I wake up with my head on Jace's comfortable chest and instantly smile. I think this is the first time I've ever smiled as soon as I woke up.

Lifting my head, I grab my phone and check the time, then notice how beautiful Jace looks when he sleeps. He's so adorable.

Ugh, I gotta pull myself together. Jace is just a friend. Jace is just a friend. Jace is just a friend.

As much as I want to stay there and just cuddle into him, the stubborn side of me that doesn't like Jace makes me get up and go to the bathroom. Once I've taken a shower and changed into leggings and one of Alex's hoodies, I head back to my room to find that it's empty. Where the hell is-

"Ahhh!" I scream when Jace jumps out from behind the door and grabs me.

He laughs, "Well, you just woke up everyone in the neighbourhood."

"Don't you know not to jump out and grab a girl who people have attempted to murder more than once?"

His smile drops. "Oh. Oops."

He's still holding onto me with his hands at my waist. When I look down, he just pulls me in closer, smirking.

"Need a hug?"

"I'm good."

"What the hell are you doing here?" Alex says, standing across the hall at his room doorway.

Jace lets go of me straight away. "Hanging out with Yasmin Fuentes. What are you doing here?"

Alex stands shirtless as if he just woke up from a sleepless night, his eyes are puffy and tired and his skin looks pale. It's never healthy for him to be fighting with Amelia. And it's not good for us either, cause he's always in a bad mood.

"Drive me to Club ninety-six so I can get my car, will you?" Jace says and walks out of my room.

Alex gives me a weird look but doesn't bother to ask if I was at the club with him. "Fine." He goes into his room and comes out wearing a hoodie and they leave after Jace calls bye to me.

+++

I walk down the prom poster filled corridor, ignoring everyone staring at me as if I just had the biggest scandal of the year.

It's lunch time, and i've been dreading this moment all day. I've managed to avoid Wes up until now, but he'll be in the cafeteria. I could just not eat and sit in the library or something, but there's no way i'd give up precious food for that boy.

"Hey," Tyler says cheerfully while he starts walking beside me, a couple of guys behind him. "Heard about Wes, but hey, maybe it's for the best. The single life is the best life."

"Definitely."

"All the dudes here will be extra happy that you're single now," he nudges me in the side and looks behind him at his friends.

"Why?"

"Cause, you know."

"I don't. Me being single wont affect their lives in any way." I know what he means, but I want to hear him say that he thinks now that i'm not in a relationship i'll sleep with every guy who's ever wanted to have sex with me. I want to hear how ridiculous that'll sound out loud.

Tyler looks a little lost in his thoughts, but one of the guys saves him.

"Yasmin, I'll give you fifty bucks if you show me your tits."

"Hey, man, that's not fair. Your parents are fuckin' loaded," another says and he just smirks triumphantly.

I stop walking. "What the hell makes you think I'd do that?"

"Cause, you're one of those girls."

"Do explain."

"You like to sleep around," he shrugs. "I figured you'd have jumped at the offer to show your tits for money."

Is he serious? I bet this guy sleeps with a new girl every week, that is if any girl was stupid enough to fall for this asshole. But would he just get naked for money like that? Probably not.

I hate that all of these lowlife assholes think they know me. They think because I wear revealing clothes some times and I like to have fun with guys when I feel like it, that I'm a raging whore who'll do anything with anyone.

They don't know me. They don't know why I changed into the person that I am, the person that doesn't take any crap from boys or anyone. The person who will never trust someone ever again, even if I was stupid enough to do it with Wes, I won't make that mistake again. They don't know why I put up a confident facade to hide the naive girl in side of me who's fucking hurt.

They don't know the constant battle i'm fighting with myself, loathing myself and wishing I could be a better person. No one here knows me at all.

I step towards him, my eyes boring into his. "Do not judge my story by the chapter you walked in on," is all I say, because they don't need to know me.

I feel like I can breath again when I reach the girls bathroom. I was hoping to be alone, but Montana stands, leaning on the sinks and looking like she has a million problems of her own.

"Isn't it just great to have this room – a protection against all the disgusting guys at this school?" I say and jump up onto the surface.

"Tell me about it," she sighs, then looks up at me. "It's kind of ironic that you have so much hate for boys yet you have nine brothers and a Dad who loves you."

Her eyes glaze over when she mentions the Dad part. I wonder if somethings going on with her and her Dad, but I don't mention it.

"I don't hate boys. I hate a collection of mutts who have the same disgusting ass mindset, whether it's a girl or boy."

She doesn't speak again and just stares in the mirror, deep in thought.

"Mon, are you okay?"

"Yeah, i'm fine, it's just... You ever do something that you regret so much that it haunts you? You think about it everyday, dream about it. And you can't even get it out of your mind cause it's there in front of you everyday."

