* SMUT ALERT (my two fav words on Wattpad)

NOUR'S POV

"Seriously, Nour, I swear Oliver is a nice guy. I get it that you're not exactly happy with the outcome of this meeting, but-"

Once again, I ignore Remy's pathetic attempts at comforting me. I don't need his sympathy, what I need is to be back in my own bedroom, where I can drown myself in a bath of self-pity. I honestly don't want to think about all this shit. There's no way in hell I will let Rémy and Oliver protect me. 

"Listen to me, for God's sake! We won't be on your back all the time, but I thought that maybe the three of us could discuss it calmly around a drink next week? This way you'll be able to meet Oliver"

I don't reply and he sighs deeply, but thankfully remains silent until we get back home. 

This day has been so tiring. I swear, being around people exhausts me. When I am around strangers, my whole body feels tense and I don't know what to do with my hands. I remember trying to explain that feeling to my dad when I was younger, but he didn't understand. Rather, he kept telling me that shyness was a common trait of under-achievers and that I had to get ride of that timidity. 

And I tried, God knows how hard I tried. My dad was always on my back, watching my every gestures. When the four of us attended family dinners, he would wait until we got back in the car, and started giving me a detailled analysis of my behavior at the dinner. He said things such as "When your uncle was talking to you, you weren't looking at him in the eyes" or "You should have replied something when your cousin Khaled was making fun of you". I always felt like a complete failure afterwards and dreaded every social events I was forced to attend with my family. 

But people can change, right? Or at least, as we grow older, we become better at hiding our weaknesses. I think I have mastered the art of hiding my true self. People would never think of me as an introvert guy. Most of the time, I manage to give off  bad-boy vibes. My physical appearance helps, too. I'm tall, with broad shoulder, deep dark eyes and long legs. I have little to do with the little shrimp I was back then. 

"See you later" Rémy mumbles, before heading towards Matthias's bedroom. How the two brothers manage to be so close to each other is beyond my understanding.

I hear footsteps coming from the kitchen and quickly made my way toward my own bedroom. I can't deal with Amine right now. The guy has been watching me closely since the day Rémy brought me back unconscious and after a whole day of pretending I'm fine, I feel like screaming in my pillow, not talking to my brother. 

God, so whiny, Nour. Good thing that you're not actually being yourself with people, because I swear none could deal with you. 

I throw my leather jacket on my desk, and look at myself in the standing mirror. Yeah, I look good, so what? There's no life in my eyes, if you look at me closely, you'll notice that my eyes are somehow similar to those of a dead fish. 

Yeah, I look good, so what? I read books and I watch great movies, but I suck at talking to people and they easily believe I've got nothing interesting to say, except maybe for my grandmother and maybe, maybe, for Amine and my new friend Becca. 

Yeah, I look good, so what? There's something burning inside me, and whatever it is, it's slowly killing me. When dusk arrives, I feel like I have spent the whole day not living, not even for a minute. 

Yeah, I look good, so what? You don't want to come to my place and have a sleepover, trust me. My walls are blank, there are no posters on them, no pictures, nothing. My bedroom is always clean and tidy, like nobody is even living here. My mother would be so impressed by the cleanliness of my bedroom, it used to be so dirty when I was a teen, I laugh bitterly.

My mother. Against all common sense, I get up from my bed and slowly open the small purple box that I keep hidden on top of my cupboard. I take out the photography with a trembling hand. It's a photo in black and white representing a family. There are two teens at the forefront, my brother and I. My dad has his hand on Amine's shoulder and Amine is looking at him with a proud smile, instead of looking at the photographer. It's kinda sweet. I, on the contrary, am looking at my feet. Actually, I don't look so good. I think it was just before I started having my first shifts.

That's not what takes my breath away, though. It is the woman standing next to my father, the breathtaking woman who I feel so very conflicted about. I tried throwing the photography in the fire, I tried forgetting about her, but to no avail. I miss her, even if I don't want to. Even if I probably shouldn't. Meet my mother, Kenza Amar. 

Yeah, I look good, so what? I feel empty.

REMY'S POV

I woke up to the sound of a shower running, and I immediately find it a bit weird, I mean, who takes showers at four in the morning? But that's not what instantly worries me. Thanks to my enhanced hearing, I can perceive the soft pained moans that have been going on for five good minutes. 

It's Nour. It has to be Nour, and I have to go check on him. Maybe I'm wrong, and he is just pleasuring himself in the shower. If I'm wrong, he is going to be mad, stating  that he doesn't need my protection or whatever. I know he's right, it's not like I'm his father or anything. Still, I need to be sure he's alright, or I won't be able to go back to sleep. 

I carefully get up and start getting down the stairs. Once I reach the bathroom, I hesitate for a minute or so. The door isn't completely closed, so I can just see a thin ray of light. I should stop being so paranoid, he is just having a shower, for God's sake! He is a big boy, he can take  goddam showers whenever he wants! 

I am about to turn back when I hear more moans, and this time, as I'm standing just in front of the door, I can clearly hear the pain in them. That's it! I'm going in.

"Nour?"

He is standing in the shower stall, with his back facing me. That's the thing, though: I shouldn't being able to see him so clearly, because of the condensation. Whenever I take a hot shower, I can't see anything because there are no windows. 

"Nour? Are you alright?" I try againg softly but he doesn't reply. When he starts coughing, I suddenly realise that his whole body is shaking and I frown, before slowly approaching him. 

