"You can't help what you feel, but you can help how you behave" (M. Atwood aka The Queen)

AMINE'S POV

"Matthias, please" I try again for what feels like the hundredth time in the last half hour. "Tell me what's wrong with my brother"

"I'm sorry, I can't" he replies with a sad tone. "It's not - "

"It's not your place to tell, I know, you already said so" I huff, gripping my hair tightly in frustration. 

"Come on man, don't be like that" he replies patiently. "You know this is something Nour has to do on his own. He will talk to you whenever he will feel ready."

"But what if he is never ready?" I ask anxiously.  "You know, during all those years, he has been a complete mystery to dad and I. He wouldn't tell us anything remotely personal, and we could never figure out why he became such a cold, sarcastic teen. Now, you know something and you need to tell me, so I can help"

"I can't do that to him, Amine. Please, try to understand. I doubt he would be very pleased, if he knew I had been divulging personal information behind his back. Besides, I feel like I don't know half of the whole story."

"You're probably right. I'm sorry, I just - I hate seeing my brother like that and being so helpless. When he's not avoiding me, he is being all bitchy again. I know something is bothering him and I - fuck!" I yell in pain when my hand hits the corner of the table. Stupid table! What is it doing in the kitchen? 

Matthias sighs deeply, sounding half-tempted to tell me everything but then, to my utter disappointment, he just turns around and pours some water in the kettle. The kitchen is silent again, making me wonder if there's anyone home, apart from Matthias and I.

"Do you want some tea?"

"God, why are you British people always acting like tea is the answer to all of our problems?" I don't want fucking tea, I want my brother back" I mumble, fully aware that I'm now behaving like a child. 

"You're British, too" is Matthias's flat reply. 

"Yeah, yeah, I know, Sherlock. You know, yesterday I tried to tell him how worried I was..."

"And?" Matthias presses me. 

"He said 'No shit, Amine. Well, I am worried, too. Welcome to worryland'."

Matthias can't help but crack a smile at that. I try to resist, especially as it's not even that funny, but I let out a small laugher and in no times we are both cackling nervously. 

"He can act like a douch sometimes, but your brother is the King of sass" Matthias eventually says, once we've calmed down enough to talk. 

"Tell me something I don't know" I snort. "Well, since you won't tell me anything, I better get going now. I'm working in less than one hour anyway". Before I open the kitchen's door, Matthias puts his hand on my arm and gives me a gentle smile. 

"He is strong one, your brother. Have faith in him. He will come around eventually"

"I know he's strong but I can tell things are really bad this time. I feel like he is about to shatter. I hope you're right, though, and that things gonna be alright."

Matthias's lower lip is now trembling and I give him a quick hug, not wanting him to freak out more than he already is. I eventually release him and ruffle his hair, making him grimace.

"If you see your brother, please remind him that we're supposed to see a movie tonight and that he better not dump me again for this twink. What's his name again? Oh, yeah, Renan." I joke, purposely keeping my tone light. "See ya around, lill' Matthy"

NOUR'S POV

I've got everything under control. I'm not pregnant. I've never been pregnant, I keep reciting to myself like a mantra. Matthias was wrong, he's a shitty doctor, actually he is not even a doctor. He is a medecine student. What does he know about pregnancy? This guy is even younger than me, and probably a virgin, at that. He knows nothing about life yet. I just need to forget about it all.

I look better already. The dark circles under my eyes have almost disappeared and I am doing my best to not think about my conversation with Matthias. He was wrong. As long as I manage to Believe that, I'm going to be just fine. I still don't have much appetite, but it's no big deal. I just need a bit more time to fully recover. Enough with the self-pity. Get your shit together, Nour. 

I don't want to be sad. 

I smile when Billy, Amine's cat, jumps on my bed and cuddles my feet. He is a gorgeous cat, with just the perfect repartition of black and white on his furr. 

"Can't sleep too, baby cat?"

He barely looks at me, looking as haughty as usual but I love this cat anyway. He is a good listener, plus I know he won't be betray me. I can talk to him freely.

What time is it? Shit. 3 in the morning already. I can't sleep but this time, it has nothing to do with my current situation. Rémy and his twink has been going at it for hours. They're being discreet enough, so I suppose Matthias and Amine can't hear them.  I, on the contrary, being a shifter, can hear them fucking as clearly as if they were in my bedroom. 

