Chapter 6
When Ansh came out of his house the next day, Roli was waiting for him in the corridor. "Are you not getting late for school?" He asked her.
"I am. But I needed to see you first." She said. She stepped closer and opened her wallet which she was holding in her hand all along. She took out a couple of Rs.500 notes and thrust them into Ansh's hand.
"You needed money for your service, right? Here it is." She said, meanly.
Ansh looked at the money. "What nonsense is this, Roli?"
"So you were saying your help is not free and all. So this is the fee for your tuition. If it's not enough, I can ask mom for more money and give you."
"Roli, come on. Did I ever ask for money from you? Take it back."
"No," Roli folded her hands.
"Roli, come on..."
"Have a nice day, Ansh..." She turned to go. Ansh caught her hand and turned her around. He thrust the money back into her hands. "I cannot take money from you."
"You have to."
"Why are you being so unreasonable?"
"Why are you being such a jerk?" There were traces of tears in her eyes. Ansh looked into those eyes, and he could not hold back anymore.
He took her hand softly and placed the money on her hands. "I am sorry, Roli," he said. "I didn't mean to hurt you. But I can't say anything more right now. Some day you may understand. But for now, I am really sorry."
At this point, Roli was also confused about her feelings for Ansh. She looked into Ansh's eyes trying to find the meaning of all this. But she was not sure if she was seeing what she wanted to see or the reality. This moment was becoming something not so casual...
Ansh gave her a soft smile... "You come for the festival. I will show you around the campus and make sure Rith does not find out. Okay?" He said in a loving tone.
Roli nodded.
Rithvik was sitting with his fellow union members in a classroom. They were busy discussing the arrangements. And then Maneesh and Varun walked in. After them, Rithvik saw Dhun walk in with Gayatri and some of the female members.
Rithvik looked up at her. There was a free space near Rithvik. Dhun's eyes stayed at the empty space near Rithvik for a second. Everywhere else was almost filled. Rithvik, trying to be friendly, gave her a smile, a hesitant tentative guarded sad smile. But Dhun just turned her eyes away as if she did not even see him and went to sit in another free seat in the front row, near the Union Arts Secretary, Suraj.
Rithvik suddenly felt so bad. His eyes stayed at Dhun. Sooraj had turned to Dhun with a smile and greeted her. Rithvik watched Dhun smile at him friendly. And now she was talking with him. Rithvik's eyes were sharp on her. Varun started talking standing in the front of the class. But Rithvik's eyes did not leave from Dhun...
After the meeting was over, Dhun walked away with other members. Rithvik struggled to catch up with her. "Dhun... Dhun wait..." he caught up with her. She stopped. But she did not look pleased to have been stopped by him. She just turned to him with an apathetic expression.
"Dhun... we are okay, right?" Rithvik asked, coming to a stop in front of her. "I mean, whatever happened... has not affected our friendship, right? We are still friends?"
Dhun looked a bit annoyed. She took a second to reply. "Yeah... Yeah, we are." She said. Rithvik was so relieved.
"If that is all..." Dhun began to leave.
"Hey, wait..." he caught her hand. She turned to him. "If we are okay, yesterday you did not pick up my calls or reply to my messages. So... I was wondering what's up." Rithvik asked tentatively. "You okay na?"
There was a fire of anger in her eyes. She stepped back from him. "No. Rithvik... I am not okay." She snapped. "What did you think? That something like this happens and we will just go back to being like normal friends in just a day. Are you that dumb? I was rejected by you. I won't just simply be okay in a day, dude. People need time to get over a heartbreak."
Rithvik looked really guilty. "Dhun, I am really sorry. I did not mean to hurt you." He said.
"I don't need your sorry. I know it's not your fault. I was being stupid. I don't blame you. I am not angry with you. I am angry with myself to have said that and did that. I should not have.' She looks awfully frustrated with herself. "But to be your friend like before, I need some time. I can't simply snap back to be okay and normal and be your friend."
Rithvik looked down. He did not know what to say anymore.
Dhun sighed and continued in a much calmer tone, "Even if I turn back time, this feeling of rejection is not going to go away. That is why I just let it be." She took a pause, "So, please... I don't want to talk to you or be with you right now. Not at least for a few days."
Rithvik watched her walk away, not feeling all that good inside.
Rithvik could not take his eyes off Dhun for the whole day. She was helping with the festival arrangements. She mostly stayed away from Rithvik, but his eyes followed her everywhere. He could not help feeling uneasy because she was not looking at him at all.
On the contrary, she was talking to Suraj. And laughing with him. Rithvik could not recognise the feelings of jealousy and yearning inside him. All these were new for him. He had never been in love before. All the childish crushes from school days did not feel the same.
But Dhun was behaving so normally. She talked to people and smiled and laughed. But the more normal she was, the more uneasy and grumpier Rithvik became. Because she was totally ignoring him. Not even looking at him.
Ansh who came to help out with the arrangements, saw and noticed Rithvik's behaviour. Yet he did not say anything.
It was really late in the night when all the arrangements were done. When everybody was going home, Rithvik waited on his bike, hoping that Dhun will ask him to drop her home. She looked at him... her eyes met with him for a second. But then she turned around and asked Suraj to drop her home.
