life a living hell and he still does to this day.

We argued today, I told him I hated him. I told him that all he does is control me because he has no friends, that he uses me. I walked away from him whilst he screamed at me to go back, that we could sort it.

Come back, Asa! He screamed at me, come back or I'll tell the whole school that you're gay."

"Oh, Asa," Birdie whispered. She hurried forward to pull him into a hug, tightening his grip on him when he practically fell into her. She felt anger she only ever felt on the full moon course through her, thinking of the many ways to get Nolan back for what he had been doing to him.

It was nothing to be ashamed of, she knew that. Sirius knew that. Hell, even Asa knew that. But in the age they were in, it was no telling how people would react. With purebloods rising up, Asa didn't know if he could trust his classmates to be supporting of how he felt.

"I'll kill him," Birdie growled, "you could have told me, Asa. There is not one bone in my body that would have judged you and I don't judge you now. But thank you, for telling me now."

"Please don't do anything," said Asa, grabbing onto her arm when she moved to walk, "please. Birdie I know you're not thinking for yourself but I am. If he tells your secret you're in more danger than I'll ever be."

"We both know that's not true." Yes, it was. She could be shunned, kicked out, seen as the monster she is. Maybe not by the professors, but students around her wouldn't see her as the Birdie they knew.

She was terrified of telling the boys, telling Remus. He was the most understanding person she knew but if he knew what she was there was always a chance he'd push her away, she wasn't ready to face the pain she'd feel if that happened.

"Asa, you have suffered enough." The fear struck her at the very thought of Nolan spreading the word. Spreading that she was a werewolf, she wouldn't know how to deal with that but she had to do something for Asa. This was important to him, and to her - she didn't want him being outed when he didn't want to be, he deserved to control his own life again.

"I'll do something," Sirius said. Spoke up from the quiet, he understood. If anyone had the sort of power to control him because he didn't want to be outed he'd be furious, and to know that Asa was under that sort of manipulation made him furious.

"Sirius-"

"No, what is Nolan going to do, share your secrets because of me? If he does, he won't know what's coming to him." The look on Sirius' face was different, Birdie could see him as intimidating now.

"Sirius, you don't have to do this," Asa said. He couldn't deny that he was grateful, Merlin the fittest guy in their year was offering to beat the shit out of someone for him, of course, he was grateful. But he didn't need to.

"Asa, I don't know what it's like to have someone control me like that," said Sirius, "but I do know what it's like to keep that secret to myself. To not admit that I'm gay, it takes a lot to do that. If someone threatened me like Nolan has with you I wouldn't know what to do."

"You're..."

"Yes, maybe after we deal with this shithead," Sirius trailed off, "we can talk about it."

Birdie smiled, and so did Asa who then let out a short laugh in the tense room, "Yeah...yeah, I'd like that."