"We all make mistakes. You can't be mad at yourself for something you did if it seemed reasonable at the time."

"What if it wasn't reasonable at the time?"

My curiosity and concern takes over and I have to ask. "What happened? What did you do?"

"It doesn't matter. Forget it."

"You can tell me-"

"Just forget it!" She grabs her bag and storms past me out of the bathroom, coming to an instant stop when Jace gets in her way. What the hell is that weirdo doing standing outside the girls bathroom?

Jace and Montana have a strange moment where they just stare at each other, then Montana turns and walks down the corridor and Jace watches, a look on his face that I can't read.

"What's wrong with her?" He asks.

"I don't know. She was upset, talking about something she regrets."

Jace looks down. Suspicion is rising.

"Do you know something?"

"Nope," he shakes it off and smiles.

I narrow my eyes. "If you do, you better tell me. I need to know all the gossip."

"Of course."

"So, wanna explain why you're standing out here?"

"Amelia was in the cafeteria so I left, walked past here and heard your voice."

"Why did you leave?"

"Cause being around Amelia makes me uncomfortable."

"Why?"

"Because she's so fuckin' hot and I can't bang her," he shrugs as if what he just said wasn't completely insane.

"Wow," I rub my temples. "That's really something you should take up with a therapist."

"Maybe. I'll text Santiago," he puts his arm around me and we start walking.

"Don't even think about it. He'd drop dead if you said that to him."

Principal Harris walks down the corridor in a rush, looking like he's going somewhere. He spots me and calls my name.

"Yeah?" I shrug Jace's arm off of me to prevent Harris from telling Mom bullshit about Jace and I getting close, making Mom overreact and think we're sleeping together and give me a big lecture on safe sex. Harris notices and looks at Jace in a weird, almost protective way.

"Stop by my office after school, okay? I need to talk to you but right now, I need to deal with a problem with Ray."

"Ray? What did he do?"

"We'll talk later, I need to go," he says while walking away.

I sigh. "Why is he always getting into trouble?"

"Seems like Alex 2.0. Anyway, since your Mom is now tight with the Principal, think you can convince him to get me back on the soccer team?"

I let out a short laugh and walk away. "No." They're not tight. They're just friends.

+++

"So, I wanted to ask about how the group therapy was going?"

"It's... fine," I shrug and Harris looks at me as if he was expecting more.

"Do you think it's helped?"

"Surprisingly... yes, although not in the normal way." It only gave me an opportunity to get drunk with an alcoholic with a fake ID, where I pass out and realise that I have a problem and get put off drinking, so I guess it ultimately helped.

"That's great to hear," he smiles. "Are things better now?"

"No."

His smile drops. "No? Why not?"

"Alcohol was fun. Now it's not, and now life is boring, my boyfriend was using me, I want to drop out of school, I need a good bikini body but all I want to do is eat. So yeah, i'm having a hard life."

Maybe I shouldn't mention the whole murderer after me thing. He looks a little scared already, as if he thinks I'll just kill myself right here.

"Maybe I could organise a healthy eating therapy class for you," he jokes, uncomfortable.

I stand up, deciding i've had enough of this conversation. "Maybe you could just let me struggle and stop trying to fix me."

"Yasmin- I'm just trying to help."

"I know you are, but I don't need help. I can work things out on my own." He doesn't say anything else, so I turn and leave.

"What is wrong with you?" I say to Ray as I exit Harris's office. "You can't just start fights with anyone who looks at you in the wrong way."

"¿Por qué no?"

"Porque one day you're gonna get yourself kicked out of school or killed."

"And if I let people talk shit 'bout me i'll end up a pussy that gets bullied."

"There's a difference between standing up for yourself and looking for trouble. Are you just looking to get your ass beat?"

"Can we go?"

I give him a dead stare for a moment, then walk ahead of him and go out the schools side doors to where the soccer field is.

"Are you guys done?" I call to Val and Jace who are practising.

"Um, no. It's been like ten minutes," Val says then kicks the ball to Jace.

"Did you just use a sassy tone with me?"

He shakes his head.

"Wanna play?" Jace offers. "You and Val can be in a team – two against one. Sound fair?"

I laugh, "Not in the slightest."

"Why not? Val can almost take me, you could help him out and-"

"No, douchebag. I mean it's not fair for you." I walk over to the stands where Montana is sitting with Sam, smoking, and I drop my bag.

"So maybe you used to play a little soccer, that doesn't mean you can beat me," Jace says and Val laughs.

"Dude, shut up before shit gets embarrassing for you," Val says. "Ray, come play."

"I'll pass."

"Just one game," I say with my begging face that he can't resist. After a few seconds he sighs and puts down his bag.

"I'll go easy on you," Jace says smugly. "Take the kickoff."