Rithvik watched her get on Suraj's bike and felt worse than ever. Jealousy surged through him which he could not place. She was not his girlfriend for him to feel this way. In fact, he rejected her. Yet... she was the girl who kissed him two days back... He could still feel the sensation of the kiss. It felt awful that she would not even look at him now.
Even after coming home, Rithvik could not stop thinking about Dhun.
He could still remember the feel of her lips, her smell, the softness of her body inside his arms. For those few moments, she was his... He was sure of that.
His heart burned at the thought of some other guy being that close to her. Yet he did not think that he should step up and get her. What was he supposed to tell her?
He did not know why she liked him though. She had said he gave her something, his most treasured item. He felt weird that he could not remember what that is. If it was a treasured item, he should have remembered it even if he gave it to her when they were kids. But he had no recollection of anything of the sort.
He wanted to ask her about it. But how could he ask her, when she would not talk to him at all.
Rithvik turned around in his bed and lay thinking of her laughter. Now that he thinks, he felt she was rather beautiful. He wanted to touch her again. Hold her in his arms. Kiss her like they kissed that night. He wanted that night's kiss to continue and be an everyday thing.
But now he had lost his chance with her. He had already rejected her. Hurt her. She hates him now – he thought. And he thought he deserved that hate. He felt awful all the same.
Besides, Rithvik really thought that he could not date someone after telling Ansh to give up on his love. That would be insensitive and cruel. And Ansh was his best friend. He cannot do something so cheap as that.
The college festival started the next day. It was supposed to be a two days program. The campus was decorated lavish, with various food and game stalls all around. The main stage was set up on the grounds, where an open-air concert was supposed to happen on the second day.
As soon as Rithvik was in the college, his eyes began to search for Dhun. When he found her sitting near the stage, talking to a few friends, he stopped in his tracks, just staring.
Ansh was noticing all this uneasiness of Rithvik. He was just done with it now. He turned to Rithvik, "You know if you want to be with her, just go be with her." Ansh told him. "Don't act like a heartbroken Romeo."
"What?"
"Dhun... go get her."
"How? She won't even look at me. Plus...." He took a pause, "I can't do that to you, bro."
"Oh, for god's sake, stop with a messiah complex. Don't put your lack of guts on me." Ansh said frustrated. "If you do give her up saying it is for me, don't make it so obvious that you are miserable."
"I am not miserable."
"Oh, really... Look at yourself. You can't take your eyes off her." Rithvik had not replied. "It's still not too late. Go tell her how you feel."
"But what about you?"
"I am asking you to do this, right? That means I am okay. Go get your girl." He lightly hit Rithvik's shoulder. "or else..." he nodded in the direction of Dhun. "Someone else will get her." Rithvik looked around. Dhun was taking to Suraj. Now, it was clear from Suraj's expressions that he was flirting with her. And she was laughing. Rithvik's inside boiled over again. He looked extremely irritated.
"Dhun...." Rithvik was waking after Dhun, who was walking fast enough to avoid him. "Dhun wait... I need to talk to you."
"Rithvik, I don't want to talk to you for a few days. I told you that before, right? "
"Just five minutes." He said.
Suddenly she stopped and turned to him. "Okay. Tell me then..." She crossed her arms. She was looking at him sternly. Rithvik got tongue-tied. He did not know how to say that he like her now. "Eh..." he just made a sound.
"Forget it." Dhun turned around to go.
"Dhun please..." he jumped in front of her.
"I don't have time for this. There are a lot of tasks assigned to me." Dhun said, walking already.
"Oh! So you don't have time to talk to me. But you have time to talk to that Suraj?"
"Yeah. Apparently, Suraj did not break my heart. I don't have a problem with him. He is sweet."
"Sweet?" He was agitated.
"Yeah."
"What is this? So now you are interested in him or something?"
"Well they do say 'the best way to forget a guy is by getting another guy'" Dhun said.
Rithvik squinted. "Are you serious?"
Just then one of the union members called Dhun. She turned around to the person. "Coming," she said, and then back to Rithvik. "I don't know. You decide on that." She said coolly and walked off.
Later that day, when Rithvik was in the canteen with the other guys, drinking tea, he casually opened Instagram on his mobile phone. Dhun had posted a picture of her. It was taken that day itself. She was in mid laughter in that. It was taken by someone else, a random candid picture. But the photo captured her laughter so well, and she looked so radiant in that.
Rithvik felt his yearning for her intensify. He looked at that picture for a few seconds and then looked up to see Dhun walking into the canteen. His eyes stayed on her.
Dhun noticed his intense stare. The emotion of longing in them.... But since he was not directly saying it to her, she could not say anything back to him. But at this moment she also felt it... That maybe she has hope with Rithvik after all.
Later also when they were watching the dancing competition, Dhun's friend nudged her and indicated Rithvik. She turned to see that he was still watching her with that unreadable intense expression. She kept his gaze. He did not look away. They looked at each other from a distance for a few seconds. Dhun also could feel the silent communication of feelings between them now. She understood...
As they went home for the night, Dhun was smiling with her friend. Rithvik waked with Ansh, with his hand over Ansh's shoulder, but eyes on Dhun... He also had a smile now.
As he lay down to sleep that night, he was surer of his feelings. He was in love with Dhun. And he accepted that fact fully. Now it was just a matter of letting her know his feelings.
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