NOUR'S POV

I hear him entering the bathroom, but I don't even have the force to tell him to fuck off. I don't want him to see me like that, but my whole body feels kinda numb and I don't know what to do anymore. 

I feel him against me and I immediately tensed up upon realising that he has only kept his boxer. What does he want? Sex? His arm brushes mine as he leans forward and a few seconds later, the icy water is replaced by warm water. I can't help to exhale in relief, although warm water won't make my hard-on magically disappear. I keep my back to him, though, the front of my body pressed up tightly against the wall. 

"Nour" he whispers after a while, "Why on earth are you taking a cold shower?" 

His body's heat is slowly warming me up and it feels nice. I am not in my usual state of mind, which probably explains why I am being so straightforward in my answer. 

"I woke up with a fucking wood. It won't go down" I mumble, and I am thankful he can't see my face, because I know my cheeks are heating up. 

He doesn't say anything for a while and I start thinking that he is going to make fun of me, but I guess this boy is full of suprises, because he replies in a gentle tone:

"There are other - erhm, ways than taking icy cold showers, Nour. You're going to get sick, shifter or not"

"I don't want to. I don't want the other ways. I'm tired of being in this body. I feel like a rabbit"

Am I making sense? Probably not? I hope he says something soon. Better, I hope he leaves the bathroom, he is so close and I feel so weak. 

"I can give you a hand, if you want?" he asks with a hint of hesitation in his voice. 

That's better. That's something I know. Fuck me raw, replace Jim if you can, use me like a vulgar boy toy, until the lust is clouded by self-hatred. Then, my dick will stop leaking like a broken faucet, and maybe my body will get back to normal for a while. 

"Go on" I spread my legs. "Just put it in"

There's a shock gasp, and I wait but my butthole stays untouched. 

"What the fuck are you waiting for? "

Two arms suddenly cagging me. The fucker. Why is he hugging me? He has no right!

"You can't-"

"Hush, Nour. I'm not hurting you."

He is so warm. We're about the same size, so why do I suddenly feel so small in his arms? I am trapped, I can't turn around and yell at him, or else he will see the scars on my stomach. Maybe I can - 

I am interrupted in my thoughts when a hand starts lightly caressing my hips, before settling on my shoulders. He starts massaging them, and my treacherous body gives in, as I eventually lean back against him. 

"That's it. Just relax"

I nod and let him do his magic on my body. After a while, he asks, with a confident voice: 

"Now, do you want me to give you a hand?"

"I thought you didn't want to hurt me?" I ask, annoyed by the fact that he can't make up his mind. 

"That's not what I've said, Nour" he replied with a firm tone, making me shiver in need. "I want to give you pleasure. Let me help you"

"Okay, but just know that I'm immune to pleasure. It sounds - it sounds disgusting. I've never enjoyed sexual acts" 

"Let me be the judge of that" he replies, unbothered by my sudden burst of agressivity. 

I try to think of a snarky comeback when suddenly his fingers lightly grasp my member, which, much to my horror, becomes even bigger. I can't believe that I'm being so disgusting with Rémy, the oh-so- classy Rémy! How can I act like a greedy whore with him?

"No-no", I stutter, before moaning when one his hand grasps my member more firmly, while the other lightly pinches my nipple. "Rémy, stop it, it's getting worst"

He immedialely obey and stops caressing me.  I think, with a little disappointment, that he is going to leave the bathroom, but instead he just puts his hand in my hair, encouraging me to let my head rest on his shoulder. I comply, not knowing why. It makes me look like a girl but right now, frankly, I don't care. 

"Nour, stop panicking. It's a normal reaction to being pleasured, you know. There's nothing to be ashamed of, I promise. Just close your eyes, and feel. Can you do that for me?"

"Okay" I eventually gives in. "But just know that it isn't exactly what I want"

"I am not giving you what you want" he replies, once again acting like an Alpha, although his voice is still oh so very soft. "Tonight, I'm giving you what you need"

Pretentious asshole. He starts playing with my balls and this time, I let him. I close my eyes and I start feeling everything, as he encourages me to thrust into his hand, while he starts jacking me off, quickening his pace when my moans become louder. 

"Rémy!" I whisper/yell when he rubs the tip of my dick with his finger. He knows what he is doing, that much is clear. He probably does it to his boyfriend. Damn! No, Nour, bad idea! Don't think about Renan right now! 

"Rémy! What is it? I am going to - I can't, I - I'm scared " I stutter, as whatever it is inside me starts building up.

"It's okay", he cooes, before kissing my cheek. "Just let it  go, Nour. I've got you"

I try to hold of but he gives my dick a harsh tug and I erupt in his hand with a silent scream. My knees buckle under my weight and I would have fall without Rémy's arms to pull me back up against his chest. Crap! Guess I've just had my first orgasm. 

*UNEDITED. I'll be back later to fix up the mess 

A/N: Hope you enjoyed the smut, I know this chapter is pretty heavy but Nour isn't exactly the happiest boy, so...Plus, I have to admit, I wasn't in the mood to write about rainbows and unicorns, sue me! ^^

Also, from now on, I won't put any more smut alerts because I don't want to ruin the surprise for you guys. You probably all know by know that this is a mature story so yeah, considered yourself warned ;)

For those who were wondering about Oliver: don't worry, you'll hear from him again very soon. 

As always, don't hesitate to vote, comment and follow! All forms of support are cherished! 

Stay strong <3 

#hasnoshame