Jace: Yasmin?

Jace: Please answer me. What happened? I'm sorry

My chest burns as I stare at the texts on my phone. The anxiety kept me up all night as I lay there thinking through all of the ways things could go wrong and I could end up hurt if I let him in, but also being terrified of a world without him in it.

I wish I could slap myself in the face and it would stop all of the rushing thoughts in my head. Inner conflict is the worst.

While I was up all night, I kept thinking about wanting to talk to Alex. For some reason I want to know what changed, I want to know why they always had secret conversations where Alex was probably telling Jace to stay away from me, and now he doesn't seem to care. I want to know why he even stayed friends with Jace after what happened two years ago. Why would the most protective brother in the world want to be friends with the guy who broke his sisters heart?

I jump up from my bed, getting head rush in the process and head to the bathroom. I brush my teeth and splash my face with water before deciding to walk through to Alex's room.

Alex is sat on his bed looking at his phone when I open the door.

"Did you take my charger?" He asks, accusingly.

"No."

"One of you assholes did."

"That's why I hide mine every time I leave the house." I walk to his wardrobe and pull a grey hoodie off of a hanger and put it on.

"You better bring that back."

I watch him as he stares at his screen, wondering if I should even ask. I don't even know what exactly to say. I don't know what it is I want to hear, but I know I want to hear something that'll convince my mind that things are okay.

His eyes look back at me, questioning me and wondering why i'm standing here staring at him. He puts his phone down on the bed and waits, knowing I have something to say.

"Can I ask you a question?"

He just looks at me, a glimpse of worry in his eyes. I take that as a yes.

"Why did you stay friends with Jace? Why did you let him have anything to do with us? I mean, you despise Wes, and what happened with him wasn't as bad as Jace. I don't get it."

He looks down and runs his hands through his hair, trying to decide something in his mind. "Jace doesn't exactly have the best mindset."

"What does that mean?"

"It's a dumb excuse, but he... did what he did... because he was scared. Because he – I don't wanna say love but – he loved you. He panicked and did what he did cause he thought it would make it go away. It doesn't make it okay, I know, but when you're a fifteen year old guy who just wants to have fun and smoke weed, catching feelings that strong for someone is the last thing you want."

"That's what he told you? And you believe him?"

"I do," he says, looking me in the eye. "He didn't want to hurt you, he wanted to get rid of how he felt."

"You just believed him... because that's what he said?" I'm confused, wondering how people can trust so easily and take someone's word.

"No, I didn't at first, but I know Jace. I know when he's suffering and when he's trying to hide it. He's not stopped suffering since all of that happened."

I walk over and sit on the bed, pulling my knees up to my chest. "You've been trying to keep him away from me all this time. Why did you let him come into my room and tell me he loves me?"

He sighs. "Why are you asking me all of these questions. Do you like him or something?" He stares at me as if he already knows the answer by the look on my face.

"Forget it." I stand up but he quickly grabs my arm and pulls me back down.

"Sit the fuck down. What's up with you?"

"I tried, okay! I tried to stop liking him. You're probably gonna think I'm pathetic and annoying for liking your best friend still, but I can't help it."

"I don't think that," he says quietly then looks down. "I let him talk to you 'cause I knew if he decided to tell you how he feels, then it would be because he is certain he feels that way; not to just fuck you around. Because I know... it's a big thing for him. And I know that you're strong enough to make your own decision."

I frown, feeling the urge to cry and smile just like how I felt when he told me he loves me. It's a weird feeling, filled with so much happiness but also fear. I'm sick of fear.

"I'm scared, Alex. I never wanna be that sad ever again."

"It's up to you what you wanna do, but just know if it ends badly, I'll be here for you. And Santiago, and Max, and Carlos, and Ray and maybe Val a little bit if the dumb shit he says cheers you up. You got a shit ton of family to support you."

I smile, suddenly feeling a lot more safe. He's right. Maybe heartbreak wouldn't be so bad if I have all of them by my side.

"Plus, you wouldn't see Jace ever again."

"How not?" I'd always run into him everywhere and be reminded of the pain.

"'Cause I'd kill him." He smiles and I laugh, shaking my head.

"Hey, at least you'd get to see papá in jail," I joke even though the thought of my Dad still hurts.

He chuckles softly. "Yeah."

Santiago comes through the door and seems surprised to see me sitting here. "Deep chat?"

"More of a Q&A," Alex says.

He stands in front of me. "What's up?"

All I do is sigh, being stuck in my head wondering what to do.

"Stop pouting." He grabs my legs and pulls them so I slide down the bed and I start to kick him away. I almost smile when he holds onto my arms and pulls me up into a hug.