Ugh. In times like this, I wish I was a mere human with a poor hearing - humans are almost deaf and blind, if you ask me. Luckily for them, they don't seem to realize how little of the world they can actually perceive.

"They're disgusting, don't you agree, Billy? Fucking like rabbits for hours. I would have thought Rémy to be more elegant than that"

No answer - it means he agrees.

"Let's go to the kitchen for a while, Billou. I'm going to make some infusion, and I'm sure you're a bit thirsty too".  

I head for the kitchen with Billy straight on my heels - the idiot probably believes he's gonna get some food. I actually don't spend much time in the kitchen during the day - I don't want to take the risk to meet my inquisive brother. 

I start sipping my tea with Billy comfortably snuggled on my laps and close my eyes, when the kitchen's door suddenly opens and I internally curse as Billy swiftly jumps off my laps and runs from the kitchen. 

"Oh, hello there"

"You scared the cat off" I grumble, not even bothering to look at him. 

"Can't sleep?" 

"Well, whose fault is that? "

"Excuse me?"

"You two won't stop banging and Billy and I could hear you perfectly. Made me want to vomit"

"Wow" he laughes, visibly not feeling ashamed in the slightest. "You certainly have a good hearing, then. Or perhaps you were secretly enjoying it and tried to hear as much as you could?"

I finally look up at the small blond guy who dared suggesting such disgusting things. 

"Aren't you ashamed of moaning like a disgusting little whore, Renan?"

"You're so very charming" he retorts with a calm tone. "What's wrong with you? You're obviously not homophobic so maybe you're just... jealous? Is that it? You wish you were the one to be filled with Rémy's gorgeous dick?"

"Shut up. I don't even like him and I am done with sex. I think I'm becoming asexual"

He starts laughing at that and I feel the hate bubbling inside me. What does Rémy even finds him? I mean, sure, he is cute and all with his dirty blond hair and small figure but apart from that, I've never heard him saying anything remotely smart or nice to anyone. When he isn't throwing his sexual life in people's faces, he is bragging about his crappy paintings.  

"Yeah, right" he snorts, still laughing softly. "That's not what Rémy told me."

"What? What do you mean?"

"He told me about you having a boner while doing judo last time, so maybe you're just a frustrated little bi - "

I feel my cheeks blushing and before I have time to even think about it, my fist is flying in Renan's direction but suddenly a strong hand closes around my wrist, preventing me to hit the bastard. 

"Rémy" the little ass purrs in awe. "You're so strong, love"

"Go back to bed, love" Rémy orders, his tone far from gentle. I just need to have a quick word with Nour. 

Renan nodds, then quickly exits the kitchen, after sending me a slightly frightened look. Good. 

After he's left, I am being spinned around so that I am currently facing Rémy, who still has his hand firmly secured around my wrist. He opens his mouth and for a moment, I can't help thinking that he is going to grab my face and kiss me hard. It doesn't happen, of course. What do you think it is, a stupid romance for horny teens? Instead, he releases my hand and sighs while rubbing his eyes tiredly. 

"Please refrain from hiting my lover, Nour"

"Well, it's not my fault he is a - "

"Nour!"

"Okay, okay. I won't, I promise"

"Good"

I nod, feeling startly disappointed for some reason. I am about to leave when he grabs my shoulder and suddenly whispers in my ear: "Don't forget about tomorrow. We can go together, if you want?"

He must have noticed my confused expression because his gaze turns hard.

"Nour! Don't tell me you haven't read it!"

"What are you talking about?"

"The letter! It's extremely important! Go read it now"

I nod and rush to my bedroom. Once the door is safely locked, I tear the envelop open and start reading it with trembling hands. 

Well, shit. No fucking way. I'm so NOT going. 

A/N: 

Short chapter today cause I'm under the water with all the required readings and assignments, urgh - what a lovely way to spend the week-end. But I figured a short chapter is better than no chapter at all so here it is, hope you sweet pumpkins can forgive me ;)

Have a Sunny Sunday and don't crack under pressure (yeah, that's becoming my new motto cause rn I'm definitely cracking under pressure)

Until next time,

xoxoxo

#hasnoshame