I give him a fake smile and he smiles back. Valentino is focussed, and is prepared when I unexpectedly kick the ball to him. Jace's smile drops and he starts running after Val, but Val being the fastest on the team, he has the ball in the goal before Jace and Ray can even think 'Yasmin is a queeeeen'.

Jace shakes his head. "That was all him. Switch positions."

I shrug, "Fine."

Ray kicks off this time and Jace dribbles the ball towards the goal. I run after and use my awesome skills to swiftly slip the ball between his legs so it comes behind him, leaving him confused and wondering what happened.

I run down the pitch and when Ray tries to tackle me, I kick the ball the other way to Val and he puts it in the goal.

"Yayayay!" Val and I both chant simultaneously while jumping up and down.

"You were saying?" I say to Jace, a victorious smile in my face.

"How did you do that?" Jace questions and wipes his forehead. "Half the guys on the team wouldn't even be able to make a clean tackle like that."

"I got mad skills bro," I shrug. Truth is, Val taught me everything. He's amazing, and we've been playing soccer with the rest of our brothers our whole lives.

"Merely impressive," someone says. I turn around to find Coach McGrath standing at the edge of the pitch with a duffel bag on his shoulder. "You still coming here even though you're off the team, Daniels?"

"Just helping Val out."

"Seems that you're the one needing the help. You just got your ass beat by a girl."

"Why does it matter if i'm a girl?" I get defensive. "Does having a vagina make me unable to kick a ball?"

Jace snorts.

"Touché." He walks to the benches and sits down. "Don't stop on my account."

"Want me to go easy on you?" I mumble to Jace and he rolls his eyes.

He gets the ball to the net the next time, but when he goes for a goal, Val headers the ball right to me. However, Ray takes it off of me and heads to the goal.

Val tries to tackle him while saying something that makes Ray laugh then nudge him in the side. I'm too distracted by what I just saw to care about Ray scoring. This has been the closest he's been with us in what feels like forever.

Coach just stands up and starts walking towards the parking lot and Jace runs after him, probably to beg to get back on the team or something.

Montana's looking at something with a flirty look in her eye, and when I follow her gaze, it's Ray who's now texting someone on his phone.

"Geez. I never noticed how sexy Ray was 'til I saw him play soccer."

Val sits down beside her and gives her an annoyed look. "Our families are off limits, remember?"

"I know I know, but bad boy is my type," she smirks.

"Keep it in your pants, Montana. He's fifteen," Sam says yet he's amused.

"I was kidding, get over yourselves."

"And your thirteen year old cousin is already really sexy and I kinda wanna bang her, but i'm kidding," Val smiles and Montana flicks his face with her finger.

"Weirdo," I say and push Val's face backwards. Montana then pokes him hard in the stomach and he jumps away, falling off of the bench.

"Yasmin, what you doing after this?" Sam asks.

Montana bursts out laughing.

"Um, I don't know. Why? Do you want me to come sit in your house and get high with you guys while you talk about sex?"

"Ouch," Montana says, patting his shoulder and Sam smiles, knowing that's exactly what they're gonna do after this.

"You guys don't mind taking Ray home, right?" Jace says, standing beside us again. "Yasmin and I have plans."

We do? The inner psycho in me wants to refuse and be stubborn, resulting in us having a big fight. Although, maybe I should play nice since I just kicked his ass at his favourite sport.

"No problem at all," Montana stands up and walks over to Ray.

"See you later," I say to Val and ruffle is hair.

Jace and I sit in a booth at Sand & Shakes and order food. He doesn't say much so I attempt to break the tense silence.

"So, these seats, huh? Pretty comfy. I could totally sleep here."

He raises an eyebrow and puts down the salt shaker he was fiddling with. "How many times a day do guys hit on you?"

"Um, I don't know, a lot. Except it's not even a compliment, some of the things guys say really piss me off. Not Sam though, he's just being Sam."

"Right," he nods.

"What did Coach say when you spoke to him?" I ask, changing the subject.

"Doesn't matter."

"Come on, Jace. This is like talking to a brick wall."

"Fine, I asked about shit I could do to get back on the team, and he said I don't even deserve to be on it if I got beat by a chick."

I can't even stop my hand from slamming down on the table. "Bitch, you best be joking."

"Bitch, you best shut up as everyone is now staring at us."

"Is that dude serious? Just cause I don't have a penis he thinks I can't be good at soccer? What bullshit." I sit back and cross my arms over my chest.

"There she goes, making it all about herself," Jace mumbles.

"I'm not making anything about myself. We're still fuckin' talking about you. Except that guy's a total sexist asshole and I will be giving him a piece of my mind the next time I see him-"

"Yasmin, shut up. You're an asshole for acting all amazing at soccer in front of him in the first place."

"I wasn't acting, I am amazing at soccer. Coach knows you're awesome too, maybe he'll think this was just an off day."

"It wasn't an off day, i was going easy on you."

