NOUR'S POV

I woke up feeling like vomitting, and this is the worst feeling ever. I actually prefer headaches and fever to stomach pains. They remind me of the school trips I was forced to go to when I was a child. I was this lone kid sitting with a plastic bag  at the end of the car, next to a pupil's parent. Of course, there was always so silly, stinky lad who made fun of me during the whole trip, by plugging his nose with a disgusted expression or mimicking someone vomitting. Oh, kids. They really are little angels. 

I take deep breaths and eventually the urge to vomit dissipates. That's when I realise that I'm back in my own bedroom, in the shared appartment. That's not what makes me suddenly sit up on my bed, though. What makes my eyes widen in horror is the realisation that I am wearing a gray pyjama that doesn't even belong to me, although it fits me perfectly. 

Shit. Crap. Christ. Sweet Lord above. Someone undressed me. I don't care much about my housemates seeing my junk, we're all boys anyway and if I dare say so, I've been blessed in that department, too. 

I'm more worried about all the scars on my thighs and belly. They scream how weak and abnormal I truly am, beneath the sarcasm and bravado. None was supposed to find out, except of course for the people I slept with - but those were people who didn't care about me anyway, nor did I care about them.

I was able to hide the scars for so many years! Who found out? Someone undressed me, and I hope they had the decency not to tell anyone else about it. Was it my brother? I hope it was Rémy. Anyone but my brother. He would probably tell dad straight away, and then I would end up living under parental supervision for the rest of my life - no, I'm not exagerating. It would be Hell.

There's a light knock on the door and I get up, before yelling with a croaked voice:

"Come in, if you must"

Whoever was behind the door comes in and the room suddenly feels ten degrees colder. I look up and almost take an instinctive step back when I see his face. He looks angry. No, not angry. Actually, he looks a lot calmer than the last time we talked. I can't tell what he is feeling right now and it annoys me, because he has always been an open book to me. 

Was he the one to undress me? Is it why he is not saying anything? I don't like being under his scrutinizing gaze, I have to say something to divert his attention. Sassy Nour, where are you when I need you?

"Sounds like I'm back to piss the shit out of you, big bro"

Nothing. His lower lip didn't even twitch. That's so unlike him. I have to try something else. 

"It's actually not that bad to live alone, you know. You should try it. I'm telling you, there are a lot of perks in being on your own. You can walk naked in your appartment for instance, and you can take a shit without having to worry about being heard."

Please, I silently beg him, say something. I can't handle the silence. It's making me increasingly uncomfortable. 

"Not that I took many shits cause you know, I wasn't eating properly. I was too lazy to buy fruits and stuff, so my stomach was - "

I stop my rambling when I realise what I'm actually talking about my intestinal life. I know he is my brother but still, why on Earth am I talking about that? It's gross. Thank God I didn't reach that level of akwardness with Rémy at the bar last time.

"You don't have to look so serious, Amine. Did you hear me? I was actually talking about sh-"

I suddenly can't remember what I was going to say, because my brother is hugging me like his life depends on it. For a minute or two, I just bath in the affection and warmth I'm receiving, enjoying the feeling of his strong arms around me. 

Then, I remember how wrong it is to let myself being loved, especially from people who would hate me if they knew my deepest secrets. 

"Okay, dude" I say with a bored tone, putting my hands on his shoulders and slightly pushing him. "You can let me go now. See, I'm not dead"

"You could have died!" he whispers in my ear with a trembling voice, sounding much more affected than I would have thought. "You looked so pale and you slept for two days straight. Gosh, Nour, I'm sorry I was such an ass to you"

"Look, Amine" I sigh, "We both know you're the good guy here, so stop berating yourself already. Besides, I'm fine. I just really need to pee, because now that you've said I've slept for two days, I suddenly feel the urge to - "

"No, you're not fine" the stubborn guy interrupts, before hugging me even tighter. "You're not doing well at all, and I'm sorry I didn't see it earlier"

"Amine, let me go" I weakly protest, to no avail.

"I want to help you, Nour. Please, let me help you"

"Amine, please, let me go" I try again. I'm so weak for not being able to bring myself to push him off me. I am a shifter, so of course he can't hold me against my will. He knows it too, as he has known about my supernatural nature for years. That's why he is probably thinking that deep down I'm enjoying the hug. I don't! It just - I don't know, it feels kinda good. Ok, very good.

"That's fine, Nour" he says, as if he was reading my mind. "I'm your brother, you don't have to pretend to be fine all the time with me. I'm so glad you're back"

"Amine, I - " I mumble, now struggling to get the words out. 

"Shhh, it's okay" he whispers in an understanding tone. "You can cry in front of me today and tomorrow we'll pretend we're two manly guys who haven't cry since the last time our president said something sensible"

I open my mouth one last time to tell him to fuck off, but for some reason he decides now is a good time to gently craddle my head against his chest. What do you think happened next? I, Nour, 23 and almost 24, a gorgeous guy who doesn't need anybody, I just lost my cool. I broke into tears and sobbed like a baby in my big brother's arm, who hummed softly while caressing my back. 