"It's Jace drama," Alex tells him. "I'm taking your job of family therapist."

"You can keep it when it comes to Jace. All I have to say is stay away from the asshole."

"He's not an asshole," I mumble defensively into Santiago's sweatshirt.

He lifts me off of my feet and throws me back onto the bed. "Who are you and what have you done with my man hating sister?"

"I think I've became a dumbass. I mean, I'm getting all emotional and having feelings that I can't drown out with alcohol."

"I remember when I was having an identity crisis like that," Alex rolls his eyes.

"And now you're practically married," I say in an adoring voice.

"Stop."

"Can you name your first kid after me?"

"No. Amelia has some weird name ideas that I'm gonna have to talk her out of."

"Aww, you're already talking about baby names."

"When's the first one getting popped out?" Santiago asks, amused.

"Not for a long time."

"I can't wait to have babies," I say.

"Okay, well you're not having them for a long time either," Alex widens his eyes for a second and looks at Santiago.

"I can do what I want," I say even though I have no intention of having kids until after I'm married.

"If you ended up pregnant in the next few years, I think I would actually drop dead. That would be the last thing I could handle from this family." Alex shakes his head and I laugh.

"What if it was with Jace?" Santiago adds and Alex shoots him a glare.

"Absolutely not. Both of you get out of my room."

Alex's phone starts buzzing beside him so he picks it up and hesitates before putting it to his ear.

"Hey... yeah she's with me..." He looks at me and my heart starts beating faster, knowing it's probably Jace. "Okay... yeah it's fine... see you."

"Jace is on his way here."

I shoot up to my feet, being unable to stay still. "What? To see you? Or me? I don't know what to say, I don't know what to do." I haven't even responded to his texts, that's probably why he's coming over. He'll want to know why I rushed off last night. I could just make an excuse and go back to being friends, but this will just happen again.

"Chill out," Santiago leans against the wall.

"What do I say?"

"Say whatever you want to say." Alex shrugs and I hear the door open downstairs.

But what do I want to say?

I run out of the door and down the hall, slowing down as I get to the stairs. Jace's eyes meet mine as soon as I get to the bottom and I'm suddenly aware that I'm wearing Alex's hoodie and ugly pyjama bottoms and still have bed head.

"Yasmin... Why have you been ignoring me? I'm sorry that I kept getting too close to you, okay? I know that was wrong and we agreed to be friends, I'll stop doing it. But I would never have went in for a kiss. That would be shitty of me, but you kissed me and I kissed back and I thought-"

I'm thankful that none of my brothers are downstairs when I run to him and kiss him, shutting him up.

The warmth of his mouth sends shivers down my whole body. It feels so good to just let myself do this, without screaming at myself in my head the whole time. I can actually enjoy him for the first time since the night we slept together.

His eyes open slowly when we pull apart but keep our faces very close to each other. I enjoy the feeling of his body and the smell of his cologne for a moment before trying to form a sentence.

"I'll try," I breathe. "I'll try to let myself be with you."

He smiles and his eyes fill with happiness. "Is that really what you want?"

"Yes." I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him again. "But I'm gonna have to train you to be a feminist and respect women."

"Hey, I already respect the hell out of women."

"Well, I haven't heard you talk about us like we're objects in a long time, so congrats."

He smiles and puts his hands on either side of my face. "You have no idea how crazy I am about you."

I can't help the wide smile on my face from his words. I don't think I've been this happy in a long time. Please don't let something go wrong.

"Let's do something today," he suggests.

"I'd love to lay in bed and watch movies. I got no sleep last night."

He looks towards the stairs and bites his lip. "Um, how about we stay away from your bedroom right now. What about a drive?"

I narrow my eyes at him. It doesn't sound like Jace to not want to be in bed with a girl, but I don't question it. "Okay, I just gotta go get ready."

"You look cute like that." He looks down at my fluffy pyjama bottoms and smiles.

He follows me up the stairs and I expect him to come into my room while I get changed, but Alex and Santiago see us as the door to Alex's room is still open. Jace pecks my lips before going into the room with them.

"The nerve of you to kiss her in front of us," Alex says.

Jace sits down and puts his arm around him. "You jealous or something? Want a kiss?" He moves towards him with puckered lips and Alex pushes him away.

I laugh and go into my room, the smile on my face not leaving the entire time I get ready.

+++

hey babes, I know this update took longer than usual but I've had a busy and exhausting week. I had to spend an entire day in the police station giving a statement about a guy sexually assaulting two of my friends. it was crazy and even though there is witnesses and the guy admitted it, he still won't face jail time. like what the heck

anyway, how was your week? hope you're all happy about jasmin!

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