"Pfft."

He screws up his face, "Excuse me? You think you're actually better than me? I just didn't want to hurt your feelings."

I'm about to snap back with something defensive, but I bite my tongue, realising it'll get us no where and we'll just end up fighting all night until one of us storms off. I feel so proud of myself for actually preventing a fight.

"Well, I think it's adorable that you care so much about my feelings."

He looks up from the salt shaker that he once again started fiddling with, and gives me a strange look. "Well, I'm a nice guy, I care about all my friends' feelings."

"Did you just friend zone me?" I act fake offended even though I am a tiny bit offended.

"What, like you've been doing every day for as long as I can remember?"

"Well, friend zoning is sort of my thing with guys I like. I don't randomly remind every guy that they're my friend, I do it to tease the ones I got the hots for."

The look on his face makes me realise what I just said.

"Did you just admit you have a crush on me?" His face slowly turns into a smirk and I widen my eyes.

"No, I didn't, I meant that- I mean, I don't friend zone you anymore. We all know I had a crush on you a long time ago, but it's over now."

"Are you sure it's over now?" He leans across the table, a smirk on his face. His hand reaches out and touches mine, signalling alarm sirens in my head. Why does he do this to me?

I do the opposite of what I want and pull my hand from his. I really need to be more careful about what i'm doing – i'm just letting myself fall deeper into the dangerous void of Jace which will only end in more pain.

"Sí, I'm sure."

His smirk disappears and he sits back as if defeated. "Yasmin Fuentes," he mutters under his breath. "When will you let me in?"

"You've been in. Literally." I cringe at my own words.

"That's not what I mean."

He looks at me with so much intensity, it's as if he is trying to figure out what I'm thinking. I don't even know what i'm thinking; all I know is that I don't want to be in a vulnerable position ever again.

I made the mistake again with Wes, but that's it. I've learned. And it only took two heartbreaks.

+++

hi.
very sorry i took so long to update, a lot has happened to me recently.

for those who are reading this, i'll tell you cause i'm sad and can't keep this to myself and have no one else to tell so wattpad shall be my therapist.

so my situation is sort of similar to yasmin's which is REALLY creepy bc i feel like so much of the stuff that i write about ends up happening to me sort of...

so basically i lost my virginity about two months ago to this guy who convinced me he was so special and amazing. he was everything i ever wanted in a guy but i didn't wanna date him bc it didn't feel right for some reason and it scared me. but he made me so happy and treated me like a princess and for once i wasn't lonely and i was having so much fun being his best friend, then eventually we kissed and he told me it was the first time he'd felt something from a kiss in a long time since his ex (there was a lot of drama w his ex cause she fucked him up) so yeah i was drunk with him at a party and we ended up having sex and it felt right u know even though it was so soon it just felt right and i was so comfortable with him cause we clicked instantly.

we were basically friends with benefits cause i didn't want a relationship and i felt weird about the whole thing and was confused about whether i actually had feelings for him. (i get rly confused about how i feel and sometimes i feel nothing and other times i feel everything full on)
but i guess the sex fucked with my head and gave me a connection with him and since he took my virginity i always kind of needed him in a way even just as a best friend who would comfort me and give me attention

but here's the shitty part

a few weeks later he got a text from his ex. she got in his head, and it turned off the feelings he had for me cause he was so in love with her. he told me he can't be with me in that way anymore. he told me he can't even text me anymore. he was a dick and completely
cut me off after i gave him everything.

eventually he told me that he's talking to her again and thought it would be easier if i hated him. he was wrong about that.

they had sex just a few weeks after he took my virginity, and it seriously fucking hurts so bad. like i'm so sad even though i don't know if i even have feelings for him, i just miss what we had and how bittersweet it was. i hate him for getting with her so soon after we ended.

we're going to the same college so i need to see him everyday and eventually everything will blow over with his ex and he'll come running back to me. he keeps saying i'm the right girl for him and that i'm everything he ever wanted but it's just the wrong time and he wishes we had met before he fell in love with her.

it's gonna be so hard to resist him when he comes back and i need to see him everyday in college and he's putting on his charm with his perfect face. ughhhhh. i'm sad. i need some of yasmin's strength to resist him, but i literally never want to see his face again. i don't wanna ever go back to him and make him happy after he has hurt me like this.

fuck it hurts. 

he's been texting me again and trying to talk to me because he loves me as a person cause he's literally the guy version of me, that's why we clicked so easily, but i've been ignoring his texts and stuff because he can't just do that to me then expect to still have me as a friend who'll be there for him. i'm far too stubborn for that.

so yeah, be careful with boys in the real world cause they ain't nothing like wattpad boys. ESPECIALLY the bad boys. been there done that. no thanks.

i'll try and update faster. just trying to get my mindset better.

teaser: a pool party goes on and there is a little drama

ly
-e