***

It sounds like an eternity has passed when there's a knock on the door, soft, but loud enough to make me jump. I quickly let go of my brother, wipping my tears furiously before saying with what I hope sounds like a steady voice:

"What now? Okay, come in!"

MATTHIAS'S POV (hehe, surprise!)

I didn't know what to expect when I came in Nour's bedroom, but certainly not puffy eyes and trembling lips. He must have noticed my staring, though, because he immediately straightens up and addresses me with a smirk:

"What do you want now, lil Matty? "

"I was the one who undressed you and took care of you for the last two days", I retort, just to make his condescending expression disappear. I  instantly regret saying it, though, because he pales as his eyes flicker with worry. 

Amine looks at me with a confused expression but I ignore him, choosing to focus my attention on the younger brother instead. 

"I need to talk to you, Nour". "Now", I stress. 

"O-okay" he replies with an hesitant tone. His brother looks very reluctant to leave, though. Nour seems to notice it, and asks his brother with a surprisingly gentle tone:

"Could you leave us alone for a moment?"

"I- are you sure that -"

"Please, Amine"

"It won't take long" I add, in what I hope sounds like a confident tone.

"Alright, but I hate those little secrets. You're a doctor Matthias, well kinda, you're studying medicine, so I am not going to stay if my brother doesn't want me to, but Nour, I hope you'll confide in me at some point. I'll be in the kitchen if you need me."

I wait until Amine has left the room and take a sit on Nour's bed. I stay silent for a moment, trying to think about the appropriate way to start this very serious discussion. 

"Oh, just spill the beans already, Matthias" Nour eventually sighs. "I ain't gonna break, whatever it is that you want to tell me, I can handle it"

"Alright, I've got a bad news and - well, a very bad news"

"Wonderful" he mumbles. "I can't wait to hear them"

"Nour" I urge him, taking his hand between mine. He visibly fliches, but obediently sits next to me, which makes me realise the extent of his distress. "Nour, what animal are you?"

"Oh, great" he whines, hidding his face in his hands. "So now you know, too. Who told you? Was it Rémy, or my brother?"

"None of them, I figured it out myself. I knew you had to be a shifter, because otherwise it would be impossible for you to be..."

"Yes?" he asks with a trembling voice. 

"To be pregnant" I finish. 

Silence.  We don't speak for a minute or so. When I look up, Nour hasn't moved at all, he is looking at his lap and his posture is so rigid I'm afraid he is going to break.

"Nour?" I ask tentatively. "Nour, talk to me"

"It can't be" he eventually whispers. "I have only had sex with Jim for the last couple of months, and we always had safe sex. I made sure of it"

"Well, you were still pregnant. I'm sorry, Nour"

"But how - wait a minute. 'Were'?"

"Yeah, you lost the baby. It wasn't a fully formed baby, just a tiny embryo."

"W-why?"

"I think you had a drug of some sort in your organism. It wasn't intended to kill you, but it killed the baby. Nour, have you taken some drugs or medication in the past few months?"

"No. Don't look at me like that! I swear I didn't! Anyway, how do you know so much about pregnancy among shifters? It's a lot different from pregnancy for humans"

"I helped a shifter who was pregnant, a year ago" I reply vaguely. "Nour, I believe you alright, but there are a lot of missing gaps in your story. We have to find out what happened" I press him. 

"Do you think I don't know that?" he asks with a tired tone, suddenly looking older than his age.

I look at him, wondering if I should talk to him about the less pressing issues now. He looks surprisingly calm right now, but maybe it's just a facade. 

"Nour? About your scars - "

"I don't want to talk about it. Please, tell me you didn't tell anyone"

"I didn't" I reassure him. "But, Nour, it's a pretty big deal. If you want to talk about it -"

"I don't" he interrupts me.  "Thank you  so much for everything, Matthias, but I need to be alone right now. I need some time to think about it"

"Of course", I say, although I don't want to leave him alone now. "We'll talk later. As your personal doctor, I need some information about you, like the kind of animal you are and such. I'll be in the kitchen"

"Kay"

I open the door, and hesitate before adding "You're not alone in this, Nour"

"Yeah, I-I know" he replies with an hesitant tone and then, for what feels like the first time in years, he smiles. 

A/N: 

Aaaand another early update! Don't get used to it, though lol. New semester is starting next Monday, so early updates prob won't happen again anytime soon.

I'm still a bit undecided about this story so here's an open question for you guys: is there anything you're really looking forward/curious about? Like, what would you like to happen in the following chapters (it can be related to the plot or not, it could be something psychological, it can be linked with the romance... anything that comes through your mind, really)

Am I being clear? I hope so, cause I sure don't feel like it, lol.

Have a nice week and don't crack under pressure, okay?  ;) 

Until next Sunday,

xoxoxo

#hasnoshame